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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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A big thank you to you all for your advice!
Q. I want to start off by saying THANK YOU, THANK YOU, AND THANK YOU again. All of your encouraging words and helpful advice has gotten me a long way. I do know I have a long long path still to recovery getting over a 19 year marriage. I fell to my ...
A. 23 February 2013: Thank you so much for this lovely update!
Best of luck to you...... (read in full...)
Does anyone have any tips on how I can break my bad eating habits?
Q. I know this is not a diet and exercise forum but I'm hoping some of you may have gone through this before and can offer some advice. I have put on about 15lbs in the last year. Ever since I was a child, I could eat whatever I wanted and I always ...
A. 23 February 2013: you don't need fruit for snacks... you need protein
a cheese stick
a hard boiled egg
some hummus and VEGGIES
best advice
1. start your day with a glass of water if you can tolerate it.. (I can't but I wish I could)
2. find an ... (read in full...)
Was a Bj the first night too soon? Do you think we have a chance at dating and him respecting me?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm 27 years old and a few weeks ago I met a man at a party. We hit it off right away and spent the entire night talking and drinking, he got tipsy and invited me to stay the night there with him but I laughed it off and offered ...
A. 23 February 2013: Depends on him and how you go from here.
I slept with my last husband on the first date... it was fine.
what you have to do now is see if he likes you for more than sex.
so the next time he contacts you... it needs to be to take yo... (read in full...)
My girlfriend snores really loudly. How can I raise this sensitive subject, and not hurt her feelings? Because I can't get proper sleep myself in this situation.
Q. Yikes! I've got a bit of a small problem, but it's still causing me some issues. My girlfriend snores really loudly. It makes it almost impossible for me to sleep. I toss and turn. It's not pleasant, and is getting to the point where I don't wa...
A. 23 February 2013: Abella is 100% correct... if she is snoring so loudly she may have sleep apnea which can be life threatening.
I snore. so does my hubby... thankfully I'm a deep sleeper and when he comes to bed if i'm snoring (only when on my back apparently) ... (read in full...)
My LDR wants sexy pictures from me. But I have put on weight. I've tried sending him fake pictures.What can I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time now. He is in the marines in one state, while I am in another state. We've hung out a lot before he left, and I was pretty thin then. I have Gained some weight since ive last seen him. He asks...
A. 23 February 2013: two thoughts...
1. never lie.
2. never send pictures to anyone you would not want your mom or grandma to see....
If he asked for sexy pictures of YOU... you've lied
if he asked for sexy pictures in general... well then you sen... (read in full...)
What's your opinion on his actions on Facebook? we are dating but he "likes" girls on FB.
Q. I noticed theres a girl that my boyfriend works with and he "likes" a lot of her photos on facebook. Should i ignore it or ask why does he always like her photos and tell him i dont like it? (even though it may start a fight) I dont "like" or comme...
A. 23 February 2013: Do you not like pictures of boys you know because you don't like them (the pictures not the boys) or because you are trying not to upset your boyfriend or because you are trying to SHOW him what to do.
IMO, only the first reason is valid.
... (read in full...)
How should I handle this? My beloved bisexual Gf proposed that we have a threesome
Q. My beloved bisexual girlfriend proposed a threesome with a girl (or hooker) of our choice, and i told her that i used to have a wild side in the past, but not anymore, and she keeps mentioning that she wishes she met me back then, which makes it ...
A. 23 February 2013: I'm bisexual. I miss girls. I think about my past girl play and miss it... BUT I am married and I think that monogamy goes both ways.
Just because my desire for sex is with people of the same sex as me does not mean it's right. It's still no... (read in full...)
Two days ago my online guy was distant. What should I do?
Q. I started dating a guy about 2 months ago and we hit it off immediately. He would text me everyday and our conversations lasted all day and all night. He works, goes to school, and has an 8 year old son. For the first month he was off of work ...
A. 23 February 2013: work and a kid... AND SCHOOL and trying to have a relationship.....
RELAX... he's just busy... it's almost march and the midterm is coming... papers... tests... etc
also spring stuff with kids... track and field and lacrosse are gearing... (read in full...)
What strategies will help me identify a good man who will step up and stay around like my husband, who accepted my bisexuality?
Q. I'm a single mother of two, separated from my husband of 19 years two years ago, finally dating, can't seem to find and keep a good man, a man like my husband who accepted that Im bisexual and will allow me to have flings with women while he stays...
A. 23 February 2013: As a bisexual woman in a monogamous relationship I'm going to speak to this...
If you want to be able to have flings with other people, you need to be willing to let your partner do the same. It's only fair.
OR you have to invite him to jo... (read in full...)
Can my GF and I really get back together after this break?
Q. Hey everyone. My girldfriend of 9 months asked for space and time apart for a month. We had a great relationship for the first 6 months then some arguments and a fight happened. I apologized sincerely. We haven't spoken in 3 weeks. She conta...
A. 23 February 2013: you can if you both want it.
I'm sorry but I've never seen "a break" work. not really
I always find "a break" to be the beginning of the end....
sure you may come together again and it may work for awhile but then there will ... (read in full...)
Should I reconsider or consider reconnecting with my ex again?
Q. I've been on a constant cycle of emotions this past month and a half, it seemed that every time someone spoke about my ex, or when i talked about him, or of course just thinking about when we were together, all of this always made me feel upset or ...
A. 23 February 2013: you're moving on... you care about him and know it's not right with you but you want him to be happy
the mark of a mature person who's getting on with life.
well done!... (read in full...)
Confused about whether or not to end this relationship. The pros and cons are equal.
Q. Recently I have been thinking about ending my relationship but I'm so unsure whether I am making the right decision or not. I love my boyfriend so much, but at the same time he drives me so mad that I don't know if I could be in this relationship ...
A. 23 February 2013: I've done the pro and con list... my former husband was 50/50 but i married him anyway. I loved him enough but i was old and not making babies with him so I was not concerned about that.
You are young... do not settle for 50/50
if ... (read in full...)
Do I move on to a great job? Or to a guy I love, but who isn't right for me?
Q. Hi all! I have a dilemma guys, Basically I have the option of moving down south of my country to a really good job or I have the opportunity to move up north of my country to an ok job but the guy I like lives there. That guy and I dated f...
A. 23 February 2013: go south! do not settle.... you are way too young...
a great job that you really love is hard to find..
i've had 4 husbands... and one great job.... go for the job!... (read in full...)
Based on the rules in my workplace: If we just go out on a date here and there, would that be what they call a relationship? Could our employment be terminated?
Q. I work at a private school. There are rules of conduct for the staff. One of the rules is relationships are not permitted between staff. I am very attracted to a co worker and I can tell she has a serious interest in me. I know why these rules ...
A. 23 February 2013: I had a married couple teaching me in 6th grade...they both taught math... I still remember them... wow.... just reading this brought it back.
you are in a pickle aren't you. if you signed a contract that said you will abide by the rules of the... (read in full...)
We've been together for a few years and now I just don't fancy my boyfriend at all. Is it just a phase?
Q. I have an issue with my boyfriend. I have been with him for a few years now and just dont fancy him at all. is it time to call it a day on this relationship? i havnt told him of my concerns but basically sex is just clumsy and i find myselk avoi...
A. 23 February 2013: you are only with him till something better catches your eye.
I'm not saying you are using him... no not at all... but your post screams to me that you are staying out of fear of loneliness.
you say he's insecure.... probably because he knows... (read in full...)
She was his next Gf after he broke up with me. She and I have been talking. He has been violent with her too. Is it wrong to talk to her?
Q. Ok, bear with me please, as this will be a long question, but i really need help. I broke up with my boyfriend two years agp. We were together for a year and a half. He was violent and jealous. But i went back to him several times during these tw...
A. 23 February 2013: I don't think you were wrong
if he contacts you, you do not have to take the call or answer the text or email.
and if you want to be friends with this woman, I see no problem with it if you have stuff in common. if she is in the middl... (read in full...)
Is stress a reasonable excuse for my girlfriend to be distant and snappy?
Q. Girls... If a girlfriend is acting kind of distant, seems to avoid deep or touchy subjects, etc. is it a reasonable excuse to say that she's highly stressed out about other things in life? And that because of that she needs you (the guy) to und...
A. 23 February 2013: If she does not turn to you now for support, I doubt that she will ever be the kind to do so.
It's wrong to make plans and break them and I bet she is trying to please you as much as she is trying to please her parents.
School at this age is c... (read in full...)
Should my ex-sister in law and I start a real relationship?
Q. My wife and I split up a few years ago. We are still friends, there is no relationship. Recently after her mom passed away, I went to her mom's house to help ready the house for sale. Her brother and his wife showed up to help. The brother'...
A. 23 February 2013: do you have children with your ex wife?
do you really want your kids to have to explain that their aunt is also their stepmom?
do you get that your current partner is a liar and a cheater like her sister? if she can cheat on her hus... (read in full...)
What to do with my boyfriend? he vents, and he scares me.
Q. i've been with my current boyfriend less than a month now, he is a nice guy and i like him. The problem is with his character, the work pressure makes him angry all the time and he vents it all on me. He scares me. Yesterday his very expensive c...
A. 23 February 2013: your English is just fine!
if he scares you, you should end it.
I know that is scary in itself but it's probably better to do it now than drag it out till a point where you are so scared you can't move.
dating less than a month and ... (read in full...)
I think my guy is still hung up on his ex. There are too many rules about sex because of how he did things with her!
Q. I think my partner is still hung up on his ex. The reasons I think this are: 1) he won't kiss me properly (tongues are a definite no-no) as he says when he used to kiss her she wanted more than just kissing. I have assured him I am not the...
A. 23 February 2013: Working backwards here...
her age does not matter
he's not hung up on her, he's using her as a way to keep you under his thumb and controlled. He wants what he wants when he wants it and he does not care what you want.
If she was hi... (read in full...)
I'm feeling isolated, lonely and I'm going stir crazy. What can I do?
Q. I moved from a big city to a very small town to be with my fiance. In my fiances line of work, he can't talk about anyone or his work because of privacy laws, so there is never any work talk from him. Due to his position he can't really become fr...
A. 23 February 2013: are you still in touch with your girlfriends back home? maybe some skype time on the computer with them will help?
are there any groups YOU can join or attend that won't compromise his job.... (which I get the not talking about it, my first... (read in full...)
Why does he keep on playing games?
Q. Why does he keep playing games? I'm so upset:(? So I really like this quiet, cute shy guy. and I thought we were getting on really well. All the signs are there that he likes me. He made me a mix CD for valentine’s day. I thought that...
A. 23 February 2013: who knows WHY he switched up... the one thing I do know is that it's NOT anything you did nor is it a reflection on you....
... (read in full...)
Personality disorder? Or am I looking too far into the way he behaves?
Q. Hi, I think my partner has some sort of personality disorder. We have know each other yrs and have a couple of kids together. We have had a volatile relationship in the past as he was a bit of a mummy's boy. He is 44 and we only started living p...
A. 23 February 2013: Are you thinking if he has a "personality" disorder that he can be properly medicated to prevent this behavior?
His behavior is not typical of any disorder I know of. He's just a selfish childish immature man.
IF, because you have children, w... (read in full...)
How can I ever believe anything my partner tells me?
Q. Ive been with my partner for 10 years. He is 12 years older than me, and we have two children together 5 and 6yrs old. 6 years ago he told me he didnt love me. By this time we had a 5 month old baby and another on the way. We seperated. After the ...
A. 23 February 2013: You will never ever believe him. Trust me I lived with a man like this... (was married to him)
he was 11 years younger than I am so to say that the reason your partner is manipulative due to his age is wrong. He's the way he is because of his p... (read in full...)
How can I find out if my co-worker likes me?
Q. So i have a coworker who seems to flirt with me. She always approaches me first, she does odd things like subtlety draw attention to her cleavage (actually more often than not its overtly), always makes extended eye contact with me (or if im not ...
A. 22 February 2013: she may not be into women and may just like you as a friend... it may be that you like her as more and are reading things into her behavior that she's not intending... ask her to go to lunch one day as a co-worker and see what happens.... (read in full...)
Is it ok to date my best friend's sister?
Q. Is this right to date my best friend sister.she is in my college and 4 years younger than me. I really like her and want to tell her that but i am scared.she is very beautiful and we are good friends.we have talked many times and i enjoy her ...
A. 22 February 2013: I have family friends (they are in their late 70s now) and one brother is married to one sister. the other brother is married to the other sister in other words bill and bob are brothers. bill married susie who is sister to better who marri... (read in full...)
Boy has girlfriend but stares at me in class?
Q. There is a boy in my university class and for the past 6 weeks we have been making eye contact. I found out he has a girlfriend. I haven't had a full blown conversation with him just a simple "hello" every now and then. When we lock eyes, we both ...
A. 22 February 2013: he may like you but he has a gf so until he has ended it with his GF I would deem him off limits.... (read in full...)
Does the guy at work like me?
Q. Hi everyone, I need your opinions if a guy at work likes me and whether its a good idea to get involved. History: We both started working together at the same time, and broke up with our partners on the same day (we didnt realise this at the t...
A. 22 February 2013: you can't live your life wondering what others think.
if you like him
and he likes you
and you are ok with dating a co-worker (and with the aftermath at work) then go for it and have fun
just don't jump in too quickly
if you want to ... (read in full...)
He won't open up, won't take his meds -- how do I help him?
Q. Hi i was just wonderin... my boyfriend has mental problems of which are how serious i dnt really know. he is not a very emotional person which means he is usually angry or happy (thats about it) and i know he loves me very much. but he just doesnt ...
A. 22 February 2013: You can’t fix him. He has to want to fix himself. Part of that is taking his medication properly. He has to want to get better and that’s scary if all he has ever known is illness. Depression is very debilitating and overwhelming.
B... (read in full...)
Girlfriend on site to cheat with married man. Is it time to end things?
Q. I have found out my girlfriend of 2 years went onto a site that is designed for married people to cheat on each other. Her friend told me. I am surprised she told her anyway. She wrote that she is single and looking for an uncomplicated no strings ...
A. 22 February 2013: IF you have to ask if it's time to end it, then it's time to end it.
if you are having a hard time accepting her morals and ethics then yes it's time to end it.
... (read in full...)
How can I find a cute nickname for my boyfriend?
Q. I've got a problem. My friend has an adorable nickname for her boyfriend and it isn't girly or anything (It's darebear) and he loves it. I'm having trouble thinking of one for my bf because he has the most god awful name (Rudolfo...but he goes by ...
A. 22 February 2013: His nickname is Rudy.... a nickname is short for your real name.
What you seek is a PET name that just you use for your boyfriend... you can't force it... it will happen...
My first husband and I were "snuggle bunny" for each other... don'... (read in full...)
Is it really true? Once a cheater always a cheater?
Q. Can people be truly sorry for cheating and never go on to do it again? Or is it a case of once a cheater always a cheater? I've cheated in the past knew it was wrong and never done it again. My boyfriend of four years cheated in the b...
A. 22 February 2013: I don't agree with "once a cheater always a cheater"
sometimes it's a one time thing...
yes people can change.
a HISTORY of cheating on more than one person would lead me to believe they can't change... but if a person did ONE TH... (read in full...)
Why can't my sexy guy take my word for it? He is sexy How do I help him to feel sexy?
Q. I've been seeing a guy for a few weeks and he seems to have a pretty low self-esteem. Sometimes I'll greet him with "hey, sexy" or something similar and he always denies the compliment. He's a really attractive guy and it bothers me that he can't...
A. 22 February 2013: My ex husband was like this....
he can't see who he is because he has low self-esteem.
you can't fix this. only he can fix it.
I"m going to warn you that in my experience this is a very hard thing to fix and it gets very tiresome to always... (read in full...)
I HATE my ex! I need a healthy way of letting go!
Q. I need help to control my anger before i seriously burst with rage! I absolutly HATE my ex boyfriend with a passion right now, he has made a complete fool out fo me and i have literally just thrown everything he ever bought me on ebay to get rid....
A. 22 February 2013: The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love in ambivalence. The fact that you HATE your ex says to me that you are still very emotionally invested in him and your relationship with him.
In my opinion from experience, you really a... (read in full...)
I overheard my husband saying he wish I would lose weight. Now I feel sad and like absolute crap!
Q. I don’t know what to do. It all started New Year’s Eve, my husband and I were at his company’s party and I went to grab him another drink. As I was walking back, I saw my husband and one of his employees talking, when I walked up behind my husband ...
A. 22 February 2013: DEAR OP,
HUGS to you honey... your pain is so personal and deep and I get it... and we can't take that away for you... you base how you feel about yourself on what OTHERS said and did when you were growing and maturing and this will always c... (read in full...)
I'm feeling claustrophobic in our relationship and regret having said 'yes' to his proposal!
Q. Hi everybody. Im in a spot of bother... Ive been with my fella for nearly 3 years, at first he was everything i ever wanted, the complete opposite of my abusive ex but now my feelings have changed. We have been through so much drama and break up...
A. 22 February 2013:
If all you want is to be with your kids and be alone, then yes you really do need to get away from the relationship.
and he's not going to make it easy I know.
if he lives 30 miles away however, it will be a bit easier...
if you wa... (read in full...)
How do I Pursue Her?
Q. hi readers little background : I am international student ,22 , studying outside the UK. I like a girl X and took her number. I met her first time on 15th February and met her thrice in person. Did touch her a bit and made my little moves. ...
A. 22 February 2013: I would not text her.
I would not worry about the grade or age difference..
if you like her and want to get to know her I would call her and ask her for coffee or something ....... (read in full...)
My daughter is being bullied because of how I dress her
Q. Ok this is a little hard to explain and may seem a bit silly to some of you but please bare with me. I have a 12 year old daughter who has been in secondry school since september last year. Since she has been there, understandably she has develope...
A. 22 February 2013: Dear OP,
I have thought about this post since I first read it... my heart aches for your daughter... and for you...
I think that not knowing where to tell you to go is part of why I didn't respond.. but now that others in your area have given ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid my mother will be disappointed that I'm pregnant
Q. I'm 24 years old and almost 2 months pregnant. I don't know what to do. I have a completely understanding family's and my child's father is in the picture and he's completely supportive. I haven't told my mother. I'm afraid that she will be ...
A. 22 February 2013: OP I wanted to add that while her initial feeling might be that of disappointment, it will hopefully be fleeting and she will become excited about being a grandma shortly after getting the news...
... (read in full...)
How do I get my daughter to open up and talk to me?
Q. How do you get your teen to open up and talk with you? My daughter is 15 and we have had on and off issues for few years so we are not as close as we used to be. Now I have suspicions she is sexually active but she is very shut down and seems ...
A. 22 February 2013: When I had a 15 year old stepdaughter (who I was mom to from age 9) I did tell her all the things I was doing at her age (and yes I was sexually active) and I told her that if she had a boyfriend and wanted to have sex with him I was ok with it IF ... (read in full...)
My Girlfriend Wants to Sleep With a Guy at Work, What to Do?
Q. Me and my girlfriend got together young - she was 17 at the time and we have been together 9 years and I'm more in love with her now than i have ever been. A few months ago i started to get the feeling that she was thinking about being wit...
A. 22 February 2013: I come from a swinger lifestyle. I was in an open marriage. IT DID NOT SURVIVE!
The only time folks survive open marriages is when they are NOT doing it to fix a broken relationship.... your relationship is broken right now.... "letting... (read in full...)
I'm afraid my mother will be disappointed that I'm pregnant
Q. I'm 24 years old and almost 2 months pregnant. I don't know what to do. I have a completely understanding family's and my child's father is in the picture and he's completely supportive. I haven't told my mother. I'm afraid that she will be ...
A. 21 February 2013: you must tell them you are pregnant.
you live with them... will you continue to live with them when your baby is born? what will you do if they don't want a baby in the house?
I admit that as a parent I would be very sad if my child got... (read in full...)
I overheard my husband saying he wish I would lose weight. Now I feel sad and like absolute crap!
Q. I don’t know what to do. It all started New Year’s Eve, my husband and I were at his company’s party and I went to grab him another drink. As I was walking back, I saw my husband and one of his employees talking, when I walked up behind my husband ...
A. 20 February 2013: The ugly you feel is inside… weight does not make us pretty or ugly… it makes us unhealthy… perhaps he was hoping you would lose the weight for health reasons only… He does love you clearly. He is sorry… clearly.
If you don’t feel sexy bec... (read in full...)
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