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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Did I make the right decision by asking the question I was afraid to have an answer to?
Q. I just cornered my boyfriend of a year and a half and asked of he saw a future with me. He said he can't make me any promises and that his future is shady - but that he loves me My gut has been fearing this for awhile. He told me to get Some sle...
A. 17 May 2012: OP, I just realized that you may be the same person who posted about a similar quandary ( younger uncommited bf ) with a Muslim bf .
If this is the case, I have to say that it would be an added obstacle.
It is true that there's no point in... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has no interest in sex whatsoever, is it wrong to consider breaking up with her?
Q. We've been together for 3 years, but this isn't the sort of thing where she gradually became less and less interested in sex... She's just always been pretty non-sexual, at least with me, anyway. We broke up for awhile about a year ago, and she had ...
A. 15 May 2012: Saying " if not for the lack of a sex life, we'd be the perfect couple " is like saying " if it weren't for the lack of a roof , this house would be my dream home ".
Total lack of sexual compatibility is not a trivial issue, it's a very seri... (read in full...)
Which guy should I choose? The one who is on and off with his ex? Or Mr nice guy?
Q. Hi, I really need advise for this relationship to come to conclusion.. I've met this guy for almost a year when he used to be with his ex, they were having problems during the time we met. We seemed "click" and we're happy when we're together. ...
A. 15 May 2012: I beg to differ, there's really no choice, on and off with a taken guy is really no choice, is being messed about. Guy no. 1 may have the potential to be the real man in a relationship and family, ( I doubt it, once a cheater... ) but he will give ... (read in full...)
Should I go to a sexually charged movie with a male friend?
Q. This might seem like a stupid problem, but i'd like some advice. A guy i know ( he's not really a friend, more like an aquaintance ) wants to go to the cinema with me tomorrow, to watch the new American Pie film. The thing is, there are lots of ...
A. 15 May 2012: Strange way to put your question. Even if you were going to watch a Disney cartoon, you'd still be going on a sort-of-date ( one on one outing with a male friend who actually wants to get into your pants ) while you have a boyfriend who would not ... (read in full...)
Should I go to a sexually charged movie with a male friend?
Q. This might seem like a stupid problem, but i'd like some advice. A guy i know ( he's not really a friend, more like an aquaintance ) wants to go to the cinema with me tomorrow, to watch the new American Pie film. The thing is, there are lots of ...
A. 15 May 2012: Strange way to put your question. Even if you were going to watch a Disney cartoon, you'd still be going on a sort-of-date ( one on one outing with a male friend who actually wants to get into your pants ) while you have a boyfriend who would not ... (read in full...)
I think my friend stole my money but she wants to be friends again, what should I do?
Q. Confused about my friend? I am so confused, my money went missing and I believe my friend stole my wallet which had over $1000 because she was the only 1 who knew i had it besides my family,she was the last person i was with and she was the only 1 w...
A. 15 May 2012: You can't be friend with her. And not because she must necessarily have been the one to steal your money ( possible, but not totally sure , and in any case you have no evidence ).
Simply because the main ingredient of frendship is mutual trus... (read in full...)
He grabbed me too hard and I fell over, but he thinks this was ok because some guy was pretending to hump me behind my back. Was it ok for him to do that?
Q. Apologies in advance for being long winded and thank you for taking the time to read this. I really need some advice. This weekend my boyfriend, and I went to his friend, 'M', BBQ. While he went around talking to his friends, I mostly hung out ...
A. 15 May 2012: Red flag. True, these are basically typical stupid booze fueled shenanigans and if you all had been sober you 'd been getting along nicely and slapping each other's back.
Well, to me a red flag is already when a guy can't handle is drinks and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to have sex with a shemale.
Q. I don't know if I should worry or not. My boyfriend and I have been together for 10months. He is 20 almost 21 years old. And well... My boyfriend wants to have sex with a shemale. The other day I found out that he's on craigslist looking to have sex...
A. 15 May 2012: He may not be cheating on you yet, but you know he is taking steps to do it next week or next month or... whenever he can make it happen.
I don't see why are you concerned about his possible bisexuality, a cheater is a cheater whether he is stra... (read in full...)
Should I contact this guy and say I'm interested in just casual sex?
Q. So there's this guy that I dated (we went out for a total of about 7 times). He stopped contacting me about a month and a half ago for some reason which I don't know why. I was really really attracted to him and since my last relationship of about ...
A. 15 May 2012: OP, it's better you don't do it.
First, you'd be courting rejection. Let's be frank, OP- if this guy did not bother to show up anymore even for the sake of having sex, imagine if he is a hurry to take you for a stroll in the park or whatever is i... (read in full...)
A man wearing pink skinny jeans?
Q. First reaction/ thought that comes to mind when you see a male wearing red/pink skinny jeans???...
A. 14 May 2012: Don't be so adamant, Shadow Rose,:) it all depends where you live. Even in USA , what screams queer in Alabama does not say the same thing in Manhattan.
And if you come over to our side of the pond, you'll see that all males in general dres... (read in full...)
A man wearing pink skinny jeans?
Q. First reaction/ thought that comes to mind when you see a male wearing red/pink skinny jeans???...
A. 14 May 2012: Don't be so adamant, Shadow Rose,:) it all depends where you live. Even in USA , what screams queer in Alabama does not say the same thing in Manhattan.
And if you come over to our side of the pond, you'll see that all males in general dres... (read in full...)
Should I give it another go with him or just end things?
Q. Ive been seeing someone for over 3 months now. At the beggining everything was great and couldn't be happier. Recently his ex girlfriend who he has a baby with has been getting involved. Threatening me and saying she will always get him back because ...
A. 14 May 2012: He is so, soooo messing you about.
Being able to say the right things means nothing at all. Then, one has to DO the right things, and he is obviously not doing them.... (read in full...)
I managed to convince a guy I fancy that I'm easy but now I need the skills to back it up
Q. I moved about 9 months ago and there's this guy "Sam" back home. My friend and I tricked him into thinking I'm a slut and he likes me better now. I told him when I get home I'd make out with him and give him a hand job. The thing is, I HAVE NO IDEA ...
A. 14 May 2012: And why did you go through all this trouble of misrepresenting yourself , for getting what ?
The chance of giving him a hand job ??
What's so special in this guy , has he got a solid gold dick ?
Honey, a hand job per se benefits the guy way... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has enough money to drink but never to do anything fun with me
Q. Right sooo, i want to make sure i get this across the right way, because before i start i need to say, i love my boyfriend with all my heart, he sensitive , he compliments me, he makes me feel loved ( most of the time) he is my best friend and i ...
A. 14 May 2012: Neither petty nor angry. You should be rational, wake up and smell the coffee.
Let's leave aside that what you deem a great guy may sound like a total nightmare to other women ( drinker, gambler, moocher,selfish aren't that great to most peop... (read in full...)
For the men: If you really loved someone, would you let their baggage stand in the way of being together?
Q. Question mainly geared at men If you had been seeing someone but your life was in shambles ( ie. Custody battle, economic issues, relocation possibilities) Would you risk losing the relationship because you were afraid of Bringing that other in? ...
A. 14 May 2012: Precisely Q.E.D. ( Quod Erat Demonstrandum = what we wanted to demonstrate ) .Punctual and mathematical.
So, he is too overwhelmed by the complexities of his life to have a proper relationship , but not too overwhelmed to show up at his conv... (read in full...)
As a person, she IS my dream girl...but sexually, the attraction is minimal. What can I do?
Q. I don't find my girlfriend that attractive, but I am overwhelmingly happy with who she is as a person. What do I do? My girlfriend and I kind of stumbled into dating each other. We met at a party one night and ended up drunkly hooking up (havi...
A. 14 May 2012: Break up. I agree with the anon. Looks and personality are like the two faces of a coin, -people are made of both. You need a person that in your eyes is good outside and good inside. Starting a romance only based on looks and chemistry may be ... (read in full...)
A man wearing pink skinny jeans?
Q. First reaction/ thought that comes to mind when you see a male wearing red/pink skinny jeans???...
A. 14 May 2012: That he's Italian :) Everybody wears them here, no big deal at all.
... (read in full...)
How can I accept being ugly?
Q. Rather than continuously wishing and hoping to at least be average, even with working out, eating healthy, makeup and hair straightening, I want to finally just accept that I am ugly. The hope and trying keeps me from accepting it, because in t...
A. 14 May 2012: Oh actually I did not have in mind world famine or victims of war . I just thought that if you can focus so strongly ( continuously wishing and hoping, your words ) on your lack of attractiveness, you must be in a good place overall. Try having ... (read in full...)
For the men: If you really loved someone, would you let their baggage stand in the way of being together?
Q. Question mainly geared at men If you had been seeing someone but your life was in shambles ( ie. Custody battle, economic issues, relocation possibilities) Would you risk losing the relationship because you were afraid of Bringing that other in? ...
A. 13 May 2012: Cerberus must have more faith in the basic goodness and selflessness of human nature than I do - because I think along his lines, but worse. I think that 98% of "I leave you because I have baggage" is about protecting themselves, not you.
The ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend setting unrealistic standards for me in the bedroom?
Q. So, my girlfriend told me she had a one night stand with a guy who was rather well endowed. She said it hurt, a lot, but it was good by the end of. We of course had some tension over this, I was jealous, she cried because she felt upset about ...
A. 13 May 2012: First of all, I did not quite get it from your post, but : does she like you to be aggressive ? Does she wants you, or asks you , to be aggressive ?
If she does, fine. Otherwise, don't assume that you HAVE to be very aggressive in bed , some wome... (read in full...)
Pregnancy obsession on my DAUGHTER - NOOOOO!!!!
Q. I caught my boyfriend of 5.5 yrs (really a part of my family), surprised him at his house(where I never go) jacking off to recent pictures of my newly pregnant daughter. He had gone into my computer and copied pictures that she had sent to ME of her ...
A. 13 May 2012: Exactly. Good riddance. I don't really know if there is anything else that any Aunt may add.
Perhaps you were writing because deep down you have the feeling that it might have been more politically correct to forgive him ? since it's a just a fa... (read in full...)
Why do men marry women that aren't anything like what they look at in porn?
Q. Well i have been confused about this for years. My husband dose this and other guys do this and i believe other girls do this. I have put on some weight through the years after i have had my kids and even before then i wasn't skinny but i was mu...
A. 12 May 2012: Because choosing a woman to spend all your life with and choosing a woman to masturbate over her image are two completely different things which respond to completely different needs and logics ?...
Men also marry women that don't look anyt... (read in full...)
Can you tell from our conversation if he might like me?
Q. Hey there, So me and this Guy started texting about a week ago and we talk everyday, i have only hung out wit him once and that was in January.. (long time i know) anyways.. im trying to figure out if he likes me, he isnt like the flirty type guy...
A. 12 May 2012: Call me dumb, but, if the last time you hung out was in January and now it's May - he can't like you that much , can he, regardless of flirting/ killing time on line.
Also , I find curious his comment to what kind of guy you like . It was the ... (read in full...)
I'm 64. Is it normal that I still want sex?
Q. i am a woman of 64 and widowed. i last saw a man in my bed 3,5 yrs ago. i still want love and sex. is this normal. please dont give me moral answers. i know we all need love to the end of our lives. i want sex too. and with love cos i tie sex with ...
A. 12 May 2012: Your answer is in a statistic that I read recently :
65% of women in their 60s still feel sexual desire and strong interest for sex. But only 36 % are regularly active sexually.
This means two things :- that you are fairly normal. Sexual d... (read in full...)
How can I accept being ugly?
Q. Rather than continuously wishing and hoping to at least be average, even with working out, eating healthy, makeup and hair straightening, I want to finally just accept that I am ugly. The hope and trying keeps me from accepting it, because in t...
A. 12 May 2012: OP, while honestly my answer would be exactly as politically correct, word by word actually, as Maverick's and Cerberus's etc.- I can see this will cut no ice with you, so allow me a provocation :
So, ok- let's admit that you are ugly. Very ugly... (read in full...)
Should I contact this guy and say I'm interested in just casual sex?
Q. So there's this guy that I dated (we went out for a total of about 7 times). He stopped contacting me about a month and a half ago for some reason which I don't know why. I was really really attracted to him and since my last relationship of about ...
A. 12 May 2012: No. If he has stopped contacting you out of the blue, I must have either found someone else or simply gotten tired of you ( and not respected you enough to tell you honestly ).
So, it's not like you are offering him something he'll be over... (read in full...)
Why do men suddenly stop contact, why cant they just be honest?
Q. Hi, maybe a guy could answer my question or problem. To cut a long story short, my best friend (male) left his partner and children 8 months ago. We have been more than friends now for 4 years. When he left he disappeared off my radar for 2 ...
A. 12 May 2012: Because you are overestimating your importance and position in his life. Maybe I've got it wrong, but " more then friends " with a married man sounds to me like you were - well, not even his mistress- seen the casual pattern of his comings and ... (read in full...)
I'm going to pharmacy school. Will that get me more girls?
Q. So my friend told me that seeing that i'm going to pharmacy school girls will be more intersted or is this just a myth? and girls don't care about this stuff? or do you say that it does help you get that girlfriend?...
A. 12 May 2012: But, it is even a myth ?... I've never heard anybody say that pharmacists are sexy !.
Actors, yes. Musicians , yes. Military men, or policemen, or firefighters. Airline pilots. Journalists, some times.
But pharmacists ? If any I had this feeling ... (read in full...)
He's a great guy. But I don't want a relationship now. How to handle my confusion?
Q. He is truly amazing, he is everything I every wanted in a man, except for a few things, one is his and my children don't get along very well so every other weekend is super stressful for me. Finances are super tight so he can't contibute as much as I...
A. 12 May 2012: Contrariously to popular belief , love only is never enough. Feelings are great bit do not sustain telationship by themselves. daily life and practical considerations intrude, butt in, and clamour ( and rightly so ) for attention and ... (read in full...)
Did I make the right decision by asking the question I was afraid to have an answer to?
Q. I just cornered my boyfriend of a year and a half and asked of he saw a future with me. He said he can't make me any promises and that his future is shady - but that he loves me My gut has been fearing this for awhile. He told me to get Some sle...
A. 12 May 2012: I think he is embarassed and does not know what to tell you . Actually, what's really there to talk about ? I mean, it's good that you want to deal with the issue without tears and drama, but I guess it boils down to being on two different tracks. ... (read in full...)
Does my best friend actually like me, or am I being played?
Q. okay so, i took my best friend to a concert. and he is eightteen im sixteen, durring the concert he kept holding my hand. i liked it, i almost made a move but i got nervous. so i didnt. when my mom picked us up from the concert we sat in the back...
A. 12 May 2012: Perhaps he did not disrespect your mom. But he disrespected you. What kind of a guy sneaks behind a parents back to cop an half asleep quick feel ( or face suck ) ,just like an afterthought on his way home ?...
Let's say , a very lukewarm guy,... (read in full...)
I want to be a good friend, but I like him a lot! What should I do?
Q. There is this guy I like at my school. He knows i like him, but he always says to not talk about it and to move on with the subject. He thinks of us as best friends, but on the other hand he gets too dramatic with things. He always talks to me about ...
A. 11 May 2012: Change friends. And keep your distance.
If he knows you like him romantically yet he does not miss any occasions to talk to you about his love interests, he is not Mr. Sensitivity and not the best possible friend you can find.
Plus, let's be... (read in full...)
I'm talking to a guy online and using a fake photo of me! Will he be mad when he finds out?
Q. I created a fake profile while pretending to be this really gorgeous girl. Basically I took her photos off online because she has a beauty blog and videos etc so they were very easy to get. I feel bad because there is a cute guy that I talk to all ...
A. 11 May 2012: Of course he will be mad, why shouldn't he be ?
Would you not be mad if you 'd find out that the cute guy you think you are talking to ( and having cybersex with ) is actually a fat balding 50 something old fart ?
This guy is history,... (read in full...)
We are very touchy-feely and this makes people think we are together!
Q. A friend of mine who is also a girl and I are EXTREMELY close because of some really emotional things that we have gone through together. we are also both very touchy-feely type people so this combination leads to us being veeerrryyy snuggly :) But ...
A. 11 May 2012: Where's the problem, just stop being so touchy -feely , and keep the displays of affection within more reasonable limits, it's not like you have signed a contract that you must be all over each other all the time.
This , regardless of the gay ... (read in full...)
Why is he being friends with me, out of guilt or is there still love and a longing to be with me?
Q. i met a guy from lebanon on the internet 3 yrs ago. we met on an age gap dating site..hes 17 years younger than me on the internet 2 yrs ago. im 43 hes 26. hes catholic and unconventional and we had a passionate two year relationship talking every ...
A. 11 May 2012: He is still friends with you because he is selfish and he either does not understand or does not care how badly this is hurting you. It works for him- he can't have you officially for himself, but he does not have to totally let you go. He can ... (read in full...)
I've had an abortion and now am afraid to go to church or to pray
Q. Had an abortion. Now, I'm afraid to pray or go to the church. Before this, I often find solace in church but now I'm afraid to even pray at home. I try to avoid any religious figures as in printing or etc. What do I do? ...
A. 11 May 2012: Since you mention " church " I will assume you are some denomination of Christian.
Funny how I, not Christian, always have to remind Christians that the God of Christianity is a God of endless love, endless mercy, endless forgiveness. God woul... (read in full...)
Is this normal, that I'm missing my parents so much? They're just on a 2 week trip!
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm really bummed out and i feel ridiculously lonely. My parents have been planning a 2 week trip to Italy for the longest time and they've been so excited to go. Well they finally left this morning and the day is dragging on and ...
A. 11 May 2012: Voice outside the choir, but no, pardon my bluntness, I find that neither normal, nor sweet at all. I find it neurotic and troubling, and as a parent I'd be very worried for you.
Love has nothing to do with neediness or dependence or obse... (read in full...)
Why is he still coming around when he said we didn't have a future?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for the last 2 and a half years on strictly a friends with benefits situation. Well he lived with me for around 3 months and the more I got to know him and we got along so good and he made me laugh and we just really had ...
A. 11 May 2012: "He was in a jam and asked me if he could stay with me a little while ". Translation : he has been mooching off you for the past 3 weeks with no intention to stop and no intention to pay you rent ?
Please tell me that I am wrong.
Anyway , how lo... (read in full...)
I don't want my mom to wear a bikini on holiday, its so embarassing!
Q. Having some trouble with my mom. What should I do? My mom, my younger brother and I will be going to Hawaii soon. I'm 15 years old. I'm all excited about going to Hawaii but I'm not happy with my mom buying a two piece bikini. She's in her early 40...
A. 10 May 2012: This must be a cultural thing- but for the life of me I can't wrap my head around this non-issue. It's a bikini. On a YOUNG ( yes in our society 40 is still young ) healthy and normal looking woman.On a beach. On a South Pacific beach, as for ... (read in full...)
How to word a wedding invite so it doesn't sound tacky?
Q. I am the MOH for my friends wedding. This will be her second wedding and his first wedding. They both live in separate apartments. He has the typical bachelor pad with barely nothing. She is a little better off, but could really use some new things, ...
A. 10 May 2012: No no !, printing out where you are registered is a faux pas even for a first wedding ! - If guests ask the couple or their parents what gift is desired , it's OK to say " There's a list at...", but one never mentions gifts first , unless ... (read in full...)
What kind of porn do straight girls watch?
Q. What kind of porn do straight girls watch? And how often do they do it?...
A. 10 May 2012: OP,... : do you want to ask for your money back, since your ( very wide and generic ) question is not being answered in the precise, specific manner that would suit your purposes ?...
Fine, all you have to do is....Ops, sorry, now I reme... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend disrespectful and controlling?
Q. Do you think my boyfriend is disrespectful and controlling ?. He is much older than me. Yesterday, when i was at his house, he was angry and he said " you act like a teenage autistic girl ". I have never been diagnosed with autism, so i don't know ...
A. 10 May 2012: I agree with Janniepeg. Blunt and disrespectful, yes. Controlling, not really. He was just annoyed by your quirks.
You are free to be as quirky as you want , I guess, but then don't be shocked that other people comments on that.
Frankly , it sou... (read in full...)
I don't want my mom to wear a bikini on holiday, its so embarassing!
Q. Having some trouble with my mom. What should I do? My mom, my younger brother and I will be going to Hawaii soon. I'm 15 years old. I'm all excited about going to Hawaii but I'm not happy with my mom buying a two piece bikini. She's in her early 40...
A. 9 May 2012: You should not tell her anything, but MYOB and let her wear the swimwear she wants. She's going to be on a beach, for Pete's sake, why should not she wear a bikini, unless she is horribly disfigured after some gruesome accident ?
I know that... (read in full...)
Did I make the right decision by asking the question I was afraid to have an answer to?
Q. I just cornered my boyfriend of a year and a half and asked of he saw a future with me. He said he can't make me any promises and that his future is shady - but that he loves me My gut has been fearing this for awhile. He told me to get Some sle...
A. 9 May 2012: I don't think that asking that question after 18 months of dating in your age bracket is forcing the issue.
it would be if you were 18, then a what the heck do I know would be an appropriate response. But if he is around your age or olde... (read in full...)
Why is he still coming around when he said we didn't have a future?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for the last 2 and a half years on strictly a friends with benefits situation. Well he lived with me for around 3 months and the more I got to know him and we got along so good and he made me laugh and we just really had ...
A. 7 April 2012: Because he follows the path of least resistence. He can't exactly have sex with any woman he wants. With most women, he'd have to sweat it at little : pursue them, charm them, court them, even offer a relationship and monogamy.
With you, it's... (read in full...)
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