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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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What does it mean when a man gives you a drawer?
Q. I have a man I'm seeing long distance. We started this relationship in early November We are two hours apart... we email and talk on the phone a few times a week... I go to visit him since he cannot be around my dogs. I have been up to see h...
A. 18 May 2011: Iknew That ! "Friends " is never wrong :)... (read in full...)
How can I improve my self confidence and be happier?
Q. I know there are a lot of pleas for help on how not to be so lonely and how to make more friends but here is mine, another to add to the list! The only time when I feel comfortable and I can truly be myself (whoever that is) is when I am with m...
A. 2 March 2011: It ain't that bad. You've got 2 friends , after all. It means that you CAN have meaningful relationships with people. Maybe you just need to feel a real connection and are not that good at superficial interactions ; maybe that's just your ... (read in full...)
I'm 38 and I still feel immature...advice?
Q. I really need some help: I am 38 years old, and I am still so immature and hurt, and I don't know how I can appeal a decent man. After a lifetime of running after bad guys, in the last years I completely reformed and spent a long time into my own...
A. 2 March 2011: I don't think so. If you are a self help books reader, you'll know about the Key, or one of the many other books about the law of Attraction, you'll know that when you are serious about attracting something in your life and manifesting some new... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a man gives you a drawer?
Q. I have a man I'm seeing long distance. We started this relationship in early November We are two hours apart... we email and talk on the phone a few times a week... I go to visit him since he cannot be around my dogs. I have been up to see h...
A. 1 March 2011: Again, it's early . You only met in November ! He can't consciously and purposefully mean something by offering you a drawer - yet, it's a sign. Small but interesting.
A sign of what ? Well, that he wants you to be a recurring , frequent gues... (read in full...)
I'm falling for a guy, but he's moving in 4 months!
Q. Okay, hi, so I met this boy on halloween last year, and since then i think the longest we've gone wothout speaking has been something like 3 days? We always talk, about nothing and rubbish, and i was wondering why it wasn't going anywhere. Just ...
A. 1 March 2011: What do you want to do,sweetheart ? he told you clearly no at least twice, you would not want to harass him or make a pest of yourself to squeeze a kiss out of him ? If he said no, it's no, and he has also good ,sensible reasons. ( Also if, to be ... (read in full...)
What are the rules of flirting?
Q. I am wondering about flirting. Is it a harmless activity that is just fun, or does it really play with peoples' emotion in a potentially harmful way? Of course, I think flirting is fine and even good if the flirter (the person who is flirting) has...
A. 1 March 2011: Very wise answer by Odds.
I'd like to add - flirting has also social cultural and geographical connotations, you have to be able to assess what it means according to the circumstances.
Like, here in Italy you'd have your emotions toyed with on ... (read in full...)
My non-exclusive boyfriend has an on-off fiance!
Q. Please let me know what you think about my situation... any comments or advice are appreciated :) I found out the day after valentines day that my nonexclusive bf of 11 months has secretly still been engaged with his on and off Fiance. Apparent...
A. 1 March 2011: Sorry to rain on your parade, but I cant help being skeptical.
It sounds so ... typical.
The fiancee is a psycho stalker. And the baby mama is a drama queen . Sure. It's always somebody else's fault , right ? It would have been more believab... (read in full...)
Was I stuck up because I ignored him?
Q. There was this guy back in middle school who used to stare at me incessantly. I also remember him kicking the back of the bus seat I was sitting on, and leaning on the wall adjacent to me while I stood in the lunch line. I never reacted to his ...
A. 28 February 2011: No, I don't think you did anything wrong.
Of course it was middle school and the poor kid is totally forgivable for lacking social skills and trying to attract your attention in such a clumsy, awkward way. Then again, plenty of kids have alre... (read in full...)
I broke up with him, he's in another relationship now, but I really miss him! How can I get him back?
Q. I went out with this boy a while ago and I dumped him because well its a long story. Anyway he cut his hair, got a new hair style, and he has really mutured...but he's got a girlfriend and he keeps rubbing it in my face like...oh I'm going to see ...
A. 28 February 2011: You don't. Since he feels he has found not just another gf, but " the love of his life " , there's no game .
Besides, I think perhaps you want him back precisely because he has moved on. People always find more fascinating what is out of thei... (read in full...)
Does body size matter to a guy?
Q. Do men find a curvy body attractive??? I am short lol! Only 5'4" JUST!!! and I am not a skinny girl like, I wish I was more hourglass too, my measurements are 38-35-42 and I just want to know, do guys like girls with a bit extra on the bottom a...
A. 28 February 2011: You gotta be kidding. I have your type of body ( with a smaller waist, but also one inch less of height ) and when I was your age I had to fend them off with a stick :)... (read in full...)
Can I still please a woman?
Q. Hi!! I am 25 years old and I have a penis that is 3 1/2 inch when it erect but it is not thin, do you think that I can still please a woman with that size?...
A. 28 February 2011: You could still please a woman even if you had no penis- using your hands and tongue. Particularly if you meet one of the thousands of women who can't climax by vaginal penetratio.
anyway, yes, no prob. Your size, while being a bit below aver... (read in full...)
Does a sociopath know that he or she is a sociopath?
Q. For those who have dealt with sociopaths, I have a question: Does a sociopath know he or she is a sociopath? In other words, a person who lives off using other people, seeing them as tools and objects, feeling no guilt...do they know they are...
A. 28 February 2011: Interesting question, and a tricky one.
Because often there is a very fine line between a callous, astute but "normal " scammer/exploiter and a real sociopath, and once you have been scammed it's not likely you have the chance to take them to a ps... (read in full...)
I'm planning on running away with my boyfriend!
Q. Hi, I'm Taylor* 20, smart, high ranking job. I have a boyfriend, Adam* 20, smart, high ranking job. We are madly in love, we first met when we were 14, more mature than most our age, we had a moment, nothing physical, both slightly not sure what to ...
A. 28 February 2011: You both are adults , with high ranking jobs... why do you have to run away ? why can't you simply move in together ? or get married ?
You say your family will disown you - but if they really do ( I doubt it ) they can disown you from a dist... (read in full...)
Should I stop talking to him and move on? Or do I need to stop being so dependable and act a bit hard to get instead?
Q. This is my first time posting so I'm a little nervous but hopefully I can still explain this properly. Around valentines day weekend my crush suddenly stopped talking to me. For a couple of weeks previous to that his previously long messages...
A. 28 February 2011: Ok, I admit that I may be prejudiced because I have this idea that every personal message must be replied within 3 days and people who fail to do that a) will burn in Hell forever and ever and b) show a rudeness that's equivalent to hostility. ... (read in full...)
If a couple breaks up because one of them didn't want anything serious, yet that person marries someone else in a few months...how and why does that happen?
Q. Just wondering when you hear about a couple breaking up , because one of them didn't want anything serious. Then you hear about that person getting married/ having a baby to someone else, maybe months down the line. Why do people do that?...
A. 28 February 2011: Because in a vast majority of cases when people say " I don't want a serious relationship " what they mean is " I don't want a serious relationship WITH YOU ".... (read in full...)
How long is the perfect time to go?
Q. OK, so I've been wondering something and I'm sure that every guy is wondering too, what is the perfect size for a mans erection? I was just wondering, and how long of a time is perfect in for you to orgasm (10, 15, 20 minutes!?). Please I would ...
A. 27 February 2011: The Journal of Sexual Medicine says that the ideal duration of intercourse is between 7 and 13 minutes from penetration to ejaculation.
Personally I have got the ( unscientific ) feeling that quite a few women may need a bit more to reach orga... (read in full...)
My boyfriend always teases me and it hurts!
Q. My boyfriend teases me about everything. No matter what the case may be he's always joking around. He thinks its funny to put me down or embarrasses me in front of other people. He always tell me that I'm either too sensitive or too serious and I ...
A. 27 February 2011: @Jmtj : I sent you an one-way ticket for Oslo- make sure you don't miss coronation day, your faithful subjects are waiting for you.
See ? This is verbal sparring, I don't mind it, you ( based from what I read in your posts ) don't mind it, - ever... (read in full...)
How do I show this married lady that I am interested in her?
Q. My neighbour lady(36) is my relative and has 2 childrens. Her husband is abroad. She has some problems with her husband. She shares every matters with me and warned me to don't tell anyone. Every times she will show her cleavage to me by ...
A. 27 February 2011: Don't show her your interest- she is married, older than you and a relative of yours on top of all !
If you have misinterpreted her behaviour ( as I think you did, to me it just sounds like she is confiding personal problems to a trusted frie... (read in full...)
If I told girls I was a virgin would it help or hinder me with girls?
Q. Im 22 years old without a girlfriend atm and I'm wondering if girls would see me differently if I told them I was a virgin....
A. 27 February 2011: Honestly it can go both ways. Some girls will think it's sweet and endearing and will be moved or thrilled to be your first. Some other may be suspicious and take it as a sign of hang ups, lack of self confidence or inborn nerdiness.
I guess it a... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't like it that I masturbate but won't have sex with him
Q. Hey everyone reading this. I'm 17 and I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years. Per my request, we don't have sex - which my boyfriend is fine with (most of the time). Like any other teenager out there, I masturbate. I assumed that m...
A. 27 February 2011: So, basically you agree with Woody Allen : " Masturbation is sex with someone I really love ".
Boyfriends may come and go , but - ahem- "she " will always be there for you...
Sorry, just feeling like clowning a bit today :). Actually , talking ... (read in full...)
He was awful to me, so why do I want closure from his abusive ways as badly as I do?
Q. Why do I miss someone who was abusive? I met this guy a few months ago. He came with a lot of "issues"---he was an ex-con, has multiple kids, possible anger issues. However, I try not to judge people, and when I first met him, I thought he was t...
A. 27 February 2011: Probably because you are tryng to rewrite your history. There may have been other occasions and situations in your past and in your childhood where you have been made feel as you feel now- insecure, taken aback ,rejected. In other instances, that ... (read in full...)
My friend told me all men are really gay!
Q. Are all men GAY??? A guy who once had sex with another guy said to me that all men are gay, and that they just wont admit it, that they don't actually want women they just want to get off or have babies? He said stuff like they think the vagina...
A. 27 February 2011: I think your friend is projecting his own repressed desires and feelings onto other men :)....... (read in full...)
He's practically stalking her, but if I step in to stop it, am I crossing a line?
Q. My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me a few weeks ago. She insists she just needs time to find herself and I'll give her that. I'm not going to get my hopes up.. if we get back together it will be a new relationship.. not the same one. Anyw...
A. 27 February 2011: She is playing along with it and she is not telling him he is being inappropriate. Whatever the reason ( she craves attention or values the friendship ) she is an adult and capable to make her own decisions , one of which is to not get rid of her ... (read in full...)
He has a fiance, 4 kids and wants to sleep with me. Is it wrong?
Q. I met a guy online 3 months ago. I found out three weeks after we met, through FaceBook, that he has a "fiance," four kids and she's pregnant again. When I confronted him about it, he didn't deny it, however never speaks on it. And demands I don't ...
A. 26 February 2011: He keeps coming back because you let him. You keep answering him, and the way you express your rejection probably is not assertive enough to convince him that he has no chances with you and he is wasting his time. Maybe he thinks you are being ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's sister refers to me as his "mate" not girlfriend
Q. I've been with my boyfriend now for over 5 months (albeit in a round about way) and considering the various obstacles we've faced, it's going really well. I had previously met his sister and their mother, both of whom I get on really well with...
A. 26 February 2011: Ah well.. and you are so worried about the opinion of a
person that , hearing of a sexual assault against a woman, is concerned about ....the guy cheating on his gf :)??
Probably it would not be such a sound opinion anyway.
You do not need ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend always teases me and it hurts!
Q. My boyfriend teases me about everything. No matter what the case may be he's always joking around. He thinks its funny to put me down or embarrasses me in front of other people. He always tell me that I'm either too sensitive or too serious and I ...
A. 26 February 2011: True, there are couple whose interaction is based a lot upon verbal skermishes, and it may be fun to jostle back and forth playfully- up to a point, and if both people are clearly having fun. If one of them is not, and does not give back as good as ... (read in full...)
Is no sexual attraction to husband a deal breaker?
Q. Can you guys tell me what you think...Is not being sexually attracted to your husband a deal breaker in a marriage? We have been together 14 years and have children. There was a spark and chemistry between us when we first met and into the first ...
A. 26 February 2011: Yes, I think lack of sexual attraction is a deal breaker in marriage, it ends to be so in practice even if you don't want it to be so, - forcing yourself to be intimate with someone you find repulsive generates a lot of supressed anger and ... (read in full...)
He flirts but doesn't want a relationship!
Q. Why would a guy flirt heavily with a girl, tell how awesome she is and about how they think it'd be nice to kiss and cuddle but then say that they are not interested in a relationship? And how do I get him to want a relationship w/ me?...
A. 26 February 2011: Why ? because he wants sex - casual sex. ( I don't think that if he is in your age range he would be content with kisses and cuddles, do not take that literally ). He added the disclaimer that he does not want a relationship, so you can get the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's sister refers to me as his "mate" not girlfriend
Q. I've been with my boyfriend now for over 5 months (albeit in a round about way) and considering the various obstacles we've faced, it's going really well. I had previously met his sister and their mother, both of whom I get on really well with...
A. 26 February 2011: Suppose she actually does not see you as good enough . So ?This would be her own personal opinion. Her family does not share it and, most importantly, your bf does not share it, since he wants to be with you, so obviously you are good enough for ... (read in full...)
Is there any way I can get b/f to open up to me?
Q. And my boyfriend has told me how nice and good I am to him. He says he has wanted a woman like me for a very long time. He started to cry, told me he loves me, and he is trying so hard to get his divorce done. I don't ask him about it alot sometimes ...
A. 26 February 2011: He may be an angel but he is a married angel, so a bit of prudence and rationality is in order. Married men are sadly notorious for their capability of being incredible bullshitters and manipulators, so IMO you are entitled to , and you should in ... (read in full...)
B/f thinks we should break up till I finish my studies
Q. My bf and i have been going out for almost two years. For 5 1/2 months he was in Austria and we stayed together. He was back for a week before he had to leave for uni. Everything was fine for that week. Two days after going to uni we get into a ...
A. 26 February 2011: I think he wants to break up in a diplomatic way.
It's true that when there is a will there is a way in the most complicate situations, and you could get into a pattern of seeing and visiting each other... but that would require time, comm... (read in full...)
Should I go to my friend's birthday party even if my ex is invited?
Q. so one of my friends Birthday is today and his girlfriend and I planed out a surprise Birthday party at a restaurant, the problem is that he made friends with my ex and she invited him. Honestly I cant stand my ex because he talked a lot of ugly ...
A. 25 February 2011: I'do go. After all, you have been invited by the birthday boy's girlfriend, and if she and he like you, you don't need to get the seal of approval by each and any of the other guests. Have fun, act polite, ( not necessarily warm, which would ... (read in full...)
We're in financial trouble and have been offered money for sex, should we do it?
Q. I am currently engaged and still studying, which means I don’t have much time to work. Money for us is quite tight between paying for our house and other expenses. My fiance had lunch with a man who we have known for a little while and brought ...
A. 25 February 2011: It does not sound like a great idea. Let's totally overlook the moral implications, every woman is different, some would feel guilty or disgusted or uncomfortable selling their body , some would not.
But- in practice. If your bf got angry and ... (read in full...)
Should I send him a message apologizing?
Q. I joined a dating website a couple of months ago. There is a feature where you can see who's checking you out, and I noticed that this one guy kept showing up. I found him really interesting and attractive, so I messaged him. He was really sweet, ...
A. 25 February 2011: " !!! " expresses surprise , amazement. He's telling you " what are you going on about ?? " If you want to be optimistic we may read it as " it's cool, why would you feel this way, don't be nervous "- but alas , since he cut your date short and ... (read in full...)
Is this a good way to find out whether your male friend is sexually attracted to you?
Q. I used to be very naive when it comes to guys... I used to think that all of my guy friends genuinely want to be my friend (just friends/platonic one) when they told me,"hey,we are friends"...but once,when a guy friend of mine got drunk(a little bit ...
A. 25 February 2011: "but this guy friends acted on his sexual thoughts " . Precisely. Exactly my point. That he is not "a friend ", did not ACT as friend would, and did not think the point of being around you was ever just about friendship. "He told you more than ... (read in full...)
External genital abnormalities in females
Q. I have recently married a woman who is 50. I have noticed that she is nearly missing all of her labia majora (outer lips of vaginal opening), and other parts that are usually located within the labia majora. Additionally, her clitoris and its hood ...
A. 24 February 2011: If the gynecologist did not aknowledge the abnormality- then you'll have to assume there is no abnormality. Otherwise ,what 's the point of consulting an expert , if then you challenge his professional expertise- on the grounds of your porn ... (read in full...)
Is this a good way to find out whether your male friend is sexually attracted to you?
Q. I used to be very naive when it comes to guys... I used to think that all of my guy friends genuinely want to be my friend (just friends/platonic one) when they told me,"hey,we are friends"...but once,when a guy friend of mine got drunk(a little bit ...
A. 24 February 2011: After reading the Skype conversation, I am a bit surprised, I mean, there's naive and then there is clueless, sorry I don't mean it in a mean way, but really, do you always let your male friends talk u like that ?...Do you think that " If I ... (read in full...)
I'm 27 and he's 41...Should I go for it?
Q. I know age is "just a number." But I met this guy through a mututal friend and he's 14-years older than me. I told my friend that I found him attractive but that I thought he might be a little too old for me. Anyway, we've started seeing each ...
A. 24 February 2011: It depends. From the children issue, for instance. How essential is to you that you become a mother ?
For instance when I got married I thought I was going to have a child some time in future , and luckily I did and I am happy I did- yet I woul... (read in full...)
I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about using me for sex and then breaking up!!
Q. hi everybody I've been crying my eyes out all day because when I was walked into the passway leading to my boyfriend's dorm room I overheard him bragging and giving high fives to his roommate about how he was going to break up with me after he ...
A. 24 February 2011: Oh darling... there's a why. These things happen, so you can learn. You are young , inexperienced , and probably led a sheltered life ( I don't know but North Dakota, with all due respect, does not sound to me like a place where you can get a lot ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is hiding me from her parents, kids and friends!
Q. Please can you help me with my problem with my girlfriend. Shes utterly amazing in most respects,and I'm so deeply in lover with her. She says shes in love with me and keeps asking me to remember that what ever happens between us, she will always ...
A. 24 February 2011: You won't like what I am going to say, but to be honest I think she is right. At least for what concerns her kids.
She split from her husband only 6 months ago, your relationship is rather new yet. What if you are not " the one " ? Don't get me w... (read in full...)
Is it possible that this girl is using me to get her work done at university?
Q. Ive known this girl in uni for a couple of years. She's the type of girl who would go out to clubs and what have you and prob make out with guys who hit on her if she's interested. I would say her looks are pretty decent, and she always dresses very ...
A. 24 February 2011: I think maybe you are being a little paranoid here. Why being a well dressed social butterfly must necessarily make her a callous user ?
More probably, like she said, she enjoys occasionally talking to you and being in generic friendly terms ,but... (read in full...)
Should I keep contact with my emotionally abusive ex?
Q. Can someone please give me advice on whether or not to keep in touch with my ex? We dated for 5 years he is 30 i am 25. Most say it was emotionally abusive from his part(calling me fat, no good, yelling) et but there were good times. He ended the ...
A. 24 February 2011: Hi Alexia, I remember you PMed me some time ago about this guy so I remember that the issues where beyond him calling you fat ( which is not nice anyway ).
You said it yourself, you are just scared. He is the only reality that you have known in t... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a man gives you a drawer?
Q. I have a man I'm seeing long distance. We started this relationship in early November We are two hours apart... we email and talk on the phone a few times a week... I go to visit him since he cannot be around my dogs. I have been up to see h...
A. 22 February 2011: I am more optimistic than Swiftone, who is probably
too young for having watched "Friends " the first time around, or for wanting to watch the re-runs now, so she does not know about the well known episode where Chandler gives Janice one of h... (read in full...)
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