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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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She posts everything we do on facebook!
Q. im with this girl that is say young enough to be my daughter. i love her very much and i even ended a long term marriage for her. but lately i have been thinking about things she put on facebook when we were dating. i told her one night when we were ...
A. 6 December 2013: it's been a year... where's my update op?... (read in full...)
She posts everything we do on facebook!
Q. im with this girl that is say young enough to be my daughter. i love her very much and i even ended a long term marriage for her. but lately i have been thinking about things she put on facebook when we were dating. i told her one night when we were ...
A. 30 December 2012: Oh poor poor poor delusional OP....
your angel who has brought you alive will be the death of you sir.
OP SAID:
"she is my princess, and i dont care if i am an atm machine for her. i will give her everything she ever dreamed of. cause s... (read in full...)
My head is telling me that I have to stay with my wife for the sake of my daughter. My heart is telling me that I have found my soul mate with another woman.
Q. Should I follow my head or my heart? I have been married for five years now, but for the last year things haven't been going to good in my marriage. I am in the military and since my last deployment my wife has withdrawn herself from me. We have...
A. 28 December 2012: Mac,
IF you do not have regular contact with this new woman and all you feel is a strong connection in your brain, I’m thinking that once you two begin the process of day to day integration, all that glitters and shines will become dull and ding... (read in full...)
Stuck in a cycle of loving and loathing each other. We fight. When is enough, enough?
Q. We have been together on and off for 6 years. We got engaged 6 months ago and things are not good. We don't fight well at all. We both say things that we shouldn't . She keeps telling me she don't have that feeling for me, yet she don't want t...
A. 18 December 2012: You’ve been together on and off for six years and got engaged but things are not good.
WHY did you get engaged? Did you think that would fix it? Do you have a wedding date set or was this an open ended engagement to try to fix a broken relation... (read in full...)
What's going on??? Did I do something wrong?
Q. So my boyfriend and I are in bed sleeping and his phone goes off indicating he had a text message, it's about 12:15 a.m. He looks at the phone and the message says hi. I'm like ummm, who is that? He's like idk, they text before and when I called ...
A. 18 December 2012: i agree if he had nothing to hide, he's be forthright with the information... he would not get angry and turn the tables on you AND your gut would not be telling you something is up.
He called you names
he SLAPPED your phone out of your hand... (read in full...)
He broke up with me, then got upset at me joining a dating website, so he joined the same site. What do I make of this?
Q. He dumped me just over a month ago, out of the blue. we were serious and talked about a future. He said he wanted to be alone, not date anyone and focus on his kids. Since then I have told him how much I love him and want to work it out. He has r...
A. 18 December 2012: He doesn't want you but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either... he wants you to be sitting around and waiting for him should he change his mind and want you back.
BLOCK him on match.com
BLOCK him on email
BLOCK him on the phone and... (read in full...)
I've been leading this guy on, and now I'm afraid he's going to ask me out.
Q. Soo, I have this guy friend that I met about 4 months ago, and were really good friends. Only problem is, I enjoy chatting to him and stuff, but he really really likes me and I don't like him in that way ay all. He's a cool guy, but just not my ...
A. 18 December 2012: If he asks you out "oh Bobby I'm so flattered that you feel that way but to be honest I don't see anything happening between us in that way, I love being friends with you however"
to make sure he knows where he stand with you
1. stop fli... (read in full...)
Conflicted: Is it really love? If so, now what? If not, how can I escape?
Q. I am trying to decode this relationship I am in. I am having an affair (reluctantly) with a married man and I am also married but have been separated for years. He refuses to let me go. He has tried with my encouragement, but he is very weak for me ...
A. 18 December 2012: I’m sorry op but “this is not the kind of woman I am” is a lie. IT is the kind of woman you are. It’s the kind of woman you would like NOT to be. You are having an affair with a married man. Face it. Saying “reluctantly” does not make it ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's recent temper issues are making me question my relationship. What should I do?
Q. Hello there, I'm having an issue with my Boyfriend that he is not yet aware of, and I don't know how to bring it up. We have been together for two and a half years, and I love him more than anything. We are in an LDR and see each other fairly...
A. 18 December 2012: When do you plan to close the gap? You have been together 2.5 years that’s enough time for one of you to have moved to be with the other.
Have you asked him if his mood swings are recent? Maybe he just hid them from you the first year you... (read in full...)
Can't see my LDR and sorely tempted to cheat
Q. Hey I'm a female currently in uni and also in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend back home. Recently I've been so lonely and sexually frustrated due to not seeing her and I'm tempted to sleep with this other girl who is interested in...
A. 18 December 2012: I've done LDRs. I have never considered cheating on a partner I was in an LDR with.
Sometimes adults are just lonely. and sometimes we can't have sex when we want with our partners even if they are in the same home we are in... maybe ... (read in full...)
Friend wants a threesome, the other guy wants a relationship without sex
Q. I have liked a man I have been friends with for a year now. He has always treated me as that - a friend. He has a good repution and thriving business. He has in the past helped me through problems but never gotten too close and to be honest I have ...
A. 18 December 2012: why would you be the sex toy for these two men?
the friend that is in the relationship wants to have a threesome with you and another guy... what will his gf say about that? why doesn't he do it with his gf and this guy?
if the other gu... (read in full...)
Does anyone else here feel small because they don't look as glamourous as pornstars or glamour models?
Q. Does anyone else here feel small because they don't look as glamourous as pornstars or glamour models? I feel like I'm helpless, my ex made me feel like this. We were on about glamour modelling, he said something like do you think you could be one, ...
A. 18 December 2012: Your ex did not make you feel like this. YOU allowed him to.
Own these feelings.
have you ever googled photoshopped models?
here check this one out: http://www.chilloutpoint.com... (read in full...)
My head is telling me that I have to stay with my wife for the sake of my daughter. My heart is telling me that I have found my soul mate with another woman.
Q. Should I follow my head or my heart? I have been married for five years now, but for the last year things haven't been going to good in my marriage. I am in the military and since my last deployment my wife has withdrawn herself from me. We have...
A. 18 December 2012: Staying married and miserable for the sake of the children is a lousy thing to do. First of all kids are very resilient and they learn to cope easily. But the parents must behave like adults.
MY kids always told me they were happier when mom... (read in full...)
Does your significant other tell you that he finds other women attractive?
Q. My significant other will comment about women on tv or about coworkers. The other day it was a sitcom and the supporting actor was dating a woman and the actor said she was hot. Then the woman appeared and my SO goes Wow! and then Wow! again. Then ...
A. 18 December 2012: Of course he does. my husband comments on women on TV, on girls we see at the mall, or online. He makes comments about men too.
He's very opinionated....
IF he had the chance to do it with a model or anyone else I’m sure he would do it. ... (read in full...)
He's happily married and I have a bf. So why is this older guy flirting with me at work?
Q. Hey, so this one is probably easy enough to answer, I think. There is this guy at work who seems to have taken a liking to me, he often touches my hands,my back and compliments what I wear and how I look. Now I understand there is flirting at w...
A. 18 December 2012: whether he sees you as friends or more does NOT matter....
truly
what matters is how you see him and what you do with it.
I have many male friends at work... or at gaming cons... guys I may have lunch with or chat with or at gaming c... (read in full...)
He got pissed off and told me to leave when I told him I didn't like oral sex...
Q. I have been talking to this guy for 4 months now and I think the relationship is based on sex. He drives trucks and is on the road a lot which leaves us to hang out 2 or 3 times a week. Whenever we hang out its just at his house we watch movies eat ...
A. 18 December 2012: NEVER LOOK BACK
you told him to stop
he didn't want to stop
you are nothing but a handy penis holder to this man
... (read in full...)
Am I supposed to feel hungry when dieting? And any tips on losing weight, for a woman aged 50?
Q. Hi there, I m very confused about dieting and weight loss, and because I would love to get in shape I really would like to share some experiences. So it is harder to lose weight at menopausal age, as I heard, but I was getting conflicting advice. ...
A. 18 December 2012: It's very very hard after age 35 for women to lose weight.
congrats on wanting to take control
Honeypie has excellent advice.
My take on this:
1500 calories a day is good NEVER less than 1200
what you eat is important too... g... (read in full...)
He's happily married and I have a bf. So why is this older guy flirting with me at work?
Q. Hey, so this one is probably easy enough to answer, I think. There is this guy at work who seems to have taken a liking to me, he often touches my hands,my back and compliments what I wear and how I look. Now I understand there is flirting at w...
A. 18 December 2012: Well I've been known to dance at work... but then I'm a huge flirt... but I always talk about my hubby and how much I love him...
I love EyesWideOpen's suggestion...
I'm amazed at how often folks seek to find out WHY someone did somethin... (read in full...)
I agreed to FWB, but now I'm not so sure!
Q. 10 months ago my friend gave her friend from college my number, we got talking and arranged to meet up (me, him, my friend and her boyfriend) and go on a day out. My friend told me that he liked me however I didn't feel the same and somehow we ...
A. 18 December 2012: Do not send him pictures of yourself that you would not show mom dad or your little brother… that means no nudes, no underwear…..
Do you understand that FWB means he fucks you and dumps you when someone he deems worthy comes along…
I agree w... (read in full...)
I just caught my husband wearing my knickers!!
Q. My question is really two fold and I would like to hear from the other ladies. It was a shock to come home unexpectedly early and catch my husband in bra and panties. Things that he apparently has purchased but says this is really his first time ...
A. 18 December 2012: several things here:
1. I have one or two friends I would discuss this with but they have been friends a long time and are not judgmental
2. a man who is a cross dresser is usually heterosexual so I don't want you to think this means he'... (read in full...)
We're not right for each other but we're still in love. What do we do?
Q. My ex-boyfriend and I recently had a mutual break up after living together and being in a relationship for 2 years. We realize that we're not right for each other right now but we are still in love with each other. What should we do? How do we ...
A. 18 December 2012: IF you know it will never work and you are splitting up even when you love each other, seeing each other will be difficult.
IF you don't want to make the effort with a counselor to see if you can make it work, then the easiest thing to do for th... (read in full...)
I want to have sex with my brother in law's wife.
Q. Dear Cupid! Sorry to bother you. My problem still sustains there and now i need your help very desperately please. In my previous questions i asked you about a lady but almost all answers were very good and i tried my best to control myself b...
A. 18 December 2012: as long as all four adults involved agree I have no issues with any of it.
but all four must agree and be aware of what's going on.
... (read in full...)
She posts everything we do on facebook!
Q. im with this girl that is say young enough to be my daughter. i love her very much and i even ended a long term marriage for her. but lately i have been thinking about things she put on facebook when we were dating. i told her one night when we were ...
A. 18 December 2012: I don't think you are being paranoid. I think she's very immature and very insecure. My 26 yr old son barely posts on facebook... I find FB attention whores a bit over the top and tend to block their feeds anyway. My younger husband (he's ... (read in full...)
Ex was peeing while talking to me?
Q. Ex bf of many years talking to on the phone often. he has now married. the other night i was talking to hime on the phone and he was taking a leak while he was talking to me. Is this a way some married guys get off?? or does he just feel comfortable ...
A. 18 December 2012: So he's cheating on his wife with you. I don't care if you are just talking on the phone... he's NOT telling his WIFE which means you are a DIRTY SECRET and in my book that's CHEATING.
He is a lying cheating spouse. Anything you can't wo... (read in full...)
He's been wooing me with nice words. But will he stay if I want to take things very Slowly?
Q. So i go to school with his boy that i like. We've been talking for awhile now. When he texts me he calls me babe and bae. He also says that im beautiful. He told me he wants to be with me. I wanna be with him too. But he told me he wants to kiss...
A. 18 December 2012: If a boy loses interest in you because you want to take the physical aspects of your relationship slowly, then he was not the right boy for you.
Words mean nothing.... actions are what matter more. Look at what he does not what he says.... (read in full...)
She wont give up the dating sites and chat rooms, what can I do? I don't want to leave our son....
Q. I have been living with my common law for 6 years and we have a 5 year old boy. For the last 18 months we have constantly argued over her use of dating and adult related chat room type websites. Just as always, I think we are getting back on the ...
A. 18 December 2012: Leaving a cheating woman does no mean leaving your child.
I'm not sure about common law in your country but here it's actually very rare to be truly common law any more... most states have outlawed it.
See an attorney. If you are tru... (read in full...)
Does female ejaculation smell like urine?
Q. Mostly ladies responses are needed here but men you will be helpful too..... I am new to adult toys and have only had sexual intercourse with someone once. Not trying to be explicit so I will be as conservative about this as possible. Wak...
A. 17 December 2012: ummm... first thing in the morning without first peeing? NOT a good idea.
no as far as I have ever experienced from myself or other women it does NOT smell like pee....
as for that whole female ejaculation thing, the ONE time it happened... (read in full...)
In love with my younger second cousin.
Q. I am in love. But there are two problems that society will see with this. First is that she is my 2nd cousin. We've know each other for years but just recently fell in love. I the other problem is that she is 16 and I am 20. We really love each ...
A. 17 December 2012: I agree with Candid Cally, it's more that you are 20 and she is 16 right now....
As far as I know there are no legal ramifications for second cousins dating or marrying so that will only be an issue if your church has issues with it...
... (read in full...)
Ex was peeing while talking to me?
Q. Ex bf of many years talking to on the phone often. he has now married. the other night i was talking to hime on the phone and he was taking a leak while he was talking to me. Is this a way some married guys get off?? or does he just feel comfortable ...
A. 17 December 2012: you are way over thinking this...
he was on the phone
he had to pee
NBD for him and many folks.
are you friends with his wife? does she know you two talk on the phone often?... (read in full...)
Should I leave my husband or not? I don't know how he will survive if I leave him....
Q. I have to make a decision regarding leaving my husband. We have been together 18 years and have no children. Life prior to marrying was magical. I could not fault him in the least but on returning from our honeymoon he became grumpy and sulle...
A. 17 December 2012: WHY do you need him to understand why you are leaving?
what if he refuses? what if he knows you wont' leave till he understands to your satisfaction and he refuses to understand?
that's more manipulation.
he's afraid to be alone because y... (read in full...)
Ex ignored me for 1.5 months but now that I've been in car accident she's suddenly worried?
Q. hi im looking for advise i was recently in a car accident and havent been in contact with my ex for about month month and a half but now all of a sudden my ex is texting all concerned after been ignoring me and vary unresponsive to me whats her ...
A. 17 December 2012: she may just genuinely be concerned that you are ok....
just because someone cares about you does not mean they want to get back together with you.
... (read in full...)
Does anyone else not like using skype to talk to their partner?
Q. I was wondering if anybody else dislikes talking to their partner through things like Skype and windows messenger? I'm absolutely fine talking to my boyfriend face to face, on the phone, email, text... but through Skype I don't know, there's so...
A. 17 December 2012: when we were LDR we skyped occasionally... but usually phone or email.. rarely texting..... IF you are local and see each other regularly I see no need for skype.... (read in full...)
I'm thinking about not going on holiday because it will give my boyfriend a chance to cheat on me again!
Q. Please can somebody help me make a decision on this one... ';ast year me and my boyfriend broke up for a week or so and i actually did think that things were done between us spo i put a large deposit down on an expensive holiday for me and my child...
A. 17 December 2012: While it's rare that it happens I agree 100% with Serpico on this one...
if you can't trust him for 2 weeks, what kind of a relationship do you have?... (read in full...)
Why is he so grumpy at me all the time? Need some advice on how to open up to him.
Q. Hello, so I am in a long distance situation. We've been 3 years together but he lives in another country. We met when one time he has holiday here in Singapore. So everyday talk Skype, phone calls, and we had schedule visit soon. Next year. ...
A. 17 December 2012: You have been together three years and you met once three years ago… and have not seen each other since?
This is not a real relationship I’m sorry to let you know this. It’s fantasy. Unless you two have plans to end the distance then it’... (read in full...)
Should I leave my husband or not? I don't know how he will survive if I leave him....
Q. I have to make a decision regarding leaving my husband. We have been together 18 years and have no children. Life prior to marrying was magical. I could not fault him in the least but on returning from our honeymoon he became grumpy and sulle...
A. 17 December 2012: IF you leave (and even if you don't) YOU are not responsible for a grown person taking care of themselves. YOU are not responsible for his care and feeding or his happiness.
You can't stay with him and his abuse because you are worried if he wi... (read in full...)
Breakup came out of the blue and the hurt from it is so intense. How do I get over it?
Q. just looking for a bit of help. Im 18, and i've just broken up with my first serious boyfriend (together 6 months). I thought everything was perfect so its very out of the blue that he decided to split up with me as i wasnt expecting it at all. The ...
A. 17 December 2012: You go one day at a time.
give yourself enough time (no more than 6 weeks) to cry and be miserable about it. eat what you want, cry when you need to... write long long letters that you never send.
after 6 weeks you have to get on with the r... (read in full...)
I like my friends BF - should I talk to him about it?
Q. I like my friend's boyfriend, they have been together for 2 1/2 years now. And everytime i see him in the hallway he always gives me this flirty look. I don't know if he is trying to be nice or if he likes me. He also stares at me too. he purposely ...
A. 17 December 2012: You like him
I think you are seeing what you want to see.
BOYFRIENDS of friends are totally and completely OFF LIMITS no matter how much you like them and they like you.
... (read in full...)
She doesn't feel the same - What do I do?
Q. Hi, There's this girl I really like and she doesn't feel the same way what should I do?...
A. 17 December 2012: if you like someone who does not return your feelings, there is nothing you can do to make them feel the way you want them to feel.
it sucks to have a crush that doesn't feel the same way... I had many as a teen....
hang in there...... (read in full...)
Why is my b/f still active on the online dating site?
Q. Five months ago I met a guy online and we hit off it seems. We are at the stage where while we never talked about being exclusive, I've met his parents and friends and have been introduced as his girlfriend. I've never closed my account at the d...
A. 17 December 2012: I agree there was a reason you checked.
If you have never had the talk it's time to have the 'are we exclusive talk"
if he says yes, then you can say "so if we are exclusive why did you update your profile on XX/xx/xx on blah blah blah si... (read in full...)
I had my sexual experience with my boyfriend. Yet he refuses to believe it was my first time. What can I do?
Q. hi everyone, just want to ask some advice or help regarding my own issue. i had my first sexual experience with my boyfriend. At first it was uncomfortable but eventually i became relaxed. I didn't bleed nor feel the pain as they say for the firs...
A. 17 December 2012: I agree with KC_100
I didn't bleed the first time (although I have at other times) and it didn't hurt the first time (although it has at other times)
you say you think he doesn't believe you... why is that? did he say something?... (read in full...)
I have been there for my mum so much over the last few years, but now I don't want to lose my boyfriend because of her
Q. I want to give some facts before I start, as I think they are important to my question. I am 30 years old, very well educated to PhD level. My parents divorced when I was 17, and I have always lived at home - please don't judge me for this, there...
A. 17 December 2012: I have to be honest, if you have to choose, choose your boyfriend.
Your mom is being manipulative and childish. Even parents can be childish and selfish.
IF you and the boyfriend can afford it, MOVE OUT. If mom pitches a fit, tell ... (read in full...)
LDR dumped me. It was Very sudden and I'm devastated. Do you think he has another girl?
Q. I have just been dumped by my boyfriend, we were in a long distance relationship. He said " i dont love you anymore and im sick of waiting for you to relocate to me"...the thing is it was only two days ago when he said "i love u, miss u and ill ...
A. 17 December 2012: I’m so sorry you are hurting. LDRS are hard. How long were you two LDR? Were you ever in the same location? How long had you been trying to get a job?
It’s only been 15 hours… in 15 days you will feel better. In 15 weeks better still…. ... (read in full...)
Was my boyfriend really clean from drugs from the last 7 years? The internet searches suggest otherwise. Should I confront him?
Q. Hi everyone, I've been in a very tumultuous relationship for the past year and a half. We love each other very much but we fight quite often on lots of different things. One of them is the fact that I have trouble accepting his drug addict past. He ...
A. 17 December 2012: I would NOT CONFRONT him. That sounds so angry and so inciting.
you could mention it to him.
To be honest, if he's clean since 2009 that's still three years...nearly 4... that's a good start. Folks have to start somewhere.
You ... (read in full...)
Our sex drives are out of sync. All since we moved in together. What can help resolve this situation?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and 2 months and we moved in together fairly early at the beginning of the relationship. He used to live with his parents and everytime we spend the night together we would always have sex. Since mo...
A. 17 December 2012: Other than moving in what has changed?
My husband and I were LDR for the first almost full year of our relationship.. every weekend when I went to see him we would have sex… then he moved in with me… and sex dwindled.
For several reasons.
1. We ... (read in full...)
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