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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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What does it mean when a man gives you a drawer?
Q. I have a man I'm seeing long distance. We started this relationship in early November We are two hours apart... we email and talk on the phone a few times a week... I go to visit him since he cannot be around my dogs. I have been up to see h...
A. 18 May 2011: Iknew That ! "Friends " is never wrong :)... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a man gives you a drawer?
Q. I have a man I'm seeing long distance. We started this relationship in early November We are two hours apart... we email and talk on the phone a few times a week... I go to visit him since he cannot be around my dogs. I have been up to see h...
A. 1 March 2011: Again, it's early . You only met in November ! He can't consciously and purposefully mean something by offering you a drawer - yet, it's a sign. Small but interesting.
A sign of what ? Well, that he wants you to be a recurring , frequent gues... (read in full...)
Should I keep contact with my emotionally abusive ex?
Q. Can someone please give me advice on whether or not to keep in touch with my ex? We dated for 5 years he is 30 i am 25. Most say it was emotionally abusive from his part(calling me fat, no good, yelling) et but there were good times. He ended the ...
A. 24 February 2011: Hi Alexia, I remember you PMed me some time ago about this guy so I remember that the issues where beyond him calling you fat ( which is not nice anyway ).
You said it yourself, you are just scared. He is the only reality that you have known in t... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's kids caused me trouble with neighbour but I am afraid to speak out.
Q. I live alone.My boyfriend and his 2 children came to visit at the weekend. Apparently they vandalised and damaged my neighbour's garden and wrote on his walls. He claims to have a witness to this behaviour. I am probably going to have to pay him ...
A. 23 February 2011: Of course you have to tell him ! What do you want to do, pay on his behalf for the damage HIS kids cause ? And if it happens again... and again ? And it will happen again, unless your bf is stung in the wallet, which will probably make him ... (read in full...)
If he doesn't want a relationship then why is he going on dates?
Q. Hi there, I met this guy about 6 months ago, we are really close friends, he has helped me through so much and I've been there for him whenever he needs help. But lately I've really fallin for him. I've told him my feelings and he's said to me ...
A. 23 February 2011: When people say " I don't want a relationship " most of the times they mean " I don't want a relationship with you ".
Nobody goes out thinking : " OK, today I am gonna get myself a nice relationship " . They go out to meet people- and see what... (read in full...)
Pregnant by narcissistic ex, he doesn't know...but should he?
Q. Ok, I will try to keep this as short as possible. My ex has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (he was never diagnosed, but I've read about it and I'm positive that's his problem). He has abused me in every way possible - emotionally (tha...
A. 23 February 2011: Oh gosh. I can see how this is a painful dilemma. You realized ( better late than never ! - btw, why are you still texting each other ?? ) that the last thing you need in your life is an alcoholic drug addict violent cheater, and your child needs ... (read in full...)
If he loves me the way he says, why would he want to watch me have sex with another man considering the past?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating 6 months. Things have been great until he told me two days ago he wants to watch me have sex with another man, stating it is so hot when he thinks about it. He even had a dream about it and he said it was such a ...
A. 23 February 2011: I admit frankly that my advise is totally biased, and totally my own opinion without any supporting evidence :
No, he does not love you. At all. If he'd love you - he could not stand the thought of sharing you with another man- under his eyes... (read in full...)
Would you hide a pregnancy?
Q. if you are in your mid twenties, would you hide a pregnacy? ...
A. 23 February 2011: I am not sure I understand well this question .. how could you hide a pregnancy ?- after 6-7 months, there's no hiding, it's pretty evident ! unless you mean moving to another town, or another country...
Anyway, the answer is no, unless of cour... (read in full...)
Is it abnormal to be extremely jealous of my boyfriend's guy friends?
Q. My question is, is it abnormal to be extremely jealous of my boyfriend's guy friends? I get highly annoyed when my boyfriend talks about how he "bro'ed out" with some guys. He sometimes tells me he needs a guy friend to just relieve stress. I'm ...
A. 23 February 2011: Well, friends ARE important. Don't you love have girlfriends ? don't you enjoy girls' night out, or an occasional afternoon of girls talk , spent comparing depilatory creams ? And I am sure that there are personal things that you are more ... (read in full...)
I want a threesome! How do I convince her to do so?
Q. How can I entice my girl into having a threesome with me and another girl?...
A. 23 February 2011: Please don't entice her. If this is something that she she is not turned on by, or curious about, or if she is morally against it, she may be tempted to yield to your insistence just to make you happy. But in this case you would be using your gf ... (read in full...)
My ex changed his number on me!
Q. Me and my recent ex boyfriend really really love each other and have a very intense attraction and chemistry, but we just can’t seem to get on and he gets aggressive and violent. We have been on and off for over 6 months now since we first split up ...
A. 23 February 2011: Maybe he will come back, but if he does you should not open him the door for your own good.
6 months on and off it's not a relationship , it's a passion, an attraction, as intense as you want, but - if you can't stay together and have to break up b... (read in full...)
Money over love?
Q. Do all men value money over love? ...
A. 23 February 2011: Obviously not. Simply because that there is absolutely nothing in the world about which "all men " think and feel the same way.
I would be curious though to know what prompted your questions. Because more often are in fact the women who are accu... (read in full...)
I don't understand his sudden loss of interest. I can't get this man out of mind!
Q. I met a guy, one who appears to be the perfect man. After a week of talking on the phone, we met. In my opinion, it was a nice weekend. After he left on Monday, we had a good conversation, but not as great as it was before we met each other. By ...
A. 23 February 2011: Sigh... some people never become to old for playing the game, - you may have met one of them.
So far , it sounds like the classic " I don't want a real relationship but ... ( insert " I want you in my life " " I care about you " " etc.... (read in full...)
When I hear his name it brings back the hurt all over again
Q. Me and my ex has been broken up for 3weeks now but I still cant help but think of him, my friends think i'm over him but I Dont know what to do, as i get upset when I Hear his name or see something that we did together or anthing that reminds me of ...
A. 23 February 2011: No,sweetheart, don't tell him anything. When he gave you his reasons for breaking up , he basically meant that he is not interested enough to make space for you in his life. People who want to be together some times have to face much bigger ... (read in full...)
Why did my wife get upset when I saw a topless sunbather on a beach?
Q. This may be a funny question to ask but my wife got so mad on a trip we took to Mexico when we saw a woman laying out topless. Why is that? I am not the guy who makes comments about other women or takes long stares at them; I have always been very ...
A. 22 February 2011: Try shock therapy. Take her in vacation to ,say , Sardinia or Ibiza- one of those Mediterranean beaches where 80% of the women are topless. There you 'll have to meet and see literally thousands of bare breasts every day - and in a week she will ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a man gives you a drawer?
Q. I have a man I'm seeing long distance. We started this relationship in early November We are two hours apart... we email and talk on the phone a few times a week... I go to visit him since he cannot be around my dogs. I have been up to see h...
A. 22 February 2011: I am more optimistic than Swiftone, who is probably
too young for having watched "Friends " the first time around, or for wanting to watch the re-runs now, so she does not know about the well known episode where Chandler gives Janice one of h... (read in full...)
We broke up, but it seems like there's potential
Q. I just got broken up with and I'm really ambivalent. I was seeing my ex for about 4 months and it was like the love of my life. He sought me out: asked my number, initiated the dates, said he loved me first, and seemed to be in the relationship ...
A. 22 February 2011: I think that you are making the right decision and I think too that he does wants you back, but for the wrongs reasons, exactly like you said. At least on this , we agree :)
As for my comment being " judgemental " - I think you may equi... (read in full...)
I really want this horse, should I go with my gut?
Q. Hello Everyone, I'm hoping to get a horse in June and I have found this gorgeous Mare who is 6 years old. I'm definitely getting a horse in June and I'd love for her to be the one. I haven't ridden in a while but I can build up on it once I get my...
A. 22 February 2011: No !
I don't know much about horses and I turned your question to my 13 y.o niece who has been riding a lot a since when she was 7.
An unexperienced rider and a rusty mare are a bad ,risky combination. And it does not take so little to build tr... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't include me in his life?
Q. I'm 23, he's almost 22. We are both in college. We have been dating for over a year now, though we did break up in October and got back together the end of December. We broke up because he had completely shut down on me. It got to the point that I ...
A. 22 February 2011: It's not really relevant whether you have "the right " to be upset or not.
Someone could tell you , " no you don't have the right- you are both young college students that have been dating on and off ,you are not engaged , this is most prob... (read in full...)
4 years and I don't think I can stay any longer!
Q. I have been with my little girls dad for 4 years now. Our baby is 11 months old and I have a little boy that is 7, from a previous relationship. My boyfriend constantly looks at porn and pictures of naked girls. He even looks at girls when we go ...
A. 22 February 2011: I hope you won't bite my head off if I start with an aside and I say that the rule about walls does not sound stupid to me, I think it's very reasonable, walls messed up with dirty handprints are unsightly and repainting all the time is bothersome ... (read in full...)
He said C*** during sex! Should I be bothered?
Q. me and my boyfriend hav just celebrated our 6 month anniversary and are very much in love, and he is also the sweetest guy ive met. Last night while we were having very intense sex after drinking a bit, he said the c word. Now he didnt call Me ...
A. 22 February 2011: I am not a big fan of dirty talk myself yet I think that in certain moments it makes much more sense saying things like " I want to ... and ... your c***" rather than a more polite and much less passionate " I would enjoy to perform cunnilingus on ... (read in full...)
What do you do when a guy only wants you for sex?
Q. hi this is my first time on here, what do you do when a guy only wants you for sex, and leads you on and plays games with your head. idk i think there should be an explanation for this, but im not sure any ideas or opinions???...
A. 22 February 2011: As every Aunt on DC will have written at some point " actions speak louder than words ". People who are easily led on and get their heads messed with make the mistake to value words over actions.
Talk is cheap.
It takes nothing to say " I am g... (read in full...)
Birthday gift for my b/f?
Q. Dear Cupid....my bf who i've been with for 6 months, his birthday is coming up. Im so clueless when it comes to gifts for that special someone. Can anyone please help me decide what to give my bf? Any ideas will be appreciated :) Thank you...
A. 22 February 2011: OP, I think nobody can give you any good ideas if you don't tell us what your bf 's tastes and interests are. Every special someone is different from the previous or next special someone !
So, is he into sports ? Music ? Video games ? Movies ? do... (read in full...)
We broke up, but it seems like there's potential
Q. I just got broken up with and I'm really ambivalent. I was seeing my ex for about 4 months and it was like the love of my life. He sought me out: asked my number, initiated the dates, said he loved me first, and seemed to be in the relationship ...
A. 22 February 2011: Yes,this is a line, a time honoured one. Not to "get out of the relationship " , but to keep you around just in case - to keep you keen and at his disposal ,at his casual terms and conditions. It's an exercise in " I eat my cake and keep it too "- ... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to go out with me because he thinks relationships cause too much 'drama'! How can I make him change his mind?
Q. Okay well theres this guy that i really like, and for all intensive purposes we can say his name is Romeo. So anyways he like me, and i like him, a lot, but he doesnt want to go out because he doesnt want to be in relationships because "they cause ...
A. 21 February 2011: Honey, take his statement with a pinch of salt, it needs a bit of translation.
When he says that relationships bring too much drama, don't waste your time quoting him examples of happy couples that lived harmoniously together for 50 years, beca... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend I had a miscarriage? I don't want to stress him out...
Q. I just found out I had a miscarriage,I didn't know I was pregnant so you can imagine I'm still a bit shaken, my question is about my boyfriend. We have a long distance relationship, things have been a bit rough lately and he's really stressed out ...
A. 21 February 2011: Of course he should know ,this is his business too, not a private matter of yours. It may be stressful for him to hear - too bad, that's something that belongs to his life too.
I assume, since your young age,that this was an unplanned preg... (read in full...)
I'm in love with someone who's from a different religion and his family would never accept us...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months, however we always say it feels like more since we practically live together. When I saw him first, I was so drawn to him that i needed to talk to him - very unlike me! Anyway, long sto...
A. 21 February 2011: I wonder if he is a Zoroastrian. Or maybe an Indian Zoroastrian ( Parsi ) ?
Zoroastrians are strongly encouraged to marry within the community, but marrying out of it is not explicitely forbidden by their religion, it's a social thing. It is true... (read in full...)
Is it worth leaving my job and friends to go back to my boyfriend and a rocky relationship?
Q. My partner and I have been together for 4 yrs. 9 months ago we broke up and i moved overseas. after leaving, he realised he misses me and would do anything to get me back and after a few weeks i decided to give it another go. Firstly i was VERY unh...
A. 21 February 2011: Absolutely not. And not only because it's a rocky relatioship where you always felt you came after booze friends etc- so not such a great relationship after all. Even if things were better ,I would suggest you to think about your needs first. You ... (read in full...)
I can only have an orgasm if my breasts are stimulated!
Q. FOR FEMALES ONLY: I feel kind of embarrassed to ask this question, but I've googled around and haven't found too much information out there. Anyway, I hope this is not too much information or too disgusting. I have always had trouble achieving ...
A. 20 February 2011: I say , if it ain't broke don't fix it . This does not even sound like a problem.
By all means, you are young and your body may still have in store for you all sort of surprises if you explore it well, so go ahead and experiment and try all ... (read in full...)
Could have sex too many times make you sick?
Q. my boyfriend and I had sex for a whole week. monday we did it twice, wednesdsay we did it once, and thurday three times. We always use new protection at all times. Could having sex this often make you sick? My Bf is not getting sick but i feel ...
A. 20 February 2011: An average of twice a day is not even that exceptional at your age, it can't be sex in itself making you sick.
What do you mean exactly by feeling sick every morning, what are your symptoms ? is there a possibility that you are pregnant ?... (read in full...)
My boy friend has proposed. What age can we marry in UK ?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been going out for quite a bit now... He's 16 and i'm 14 :). He's going into the army soon and he has proposed to me. I said yes because i thought it was right :) . the only thing is i don't know how to tell my parents and ...
A. 20 February 2011: The min.legal age is 16 ( which is terribly too early anyway for getting married if you ask me ). Before that, it's not legal. ... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 20 February 2011: Interesting experiment,DB, but I am afraid it's methodologically flawed.
I mean, did all the very same aunts that answer the first post,answer the second in a contrasting , inconsistent way ? No, right ?
For instance , I answered the first po... (read in full...)
Would have I been better off if I had had a girlfriend years ago? Be honest.
Q. Hi everyone. I'm back. I would appreciate an honest answer to this question. I like feeling sorry for myself and blaming God for everything, but to do that, I need amunition. I need proof that what I'm complaining about is fair enough. I have always ...
A. 19 February 2011: Hallo Bruce Lee,
you know what's the problem with blaming God ?... it's that, if God does not exist, you are wasting time and breath , and if He does exist, do you think He cares about your blame ?... I mean, He's God, for God's sake ! Do you thin... (read in full...)
Me and my boyfriend want a baby together, how do I tell my parents??
Q. I want a baby and so does my boyfriend but I'm only 15 this year and I'm worried about telling my parents. I reallly know I'm to young but I love kids so much and just want one to have 4 myself. I am a babysitter so I'm forever looking after kids ...
A. 19 February 2011: Let's start with saying that in Australia the age of consent is 16 ( and 18 in some states ) - you are not even supposed to have sex yet and frankly if I were your parents and your bf were over 18 I would much probably press charges.
A... (read in full...)
Controlling husband makes me feel I need permission to have a life!
Q. Hi there thanks for your help. I've been married 18 years. My husband has a very caring side. Helps out around the house does some cooking etc. However, he has a very childish and controlling side too. I haven't been able to really have...
A. 19 February 2011: I think it's about time.
And I think you should follow your own advice, that everybody is responsible for their own actions.
Same as it's not you who make your husband drink but is he who picks up the booze- it's not your husband who " makes " ... (read in full...)
I told my boyfriend I don't really enjoy sex, and he's taken it personally, as if he was bad in bed! What do I do now?
Q. Hey all. So I'm 17 and I'm sexually active (about 7 months now). And honestly, I'm not a fan. My boyfriend is the only person I've ever had sex with. (We've been together since we were 15.) To be honest, sex was never really and interest of mine...
A. 19 February 2011: In a way he's overreacting and in a way he's not. True, male egos are ridicoulsly fragile when it comes to sex matters , and I am sure you neither told him nor meant " You suck in bed " but then again he'll be like " WTF ? NOW you tell me. After 7 ... (read in full...)
How is it he expects a housewife without marrying me?
Q. Hi, I have been living with my bf for 2 years now. We were in a long distance relationship before for almost 5 years. I moved in with him 2 years ago, and we've been living together ever since. The beginning was great; we were so happy with eac...
A. 19 February 2011: Your bf seems to still be living in the 19th century, but in part you are to blame for letting him do that and not nipping the situation in the bud.
You both have demanding jobs with long hours, you both earn money and contribute to the hous... (read in full...)
We don't see each other much and it worries me!
Q. Hi i am 16 yers old my gf is 18yers, i go whith here in the same class but( i have a problem i am russian and she is chinese)on on sanday and saturday she is going to work every time and somtimes friday night. i dont have free time to spend with ...
A. 19 February 2011: The only thing I can think of, is cutting down on sports. I mean, sports are great, but do you need to practice 3 of them ?? Drop your least favorite and you'll free some hours for your gf.... (read in full...)
How in the world do you forget and move on after a bad relationship?
Q. I'm just wondering, how in the world do you forget and move on after a bad relationship? My ex used to hit me and push me around and also accuse me of being into other woman. She left me and immediately went into another relationship. She seems...
A. 19 February 2011: ...Ho do you know she is happy with her new bf ?...
Do you meet them socially, do you talk to her ?...
Break any contact, if possible.
Time heals all wounds, but if you pick at the scabs it will take much longer...... (read in full...)
How in the world do you forget and move on after a bad relationship?
Q. I'm just wondering, how in the world do you forget and move on after a bad relationship? My ex used to hit me and push me around and also accuse me of being into other woman. She left me and immediately went into another relationship. She seems...
A. 18 February 2011: Then you chanced into the wrong Aunt :). There are other Aunts who are more flexible about this type of thing ,and think along your lines : if it only happens once it's no big deal... when there's a lot of passion these things happen ...etc.
I... (read in full...)
How in the world do you forget and move on after a bad relationship?
Q. I'm just wondering, how in the world do you forget and move on after a bad relationship? My ex used to hit me and push me around and also accuse me of being into other woman. She left me and immediately went into another relationship. She seems...
A. 18 February 2011: She used to hit you.... and you miss her ?
Counseling. Therapy. Self-esteem workshops. And better sooner than later.
You must have big issues of self - esteem,self-love,in fact. Now please don't tell me that " you don't choose whom you fall in ... (read in full...)
I am left feeling a little empty today and am just wondering what this sounds like to someone else out there?
Q. Hello :) I met a guy in November of 2010 and the connection was wonderful. At the time he was travelling in Ontario and after Christmas headed back to BC and promised to come back in six months. Watching him leave was terrible and stirred so many ...
A. 18 February 2011: Tell him to go explore his sister's c...,sorry, never mind.
It's not even fair that I 'm harsh with the guy, because , I guess, he has not done anything bad. He is a sexual and social butterfly, with a very fluid, disengaged lifestyle, and a pass... (read in full...)
Should I reject a text from an ex?
Q. What should I respond to a text from my ex who came into town. I had texted him telling him "We shouldn't see each other when you're in town". He replied with "ok bye." Then two hours later he texted me with a booty call text basically. I have yet ...
A. 18 February 2011: Ignore him. Totally.
He was boorish to text you after what you had told him, then again maybe he did not quite get the message because it was not strong enough. When you say "we should not see each other etc... " he gets " we should not, beca... (read in full...)
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