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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Is revenge a good idea?
Q. hii im a PG student... and i have ben tortured by my lecturer a lot.. she also encourages other lecturers to give less marks even though they give good marks for me... she never teaches well.. i dont attend her class fully... i still have attended ...
A. 6 December 2012: OP your last two follow ups indicate to me a lack of maturity that is harming you in this case.
IF the problem the new instructor has is with EVERYONE, then it’s not personal and you need to just tough it out.
In life, you will learn that we ... (read in full...)
Is he a player if he's busy on the weekend?
Q. Hi, I just met a lovely guy, he's South American and seems like the perfect guy. He's sweet, attentive, funny, complimentary etc. We met only 3 days ago and slept together on the first night - there was so much chemistry and we were both pretty ...
A. 6 December 2012: OP your age is listed as 30-35. Your last follow up says that you were with someone special for 8 years. Let’s say you are 35. Now you say that Mr. Special was 13 years ago. So let’s start with 35 minus 13 leave you with 22. Now 22 minus ... (read in full...)
I see him every day but he only texts me once. Am I asking too much?
Q. I'm 43 and have fallen madly in love with this man. He and I have amaizing chemistry and sex. When we are together things are perfect. We get along, joke, play, talk. He is affectionate and loving. The problem lies when we are apart. He calls me ...
A. 6 December 2012: Yes you are expecting WAY too much.
he calls every day. you spend every night together.
how do you know he doesn't think about you?
because he does not text???? My husband HATES texting. with a passion. So does my brother, an... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting? I don't want to come across as being self-obsessed/arrogant, but I do not like this guy nor would I ever date him in a million years.
Q. I have this guy who is (in my eyes) just a friend. I honestly could never like him as anything more than that. He just isn't my type at all, romantically. Well, in early November, he broke up with his girlfriend (one of my close friends) just out...
A. 5 December 2012: yeah it sounds like this guy is interested in you.
I don't think you need to drop hints at all.
Just don't' respond to texts that don't require a response
and when he asks to do things... be busy A LOT. IF he asks you point blank for a d... (read in full...)
I need to do something about this, but I don't know what. Is it too late to go to the authorities?
Q. Last winter I had a bad encounter with a club manager who almost raped me, I never called the police or anything because after all I WASN'T raped. I met him through a mutual work group, who is now out of business. He hires underaged girls to work at ...
A. 5 December 2012: If you think he's still using under aged girls then by all means I would report it...
I'm not sure who would handle it but to protect others it would be a good idea.
the problem is he's probably already been reported and gotten around it... (read in full...)
How can I start a love life with a past like this?
Q. Hey everyone, I have something that has been affecting my life for a while and I am the type of guy who soposedly dosen't exist in the american media. I have the body and appearance of a jock with a brian and social behavior of a nerd to put it in ...
A. 5 December 2012: You must have pretty mild PDD. My son has PDD-NOS and he is pretty much nonfunctional in terms of social skills and living independently. PDD is rough. For those that don’t know what it is, it’s Pervasive Developmental Delay. It’s on the ... (read in full...)
I thought we were in a committed relationship, but he's been dating someone else while dating me.
Q. I have been dating a man for 9 months now. All along I have considered this a serious, mognogamous relationship. I recently found out that until about a month ago he had been dating another woman as well. I was crushed, but he said until now he ...
A. 5 December 2012: Since you two had already had the I'm only dating one person talk I agree with the others.. time to let this one go.
IF you had NOT had the "exclusive" talk, then I might give him a chance... BUT since he told you you were the only one and you ... (read in full...)
I just found out that my boyfriend got another girl pregnant (before we got together) and dumped her.
Q. I just found out today that before I was with my boyfriend, he had sex with other girls, got them pregnant, told them he would marry them If he had too then left them. I'm so confused this is the first guy that I have really seen having a long ...
A. 5 December 2012: Whatever you do, do not have sex with him….
Men (and boys) will say things that they don’t really mean. Especially if they think it will get them sex. (girls will too). FOLKS in general try to manipulate others to do what they want/nee... (read in full...)
Do I have a right to be upset about my husband not wanting to delete pictures of him and his ex together?
Q. my husband and have been married for almost 2 years and he knows that i have a jealous problem, (no bad) but today he was looking at old pics and he went by a pic of him in his ex's room and in back ground there were pics of her and him together, i ...
A. 5 December 2012: ok so i want to understand this...
it's a picture of just him
in her room so that in the background there are pictures of the two of them.
and it's on his hard drive not displayed...
yeah i think you over-reacted.... (read in full...)
My sister expects us to spend the same amount of money on her boyfriend's Christmas present, that he has spent on us.
Q. I am looking for some advice on this seasonal problem I am having. My sister has a new boyfriend who is a bit flash, and the other day she came home and said that he has spent approx £40 each on Christmas presents for myself and my other younger ...
A. 5 December 2012: The thought of the gift is what matters not the cost.
the fact that the new bf spends more means he has more to spend and is trying to impress
the fact that your sister is concerned he won't be impressed or happy with similar gifts speak... (read in full...)
What's the difference between sexual attraction and love?
Q. Hi, Anybody out there that can tell me What the difference is between sexual attraction And love? And doesn't it go hand in hand? Thanks...
A. 5 December 2012: There is an old saying that I think applies here:
“women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place”
... (read in full...)
Is revenge a good idea?
Q. hii im a PG student... and i have ben tortured by my lecturer a lot.. she also encourages other lecturers to give less marks even though they give good marks for me... she never teaches well.. i dont attend her class fully... i still have attended ...
A. 5 December 2012: the fact that you only attend 60% of her classes is why you are marked low. Here that's not even acceptable passing attendance.
LIVING WELL is the best revenge.
show up 100% of the time, study hard do well in the class. that's how you d... (read in full...)
My ex contacted me and wants to communicate again. I feel guilty for refusing her request, advice?
Q. My ex has recently contacted me after no contact for six years. We had been together for 18 years and she left me for another man. I have found out that she got married and now has separated from the guy she left me for. The split really hur...
A. 5 December 2012: Do not feel guilty for not wanting her back in your life.
You could contact her and tell her that while you understand her feelings you are not interested in any further contact with her and to please respect your wishes.
THEN you can igno... (read in full...)
How can I deal with the office bullies?
Q. Dear all, I attended the party and got really drunk. I was so wasted that I did not know what I said or did. I was told I had gone crazy and behaved totally different from my quiet image. I am a decent person.I know I made a mistake and I am...
A. 5 December 2012: It will become old news soon. just ignore them.
NO response.
Of course next year it will be brought up again "remember last year when xxxxx got really drunk" and poof it will be gone again....
NO RESPONSE. NONE... not a look, n... (read in full...)
Porn rears it's ugly head, again!
Q. Hi everyone i have been with my bf for 6 yrs now. About 6 months back i found porn on his laptop.he apologized, we broke up and patched up again. He promised he would not watch again. I posted here regarding that and i got many answers which helped ...
A. 5 December 2012: “What I don't get is why don't they know how much it hurts? I've spent a year trying to figure out why my ex boyfriend didn't think he was doing anything wrong. He didn't seem to grasp the fact that he was in a relationship. He kept saying you ... (read in full...)
How can I keep from having certain natural "reactions" while sleeping in the same bed with a really cute guy?
Q. Hi all! I've started seeing this really amazing guy. We've been out for a few weeks now and he's invited me to spend the night at his place, in his bed. We have both agreed that nothing is going to happe, that we are just going to cuddle and kiss. ...
A. 5 December 2012: I slept in bed with my husband on our first date (an overnight due to distance) in bra and panties and he slept in a tee shirt... NOTHING happened as he was not ready. Yes natural reactions happen.. you just ignore them.
Adults know how to ... (read in full...)
How do I try and remain civil with this woman when I never want to see her again?
Q. I have been with my current partner for almost 3 years, been living together for almost 2 years, known each other for a long time. We have a good relationship, he is my best friend and is very supportive. About 9 months ago I cut off contact with...
A. 5 December 2012: There is an old saying "if you want to keep a secret you tell NO ONE"
did you tell your partner's mother that you did not wish her to discuss it with anyone? IF you did not swear her to secrecy then you are at fault. I would have assumed ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my wife and 2 kids for my mistress?
Q. Should I leave my wife and especially my 2kids for my 4years realtionship with mistress? I cant seem to leave my mistress, she is 11 years younger than me, I bn married for more that 13 years, soon 14. I dont want her to meet soomeone else, the more...
A. 5 December 2012: All I can think of is Mr. Spock's very wise statement
"Stonn. She is yours. After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."
... (read in full...)
My girlfriend got drunk and ended up falling asleep on the couch of a male friend. She says nothing happened. I don't know what to do.
Q. My girlfriend of 6 months went to some bars last night with her best friend and some other friends and I didn't go as I had a law exam today. She messaged me at about 10pm and said she was ok and told her I was going to bed. I woke up and shed...
A. 5 December 2012: has she ever lied to you before?
did you know this guy before hand?
see i'm torn.
I think she's telling the truth.
if you don't believe her, then you have no choice but to end it with her.... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to want to talk about our child? Would it help us to discuss it?
Q. I have began seeing an old boyfriend this past year. He is older then me by a year and our first relationship lasted two years till i fell pregnant at 16. I had just started college and he was in his second year. We had an abortion as we felt too ...
A. 5 December 2012: You are not wrong to want to discuss it as it's what YOU need. He's not wrong to not want to discuss it as it's what HE needs.
Perhaps you would be best served by seeing a therapist or counselor to help you work it through.
It was a lot to go ... (read in full...)
I don't enjoy sex, is there something wrong with me?
Q. Hi, I'm 17, and I've had sex before and done other stuff too, but I don;t enjoy it. The thought of doing anything intimate like that with anyone makes me feel really ill. I don't know why it is, I will still get turned on, but I could never ac...
A. 5 December 2012: nope nothing wrong with you... 17 is still young to be having sex.... if you don't like it don't do it.
When you meet the "right" person it will happen.
if it does not happen by the time you are say 24 and have been dating a while, perh... (read in full...)
Is it too much to ask to have my boyfriend with me when I am depressed?
Q. Dear Cupid I have few problems cause of my childhood issues. I go into depression once in a while, most of the time I won't show it to my bf. I just act normally, I'm seeing a psychatraist and taking medicine for it. 2 days back I went into s...
A. 5 December 2012: OP I am sorry. Sadly if he says you have no dignity, then he does not understand depression and the needs you currently have.
He is not going to be there for you as he cannot cope with what you need from him.
I strongly urge you to contact y... (read in full...)
Is he a player if he's busy on the weekend?
Q. Hi, I just met a lovely guy, he's South American and seems like the perfect guy. He's sweet, attentive, funny, complimentary etc. We met only 3 days ago and slept together on the first night - there was so much chemistry and we were both pretty ...
A. 5 December 2012: I am 52. I am also a major slut. Or I was. Truly. Lost my virginity at 14 and have not looked back. I’m on my 4th husband dear. He’s a slut too. Slept with whores and escorts before he met me… I was a swinger in my last marriage. ... (read in full...)
Why is he distancing himself?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over a year. For the last month or two he's become distant. We don't have sex anymore except on "special occasions". Whenever we're together he constantly has his head in his phone or he's "tired" ...
A. 5 December 2012: ah ok... I see now... yep I agree it's family pressure.
that's hard to deal with..
If you have talked and told him how you feel and he can't give you want you want... perhaps you need to let him go home full time for a bit and miss you eno... (read in full...)
How soon after a missed period should you take a pregnancy test?
Q. How long would you wait after a missed period to take a pregnancy test? I am not irregular, since I have started tracking my period 5 months ago it was always the same time 30 days apart. Yet I was supposed to start on Monday and still no period... ...
A. 5 December 2012: I don't know about the pregnancy tests but I can tell you that when my first husband and I started trying I was pregnant the first month....
with the second baby it took two months....
sometimes we don't have to wait.
... (read in full...)
My ex left me for someone else a year ago, and I want him back.
Q. Me and my ex were together for 6yrs and have 2kids. Im 25 he is 27 our relationship went boring and very settled and he left me last year for a 22yr old they only lasted a few months and he went off with many women but I have slept with him ...
A. 4 December 2012: Yep I agree with oldbag
make sure he's paying for the kids and has his regular visitation with them but other than that cut him off from you and your home.
IN fact, if he sees the kids have a family member or friend make the transfer at a ne... (read in full...)
My relationship is a complete mess and I don't know what to do.
Q. Someone please try to advise me. I cannot believe the awful situation I now have in my relationship. Were not married, but I live with my 4 year old daughter and her mother. Her mother does not love me, she only wanted a child to trap me into a r...
A. 4 December 2012: Agreed... see the lawyer without the mother of your child...
and figure out what you need to do to get custody and get her a proper passport so you can take her where you want to go.... (read in full...)
Just a question: how long would you wait after sex before breaking up?
Q. Just a question: how long would you wait after sex before breaking up? I imagine, having sex and then breaking up with someone on the same day would be unacceptable. So do you guys or girls have any set rules? Do you wait a certain time leng...
A. 4 December 2012: No rules. Everyone is different.
IF I am planning on breaking up with someone however I'm not having sex with them.
sounds like the getting back together was a booty call.... (read in full...)
I need help getting back to normal life after a traumatic experience
Q. Ok a long time (few years) ago I made out and got intimate (no oral/vaginal sex) with what I thought was a women but it was a mtf transsexual with full surgery. That was a traumatic experience for me and I have been depressed about it ever since. I ...
A. 4 December 2012: I agree with Aunt Honesty.
for all intents and purposes the person you were with is female.
I think that some counseling to help you work through the issue might be in order.... (read in full...)
Should I go against my girl's wishes and spend time with my ex and our son on Christmas?
Q. I have 9 month old son with my ex girlfriend who left me before our son was born. I didn't want to be a father at first which is why she left me. I told her that I couldn't afford a child and we are too young ( Shes 21 I'm 24) I was a total dick ...
A. 4 December 2012: Your ex girlfriend is out of line.
I do not blame your current gf.
You have a child with this woman and you must come up with viable visitation and custody.
spending the night with her at her home is not acceptable in my book
he'... (read in full...)
Is it too much to ask to have my boyfriend with me when I am depressed?
Q. Dear Cupid I have few problems cause of my childhood issues. I go into depression once in a while, most of the time I won't show it to my bf. I just act normally, I'm seeing a psychatraist and taking medicine for it. 2 days back I went into s...
A. 4 December 2012: When I'm depressed (and I'm struggling right now with it on and off) my husband is at a loss to fix it. He does not know what to say or do. He hurts as much as I do because he can't fix it or take my pain away.
Maybe your bf does not like fee... (read in full...)
He doesn't want anymore children and wants me to give this one up for adoption, so what do I choose, being a single mother or giving up my baby?
Q. I need help. Me and my boyfriend of 8 years are expecting again. Unfortunately for me, he doesnt want anymore children. He has expressed this to me before even before our first child, but he knew since I was 11 years younger than him and didnt have ...
A. 4 December 2012: I would not give up the child for adoption because someone else wants you to.
... (read in full...)
We've been together 2 and a half years and he still isnt sure if I'm the girl he wants to spend his life with. What should I do?
Q. I really need some good advice with this. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and 5 months and we have been living together for 4 months. I love him very much, and he loved me too. We both thing we have a great thing going on together, sure we ...
A. 4 December 2012: I am sorry to say this OP but I have never seen a man at 2.5 years NOT know if he wanted to be with someone for life or not.
In fact, I've never not known after 3-6 months what I wanted nor have any of my long term partners.
I am pretty sur... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend hasn't spoken to me in 2 weeks and I'm slowly losing feelings for him, how can I find out what is going on?
Q. I'm confused. He hasnt talked to me like almost for 2weeks.. I'm scared i might loose him. He's the one that always made me smile. He was the one that made my heart beat faster.. Now idk anymore... He's my long distance boyfriend and he hasn't ...
A. 4 December 2012: the truth is at your age honey it's hard to say "it's over" without being mean. so many folks just walk away.
It's over.
you will heal and the pain will stop.
... (read in full...)
Struggling with long distance
Q. Hi... Well right now me and my boyfriend are in a pretty rough state. About 4 months ago i moved to america from persia and he is still there. We were madly in love. the things we went through together was beyond the average girlfriend boyfriend... ...
A. 4 December 2012: when is the chance of him coming to be with you or you going home to be with him?
without an end in sight to the distance what's the point of the relationship?
I can see why he's distant... he doesn't want you to change your mind yet again..... (read in full...)
How can I tell if he settled for me against his apparent "type"?
Q. My boyfriend looks at porn. This is fine. Although he tends to look at girls who are the seem like the exact opposite of me. They, for example, have tattoos, have edge, and are usually brunette. His favorite girl buddies also look this way.I have ...
A. 4 December 2012: my husband likes to look at small petite (large breasted) young Asian women. I'm none of the above... but he loves me.
do not change who you are or how you look to please anyone but yourself.
people can be attracted to all types o... (read in full...)
He hasn't text me in 2 weeks, should I contact him or move on?
Q. The guy i've been seeing for the past two months hasn't texted me in two weeks... I'm not sure if that's a sign that I should move on, or if I should contact him? Things were going brilliant with us, so I don't know why he has just stopped texting ...
A. 4 December 2012: I would call him and casually ask how he is and what's up.
you were dating two months... did you recently have sex for the first time?
has anything else happened?... (read in full...)
After 3 years he still wont move in with me.....
Q. Hello, Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years. He says he loves me and i love him too. Even though weve been through rough patches etc we have always tried to keep strong and make things work. But after 3 years of him being in...
A. 4 December 2012: "he says he loves me" do you not believe him?
I agree that after three years a man knows what he wants. In fact, I've never known a man to take more than 6 months to know what he wants...
You were living together and he move... (read in full...)
Why did she want me back, only to end up on the dating sites again?
Q. I had lost count on how many times I had found my girlfriend on dating sites and chat rooms that focus on flrting. She either lied to me about being on them or played it down to them just being harmless internet friends and me being jealous. I ended ...
A. 4 December 2012: Getting angry and defensive when getting caught breaking a promise and cheating is common.
She has not changed and she got caught and now she's trying to make YOU look like the bad guy.
You kept forgiving her every time you caught her so no... (read in full...)
Whenever I see him he stares at me. He's the lead singer in one of my favorite local bands. Should I add him on facebook?
Q. There is this guy I've met last winter (so about 5 months ago). well, we didn't really meet. We were at a bar and kept looking at each other. We took the night bus back home together and he talked to my best friend a little bit while stilll looking ...
A. 4 December 2012: It's facebook not real life. I have a guy on facebook as a friend who is the DAD of someone I know through someone I know through a group I was a member of. We play games on facebook together... BFD.
go ahead and add him but remember FACEBOOK... (read in full...)
What kind of Christmas gift should be appropriate for my girlfriend's mom?
Q. my ldr girlfriend offered me to join her and her family for christmas, my question is simple, what kind of gift should be appropiate for her mom ( she has been nice to me, but have only seen her twice ) and for her grandpa ( i havent met him yet, ...
A. 4 December 2012: I would not like perfume from a man I do not know. I am very particular about what scents I wear. Also some women don't wear perfume due to allergies.
I also would not drink a bottle of wine... I'm not much of a drinker so that alone would ... (read in full...)
What is the key to being single and happy?
Q. I am a 24 year old female. I have a good head on my shoulders, I'm career oriented, and for the most part, lead a very balanced and fairly busy life. But ever since I started dating in high school, I've noticed that I've never really been happy when ...
A. 4 December 2012: When I was younger I was happy when I was in a relationship.
Now in my 50s I have a partner (a new husband) and I'm happy but I can easily see being single and happy too. I never could as a woman in my 20s and 30s... and I think that if you a... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to end my long term relationship over my boyfriend's porn habits?
Q. I have always had a problem with my boyfriend’s porn use and we would get into fights about it where he would promise one day he would give it up when he was satisfied with our sex life. I would then promise to let it go and stop snooping on him. ...
A. 4 December 2012: I agree he's an addict not just a casual user.
you did the right thing.
I don't have issues with porn in relationships as long as it does not take precedence nor overshadow the relationship. In your case, it was the number one activity ... (read in full...)
Why is he distancing himself?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over a year. For the last month or two he's become distant. We don't have sex anymore except on "special occasions". Whenever we're together he constantly has his head in his phone or he's "tired" ...
A. 4 December 2012: OP,
Even with anxiety his behavior with the phone and when he’s with you screams that he’s keeping a secret. Have you asked to see what’s on his phone? If so what happens? Does he get angry and defensive and try to say you are not trus... (read in full...)
Why is he distancing himself?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over a year. For the last month or two he's become distant. We don't have sex anymore except on "special occasions". Whenever we're together he constantly has his head in his phone or he's "tired" ...
A. 3 December 2012: Some things that popped out to me:
“For the last month or two he's become distant.”
“We don't have sex anymore except on "special occasions".”
“Whenever we're together he constantly has his head in his phone or he's "tired" so we hardly eve... (read in full...)
What's the difference between sexual attraction and love?
Q. Hi, Anybody out there that can tell me What the difference is between sexual attraction And love? And doesn't it go hand in hand? Thanks...
A. 30 November 2012: Sexual attraction and love do NOT go hand in hand. They can and it's great when they do... then you marry them.
but you can be sexually attracted to someone (ie. I'll put him on my "to do list") and think he's hot but his brain does not att... (read in full...)
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