A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid, (sort of a long post)Im 20 and I live in London and I met this guy who is 21 and lives in Leicester (just over 100 miles away) I know that's not too long-distance but it does still count as a long distance thing if I can't just randomly see him whenever I want to, as planning is obviously required. I met him when I went up to Leicester back in December 2012, as my friends go to a university up there I paid them a visit for a week, and I met him during that time and we swapped numbers.We have been speaking to each other every day since I left, which was just a couple of days before Christmas day. I'm just wondering if it's normal for it to already start getting serious between us, even if we haven't met up since I saw him. We've spoken on the phone a couple of times, but neither of us like phone calls so we just stick to messaging each other on Blackberry Messenger and WhatsApp. We talk all day if we can, and most nights we have stayed up talking til about 3/4am. I can say that I do like him, because out of everyone, it's his messages I look forward to, it's him I want to stay up and speak to at night and it's him that I can't wait to see. He has planned to come to visit me in London at the end of March and stay for a night or so, which I am absolutely excited for, as well as nervous! Yesterday we were just talking, and I realised it has gotten serious between us, even though we're not together relationship wise and have only been speaking for just over two months, it feels like I know him and he knows me. We always send kisses at the end of each message and yesterday I accidentally sent kisses to a male friend of mine because I thought I was talking to the other guy instead, and my male friend started thinking I was weird and we both found it funny and started joking around that we liked each other even though I have no interest in anyone else apart from the guy in Leicester. So I decided to tell him and say "I'm so used to sending you kisses I accidentally sent them to another guy lol" and he laughed but then he also said "I can't get mad at you, even though I want to, because if you do happen to be flirting with other guys and sending kisses to them, I can't do anything about it because you're not my girlfriend" - and that's when I made sure I told him he's the only guy I'm speaking to but he said he didn't believe me because he thinks I'm too pretty to not have 'options' (his words, not mine)I found that to be another serious gesture, where he was mad but said he couldn't show it because we're not exclusive, and to be honest, most days I'm just wishing he lived closer so that I could be in his company, and I really hate that.And there are other times where our flirting is pretty intense, where we've discussed marriage and kids - but only as a joke! We are both not ready for any of that haha. But it's just come up, where we may be talking and messing around and we'll start mentioning marriage, and kids and living together. But I do know a lot of people don't flirt about things like that.There are much more topics of conversation that we talk about where we may be lightly flirting and it turns into something serious where we're talking about "us". We haven't determined what we are yet, obviously we're still getting to know each other and in order to know if things will work, we need to see if we have 'chemistry' between us, because I do depend on that, if I don't have any chemistry with the person, I can't make it work. So we'll have to see how his visit goes on the end of March.I have never done this before, I haven't spoken to someone for 2 months everyday via text without seeing them and formed such a bond with them, I just don't know if it's normal. Is it even possible to like and care for someone that much if you haven't been in their company? He's not like any guy I've met. I have been hurt in the past by guys, because they weren't understanding of me, and would not care to listen to what I had to say or how I felt, but he does. If I'm upset, I can tell him and sometimes he just knows, and he'll ask me how I am and try and make me feel better. If there's any insecurities I have, he'll make sure he listens to them and reassures me of any problems. He does seem like such a sweet person, but we're both new to this, he hasn't even been to London before but he's coming so he can visit me, and he said he's never spoken to a long-distance girl before and felt a connection, which is exactly how I'm feeling.Some may say it's impossible to like someone you haven't met, I don't believe I can fall in love with him over messaging but I sure do like him, and I do think about him from time to time, and feel the need to talk to him more times than others.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 March 2013):
 My husband and I were 100 miles apart the first year we were a couple. NOT by choice… we met at a convention and he lived 2 hours one way and I lived 2 hours the other…
IF you can’t see each other daily if you want to then IMO it’s LDR and it sucks.
We met first in August 2010, then again in November 2010 . By March 2012 we were getting serious, so yeah it’s possible to be getting serious already. But by then we were doing weekends almost every weekend… Once we knew we were going to be a couple we were together more than we were apart.
Even now for us, married and living in the same house, most of our important conversations occur through our preferred medium email. WE may talk once or twice a day while at work but we can email each other 20 times in a day easily if needed.
Meeting someone you care about who is not too close is horrible… it’s common in this day and age and it can be fixed. My concern is that you are both young and in college (at least I think you are in school) and don’t have the ability to end the gap any time soon…. If you can’t end the distance in a reasonable amount of time (2 years or so) then it may not be worth the pain.
In addition if one or both of you are in college/uni then it presents with other problems that can harm distance relationships. I find the older we are, the more settled we are, the easier they are to overcome.
Read this and if I can help you further let me know:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-my-long-distance-relationship-worth-it.html
A
female
reader, Wildhorses +, writes (4 March 2013):
I have been online chatting to a guy for over a year almost every single day. We have met up once. We also chat about marriage, kids, things we would like to do together. I really wish it would happen. Perhaps it is more fantasy since we have no plans of meeting up again. No set plans I should say. He has some things he wants to get in order. I do as well. Why not do that together? Anyway...as the previous poster said, perhaps we both need to realize that it is pure fantasy at the time being. Anything is possible as long as two people are determined. And, yes! We are single. There is no reason to not explore other options unless our situations improve/move towards a committed relationship. I question some things about this guy too. He only shows what he wants me to see.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 March 2013):
It's certainly possible to LIKE someone you've barely met, but there's no way to genuinely be in love. Your relationship is based entirely on what each of you chooses to present to each other, not who you really are. In other words, it's more fantasy than reality.
Dear cupid is completely full of questions from people who got serious via text message and when they met things quickly went down hill.
There is no reason to have a relationship with this guy. Just be friends and keep it that way unless you or him are planning on moving closer or making an effort to see each other way more than you are now.
But long distance relationships are pointless without a plan. If you have no plan then it should be a long distance friendship. And your plan should not involve anything major until you've had a chance to get to know him in REAL life (face to face, not Facebook to Facebook).
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