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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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How do tell my mother that I'm dating a man 18 years older than me?
Q. I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 39. We've been dating for almost two months and very few people in my life know about him. Just my sisters and a few coworkers from my job. (they know him because he stops by every once in a while) My mother has no id...
A. 7 March 2013: Ah... sisters... boyfriends and parents making choices...
let me tell you a story....
my mother was the middle of three sisters. All married young... my mother brought home my dad who my grandparents deemed unacceptable as a spouse. They d... (read in full...)
How do I escape this tradition of naming the first born son after their father's father? I don't like the name!
Q. I am pregnant, 7 months in and its a BOY! I am very happy but at the same time a little sad because my in laws want me to name my son my husbands fathers name because its a Lebanese tradition for the eldest son to take after his fathers name in his ...
A. 6 March 2013: Well what's on his Birth certificate is not what you have to call him.
My mother's birth certificate said Henrietta. I did not know her name was legally Henrietta forever... NO ONE ever called her that not even her parents. Her father h... (read in full...)
What can I do about his awful uncle?
Q. i have been married for nearly 2 years. only have 1 big problem and that is my husbands uncle. he is an extremeley manipulative and jealous person. he is so spiteful and i know my husband does not like him to much. he has tried to do everything to ...
A. 6 March 2013: if you don't like him and husband does not like him, do not see him.
just because he's a blood relative does not mean you have to be friendly with him.
... (read in full...)
So many guys want to date me but I just want the guy at the gym!
Q. What is wrong with me? I feel so depressed:(? So I've been single for 2 years and I joined the gym and this guy that works there would always look at me and would look away when I look at him. I finally started getting to know him and...
A. 6 March 2013: Hmmmm... what to do....
you like this guy very much so you will possibly look the other way for all the signs that he's LDR with this girl 4 hours away...
you need to figure out if he's LDR with her and if he is RUN... because he's LYIN... (read in full...)
My boyfriend called me a hypocrite for watching porn
Q. So I'm a horn dog. I like sex and enjoy masturbation. My boyfriend is the opposite from me. He enjoys pleasure however does not want to do it often. I tell him I don't want him watching porn, However I watched it yesterday night and he caught me. He ...
A. 6 March 2013: Well telling him you don't want him watching porn and then watching it yourself does make you a hypocrite.
You say you don't allow porn in your current relationship but that's not true. YOU have porn in the relationship. You mean you don... (read in full...)
New baby last year. So how can I convince my husband that I need less visitors at home?
Q. Dear cupid, I am at the end of my tether with visitors in my house! I had a baby last year and since then I have never had any peace. I'm feeling overwhelmed by too many people always around here. I feel like my home isn't my own and I am running ...
A. 6 March 2013: You are running a home. This is much like a business. Do his friends visit him at work? NO? why not? Because he's AT WORK.
During the week you are running the home like a business.
POST visiting hours on the door and say "I am sorry but ... (read in full...)
It took him 14 months to tell me he loves me! Should I be concerned?
Q. Hi All, Its taken by boyfriend 14 months to fall in love and tell me. Is this normal and should I be concerned that its taken him so long? Thank you x...
A. 6 March 2013: It's normal for him.
At least he tells you. Does he SHOW YOU?
my husband never says I love you. He only can manage it when he's drunk. He does however, show me he loves me very much all the time.
Words are just words... actions in this... (read in full...)
So many guys want to date me but I just want the guy at the gym!
Q. What is wrong with me? I feel so depressed:(? So I've been single for 2 years and I joined the gym and this guy that works there would always look at me and would look away when I look at him. I finally started getting to know him and...
A. 5 March 2013: he drove 4 hours to see a female friend...
I'm betting he's LDR with her... ... (read in full...)
Any home remedies for my skin irritation?
Q. Hi this is not relationship related,but I would love to here agony aunts remedy to my skin problem My skin has been very irritated lately,its become really dry and I have these red boils.and none of these market beaUty products help,my skin reacts b...
A. 5 March 2013: if you have boils and they will not heal you need to see a doctor.... (read in full...)
IS this modeling agency on the up and up? They asked me do do some rather risque things?
Q. hi, im really stuck! i need help. i have been contacted by a modeling agency asking if im interested in modeling. i am and i always have been i would love to be a model. The only thing is she told me i had to do my audition on skype on a web cam in ...
A. 5 March 2013: if they called you (Not if they came up to you say in a coffee shop or something) then for sure it's a scam
no agency will make you skype
and no nudes or cleavage check is required.
SCAM
SCAM
SCAM
yes this is a scam. I would ca... (read in full...)
Have you ever regretted your first time?
Q. Dear aunts and uncles. Have you ever regretted your 'first time'? I'm a 17, soon to be 18, year old dude that is thinking about losing his virginity. When I hit puberty i never virginity or sex in particular was ever going to be a concern...
A. 5 March 2013: I was too young but I don't regret it.
not really. it's over it's done and i can't change it. But I wish I had waited.
You are not walking around with a V on your chest. It's not anything you have to discuss... and my advice to you is
... (read in full...)
How to test my gf for being a sociopath
Q. Ok so I can't really tell if my girlfriend is a sociopath or not, I know all the symptoms and read ALOT about the subject but I can't tell if in emotionally in denial or maybe she just had a bunch of bad boyfriends in her passed and has always been ...
A. 5 March 2013: Stop reading stuff on line or even in books. Reading and knowing potential symptoms are not the same as a doctor doing an evaluation.
I have a degree in psych and I'm not even qualified to determine if someone is a sociopath or not.
Mental ... (read in full...)
Ex-boyfriend breaks NC after 2 weeks?
Q. My bf and I broke up and I've been NC for 2 weeks. He's 34 and I'm 30. I broke it off with him after 2.5 years together because I felt like he wasn't giving me enough attention and because he had to go away for work in another state and after being ...
A. 5 March 2013: Don't be confused. Block the new gamertag name and keep moving forward.
WHY someone does something does not matter unless you are playing games and want him back and went NC to show him the error of his ways and make him miss you and want you... (read in full...)
As the "other" woman in the affair, how to deal with his revengeful wife
Q. I am in a weird situation and need your advice. I (happily married and want to stay in that marriage) had an affair a couple of years ago with another married man, whose wife found out. Their relationship is going down the drain and he told me ...
A. 5 March 2013: Here is my take on this. I'm not going to address what you did or karma or any of that. I've seen folks who had an affair (not affairs but ONE) become totally changed and repentant. I'm not going to condemn you for mistakes and choices in the ... (read in full...)
How much fighting is normal between parents?
Q. My parents fight about 4 times a week. Two out of those four times will involve yelling/ insults. Is this normal? My parents are both great people. However, my dad treats my mom like a child and makes decisions without her. They don't understand...
A. 5 March 2013: Ok if you are 18 I am going to assume your parents are together 20 or more years… and that this is how their relationship works. If either were truly that unhappy they would probably have left.
I was raised with parents who yelled. Their pare... (read in full...)
My boyfriend will not perform oral sex and I love it!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for some time now and he doesn't eat my box. He says it's not his thing what should I do???? when that is one of my favorites like almost can't live without it and it's driving me nuts......
A. 5 March 2013: If you can’t live without receiving oral and he won’t provide oral to you, then you have a sexual compatibility issue that cannot be resolved. Sadly the only way to fix this is for you to leave him.
While the suggestions made by the female anon... (read in full...)
I barely know this younger girl but she keeps asking me to go to her play. Should I go?
Q. I have recently met a girl. I dont know her very well--in fact i barely know anything about her other than her name and im not sure she even knows my name. We havent swapped numbers or anything and ive never seen her outside of work. However she has ...
A. 5 March 2013: 18 to 22 is 4 years… even at your age that’s not much at all. I’d not even call it an age gap to be honest…
Does she like you? Probably enough to invite you to see her in a play… I’ve often found that folks that act like a full house and ... (read in full...)
Haven't heard from girlfriend in 12 hours, am I overreacting or is this logical and legitimate?
Q. Am I being ridiculous or do I have a reason to be worried and sick over this? My girlfriend called me last night after work and we talked a while. Everything was perfectly normal and great. She told me she was going to take some adderall (I'm not a ...
A. 5 March 2013: Well I'm sorry to hear she had a car wreck and I hope she's going to recovery quickly.
To be honest however, no contact for a mere 12 hours is really not a big deal in most cases. Based on the information you provide in the initial question I w... (read in full...)
Does anyone have experiences of social anxiety disorder they could share?
Q. hi i would like to help me in a sensitive case, well.. i think i have "social anxiety disorer", 'cuz i got some syndrome of it and if anyone of you have axperienced the same or if you've been diagnosted with social anxiety disorder, then ,what ha...
A. 5 March 2013: If you believe you have a full blown anxiety disorder then you need to see a therapist and a doctor.
there are treatments both cognitive and psychotropic that can be used to help you over come this.... (read in full...)
We're best friends but our partners don't seem too thrilled with it
Q. Hi, My bestfriend happens to be this guy I'v known since I was 8 years old,I'm 24 now and we still remain that close,he's 24 too..I'v dated men,so has he but the both of us never had a relationship ever! Let's call him mark,now mark has stood by...
A. 5 March 2013: I agree with KC that Mark was wrong to go to your party instead of his girlfriend’s party. If I was the girlfriend I would figure that YOU are more important to me based on his behavior.
If you do not have a boyfriend right now, I’d really b... (read in full...)
So many guys want to date me but I just want the guy at the gym!
Q. What is wrong with me? I feel so depressed:(? So I've been single for 2 years and I joined the gym and this guy that works there would always look at me and would look away when I look at him. I finally started getting to know him and...
A. 5 March 2013: My only concerns with the gym guy are
a. it's his job to make the members of the gym feel good at the gym... so that may be his angle with you
b. he's driving 4 hours to visit a male friend. Are you sure he's not gay?
When he gets back... (read in full...)
She wants a nick name but I'm not sure which one to use?
Q. Hello i,m a male aged 51 and going on a date soon, the woman calls me hun ( short for honey i presume ) she said , she wants me to call her something nice, i,ve got a list of nice nicknames to call her, but not sure which one to use in ...
A. 4 March 2013: everyone here in my state calls everyone HON... it's the state nickname...
Nicknames in this case are more pet names and you can't force them.
my husband and I use HON most of the time... or sweetie.... he hates BABE but that's one I've ... (read in full...)
If my girlfriend was fooling around with another girl should I forgive her?
Q. Hey, really don't know what to do, so for the first time in my life am asking a message board for answers. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 and half years of bliss! I really couldn't have asked for a kinder sweeter girl, especially...
A. 4 March 2013: I'm with YouWish. cheating is cheating....
I'm bisexual but in a marriage that is monogamous so NO OTHER partners. Just like a woman gives up other men and men give up other women, bisexual folks should give up same sex partners unless there... (read in full...)
I thought we might turn into a couple but through facebook I find out he already has a girlfriend!
Q. Ok, this might be a long post but you'll have to know everything to understand. I met this guy online and we hit it off. He told me he was single and hadn't been in a relationship in a while. We met in person and there was obvious attracti...
A. 4 March 2013: Oh dear... stop having sex with him and being physical with him and going to his house and you'll know what to do fast.
Make him take you out in public and treat you like a gf and see what happens....
He's USING YOU!... (read in full...)
After 5 months he says he's not ready to be a boyfriend and would wind up cheating on me!
Q. sorry this is pretty long but i appreciate you reading. i need your help. i've been seeing this guy for a little over 5 months now but we're not official. when we first met, he had just broken up with his long-term girlfriend and it was still ver...
A. 4 March 2013: OP your feelings are correct you are being used and taken for grated.
He will never appreciate you and what he had even if you walk away.... if he asks you to come back and you tell him yes but on your terms (i.e. no more rowing the relation... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend need a male sex partner?
Q. Okay, you think I am crazy? My instinct is telling me that my boyfriend I am with for 7 month has a guy sex partner. The only proof I have is txt messages: "I really I like to see you this week"... "8 am tomorrow morning?" "K, your place or my ...
A. 4 March 2013: what else other than this text message exchange do you have?
you say he's not sexually attracted to you.... based on what?
and it's not a put down on you... but you ask "why the hell does he need him?"
and the answer is simplis... (read in full...)
My guardian wants me to lie in my driver ed's log
Q. Hey everybody I'm 17 turning 18 in June, I have a problem with my guardian, she doesn't take things seriously like I do. Ok so I'm almost 18 and still don't know how to drive, I take drivers Ed class but the teacher wants us to drive with an ...
A. 4 March 2013: do not lie. tell the truth. your guardian wants you to lie so they do not look bad. Oh well...
and btw what do kids without parents who drive do?... (read in full...)
My girlfriend doesn't like to talk about the future. Is she thinking of leaving me?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years now and we always a talk about getting a flat or something together and how great it would be to spend even more time together. However, when I bring up the idea of getting engaged in the near ...
A. 4 March 2013: my initial reaction is to base this on why I would be doing what she's doing to you... and that's because she knows you want more from your relationship that she does, and is trying to distance herself from you in hopes that you will get her message ... (read in full...)
Was I dumped on Valentine's Day and I just didn't realize it?
Q. I've been dating a woman since Nov 2012 and we are intimate. I sent her a Valentine's day card where I refer to her as my girlfriend and tell her how I appreciate her. She never responded to my Valentine's day card even though she did receive it. ...
A. 4 March 2013: Well I won't say she's being a commitment-phobe but this is what I see:
you started dating in November 2012.... so barely 4 months together and it sounds to me like you guys while sexual were not truly intimate. Intimacy is not about bodies..... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't like sex, won't let me have someone else. I'm at my rope's end!
Q. Me and my wife have been married for 5 years now, she was 30 and I was 25. She wanted to wait until we were married to have sex, for religious reasons. I was ok with this because I always try to be a gentleman. I was her first boyfriend, and there ...
A. 4 March 2013: I know that there are truly people out there that do not have sex until marriage for religious reasons. Normally when we see it, however, it’s someone posting and saying “ I want to remain a virgin till we get married but we are doing other ... (read in full...)
I can't keep up with the beauty regime and am afraid no one will like the real me.
Q. This is going to sound ridiculous but basically, I can't keep a boyfriend because I'm too fake, because I'm so insecure. I've never had a long term partner, no one for more than about 4 months. People often call me attractive and everyone says i ...
A. 4 March 2013: You can’t keep a boyfriend because you are too insecure and don’t love yourself. It has nothing to do with too fake…
Natural redheads with pale skin and freckles are adored and loved here… most of them are so pretty… such fragile beauties... (read in full...)
Met ex at a beach and received flowers. Are we meant to be?
Q. My ex saw me driving along as i was on my way to the beach. Then he turned around and found me at the beach and asked if I wanted to go for a walk. It was really nice, and I was going surfing, so he went back home and got his board and we were both ...
A. 4 March 2013: agreed it's not a coincidence... he's jealous and controlling.. he knows your routine... it was all planned and premeditated.
just tell him that you are not together and if he cares about you he will respect your wishes and leave you alone.
... (read in full...)
Everybody knew about my boyfriend's pregnant girlfriend but me!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years and I just recently found out that not only has he been cheating on me for years but the girl is now pregnant. The reason I found out was because a friend of the family told me. When I asked him ...
A. 4 March 2013: Why are YOU embarrassed? He’s the liar and the cheater. YOU have nothing to be embarrassed about as he pulled the wool over your eyes. You have been with him for eight years… so even if you are 25 that means you were a mere girl of 17 when he ... (read in full...)
Am I gay now, if I had sex with my friend once?
Q. Mod note: OP is a male. I'm a young man. Some time ago I broke up with my girlfriend, it was very hard and painful, because we had a long relationship, but I had to end it because she lied to me, cheated on me and did other nasty things. That even...
A. 4 March 2013: Mowglith12,
I’m so sorry you had to end it with your girlfriend and were hurting. You turned to a friend for support and had a few drinks (more than enough to loosen folks up) and then your friend in some ways took advantage of you. You were emo... (read in full...)
My fiance masturbates every morning and I just found out. What should I do?
Q. we don't have sex alot, and i would like to but he always says no. but this morning i walked in on him masturbating and saw he does it every morning. He says he loves it when we have sex, but yet he still does this every morning... im really hurt ...
A. 4 March 2013: good points made by all.
Men have the highest testosterone level in the morning... many men wake with erections and the "well no need to waste it" attitude....
You say “we don’t have sex a lot” well define a lot….. do you mean daily or we... (read in full...)
My partner won't say he was breaking up with me but told his friend I was stalking him.
Q. My partner just upped and left and I don't know how to deal with it. We never lived together and the last few months had been hard as he had to move away for work - only 150 miles away though so we went from seeing eachother 4 or 5 times a week to ...
A. 4 March 2013: He’s a chicken shit isn’t he? NO balls on his part to do the right thing. The problem is you are not listening to what his silence is saying….
He’s done with you. He should have told you but he didn’t. You know he wants out. You know it’s... (read in full...)
Is it possible to like and care for someone so much even if you haven't been around the much?
Q. Dear cupid, (sort of a long post) Im 20 and I live in London and I met this guy who is 21 and lives in Leicester (just over 100 miles away) I know that's not too long-distance but it does still count as a long distance thing if I can't just rando...
A. 4 March 2013: My husband and I were 100 miles apart the first year we were a couple. NOT by choice… we met at a convention and he lived 2 hours one way and I lived 2 hours the other…
IF you can’t see each other daily if you want to then IMO it’s LDR and it s... (read in full...)
How do tell my mother that I'm dating a man 18 years older than me?
Q. I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 39. We've been dating for almost two months and very few people in my life know about him. Just my sisters and a few coworkers from my job. (they know him because he stops by every once in a while) My mother has no id...
A. 4 March 2013: Ah age gaps they are my favorite…. Truly. I’m 13 years older than my husband… but we were well into our adulthood when we met… If he had been 25 to my 38 I doubt we would have worked out.
First this is my take on age gaps in general….
1. ... (read in full...)
Out of control crush on my teacher is leaving me depressed. How can I deal with that and the jealousy I feel about anouther girl in the class?
Q. I've been deeply in love with my history teacher ever since he joined my school last fall. He's in his late 20s I think and he's gorgeous with his cute long hair. This seems to be the problem. I have a huge crush on him and it's hurting me. I ...
A. 4 March 2013: Dear OneDierctionFran,
I know you won’t believe me but I was your age not too long ago (at least it feels that way)
When I was 17 I had a mad crush on my English Teacher. I found out recently (just a few weeks ago that he was only 23 when I h... (read in full...)
On average, will a guy 55 or older find it harder to ejaculate a second time, during the same session?
Q. I'm curious to know whether on average, an older guy, 55 years or so, will find it a lot more difficult to ejaculate again, after he's come once? He does get hard very quickly again, but he says there's not much feeling, so even with stimulat...
A. 4 March 2013: sounds normal to me
besides lovemaking is not always about the orgasm.
you don't need better techniques just a better understanding of male physiology.
... (read in full...)
How do I approach this much older man at work to let him know I am interested in him?
Q. Hi, I was hoping to get some help with the situation I'm in. There is a man at the place I work at who I am very interested in. He winks at me every time he sees me and sometimes lightly touches my arm. He almost always comes to where I a...
A. 4 March 2013: Well personally I think winking is creepy… I’ve never seen it as a positive thing. Lightly touching an arm could or could not be flirting… it may just be that he’s a touchy kind of guy.
You say he’s “a lot older” than you. How old is he vs... (read in full...)
Should I settle down with my boyfriend even though I am not physically attracted to him?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months now. He loves me a lot and wants to be with me forever. I'm not sure if i want to stay with him though. His character is great, loving, caring, clever, honest etc but i don't feel that sexually attra...
A. 4 March 2013: If you are not sure if you want to stay with him, then he’s not the right one for you, and you will always be looking for something better even if it’s just in your subconscious.
Being sexually attracted to your partner is what makes them your... (read in full...)
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