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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 7 March 2011: Truelover,
I think you misunderstood what I meant. I did NOT assume you were a particularly , or even superficially, religious person. I said " spiritual ", not religious. One can be spiritual without following the rules of any specific reli... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 6 March 2011: Truelover, I am not tryng to be bitchy, but...let me say that you too seem to partake of this atmosphere of " instant gratification " which you officially disapprove.And you too seem to be intensely focused on taking care of your sexual needs- same ... (read in full...)
Are my emotional problems from a break up the problem? Or am I just not attracted to this man?
Q. i've just entered a relationship with a new man. he is sweet, kind, caring.. in fact, it is very hard for me to fault his personality. I love spending time with him, i love the things we do together and i love his friends and his family. But i do ...
A. 6 March 2011: If you don't know whether you are physically attracted to him or not,...then you are not. The mind can lie and trick you into things - the body does never lie. If you are physically attracted to a man, you just KNOW it. That your lack of phys... (read in full...)
Why do guys always go for girls who treat them like trash?
Q. Hi I have a question, why guys never respect the girls who are nice to them and always go after the girls who treat them like trash....
A. 6 March 2011: Always ? Not always. That only happens with guys who are immature - or , deep down, insecure. If a person has a solid sense of self worth his / her only reaction to people who treat them badly will be impatience, rejection or indifference. ... (read in full...)
Does the things he say mean anything?
Q. ok so im in year 11 at school and i have had this crush on a guy for 7months now and i cant stop thinking about him im falling head over heals in love with him, but the thing is, he had a gf and i didnt know about it and stupidly i told my cousin ...
A. 6 March 2011: As you will often read on Dear Cupid " Actions speak louder than words " so, no, what he says is not very relevant. He is targeting you as his back- up plan , in case something goes wrong with his gf or he decides he is tired of her- and with his... (read in full...)
Same sex adult siblings showering together
Q. Hello, I have a question that is a bit odd, but am wanting a non biased third party view. My boyfriend and I got on the topic of siblings showering together after seeing a mother and daughter skinny dipping in a pool. He told me that when he was 6...
A. 6 March 2011: It's not wrong that you have an opinion, it 's wrong if you try to force it on someone who see things differently. Like, yours is the only " right " way to do things and everybody's else must be wrong. I don't have stats about siblings showerin... (read in full...)
He asked if I can shave down there, should I be offended?
Q. if my boyfriend and i have agreed to try fingering and whatever else goes with that should i be offended if he asked me if i can shave my vaginal area because he hates hair down there? do most people shave down there??? is it more sanitary?...
A. 6 March 2011: No,no need to be offended and yes,most people do shave down there these days.
Regardless of that , if you don't want to shave, don't shave. Your bf just expressed his preference,- it does not mean you MUST comply.... (read in full...)
Explain the phrase
Q. can plz anyone explain this phrase to me in simple eng. catholic up-bringing...
A. 6 March 2011: " X had a Catholic uprbringing " = when X was a child , he was raised and educated according to the rules and values of the Catholic Church.... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 6 March 2011: Of course you are perfectly entitled to have your own standards and expectations about anything.
You are just not entitled to shove them down the throat of people who have different values, and to make your partner miserable with reje... (read in full...)
Reconciling with my wife after a break and think a threesome would help
Q. Ok me and my wife broke up for 1 year after a 3 year marriage,break up was basically down to her family and we both agree on this and have been cut out of our lifes,we have recently started seeing each other again,we live apart but have been ...
A. 6 March 2011: A threesome... to celebrate a reconciliation ? how wonderfully romantic . How exquisitely intimate : a candlelit bedroom ...music in the background... just the two of you-,,, oh, and "Big Tool " Johnny of course.
..I don't know ...for some reas... (read in full...)
Can you access facebook if you are incarcerated?
Q. Ok I got a question for you...can you comment and access your facebook account if you are incarcerated??? I am confused because I have a friend who told me he is in jail (in new jersey if that helps) and he is commenting on posts on his facebook ...
A. 5 March 2011: Naaah... How could that be ? I've never been in jail- but is common knowledge that when you are in jail your calls and correspondence are restricted and/or monitored. Visits are supervised. If you want to order , say, a toothpaste from a catalogu... (read in full...)
Now that we've broken up, should I ask her to return the expensive gift that I had given her?
Q. i gave my girlfriend a very expensive computer. after a month she broke up with me with an excuse that "she is very busy with all other stuff and she has no time for a relationship" is it ok if i tell her to give that computer back.? i gave her as a ...
A. 5 March 2011: No, don't . I understand you are angry and disappointed. She did not ask you for a computer, you offered it to her, of your own will and choice, and ( supposedly ) with no strings attached. You never told her " I'll give you this PC... if you... (read in full...)
How do I get her see past my skin colour?
Q. Okay life story.. This question is specifically about a girl I like but I'll probably go off the point a bit. Alright then - there is this girl I've liked for a while now (a few months to half a year). We'll call her S. She is black, I'm wh...
A. 5 March 2011: Very simple explanation : " I only go for black guys " means " I am only physically attracted to black guys ". You may talk like a black guy, walk like a black guy, etc.etc- but you obviously don't look like a black guy. So she may think that y... (read in full...)
Do guys really like to chase girls?
Q. Is it true that guys like to chase girls than have a girl continuiously say she loves him or chats to them?...
A. 5 March 2011: In general, yes. There may be guys who are too lazy or too shy for a "chase " and will appreciate the woman showing some initiative. But nobody, not even them, likes to be smothered with sentiment and drowned in messages and communication ... (read in full...)
Can you have sex and still have an intact hymen?
Q. I was wondering if it is possible to have sex, but not tear your hymen? I had sex with my ex boyfriend. He was my first, but I never bled as he entered me. Every time we had sex it would pinch and hurt as he entered me, but after a while it would go ...
A. 5 March 2011: Of course it's possible to have sex without rupturing the hymen. It's called " compliant hymen " ( when the membrane is very elastic and yields without tearing ) and it's not even that rare. With time, after a few "assaults", the membrane will be ... (read in full...)
Am I just his plaything on the internet?
Q. I have been in a relationship with a married man for 6 yrs and never met but plan to meet this year. It is a long distance affair and we agreed to be honest with each other as honesty is what I can have from him. Yes, he doesn't give me hopes, he ...
A. 5 March 2011: You are only his Internet plaything- and you don't even have a relationship with him ! you never met in 6 years ! Oh sure, he has been "supportive "- it's so easy to be supportive from a physical and psychological distance, all you have got to d... (read in full...)
My penis size insecurity is driving me completely paranoid!!
Q. I love my girlfriend, I absolutely love her, and she and I are both virgins and aren't going to have sex until we're married. But I'm super self conscious about the size of my penis..I'm 5 1/2 inches fully erect, but if I flex it gets to 6 inches, ...
A. 5 March 2011: ...How would you go about making it bigger ?...
Do you mean surgery ?... Like, you want to undergo a painful,risky, expensive procedure to enhance a perfectly normal, average sized penis- that your gf is completely OK with ?...
Omygod. Either y... (read in full...)
I just don't know what to make of her behaviour!
Q. Pls help me. I am really upset. Please :'( I have loved her like crazy for 4 years. We started uni 4 years ago together. I was a Pakistani and she was too. I fell in love with her. She did not love me. I made her say yes to me after a lot of effor...
A. 5 March 2011: Did you try calling her and asking her what happened ,why did she delete you from Facebook ?
It's only 10 days you are not in contact. If you love her so much- I'd think you'd check with her where do you stand in your relationship, before thin... (read in full...)
Do these signs point to an orgasm or is she faking it?
Q. I had this fear until last week that my girlfriend was faking orgasms. We are each other's first sexual partners, and I relied on my fingers/tongue, rather than my woefully average 5 inches in girth to get the job done. I don't see a reason why she ...
A. 4 March 2011: All vaginas orgasm differently - and orgasm can differ from one time to another , be more intense and prolonged one time, and just a flutter the next. All you describe could mean that she is having an orgasm - or simply that she is getting very aro... (read in full...)
People don't think we look cute together
Q. I know this boy and he told me that he loved me but I'm not sure because we've been best friends since we were babies and I'm 15. So, I'm not sure what to tell him because people don't think we look cute together. I think I like him but I'm still ...
A. 4 March 2011: "People don't think we look cute together ": Are you looking for a boyfriend, or posing for a picture ??
If you like him, what people says does not matter. IF , because you sound still uncertain . Think it over well, so that you don't toy with anyb... (read in full...)
How do I get my model girlfriend to listen to me?
Q. hey everyone, my girlfriend is a model and shes doin nightwear stuff like dresses for party and stuff like that. and sometimes she has to do photos with guys. im a model too but i hate it when my gf is doing stuff with other male models. i only do ...
A. 4 March 2011: It's just a job.
If she were a doctor or a nurse, she would get to touch and handle men even in their most private parts. Would you be upset about that too ?... (read in full...)
We've been dating for a couple months, but he won't tell anybody he is seeing me, or call me his girlfriend. Need advice!
Q. Hi there, I'm wondering if anyone can offer advice on the following problem I'm currently experiencing. I've been seeing a guy now for a couple of months and it's only within the last few days we have been intimate. He arranged for us to spend our ...
A. 4 March 2011: Uhm. So he is not ready yet to eat with your friends - but he was ready to spend the night with you in an hotel.
I don't know how much this has got to do with his being a widower- is he too grief stricken for socializing , but not for sex ? Uh... (read in full...)
I found out my boyfriend of 2 years was having a long distance relationship! Should I forgive him?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I just found out today that he's had a long distant relationship with another woman for the last year, so I wrote him an email to end our relationship. I found out by making a fake profile on a social ...
A. 4 March 2011: Move on and don't look back.
What does it matter if it was long distance ?
Maybe he just did not have the money to go and visit, or he could not take time off from work !
The cheating is already in the lies and deception, it does not matter i... (read in full...)
No orgasm from oral sex. Am I weird?
Q. I can't orgasm from oral sex! Only from masturbating can i do it. When my boyfriend uses his hands down there it feels good, I just think I haven't had an orgasm from that because I'm too nervous (performance anxiety) about NOT having an orgasm. So ...
A. 4 March 2011: Yeah. All women get mind blowing orgasms from oral sex, all genitalia are shaven, and all males have 9 inches d...s
like in porn movies. LOL !
Honey, relax - there is nothing mandatory in sex , everybody is different and you are entitled to your ... (read in full...)
Broke up with BF. Hes Making little changes..but is that enough or am I wasting my time?
Q. I recently broke up with my boyfriend.. we have been dating for 6 months. We got along great, he makes me laugh and i could see myself marrying him(he said the same about me and talked bout the future alot) cept for a few important things that bug...
A. 4 March 2011: Both. It depends what kind of person you are.
It's good that you have been able to work out some compromises , that he did not brush off your concerns , that he is making tangible efforts to change his ways. It means that he acknowledges ther... (read in full...)
He's not at my level career or education wise!
Q. So I don't know if I'm wrong to be concerned and feel bad about getting more serious with him simply because our future career views are different. I currently have a Bachelor's degree in Alternative Medicine and want to continue my educatio...
A. 4 March 2011: As it happens so often, the answer is in your question.
"I always wanted somebody to be in my level in everything . Including education and career path ".
It does not really matters what your parents feel about this , or what your friends ... (read in full...)
I feel like we're Romeo and Juliet. How can we prove to each other's worlds that we really do love each other and want to find happiness together?
Q. I met this really sweet wonderful guy who is alot older than me. We met about two months before my dad passed away and he was absolutely wonderful and supportive. My mom liked him. His daughter liked me. We had some really bad events occur in the r...
A. 4 March 2011: Oh boy. He dumped you when he got you pregnant ? Because he got scared- at the tender age of 47 ?...
That makes ME want to jump off a cliff - and I don't even know you.... (read in full...)
I want to lose my virginity. But she is adventurous and much more experienced. Is my disgust at this acceptable?
Q. Although I am semi-religious, I have never accepted the idea of saving yourself to marriage to have sex.. That may have worked back in the old days, but now, society has evolved in a way that sex is almost mandatory for a healthy relationship. ...
A. 3 March 2011: I don't think this has got to do with being Christian or not. Maybe you feel what is called retroactive jealousy ? Or perhaps you are a bit intimidated by her having more experience than you and deep down you are afraid she will compare you unfa... (read in full...)
My bf is angry at me because I took drugs as part of my religious ceremony!!
Q. Okay basically me and my boyfriend have been together about 8 months. its a long distance relationship. he is 20 and i am 16. we are both different religions. in my religion about once a year on a festival they make a special drink which contains ...
A. 3 March 2011: I don't get on a moral high horse, I get on a legal high horse. In all Europe ( and USA too ) consumption of drugs by minors is totally illegal, in ANY quantity and for any purpose. It's a crime and it's punishable with heavy fines and jail terms ... (read in full...)
I miss my home, I miss my mum, I miss being in the countryside, but there are commitments that I have to fulfill in London....
Q. Hi i just dont know what to do! I'm a 21 year old girl from the countryside in a small town, i live with my mum as my dad died when i was 4 and i have no brothers or sisters so me and my mum are very close. i grew up there until i left home to go to...
A. 3 March 2011: Aaaarghh ! I wish I could be able to empathize, but in your case I find it hard : )
" Who is tired of London is tired of life " . What ? You have this absolute privilege of living in the most exciting city of Europe if not of the entire worl... (read in full...)
Does she think I'm insincere?
Q. Okay, got a small problem. I have never been in a relationship, but I am getting close to one of my good friends. I make it my policy to tell her everything that I do, be it seeing my other female friends or things i have done in my day. However I...
A. 3 March 2011: I don't see why you need to report everything you do, and what she has to " digest ", you are not even dating, you are just friends !
I agree that open commmunication is important in friendships, which won't work if you are secretive or unne... (read in full...)
He calls me mean names, says I do not love him. What should I do about my married lover?
Q. I'm in love with a married guy. He has been married for six years and we have been having an affair for five years. He has two children with his wife. but he says that he loves me a lot. i also love him a lot.. i need him. i really need him and ...
A. 3 March 2011: You know what you should do : DUMP HIM.
No, love is not a good excuse for any kind of selfish , coward and irresponsible behaviour. He is hurting his wife and family- and you are helping him, in the name of " love ". Then,when we go to take a clos... (read in full...)
I saw many signs to make a relationship. So why did she say no to me?
Q. i didn't fall in love but i like somebody. there are some girls and i like them. recently i talked with one of them to make a relationship. she quickly answered NO. many times i made eye contact and there was many signs to impress her and she knew...
A. 3 March 2011: Maybe she did not find you physically attractive. Or, she may not have anyone in her life right now, but have another man in mind. ... (read in full...)
Should I just cut my losses? He makes so little time for me. How can I get him off the computer?
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years is increasingly emotionally distant. I am one that needs bonding time, and he is a robot. He prefers to spend his time with video games and other electronics, rather than with me.I have told him countless times that this ...
A. 3 March 2011: If you told him countless times and nothing ever changed, either he is deaf or he does not want to change.
Cut your losses.... (read in full...)
I want to lose my virginity. But she is adventurous and much more experienced. Is my disgust at this acceptable?
Q. Although I am semi-religious, I have never accepted the idea of saving yourself to marriage to have sex.. That may have worked back in the old days, but now, society has evolved in a way that sex is almost mandatory for a healthy relationship. ...
A. 3 March 2011: It's never "reasonable " to feel disgust for other people weaknesses. Everybody is human , everybody makes mistakes,
everybody makes decisions in their life that other people find questionable- and "disgust " sounds like an uncompassionate, clos... (read in full...)
He has a girl friend. He flirts with me. Could there be a chance for us? He's two years older than me
Q. Dear Cupid, This guy and I have been friends for a few months, and we've already gotten close. He makes me laugh, and it's just so much fun being with him! But he's the kind of guy that would say flirty stuff, but you have to know that he's just jok...
A. 3 March 2011: He couldbe flirting, but.. what's the difference anyway. He stills has a girlfriend , and unless he dumps her-please do not get involved. "Flirting " does not mean anything- some people are just natural flirts, they flirt with everybody. Some ... (read in full...)
I'm into Buddah...where do I go from here?
Q. ok i have a question, im into buddah and would really like to start practising this religion, but before i do i need to know a litte bit more about it, i have books and stuff but would i have to attend church or something? any advice appreciated :-) ...
A. 2 March 2011: I think I can give you some infos and answer your questions about Buddhist practice, but you'd better PM me, I don't think a philosophical - religious thread would be much fun for all Dear Cupiders !... (read in full...)
I'm confused and lost, I like this guy, it's a LDR only over FB as he doesn't own a phone!
Q. Do long distance relationships work.? I like this guy Doesn't own a phone I only talk to him on Facebook he lives 1 hour away We see eachother once every two weeks Potential? Do they work? And do you think this will work?...
A. 2 March 2011: Potential- low. Very low.
Personally, I don't believe in LDRs. Some do work, I know, but in percentage, as compared to all the couples who attempt one, the happy endings are really few.
But, actually that this does not really qualify as LDR. One... (read in full...)
I know he'll eventually get the message but I feel cruel!
Q. ok I have ceased contact with the man i was having an affair with, just stopped, he keeps txting me worried if im ok and asking to meet ive been ignoring these txts, am I doing the right thing, I know he will eventually get the message but I feel ...
A. 2 March 2011: What do you mean by nasty ? nasty like what ? ..
Because of course it's different if he gets nasty as in texting you sarcastic,annoying remarks, or nasty as in threatening to tell everything to your husband, or even to hurt you physically. If you ... (read in full...)
How do I make him see sense and that I am not ignoring him?
Q. Dear Cupid, My crush is mad because he thinks i ignore him, but that's not the truth every time I see him my heart skips a beat. Now he won't speak to me, which is confusing me, he's ignoring me because he thinks I ignore him? I don't want...
A. 2 March 2011: We cannot know for sure if he is ignoring you because he thinks you are ignoring him, we cannot read his mind.
You could make an experiment though : do not ignore him . Make a point to make sure he can't feel ignored.
Smile to him. Say hi. Go u... (read in full...)
How can I improve my self confidence and be happier?
Q. I know there are a lot of pleas for help on how not to be so lonely and how to make more friends but here is mine, another to add to the list! The only time when I feel comfortable and I can truly be myself (whoever that is) is when I am with m...
A. 2 March 2011: It ain't that bad. You've got 2 friends , after all. It means that you CAN have meaningful relationships with people. Maybe you just need to feel a real connection and are not that good at superficial interactions ; maybe that's just your ... (read in full...)
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