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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I've had feelings for my teacher for so long. Now he's my ex teacher we communicate a lot online. Does he realize I have feelings for him?
Q. Hi, so ive been besotted and in love with my teacher for 2 years. He is now my ex-teacher and we have been communicating online, via facebook and other things A LOT! Almost everyday, anything from a few minutes multiple times a day or hours for...
A. 15 March 2013: OP if you are so sure that it's OK to be doing what you are doing
why not just ask him when you two will be together?
... (read in full...)
I've had feelings for my teacher for so long. Now he's my ex teacher we communicate a lot online. Does he realize I have feelings for him?
Q. Hi, so ive been besotted and in love with my teacher for 2 years. He is now my ex-teacher and we have been communicating online, via facebook and other things A LOT! Almost everyday, anything from a few minutes multiple times a day or hours for...
A. 14 March 2013: OP here where I live a woman teacher just got arrested and lost her job because in 2010 she had contact with a student... when he was 16. She was inappropriate in texts with him.
she waited till he was 18 to be sexual physically with him but ... (read in full...)
Why does he still have his mail going to his mom's house?
Q. Why does he still keep his mothers adress on everything when he's been living with me for almost 3yrs already? Its my house yes we are both divorced yes he's commited 2me...but why won't he change his address now? Please give me some feedback...!...
A. 12 March 2013: I'm sorry but I don't buy that... he lives with you and is committed to you but won't do a change of address? it's not that big a deal.... if he's lazy about that, what else is he lazy about?
... (read in full...)
How do I handle this? My sister's husband hits on me!
Q. I don't know if I'm seeing too much into things but please do tell me if I'm wrong! My sisters husband has been hitting on me lately and he has been doing this ever since he became my sisters boyfriend,at first I thought it was harmless flirting...
A. 12 March 2013: OP this is NOT YOUR FAULT.
Personally I think you need to tell him the next time he says this to you "IF YOU DO THIS AGAIN I AM TELLING MY SISTER WHAT A DOG YOU ARE" if he says "but I have to speak my mind" then go get your sister right th... (read in full...)
My Bf claims a supportive girlfriend would stay awake with him everytime he can't sleep, How can I best support him?
Q. Hi all, my problem is simple I need to know how to stay awake even when I'm really tired. My boyfriend has trouble sleeping and I really don't understand it because he says he can never sleep but by the time I wake up he's swaying back and forth a...
A. 12 March 2013: He’s wrong. I guess I would attempt to turn the tables on him this way:
A “good” girlfriend, is healthy and well rested to care for him. Staying awake to please him is detrimental to your health both physical and mental. A “good” boyfrien... (read in full...)
Do I look for sexual pleasure elsewhere since my wife has no interest?
Q. We are both 60, very active and coming up to 30 years of marriage but we haven't had sex for three to four months. She has become very sore down below and despite visits to the doctor things are not getting better. Understandably perhaps her ...
A. 11 March 2013: oh as for seeking a partner outside of marriage... what does your wife think about that option? if she's ok with it, then go for it.... (read in full...)
Do I look for sexual pleasure elsewhere since my wife has no interest?
Q. We are both 60, very active and coming up to 30 years of marriage but we haven't had sex for three to four months. She has become very sore down below and despite visits to the doctor things are not getting better. Understandably perhaps her ...
A. 11 March 2013: if every time you tried to have sex the skin of your penis burned and pulled and hurt like sandpaper would you have a libido and want sex? I have a friend who is a newlywed at 40 and has vaginal dryness and thinning from menopause... NOTHING is ... (read in full...)
She masturbated... without me!
Q. Should I be upset about this? Basically, my girlfriend and I had not had sex for almost 5 days. While we had never really agreed to not masturbate before our next time in bed, we had talked about doing something like that before. (We have sex a ...
A. 11 March 2013: My husband and I were LDR for the first year. We actually had ONE time we waited between visits. It was nearly two weeks. guess what... it was no better than had we not waited. you got upset over nothing. ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend protective or is controlling?
Q. Recently, if I have been going to my friends house ( once , actually recently) my boyfriend would be like ' are you home yet? When you coming home? Please come Home' when it would be around 11 ish or so on a school night. I am 18, boyfriend 20. Last ...
A. 11 March 2013: well he's an hour away so he's ATTEMPTING to be controlling.
he's probably insecure and jealous.... and that's not good.
I don't see him forbidding you to do things, or requiring a check in etc... I see insecurity and jealousy...
... (read in full...)
My husband's friendship with a co-worker has escalated. Now that I know he wants to still stay friends with her. I said no. Am I wrong?
Q. My husband's friendship with a co-worker has escalated to kissing and pet names and intimate vocabulary via emails. We recently became friends as couples and have enjoy their company on a few occasions. Upon noticing unusual private conversa...
A. 11 March 2013: I think he wants his cake and eat it too.
I think he's NUTS if he thinks you will roll over, look the other way and still be friends with them?
ummm... NO WAY in my book would this be happening.
he still works with her?
I'd be moving... (read in full...)
I want to break up with him. How can I manage this situation when he's threatened to harm himself if I break up with him?
Q. so there is this guy that i dated for a few months and i honestly cant seem to get over my ex (before him) , the new guy doesnt realize i no longer wanna be with him i told him over and over again but he thinks im just messing around he doesnt ...
A. 11 March 2013: I can't improve on what YouWish said so I'll just second it so you know it's a GREAT answer.
... (read in full...)
People say we are too young to know what love is!
Q. i hate it when people say that you cant be inlove at my age, when the things is i know how very much i am. I have know my present boyfriend scince i was 5 and he thought i was a princess(he told me) and i really liked him, as time when on an we mo...
A. 11 March 2013: it can happen. my mom was 16 when she met my dad on a blind date. they married when mom was 19... one big bump in the road at their 25th year... but they worked that out. sadly mom died at 58 and dad mourned heavily.
The issue is in this... (read in full...)
I followed my husband and caught him at a brothel. He says he wanted to be caught??
Q. We have had huge financial issues, loss of business, things really stressful. all this definitely took a toll on our lives. Today I did something either brave or some would say stupid. When our business was going down there were allig...
A. 11 March 2013: your list is good.
i think that you need to go to counseling for yourself
he needs to go for himself
and if you think you can and should save the marriage, then you need to go together.... I am not sure that I as forgiving as I am could ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend protective or is controlling?
Q. Recently, if I have been going to my friends house ( once , actually recently) my boyfriend would be like ' are you home yet? When you coming home? Please come Home' when it would be around 11 ish or so on a school night. I am 18, boyfriend 20. Last ...
A. 11 March 2013: my husband worries when I don't eat. He bugs me about it "did you eat yet?" "what did you eat" it seems to me he's concerned but not getting it.
Your boyfriend's only mistake is "i am mad at you"
he's not attempting to forbid you to do... (read in full...)
I need to break things over ASAP but don't know how to go about it?
Q. I went on a date with a guy and then got into a relationship with him, but I have since realised we are not suited/ I am not happy with this. I need to end it ASAP so as not to lead him on, but I need some advice on how. I'll give a bit of 'back st...
A. 11 March 2013: All you need to do is say to him exactly what you told us:
"I feel it's been a bit too 'intense' and am perhaps not ready for a relationship, having been single and independent for so long."
it's not him, it's you.
at the pub is not a... (read in full...)
Would you continue with a guy after he told you he has genital herpes?
Q. So if you meet a guy that your falling in love someone you can see yourself with for a long time...would you still be with him after he told you he has gental herpes? Just need your thoughts and honest answer I don't want to be shallow because he is ...
A. 11 March 2013: if you love him it does not matter. there are ways to prevent transmission to you
he told you GOOD FOR HIM
my brother has HEP C, his husband HIV, they have been together for 15 years and have never passed either of the illnesses to the ... (read in full...)
I'm not interested in dating a man who has had meaningless sex?
Q. Hi I have a question, basically it is this what are the chances of finding a man who has only had sex exclusively in relationships? I'm not keen on the idea of being with a man who had sex with people without emotions attached. I am also not keen ...
A. 11 March 2013: AT your age... sure you can...... (read in full...)
Do guys even like small boobs?
Q. Hi. I'm 15 and my boobs are really small. Like 34A. I get teased about it a lot and I feel really bad about how I look. ?? Do guys even like small boobs? Why do they like big ones so much anyways? ...
A. 11 March 2013: more than a mouthful is a waste....
some men want big butts (they cannot lie)
some want small butts
same with boobs... some want big some want small
To be honest for you... small ones will work as well as big ones for what they... (read in full...)
Why does he still have his mail going to his mom's house?
Q. Why does he still keep his mothers adress on everything when he's been living with me for almost 3yrs already? Its my house yes we are both divorced yes he's commited 2me...but why won't he change his address now? Please give me some feedback...!...
A. 11 March 2013: have you asked HIM? what does he say?
Around here it's cheaper for car insurance depending on what your address is.
... (read in full...)
My overweight partner has diabetes and he always wants the same position for sex. What can I do? I am losing my desire for sex with him.
Q. My partner is overweight and has diabetes He always wants sex using just one position that suits him I hate it and have lost interest as there is no loving emotional togetherness. At first it was a novelty now I cringe and just don't want it at...
A. 11 March 2013: The first thing you must do is be honest with him.
Is the issue his weight?
Is it the diabetes causing erection problems?
or is it the position?
or a combo of all of the above?
if you have not talked to him about it, the first thing ... (read in full...)
After being together for years I find out something about my wife that has shaken my trust in her to the core! I don't know how to deal with this
Q. 13 years ago, I met a wonderful woman in University who has now been my wife for 8 years. We have kids (with another on the way) and are happy however recently, during a discussion she elaborated on a story of how she hooked with one of her past ...
A. 11 March 2013: Yep I can help... leave the lying skank. she tricked you into the relationship.
There, i've helped right? Is that what you want to hear?
let me get this right
1. it was 13 years ago
2. you have been happily married for 8 years wi... (read in full...)
Are these double standards? My LDR likes it when I send a sexy video but he is refusing to send one back!?
Q. My boyfriend has double standards. We're in an LDR (it's relatively new - coming up to 3 months) and whenever he's horny, I will send him a picture sometimes, not every time and the pics are not fully nude, but something sexy and I have sent a s...
A. 11 March 2013: I would not send him any more 'sexy videos" or pictures... it can really backfire on you
I would not ask him for more either as that's not something he wants to do or is comfortable with. Perhaps because he knows that your stuff can end up all o... (read in full...)
I've had feelings for my teacher for so long. Now he's my ex teacher we communicate a lot online. Does he realize I have feelings for him?
Q. Hi, so ive been besotted and in love with my teacher for 2 years. He is now my ex-teacher and we have been communicating online, via facebook and other things A LOT! Almost everyday, anything from a few minutes multiple times a day or hours for...
A. 11 March 2013: He's not mentioning his girlfriend to make you jealous.
He mentions his girlfriend to let you know that he has one and YOU are not in the running to be his girlfriend. Clearly he knows you have a crush and he's trying to make it clear that it'... (read in full...)
My grandma invited him and he didn't show up. Now he's angry that she didn't invite him this time. He got sarcastic. Does he even have the right to be mad?.
Q. Yesterday I casually told my boyfriend that today I was going to lunch at my grandma's place. He asked me why, so I told him she was going to cook one of my favorite dishes, so she had invited me. His answer: "Well, thank your grandma for th...
A. 11 March 2013: he does not have the right to be mad.
He was rude in not contacting you to say he would not make it.
IF he did not apologize to your grandmother, he's wrong and if he's mature he knows he's wrong and is probably embarrassed.
... (read in full...)
Do I leave my b/f because my biological clock is ticking and he's not even close to being ready for children?
Q. My partner is five years younger than me (I'm 33, he's 28). Before we got together, I told him I was worried about the age gap as I don't think I'm willing to leave trying to have children later than 36, as I don't think it's safe. He said he wanted ...
A. 11 March 2013: You are together three years.. he's not totally an adult yet and can't support himself.
Also he's just a partner...do you not want a HUSBAND to have children with?
I think that in this case the age gap is not the issue.... my ex husband ... (read in full...)
The man I've become friendly with has custody of his traumatized niece. Where do I fit in here?
Q. Hey everyone, On the surface this may seem like another question about dating a guy with a kid. This is a bit different, however. I moved into a new place and I'm lucky to have great neighbors. One of my neighbors is a guy who's 7 years...
A. 11 March 2013: I think that in the long run if you and Tom are friends you can have an awesome impact on Linda.
There is a program called Big Brothers and Big Sisters that pairs children with adults (not related) of the same sex to give them mentorin... (read in full...)
It's added to my anxiety. My favourite teacher has changed. He's ignoring me. What should I do?
Q. My favourite teacher is not himself anymore, he used to favour me but now it's getting weird, he used to let me off with things; he still lets me off some things about no as much anymore. But it's weird how one week he's nice to me then the next...
A. 11 March 2013: Franny,
do not over think this. He has bad days or weeks like others... things at work or home could be affecting him.
I can promise you, that it's not personal for you sweetie.... (read in full...)
He's younger and a playboy. He flirts with me. And disrespects me. He has a Gf. And maybe he has made another girl pregnant. Should I tell his Gf?
Q. Me and this young Guy work together and he is 21 and I am over 10 yrs older than him. I really like him but he sends me mix signals sometimes. I checked out his girlfriend who oworks at the same place we work, but different sections. Ever...
A. 11 March 2013: Not your place to tell her.
IF he's that much of a dog she'll find out. No sense in creating a hostile work environment for yourself.
You liking him is the problem. IF you didn't like him and want him for your own you would not even c... (read in full...)
I've always had low self esteem. Do I need counselling to deal with my decision to sleep with a married man 18 years older than me?
Q. I already feel bad enough already, without enduring being called nasty names. I slept with a married man who is 18 years older than me. We met on the internet and went out, had drinks and slept together the first time we met. Before we actu...
A. 11 March 2013: I think you are very aware of yourself and the need for counseling.
I think it's an excellent idea. I think most folks can benefit from counseling.
I also think those that won't go or even consider going and think they are fine are the cra... (read in full...)
Why did the gym instructor give me such a reduced rate? Was he just trying to get into my pants?
Q. So the other day I went to the gym and asked one of the trainers there how much he charges for personal training. We've talked a couple times, and he did an assessment on me back when I first got my membership. I think he's so cute, except I'm 16 ...
A. 10 March 2013: neither.... i"m betting he does it with everyone to get you hooked on training and then the rates go up. I know my old gym did that....
To be honest if a 30 year old guy is interested in a 16 yr old girl, he's no prize and not worth wanting ... (read in full...)
What else can I take to end my periods?
Q. i am trying to stop my periods by takin g the pill (progestogen only pill) but its not, is there anything else that i can do that will sztop it for a year or two because it hurts so much it it physically and mentally tires me out! ...
A. 10 March 2013: you need to talk to a gynecologist.
this is a medical question that we are not qualified to answer.... (read in full...)
I've stopped crying so much, but I could really use some advice on how to deal with our breakup, please?
Q. I'll try to keep this short. Was with a guy for just under a year, one day I asked him if he still wanted to be with me and he couldn't answer the question. HE basically told me he was ending the relationship, then decided that we should keep i...
A. 10 March 2013: a one night stand will make it much worse. Do not do it.
in fact, do not seek a new partner for a while.
give yourself time to heal... it will be better a little bit every day.... eventually it will be fine....
next time a boy wants... (read in full...)
Is it weird that I like chubby guys?
Q. I'm a tall, skinny 17 year old that likes chubby guys. I just wanted to know if its weird that I like chubby guys? Also I wanted to know if chubby guys like skinny girls?...
A. 10 March 2013: some chubby guys will like skinny girls... some will not...
I was very big... I had gastric bypass... I'm thin now.. I still prefer chubby guys... soft smushy bellies... thick thighs.. I get it...
you are perfectly normal..
and I don't t... (read in full...)
He and I are quite close. Do you think he's telling me he's leaving his wife?
Q. Married man at work rang my mobile whilst I was at work an he at home; I didn't know he had my number, He was very drunk and told me he needed to hear my voice and he missed me then told me he needed to tell me something. So I asked what? He sai...
A. 10 March 2013: he may not remember the phone call come monday.
My husband is a drunk (as he says alcoholics go to meetings) he drinks so much he forgets things he says or does. i know because I ask him, I tape him, and I show him and he's so embarrassed ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him that I don't believe in friends with benefits?
Q. I met this guy online, know him for 2 months, after a week emailing, he gave me his number, then he called, after another week he ask me out, i accept it, he was nice to talk. Then i got surgery, i could not see him for some time, but he will always ...
A. 10 March 2013: I agree with old bag.. if you don't want to be FWB or have sex too early with him then do not put yourself in a situation where you could be having sex.
DO NOT go to his apartment
do not get massages
do not sit on the bed
do not sit and ... (read in full...)
Could he actually be interested? Do guys after a FWB relationship usually make a point of keeping in touch every day, making 'dates' in advance?
Q. Thanks to a lack of willing participants, a casual acquaintance and I ended up having a night out at the pub. We're both single and ended up going back to his place. We had an amazing few hours and crashed out. He was supposed to be heading out f...
A. 10 March 2013: I'm not seeing any mixed messages here.
FWB does not mean they treat you like dirt... it's come to mean that but it's supposed to be FRIENDS....first
he's being a friend.
stop looking for hidden meanings in him being your friend and bei... (read in full...)
Broke up. No sleep for three days. Very troubled relationship. How is the best way to handle this situation?
Q. My boyfriend of 18 months finished with me on Thursday via FaceBook and won’t speak to me or see me. He said he's had enough of me putting him down and shouting at him, but I haven’t, yes we have had arguments but I don’t think I’ve been as horr...
A. 10 March 2013: Sadly OP I agree there is not much you can do and it sounds like you two just have different ideas and goals on how a relationship should run
Sadly his immaturity shows with him breaking up with you like a coward via facebook but I'm betting ... (read in full...)
She's a junior in high school and she just broke up with me, Should I wait for her? Or keep trying to change her mind?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for two and a half years. We have been happily in love since we first met, of course with the usual ups and downs of a normal relationship. Recently one of her aunts found out she was dating me from rumors going aro...
A. 10 March 2013: you can't force her to be with you.
Part of the problem is you are in different life places. You are over 18 and in college and legally an adult.
she is still under 18 and in high school and living at home and still under her parent's thumb. ... (read in full...)
How can I support my wife to consider resuming sexual relations with me? My Wife will not have sex with me and it hurts :(
Q. It's like 3:30 in the morning right now, my wife is sleeping next to me and I need to get some advice and get this off my chest. Age is a good start I think, gives people an idea of what your looking at. I'm 28, I workout and I would say I'm a at...
A. 10 March 2013: Oh dear this is a very hard one.
Has she gone on hormonal BC to prevent a second pregnancy? If so, that may be part of the problem.
She may have something else going on medical or hormonal. Since this was both before and after the... (read in full...)
He sent me a naked photo with a comment about his penis. I was unimpressed. Shall I just give up? What do you think he's playing at?
Q. Hi, I have been dating this guy for nearly a month now. We had three dates only. First one, we just got to know each other over coffee and it was good, we liked each other! Then, before the second date, he wooed me by texts, we then saw each ...
A. 10 March 2013: he's giving you words to make you have sex with him.
he's a creep honey... he's only after sex...... (read in full...)
I don't want to have sex anymore or be touched by my boyfriend! How do I tell him?
Q. I'm stuck on how to tell my boyfriend I want to stop having sex for good. The thing is.. he grosses me out so much. And, I've also recently finally realized (through therapy) I have never enjoyed sex. I am very uncomfortable, I think about other th...
A. 8 March 2013: If sexual stuff scares you OP then you need to do two things
1. is tell your boyfriend and if he can't respect that then you will have to end the relationship
and MORE IMPORTANTLY
2. find a therapist who can help you do the tough work n... (read in full...)
I overhear people saying 'why is she with him' because I'm just an average guy whereas she is beautiful inside and out, should I ask my girlfriend what she saw in me?
Q. I have been dating this beautiful girl for abt a year now!she's nice,kinda,a well educated woman she's working at a hospital..she's beautiful not only on the outside but also the inside and that's what attracted me to her! But the only thing that ...
A. 8 March 2013: People used to say that about my ex husband... and I would just look at them and smile and say "he has some very very good skills"
it's none of anyone's business.... (read in full...)
I want to get a tattoo but I know my mother won't understand. How can I explain to her how important it is to me?
Q. I'm at this point in life where I have a lot of things on my heart and mind. In spite of that I really need advice about one of the ''little'' things. I want very badly to get a tattoo, even though I am well above the age of consent I am ups...
A. 8 March 2013: I love shoulder tattoos... that was my first one...
if you have thought about it for over a year well then I think you should do it... it's not a rash decision.
Mom's have a huge capacity to forgive things that made them angry....
... (read in full...)
Is this why people say to be yourself?
Q. There was this girl that liked me and thought i was funny. The thing is, I would copy funny phrases from one of my friends and repeat them to her to make her laugh. She liked me a lot until I started to run out of those things to say. Then the real ...
A. 8 March 2013: yeah you have to be yourself. that does not mean you have to be the life of the party or that you have to tell jokes or be outgoing.
my husband is not one for social events... he has never told a joke in his life.... he's happy to just sit ... (read in full...)
I want to get a tattoo but I know my mother won't understand. How can I explain to her how important it is to me?
Q. I'm at this point in life where I have a lot of things on my heart and mind. In spite of that I really need advice about one of the ''little'' things. I want very badly to get a tattoo, even though I am well above the age of consent I am ups...
A. 8 March 2013: I got my first tattoo after I was 40. I have three one big one small and one medium.
ALL are covered by business clothing. (the tiny one is on my wrist but covered by bracelets or such... and I can actually have tattoos at work... I just think th... (read in full...)
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