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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I want to get a tattoo but I know my mother won't understand. How can I explain to her how important it is to me?
Q. I'm at this point in life where I have a lot of things on my heart and mind. In spite of that I really need advice about one of the ''little'' things. I want very badly to get a tattoo, even though I am well above the age of consent I am ups...
A. 8 March 2013: I love shoulder tattoos... that was my first one...
if you have thought about it for over a year well then I think you should do it... it's not a rash decision.
Mom's have a huge capacity to forgive things that made them angry....
... (read in full...)
Is this why people say to be yourself?
Q. There was this girl that liked me and thought i was funny. The thing is, I would copy funny phrases from one of my friends and repeat them to her to make her laugh. She liked me a lot until I started to run out of those things to say. Then the real ...
A. 8 March 2013: yeah you have to be yourself. that does not mean you have to be the life of the party or that you have to tell jokes or be outgoing.
my husband is not one for social events... he has never told a joke in his life.... he's happy to just sit ... (read in full...)
My bf of 3 years said that he doesn't see us as a couple and he just wants to have fun until he meets "the one"!
Q. Dear Cupid My bf of 3 years never talks about our future together, whenever i brought it up, he chnages the topic or says future is never certain. Yesterday i made him talk about our future, now he says he doesnt see us as a couple and he ju...
A. 8 March 2013: In this case I would listen to his words.
I have not seen his actions but I bet they match.
He's only going to stay with you as long as no one else catches his eye....
I think you should do the same thing.
Three years together ... (read in full...)
I want to get a tattoo but I know my mother won't understand. How can I explain to her how important it is to me?
Q. I'm at this point in life where I have a lot of things on my heart and mind. In spite of that I really need advice about one of the ''little'' things. I want very badly to get a tattoo, even though I am well above the age of consent I am ups...
A. 8 March 2013: I got my first tattoo after I was 40. I have three one big one small and one medium.
ALL are covered by business clothing. (the tiny one is on my wrist but covered by bracelets or such... and I can actually have tattoos at work... I just think th... (read in full...)
I've made my mind up to change my name, but I feel awful because I'm hurting my mom's feelings
Q. I'm getting a name change in a couple of months. Problem is, my mom is against the idea. But I know, I'm positive, 110% sure that this will be a good thing for me. My past has been filled with so many troubles (abuse, bullying, depression, horrors, ...
A. 8 March 2013: I changed my name at 29. My mother is deceased now but she never called me by my preferred name. My dad, calls me by the name he gave me but introduces me to people with the name I use. I still answer to both names. It did not change who I am. It ... (read in full...)
Why am I moving so slow in our relationship?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend going on 18 months. We've had our ups and downs but at the moment the concern is lack of progression in our relationship. She feels that we should be close to moving in together by now, like all her girlfriend friend's ...
A. 7 March 2013: FWIW, I have never even met my mother in law. I'm not even sure she knows her son is married. Meeting parents is not a huge deal as adults....
why are you moving so slowly?
because you don't want to go faster.
because you love her... (read in full...)
Old fashioned parents will not be thrilled to meet my boyfriend. How do I tell him?
Q. How do i explain to my parents that my boyfriend is half black? I'm from a very strict Russian family,and my parents are very old fashioned. We are not racist at all, it just my parents arent very good with changes. Church every sunday, and nothing ...
A. 7 March 2013: How in the world have you been friends with a boy since Kindergarten and your parents don’t know him?
If your parents aren’t good with change your boyfriend’s race would not matter but since you mentioned it and you had to add “we are not racist a... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex girlfriend keeps trying to get in touch with him, even though it's long been over. What's going on?
Q. My boyfriends ex girlfriend keeps trying to get in touch with my boyfriend. They dated for five years and they broke up six years ago. He and I have been together for almost two years. And he's told me their break up was very bad and they never ...
A. 7 March 2013: I'm of the belief that folks think that if they remain friends with an ex that it's not a failure then...
maybe she's just trying to not feel like a failure.
... (read in full...)
What do I do about this suffocating friend?
Q. I try to be a great friend but I feel like I just can't be. This friend I have is nice, intelligent and when she got over her attraction foe me, we were ok. But she wanted so much of my time! Called all tge time and wanted to hang all the time. ...
A. 7 March 2013: your NOT being selfish.
you say "I wish I could help but I've got so much on my own plate right now that i have to take care of me first"
I always use the plane analogy
when you get on a plane they tell you in the event of an emergency... (read in full...)
My husband wants sex and I don’t. I love my husband. I just don’t want to have sex with him.
Q. My problem is a little embarrassing, but it’s causing a lot of trouble in my marriage. My husband wants sex and I don’t. I love my husband. I just don’t want to have sex with him. It has gotten to the point I dread the weekend because I know...
A. 7 March 2013: You are way too young to be off of sex. Have you had a medical work up with your GYN to determine if your hormone levels are ok? If they check out ok, then you need to figure out what it is that’s the problem. Perhaps some personal counseling ... (read in full...)
I want to leave him and find someone I can show affection to, but I worry it will affect my children negatively.
Q. My husband and I have been together for 17years and married for almost 12. We are fairly young to have a relationship that has gone on for this long...I am 32 and he is 34. It was great in the beginning, however over the years we hardly touch, talk ...
A. 7 March 2013: trust me on this OP, the kids will be happy if mommy is happy....
if you have told him how you feel and he's not willing to listen then you need to tell him if he is not willing to try to fix this then you want a divorce. Sadly you may get the ... (read in full...)
She says she can tell lies about other guys as she is not my wife!
Q. i have been dating since 2 years. my girlfriend wants us to be engaged and then married. i have found her to be on dating sites many times and text messenging guys on different phone numbers. she always told lies about it, but now said that it is ...
A. 7 March 2013: I want a lot of things I don’t deserve. I want to be a size 4 again. In order to do that I have to follow the rules to get to a size 4. I choose instead to eat things that I should not eat and exercise less than I should. It’s a CHOICE I ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my friend that I feel rejected by her sudden change of future plans?
Q. One of my closest friends and I met when I was 16. We bonded over our love of anime and Japanese music and Japanese culture. Since creating this friendship with her, up until about a month ago we have talked a about living in Japan together for a ...
A. 7 March 2013: she's not rejecting you... just some plans that really weren't set in stone yet...
I think you are over-reacting but I also think you can let her know how sad and disappointed you are....
... (read in full...)
I'm meeting my LDR girlfriend for the second time and I'm afraid I'll run out of things to say!
Q. I have been in a long distance relationship for almost five months now. We have been chatting for close to a year, and I spent an amazing week with her recently - it went far better than I expected it to go, and my girlfriend just couldn't be any ...
A. 7 March 2013: sometimes I sits and think and sometimes I just sit.
and guess what, sometimes in a relationship just sitting and being together is enough you don't have to fill every second with words....
do not put so much pressure on yourself... ... (read in full...)
How to accept my gay boyfriend's son
Q. My "100% gay" boyfriend used to be in a relationship with a woman and had a son with her. How can i accept this child? It's testing me apart that now WE can never have that first child experience. What do i do? And please don't say "get over...
A. 7 March 2013: Ah you have RJ about the woman....
google Retroactive Jealousy and see if that helps you
also you might want to look for the user YOS here. He's the be all to end all for RJ issues IMO
As a woman with many past partners both male and... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's change of password and conversation with friend has made me uneasy. Am I overreacting?
Q. Hi aunts/uncles. I dont know if I am overreacting or if this is something I should be concerned about... First I should clarify, we have had trust issues in the past regarding him chatting with women sexually on the computer, joining dating/sex ...
A. 7 March 2013: I miss some things about my ex. does not mean I want him back.
I am currently getting emails from eharmony about singles in my area (my birthday is coming up and the dating sites seem to show up a lot around birthdays for some reason) I've nev... (read in full...)
I'm feeling disrespected by my boyfriend, am I overreacting?
Q. Hello Guys, I need your advices, so hopefully you'll be able to help me out. I have been in a relationship for the past eight months. Up to last night, it has been, despite some difficult times, a relationship full of promises, dedication an...
A. 7 March 2013: Dissenting view here. I don't see what he said as disrespectful.. he just has poor skills in debating and resorted to strawman tactics to win.
However, if you are turned off by his style and what he said and did, then yeah I think it's not goi... (read in full...)
I'm dating but online girl I never met in person now wants to meet. How should I handle this?
Q. so i've got a very basic question. i'm in a stable, committed relationship with my girlfriend. we've been together about four months now, and were casual for a while, taking it slow at first. but now we are exclusive and i don't even want to look at ...
A. 7 March 2013: I don't see a problem being friends..
What does your girlfriend say? have you asked her how she feels?
I know I always tell my husband when I'm meeting a friend male or female... I had lunch with my ex husband last week... I told my cu... (read in full...)
I want to talk to my ex again but don't want her thinking I'm needy.
Q. Okay the thing is, i had a girlfriend not in the same school but in the same town like 6 or 7 months back who i really liked a lot, we broke up in April and we were determined never to speak to each other again, and we didnt, except a couple of 5 ...
A. 7 March 2013: well you want to talk to her about what?
what would talking to her accomplish?
what do you see happening?
if you don't love her
if you dont' miss her
if you are not needing her
then what's up with the wanting to talk to her so badly?... (read in full...)
Should I move to be with him in a culture that will stifle me?
Q. Dear Cupid I was living abroad the last 5 years and only this year i came back to UK, when i was abroad I met an Arabic guy and we developed a friendship, he is unlike the majority or Arabs he is kind of wild, out going and he loves a party as ...
A. 7 March 2013: Dear OP have you ever read the book "Not Without my Daughter?"
they made a movie of it with Sally Fields a while ago.
It's a true story of how a married american woman went for a visit with her then husband from America to his birth... (read in full...)
Money isssues between my partner and me
Q. My girlfriend and I are having issues over finance.The circumstances are as follows: I run my own business, which has suffered a lot in the recession.I still make a profit, but not vast amounts.I probably earn just above the national average ...
A. 7 March 2013: holidays, eating out and new clothes are extras
food
heat
water
internet
all things needed for work and day to day living
my food bill more than doubled when my husband moved in with me. my electricity went up too...
as for t... (read in full...)
I'm feeling like I've lost the love of my life after the break up. Is this normal?
Q. So..I'm really sad over my recent break up. He broke up with me and I can honestly say I was in love with him. Towards the end of our relationship I could tell things weren't right so when he finally broke up with me I wasn't surprised. Things just ...
A. 7 March 2013: I vote for normal too!
breaking up is hard to do...
and the only thing I can promise is that time will heal all wounds... and if it drags on too long, well then there's always therapy.... (read in full...)
Is it always presumed that a man is not interested if he doesn't initiate contact?
Q. Here's the deal. I have been dating a guy whom I met on a dating site for a month now, he actually stated that he wants a relationship and so do I. We see each other every week, but only about once a week, usually on the weekends. He is a really ...
A. 7 March 2013: Not always is the guy the aggressor.
with my now hubby I actually said to him the second time I met him "what do I have to do to get your attention hit you over the head with a brick?" he said "yeah you do"
Basically, it's only a month of... (read in full...)
Ex girlfriend and best best friend issues, help!
Q. so here is the background info... i dated this girl, well call her D. So D and I broke up five years ago, and she gave me no reason. Both of us moved on, which led me to my girlfriend of four years ago. But after the break up with D we became the ...
A. 7 March 2013: If your current girlfriend is using her depression/suicide/anxiety as a way to hold on to you, then you should leave. If she’s self-injuring as a way to keep you, then you need to leave… she is emotionally blackmailing you. Never stay with ... (read in full...)
He abandoned me in a strange city!
Q. I could do with some wisdom/isight/davice/thoughts on this...thanks Last weekend it was arranged that myself and a man I having been casually seeing on and off (he lives in another country) would meet in Milan. This involved me flying over from...
A. 7 March 2013: ONE thought.... NEXT!
he's a jerk.
you should have been concerned when he hemmed and hawed about money.
as for being abandoned in a strange city... please.. you paid for yourself you got yourself there, you covered your expenses... ... (read in full...)
I know he knows how to kiss, so why just a peck?
Q. Had my first kiss with someone who I've been flirting with for weeks, but it was a peck! He had tried to kiss me on a previous occasion, but I didn't realise and it was awkward, and we didn't kiss, so I told him that I liked him and wanted to kiss ...
A. 7 March 2013: I remember the first time I tried to kiss my now husband... he was not going to french kiss me because we were not yet sleeping together.... he equates french kissing with romance and sex... no deep kissing of women you are not intimate with... ... (read in full...)
Why does she see me as a gay friend?
Q. I have a confusing situation: I've been talking to some girl for quite some time now and I've developed a huge crush on her. We've been hanging out a little as of late, and we flirt, I tease her, I make her laugh, we connect on different levels, ...
A. 7 March 2013: She sees you as her "gay friend" because she does not have any interest in dating you....
you are "friend zoned" with her.... nothing you can do to change it... it's just not there for her.... (read in full...)
What am I doing wrong? I seem to easily make my fiance irritable with me
Q. Just the other day my fiance snapped at me. It was regarding the current political climate. He said to me did you hear that the White House tours were cancelled due to the sequesterian? He was sitting at his computer looking at the news. Curi...
A. 7 March 2013: Yep Anonymous123 and I are on the same wave length... if it's you that posted about the trailer incident back in
September, then I think you are over reacting.
I would have possibly asked about the times of the tours too... and if he didn't... (read in full...)
Was it just a surprise one night stand? Or could it lead to more?
Q. Hi everyone. I'm having a bit of a dilemma. I have been single for about 9 months after a bad break up of a long term rship. I had been hung up on meeting someone but then decided not to let this be my focus and and then suddenly i started meetin...
A. 7 March 2013: Well alcohol for sure clouds the issue.
you don't want to play games
you said you went back to his HOTEL... is he not local?
if he's not local then I might just chalk it up to a drunken fling... because LDRs are hard enough....
if yo... (read in full...)
How do I impress a man who is 10 years older than I am?
Q. Dear cupid, I need some advice. I'm 21 years old, law student, and mature for my age, I've always been. Like a few years ago, a young litigator move into house next to mine and since then, I've got a huge crush on him. He works with my fathe...
A. 7 March 2013: This is a common scenario. I’m going to say that often we think we are mature for our age and in reality we are not. I find that folks that say that in this sort of a situation are trying to come up with reasons why what they want is an ok ... (read in full...)
Is it a red flag that my 33 year old boyfriend likes to hang out with a 21 year old girl?
Q. My boyfriend is 33 and I am 27. We have been together for 3+ years and our relationship is pretty strong. But, he befriends people much younger and hangs out with one 21 year girl old in particular. Is this a red flag? He wouldn't cheat, but I ...
A. 7 March 2013: He befriends people much younger and hangs out with them… what does that mean exactly. How is he meeting these folks? IF he’s seeking them out on social media and they have nothing else in common yeah, I’d be concerned… but if he met them from a ... (read in full...)
Trouble making girl flirting with my boyfriend and keeping my friends away from me?!
Q. Hi everyone. Please read this whole thing and give me any type of advice or help. I have been in a really wonderful and happy relationship for a couple of years now. I am not the jealous type of person at all. I will admit that I may be a bit ...
A. 7 March 2013: Ok I read this… let me recap what I got from this (so if I’m wrong you can correct me OP)
1. You are with your boyfriend for a couple of years
2. You are insecure (a bit you say maybe)
3. You both have a large circle of mutual friends
4. A ne... (read in full...)
All my boyfriend does is play video games. Is he just not into me?
Q. About a month and a half ago I moved in with my boyfriend, and so far things really aren't going well. I am 26 and he is 23. We don't argue really at all, and when we are actually interacting we have a pretty good time. I'm fairly independent, and ...
A. 7 March 2013: Now that you have moved in, it’s real life and this is what it is. He loves his video games. My husband also is an online gamer… and most nights he games… but he puts it down for dinner with me every night… and certain shows we watch together. ... (read in full...)
I want to call my ex but he says he needs time!
Q. my ex boyfriend has recently split up from me and i am finding it very hard to forget him he is always in my mind, and all i want to do is call or text him. i feel it wasn't the right thing to do but he said it was and wants to remain friends. but ...
A. 7 March 2013: I do not think you will be able to be friends for a long time if at all ever.
writing down his number is not healthy.. you delete it so you forget it honey....
clearly he knows you are not letting go... you need to let him go... it's over ... (read in full...)
How do I end the relationship with a woman who has nothing?
Q. I have been with this girl for 14 years I use to love her but now it's gone. When I met her she was basically homeless living in a shelter. She has always been mentally unstable at times and I have found someone i think i love. How do i put her out ...
A. 7 March 2013: There are very few states that are common law any more and even then, just living together does not make you CL.
there has to be intent to marry and holding yourself out as a married couple.
here's a great website about common law marri... (read in full...)
How do tell my mother that I'm dating a man 18 years older than me?
Q. I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 39. We've been dating for almost two months and very few people in my life know about him. Just my sisters and a few coworkers from my job. (they know him because he stops by every once in a while) My mother has no id...
A. 7 March 2013: Ah... sisters... boyfriends and parents making choices...
let me tell you a story....
my mother was the middle of three sisters. All married young... my mother brought home my dad who my grandparents deemed unacceptable as a spouse. They d... (read in full...)
My husband's female friend is a bad influence on him and my family.
Q. So this is my story. I hate my husbands best female friend. I dont know what to do i need advise since he refuses to get rid of either one. How do i accept this or do i just let go of him? she use to be my friend when we were kids. But when i was ...
A. 6 March 2013: well wait, if he asked you to give up friends and you did then yes you have every right to ask him to give her up.
he may say no
then what?... (read in full...)
Would you marry a guy who never went to college?
Q. Currently less than 40% of men will graduate from college, that's 140 women with college degrees for ever 100 men with a degree. at best its expected to get worse, on top of that jobs traditionally held predominantly by men are evaporating at an ...
A. 6 March 2013: I have.
If a man is smart and hard working then I don't see how college is necessary.
It took me 23 years to get my college degree... I was a returning student. I would not judge another for not finishing college any more than I woul... (read in full...)
What does this staring married man want from me?
Q. There is this married guy at the gym, now if he is happily married he really should not be interested in me or constantly staring at me. I try ignoring him it just does not work. I refuse to change gyms. What does he want from me?...
A. 6 March 2013: I'm with Tisha... I'm not sure what the issue is.
He doesn't want to look at others. clearly he likes to look at you.
if it bothers you say something or change your gym time.
... (read in full...)
Which label do I apply to myself? Am I bi or lesbian?
Q. In the past, I've identified as bisexual. The thing is though, I don't like to date guys. (I mean maybe that will change, but he'd have to be pretty amazing.)I only find them attractive physically. When I've done things with guys, I picture a girl. ...
A. 6 March 2013: you don't have to say anything... why do you need a label?
I am bisexual. I find women sexually pleasing and attractive but on an emotional level I prefer a man for my life partner.
I define myself as bisexual but since I am in a mono... (read in full...)
My husband's female friend is a bad influence on him and my family.
Q. So this is my story. I hate my husbands best female friend. I dont know what to do i need advise since he refuses to get rid of either one. How do i accept this or do i just let go of him? she use to be my friend when we were kids. But when i was ...
A. 6 March 2013: I get the whole smoking pot if it's available... and why you think he wold be better off away from the friend but seriously you can't control him or her or their friendship.
IF you do not like how he is behaving , then you have to make a choic... (read in full...)
How do I escape this tradition of naming the first born son after their father's father? I don't like the name!
Q. I am pregnant, 7 months in and its a BOY! I am very happy but at the same time a little sad because my in laws want me to name my son my husbands fathers name because its a Lebanese tradition for the eldest son to take after his fathers name in his ...
A. 6 March 2013: Well what's on his Birth certificate is not what you have to call him.
My mother's birth certificate said Henrietta. I did not know her name was legally Henrietta forever... NO ONE ever called her that not even her parents. Her father h... (read in full...)
How do tell my mother that I'm dating a man 18 years older than me?
Q. I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 39. We've been dating for almost two months and very few people in my life know about him. Just my sisters and a few coworkers from my job. (they know him because he stops by every once in a while) My mother has no id...
A. 4 March 2013: Ah age gaps they are my favorite…. Truly. I’m 13 years older than my husband… but we were well into our adulthood when we met… If he had been 25 to my 38 I doubt we would have worked out.
First this is my take on age gaps in general….
1. ... (read in full...)
I want to call my ex but he says he needs time!
Q. my ex boyfriend has recently split up from me and i am finding it very hard to forget him he is always in my mind, and all i want to do is call or text him. i feel it wasn't the right thing to do but he said it was and wants to remain friends. but ...
A. 21 February 2013: you must give him time... if he said he wants to be friends but needs time, give him time.
I'm personally not a big believer in being friends with ex partners.... (read in full...)
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