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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Should I settle down with my boyfriend even though I am not physically attracted to him?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months now. He loves me a lot and wants to be with me forever. I'm not sure if i want to stay with him though. His character is great, loving, caring, clever, honest etc but i don't feel that sexually attra...
A. 4 March 2013: If you are not sure if you want to stay with him, then he’s not the right one for you, and you will always be looking for something better even if it’s just in your subconscious.
Being sexually attracted to your partner is what makes them your... (read in full...)
For mothers -- would you appreciate this sort of heartfelt message?
Q. This is more of a personal question than relationship wise. If there are any mothers on this website, this question would be for you! It's mothers day this sunday coming and I wont be home for it because of university, so instead I want to send s...
A. 4 March 2013: I'm a mom. I also am a motherless daughter having lost my best friend (my mom) when I was 35. I'm 53 now and not a day goes by I don't miss her and hate that I don't think I ever told her she was my best friend.
I think it's lovely what you have... (read in full...)
Men: Would you date a woman who won't give oral sex?
Q. I do not like giving blow jobs at all. I could live my life quite happily never having to do it again because for me its not really a pleasant thing even if my partner enjoys it. I'd rather him miss out than endure my gag reflex telling me how ...
A. 4 March 2013: Dear OP,
My second husband would have lived forever without blow jobs. I like doing them so I begged him to let me try… (how’s that for a role reversal gang) and after I was done he swore he’d never do without it again.
My current husband dema... (read in full...)
I do not know how to handle my wife's request. My wife wants to experience sex on a one on one basis with various partners.
Q. Hi All, Just want some opinions on an issue! I have been married for 20 years and love my wife very dearly; we have also been enjoying a swinging lifestyle for a couple of years now with no hang-ups. My problem is that my wife now wants us t...
A. 3 March 2013: I just read your update and I get the reason you are in the lifestyle... and that's the best reason.
I understand what she's looking for too... what about compromising and finding a club to attend that you can drive her to and watch while she indu... (read in full...)
I do not know how to handle my wife's request. My wife wants to experience sex on a one on one basis with various partners.
Q. Hi All, Just want some opinions on an issue! I have been married for 20 years and love my wife very dearly; we have also been enjoying a swinging lifestyle for a couple of years now with no hang-ups. My problem is that my wife now wants us t...
A. 3 March 2013: I briefly skimmed your question.... To be honest my ex husband could have written this letter.
The lifestyle killed my last marriage. In fact, I had lunch with my ex husband yesterday and we both agreed that the lifestyle was what killed our marr... (read in full...)
Is my relationship to a married female coworker too close?
Q. Hi all, I'm a 26 year old single male and there's a female married coworker (a newly wed) a couple of years older than me. We have become good friends and we call each other BFFs. We have lunch together alone pretty much everyday and always sit n...
A. 2 March 2013: you know her husband
you see her as a sister
she is open and honest about her marriage
there is no flirting going on
sounds perfectly fine (and platonic) to me.
she made sure you met her husband
she has you to family events
yeah... (read in full...)
Is my husband's honesty admirable or despicable?
Q. My husband told me that he loves me, but he's not attracted to my body, anymore. He said he just wants to be honest with me. He really isn't trying to be mean, and he's not saying it in a demeaning way. Specifically, he wants me to tone my body....
A. 2 March 2013: I'm 5'2 and I outweigh you by 50 pounds and wear a size 10. Personally, I think you might even be a bit thin... but without seeing you I could be wrong and I know folks think I weigh a lot less than I do.
IF you are fit and healthy then I think ... (read in full...)
Guy I like did not mention he had a girlfriend after I told him my feelings for him?
Q. There is a guy I like at school. I assumed he was single as I never see him with anyone, he's alone most of the time. I am absolutely smitten over this guy, and I confessed this to him. He was flattered and seemed very happy about this. The more we ...
A. 2 March 2013: well he's got a problem here... but it's his problem.
I think the fact that he finally admitted to an LDR with someone means he's realizing he cares about you and he's trying to figure this out.
YOU should not be anything but a friend until he ... (read in full...)
It is ok for a single childless woman to date a man with kids?
Q. Hi. My question is: is there ever anything good about a single childless woman who doesn't plan to have kids having a relationship with a divorced guy with kids? Or is it always just bad? I've read a lot about the negatives, does anyone know if ...
A. 1 March 2013: IF you don't want to parent then I would NOT commit to a man with children until the children are grown.
My husband does not want children. He never did. He's now a stepdad but his stepkids are 26 and 28 and when we visit my kids the guys are... (read in full...)
I don't think other girls have this much body hair?
Q. I'm a 16 year old girl and I don't know what's wrong with me. I have dark hair on my lower back and my bottom. I also have hair on my stomach, a little bit on my chest and dark hair on my arms. Is this normal? I have always been like this but I've ...
A. 1 March 2013: it's not that abnormal, that's why they invented waxing and bleaching for women.
NEVER shave it... you can wax it or bleach it...
I would go to the doctor and make sure your hormones are ok once you get a medial clearance then look into waxing... (read in full...)
Where is my relationship going after 4 years?
Q. I'm getting rather concerned about where my relationship is going. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. It doesn't feel like its progressing to the next step or anywhere really. I've tried talking to him about it but get the same answer....
A. 1 March 2013: you are in different places with what you want.
You can't make him want marriage. He does not want it with you sadly.
after 4 years at your age if you are sure you want to marry him and he's still hedging his bets, he's never going to know...... (read in full...)
I didn't bleed after losing my virginity, is that normal?
Q. i m 21 yrz old nd got married 4 months ago..I m having a sexual intercourse with my husband during my wedding night...its really painfull fr me...bt i lose my virginity after four months ....only 24 hours have been left but i didn't bleed during or ...
A. 1 March 2013: No you can lose your virginity without bleeding. I never bled when I lost mine.
if you are uncomfortable or in pain make sure you are well lubricated and aroused before sex. lots of foreplay and lube if needed...
... (read in full...)
If I'm not good enough for my girlfriend then why didn't she just let us stay broken up?
Q. I found out my girl of 2 years was talking sexual to guys from dating sites. It caused us to break up and she begged me to go back to her. She admitted it was stupid and said it was not for sexual reasons, but teasing and flirting with them just for ...
A. 1 March 2013: It's not that you are not good enough for her... it's that she's not good enough for herself (in her mind)
she needs the ego stroke of others and wants the security of you on a leash waiting for her.
I'd end it with her and move on... she w... (read in full...)
I can't tell if I am satisfying this girl or not?
Q. Hey everyone I have been having a casual fling with this chick and I'm unable to tell if she's actually having an orgasm when i go down on her, like she gets real into it and then stops me as if she did but i have been unable to sense any of the...
A. 1 March 2013: well you can ask her why she's making you stop... that would make the most sense to me.. I mean you are close enough to have sex... you should be close enough to ASK.
If I have an orgasm from oral sex then my partner would HAVE to stop... I ge... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said to not meet for awhile until after his divorce is finalized
Q. My boyfriend said to not meet for awhile until after his divorce is finalized (they've been separated almost a year, and he filed for the divorce 3 months ago). He wants a divorce because his wife cheated on him. He told me it shouldn't be any...
A. 1 March 2013: that is odd especially with what he's telling you.
Can you call him and ask him WHY because his reasoning seems odd to me.
My first thought was that he's concerned that she is going to fight him on it and if he's seen with you she has gr... (read in full...)
Should I accept being the messenger between my divorced parents or should I just put my foot down and refuse to get involved? And how do I deal with my fathers behavior?
Q. I'm going crazy. My parents divorced (not officially yet) a month ago, and they both expect me to be the messenger between them. When they separated, my mom told me some things that I felt were very hurtful, so I didn't feel the need to talk to ...
A. 1 March 2013: I got to this: "A week ago, mail from the bank came for her. I thought my dad would take care of it, to which he answered "oh no, you call her and tell her she has mail here, then go deliver it to her. Also, ask her what she's planning to do about ... (read in full...)
Is it him? Or I am too controlling towards my boyfriend?
Q. Im having problems with my boyfriend. We are one of those couples who have been through alot! one minute we are arguing the next minute were kissing and best friends again. But its always me who wants to work it out even if he's been really ...
A. 1 March 2013:
“But its always me who wants to work it out even if he's been really disrespectful and hurt my feelings. because we live together I don't want the tension”
OP, if you are the one always working it out, how do you know he would even try? ... (read in full...)
Can I find a virgin woman?
Q. Hai, am 27 year old virgin guy, am a christian and i do not believe in premarital sex. Many women dont believe me because am quite succesful and goodlooking, my question is, is it wrong for me to ask a woman if shes a virgin? Am looking for a ...
A. 1 March 2013: OP, I respect your wish for a virgin.... and since you are one too, I think that's a perfectly fine aspiration.
I think YouWish has good ideas... church would probably be the best place to start... or perhaps an online Christian dating site... ... (read in full...)
Should I have my boyfriend over and let him tell my dad we'll be out for 2 days?
Q. For Valentine's, my 33 year-old boyfriend got me a gift voucher, good for a spa day for two, and a night in a hotel, breakfast included. We've gone to the spa (great, by the way), and we will book the night very soon. However, I mentioned this...
A. 1 March 2013: Cerberus, in a perfect world you would be correct. IN the real world Sageoldguy has nailed it... totally.
As a Daughter I get both sides...
and yes I think that the dad should accept it.... sadly we can't control him.... (read in full...)
Does my boyfriend have anger issues?
Q. Hi Agony Aunts and Uncles, I'd like to know if my boyfriend has anger issues or not. I was giving driving directions to my boyfriend to somewhere (about 15 minutes away) that he has been to twice before. He didn't really remember the route proper...
A. 1 March 2013: I get the weird apology thing too.
with my husband I've had to learn to interpret actions vs listen to words.
FWIW my FATHER as a YOUNGER man (when I was a kid) probably INVENTED ROAD RAGE...
cannot tell you how many times i remember my... (read in full...)
To text or not to text... help!
Q. Ok, so I went out on a first date for drinks with someone I met online a few days ago. Things went really well, because he kept asking me the whole time about going out again to a movie or dinner. The next morning, he texted me and told me to have a ...
A. 1 March 2013: texting is no way to have a relationship.
to be honest if he was VERY interested he would have asked you out (sadly via text which sucks)
IF you don't want to play games and are really interested pick up the phone and CALL HIM and ask him... (read in full...)
How can I deal with someone taking interest in my partner?
Q. I have been seeing my girlfriend for around 4 months now. It's my first relationship, and her second but we're both pretty new to it and still learning. We attend college together, and a few weeks ago had a new semester and a new girl was in our ...
A. 1 March 2013: the issue is not the person who's going after your partner.
The issue is your partner. She's not respecting you or your needs. You try to tell her how you feel and she laughs it off. probably due to immaturity and not knowing how to fix this... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin. But due to my thoughts I'm worried that I might be becoming a sex addict. Should I be concerned?
Q. Im 17 I'm a junior in high school and I have a problem. My prob is I think I might be a sex addict....so here's the catch: I'm still a virgin. I have never gone farther than making out and even that I have only done that two times. Both with t...
A. 1 March 2013: Your not a sex addict. You are a teen with raging hormones. Watching porn and being excited by things that we would never do in real life is normal. That’s what fantasy is for.
I agree with chigirl you are way over thinking this.
... (read in full...)
Broke up with bf.. but now he's being mean?
Q. Ok - I broke up with my ex almost 2 weeks ago and have been NC since. I broke it off, because he was distant and not giving me enough attention, and gave me the impression he wanted out of the relationship but wanted me to end it... so I did. He's ...
A. 1 March 2013: He’s not being mean. He’s living his life. He’s your ex… even if he did it to be mean or get back at you it does not matter. He's your ex. You do not have children with him, you have no need for any contact with him.
If you have blocked ... (read in full...)
My friend thinks this guy is too old for me but I could see him being my FWB
Q. A few weeks ago I went to the pub with my friend (20) her parents, her boyfriend (also 20) and her male friend from high school (who again is also 20) Her male friend had been flirting with me all night and when I had gone home, he messages me on ...
A. 1 March 2013: Hello OP,
If you are nearly 18 (how very exciting for you what a great fun age) then a 20 yr old in my opinion is not too old for you.
A couple of concerns from the mom in me…
The first night you met him he came to your house and ki... (read in full...)
Porn Addicts - how to spot one in 13 ways
Q. Here are a few ways you can spot a porn addict. I've had it happen to myself. 1. They pick on your appearance, they try to change your appearance. "Can you not wear your hair like that tomorrow?" "Why don't you wear fake tan?" 2. They think r...
A. 1 March 2013: OMG I know porn stars names... I must be an addict... actually I know it because my husband has taught me their names and faces... My husband likes porn… A LOT obviously I’m noticing he likes it a lot less since we are a couple…. but still he ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend gives her phone number out to other guys and texts them!
Q. My Girlfriend and I have been dating for about two months now. I dont talk to any other girls but she talks to other guys. what pissed me off to get mad at her and write this was she said something like "why wont this guy leave me alone, I dont want ...
A. 1 March 2013: You don’t trust her? After she told you that she clearly is annoyed by this guy asking her out?
SHE has no control over what other people do or say you know… only her own behavior which seems to me to be ok.
If she gave her number to a... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has been reading stories about incest and beastiality. Should I worry?
Q. My boyfriend has been reading stories about incest (father/daughter) and stories about girls having sex with dogs, I don't know what this means or if I should even worry about it. Help?...
A. 1 March 2013: I assume the OP means porn.
I'm a sick puppy then too folks. I've read it.
I have had kids.. never wanted to have sex with them or my dad or my brother....
I've had dogs never wanted to have sex with them
READING stuff (and ev... (read in full...)
My daughter is having trouble with her father and his fiance. Is there anything I can do to help?
Q. Hi, my daughter has been having trouble with her dad and his new fiance.They have been together for about 18mths and engaged for two. When they first got together my daughter happily went to their house.She has three children and things went. I...
A. 1 March 2013: I think Cindy, that in that case (if I'm remembering correctly) the "new family" in that case were HALF sisters/brothers to the left behind child who was OLDER as well.... to me that's a bit different in that the kids are actually blood related ... (read in full...)
Should I have my boyfriend over and let him tell my dad we'll be out for 2 days?
Q. For Valentine's, my 33 year-old boyfriend got me a gift voucher, good for a spa day for two, and a night in a hotel, breakfast included. We've gone to the spa (great, by the way), and we will book the night very soon. However, I mentioned this...
A. 1 March 2013: When I was 19 (after having lived a year away at college) I was living with my parents. I wanted to go see my boyfriend and spend the night at his place.. MY parents BLEW a fit (granted it was 1979) and told me that a proper young lady did NOT ... (read in full...)
My daughter is having trouble with her father and his fiance. Is there anything I can do to help?
Q. Hi, my daughter has been having trouble with her dad and his new fiance.They have been together for about 18mths and engaged for two. When they first got together my daughter happily went to their house.She has three children and things went. I...
A. 1 March 2013: iamHereToHelpYou nailed it! perfect. I cannot improve on what she said.
Is your child support garnished or does he pay directly... I'm wondering if this jealous, immature, self-absorbed woman your ex is marrying will try to cut your child su... (read in full...)
How long should I date a guy before asking to be exclusive?
Q. I was using an online dating site and met a guy two months ago. He lives in another town about 45 minutes away. We see each other once or twice a week and communicate daily. He has a full time job, goes to school, and has a son. Recently he's been ...
A. 1 March 2013: ok your update helps me...
if he's still on the dating site he's NOT ready to be exclusive....
but his contacting you first is a good sign
but saying he wants to get married again is just words... it's probably true... but I'd forget... (read in full...)
My g/f blocked me on fb so her parents can't see my comments?
Q. we've been dating about one and a half years my girlfriend blocked me on facebook and told me it's because her family won't stop giving her crap about us and she's just sick of dealing with it she said it's like her parents can see things i pos...
A. 28 February 2013: your girlfriend's parents don't like you dating her and your worried about being blocked on facebook?
aren't you worried they don't like you and she is defying her parents?... (read in full...)
Need help shopping for the perfect engagement ring
Q. I'm starting the process of shopping for an engagement ring for my girlfriend. It seems like I've been reading up on them for hours, learning about the quality, cut and color. But I cannot seem to find a good way to determine carat size. I know th...
A. 28 February 2013: She's TINY... anything over a carat will see huge...
let me tell you my parents engagement story...
1956.. my dad took my mom to the diamond district in NYC where they lived to look at diamonds... she was all of 18...
they picked a STUNN... (read in full...)
Does my boyfriend have anger issues?
Q. Hi Agony Aunts and Uncles, I'd like to know if my boyfriend has anger issues or not. I was giving driving directions to my boyfriend to somewhere (about 15 minutes away) that he has been to twice before. He didn't really remember the route proper...
A. 28 February 2013: my husband is like this. I hate driving with him and he hates driving with me... I swear we are going to end up meeting at places...
the way to fix this is buy a GPS.. I love mine we have one for each car... it tells you what to do.
he ... (read in full...)
Is he inerested? Does he like me? Should I ask him out for our second date?
Q. I went out on a date with a guy, the date went really well. We talked, laughed, he told me I looked nice, and at the end of the date we hugged and he told me we should definitely hangout again. I didn't want him to feel as if he had to be the on...
A. 28 February 2013: so tomorrow is the next date?
some contact to confirm the date and time and place seems to be in order.
... (read in full...)
B/f can't text me during the work day yet he's on facebook?
Q. I've posted about this before on this site, however the problem is still continuing. Every time I text my bf while we're both at work he just completely ignores me, yet he's on facebook posting statuses, liking pictures, just doing whatever. He ...
A. 28 February 2013: if he's on facebook (and you are too since you are seeing it) just send him messages on facebook.
sometimes i don't answer texts.. maybe i didn't hear my phone go off... or i have it on vibrate for a meeting and didn't reset it to ring or it'... (read in full...)
Is it true that if you've been hurt in a relationship you shouldn't compare others to your bad experience?
Q. I wont bother telling you the background of me and the girl I was dating for just about 3 months, I'm just interested by her comment and wanted to know what you guys can make of it... My best friend saw her last night and said he spoke to her and...
A. 28 February 2013: Yep she’s 100% correct you cannot hold her responsible for the bad behavior of others.
IF you know what behaviors are not acceptable to you any more, then WHEN you see them you address them but until you have the problem why look for it… ... (read in full...)
I don't want to cause drama but I have to stand up for myself
Q. I will be getting married next year to my fiancee. His older sister has this very dominant personality and he comes from a conservative family but yet his parents are very open minded. So, the problem is that his sister was telling me that I cannot ...
A. 28 February 2013: unless the venue where you are getting married (a church or synagogue) requires you to be covered, you should wear what you and your fiance want you to wear. My first wedding I had to have a modesty put in the neckline of my dress.. my mother had ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's family doesn't like me or my children
Q. I have been dealing with for two years now and it come and goes in waves. My Boyfriends parents dont really seem to like me or my kids. When we 1st got together it seems that they just dealt with me but you could tell by small subtle hints they ...
A. 28 February 2013: deep sigh.
my ex husband's family treated my kids just like grandkids... but my husband before we were married told his parents they had to accept me and treat me well or he was done with them.
There are two choices here...
your boy... (read in full...)
In love with my ex's little brother
Q. I lived with my ex for 3 years, during those years 2 of them his younger brother lived with us... I was very close to his brother we spent way more time together, way more then with my boyfriend... Over the years I fell in love with him, but noth...
A. 28 February 2013: I'm with K_c_100 and can't improve on her advice.
It's 13 years.... you are not children...
... (read in full...)
My daughter is having trouble with her father and his fiance. Is there anything I can do to help?
Q. Hi, my daughter has been having trouble with her dad and his new fiance.They have been together for about 18mths and engaged for two. When they first got together my daughter happily went to their house.She has three children and things went. I...
A. 28 February 2013: oh your poor daughter. Her dad's a wuss and thinking with his dick isn't he? (sorry I have no better word for this)
Does her dad know that his fiancée told his DAUGHTER "your dads with me now so any spare time he has is with me."
if h... (read in full...)
How long should I date a guy before asking to be exclusive?
Q. I was using an online dating site and met a guy two months ago. He lives in another town about 45 minutes away. We see each other once or twice a week and communicate daily. He has a full time job, goes to school, and has a son. Recently he's been ...
A. 28 February 2013: If you are ready to discuss it you can bring it up if you are prepared to be told he’s not ready to be exclusive. And if he’s not ready and he then knows you are on a different page than him (wanting to be exclusive is usually an indication of a ... (read in full...)
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