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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I need your input please. He flirts a lot. But is there no hope, if he told me that he's: "relieved that you don't have a crush on me"?
Q. I know that I have posted a similar question before, however I need further advice. I have known this guy for about three years and been emailing literally every day late 2011 - early 2012. Then in the spring we had no contact at all really for a...
A. 20 April 2013: So how is he , shy and quiet around girls, or a big flirt and a show off with everybody ? Pick one :).
Look, obviously you are looking for a different answer than those you got , one to confirm you that in fact he may like you romantically. Now,... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he want a relationship with me?
Q. I was dating a guy who I met on a dating site for two months. He actually stated that he wants a relationship and so do I. Our dates were really fun at first, we seemed pretty compatible. I've even met his friends and they all liked me but he was ...
A. 14 April 2013: Simple , OP, because he was somewhat attracted to you ( otherwise he would not have have even bothered with asking you out once ) but not particularly , not specially. It does not mean that he has to be head over heels to want a relationship, ... (read in full...)
Why do girls like guys with attitude? Why can't they admit they don't like swet guys?
Q. I’m in a relationship with my current girlfriend for the last 14 months. Before that, I was in relationship twice : for two years and one year respectively and I was dumped because I was too sweet and loveable boyfriend. Before entered into...
A. 14 April 2013: Women do not like guys with an attitude, they like guys with confidence. The problem is that often " sweet " guys can't tell the first from the second.
Also , women with some self worth and self esteem definitely do not like to be treated the way ... (read in full...)
Is he a player or does he really have feelings for me in this year long friendship?
Q. I recently had a serious talk with a guy I have been seeing for a year and a half. I told him I had developed feelings for him and originally went to talk about ending the relationship as I did not think he felt the same, however he shocked me. He ...
A. 14 April 2013: He is sooo playing you, it's obvious if one is not blinded by feelings or hormons.
One year and a half of FWB , and he did not say anything because he thought you liked it like that ? really ? How considerate of him. But why did not ASK you, to f... (read in full...)
I need your input please. He flirts a lot. But is there no hope, if he told me that he's: "relieved that you don't have a crush on me"?
Q. I know that I have posted a similar question before, however I need further advice. I have known this guy for about three years and been emailing literally every day late 2011 - early 2012. Then in the spring we had no contact at all really for a...
A. 14 April 2013: Yeah you are overthinking this. Sure,it happens that people may say one thing and mean another , but you have to go by his actions, and if his actions are to be frendly-flirty to all the girls he knows including you, then you have to take him at ... (read in full...)
Anyone with experience in watersports?
Q. So, recently my boyfriend told me that it would be a major turn on if I peed on him during sex. He also suggested peeing inside me during sex. It doesn't gross me out or anything...I guess I just want to know if anyone had any experience with this. ...
A. 14 April 2013: It does not gross you out, but, does it actually turn YOU on ? If not, I would not do it. I understand that a nice gf is always willing to do things just to make her bf fell loved ....but I think this works better with baking cakes or knitting ... (read in full...)
Am I a sugardaddy or is possible for a relationship with a woman 20+ younger than me?
Q. what are your opinions of an older man getting with a younger girl and getting her pregnant? i met a girl who is 20+ years younger than me. we have talked and not having any children of my own, she said she is in love with me and will have a baby ...
A. 13 April 2013: If you are so secure with yourself, and secure that you have made a good choice , why are you on this forum asking could she possibly be a goldigger ,could she possibly see you as a sugardaddy ?
Because you aren't ( secure ).
Normally this kin... (read in full...)
I'm Sikh, my boyfriend is Sikh - My parents don't agree :(
Q. Hi, I'm a 17 year old sikh girl and I've had a rough past that my 22 year old sikh boyfriend knows about and he still loves me despite whats happened. Me and my bf have been together for 7months in total. We were planning on telling my parents about ...
A. 13 April 2013: A reason I can think of, it's because traditionally Sikh marriages are arranged marriages. It's a duty for the parents to arrange the marriage of their offspring, particularly females. It's a social duty, and a religious duty too : when a girl ... (read in full...)
He has been texting my ex pretending to be me
Q. A year into our relationship, My boyfriend found out I was seeing someone when we first started dating. I had been seeing this other person for a year and although I liked him he didnt want a relationship. we were more like FWB , i stopped seeing ...
A. 13 April 2013: Just leave, don't bother tryng to save the relationship. If you do save the relationship, what do you get ? One of those pesky freaky RJ ( retroactive jealousy ) guys who will make you miserable and will hold your past indiscretion against you ... (read in full...)
Does sex really matter?
Q. I have a brilliant boyfriend, he really is amazing. We have been together over a year and have lived together most of that time (we met in student accomondation.)We are both twenty and lost our virginities to each other, and I can't imagine a more ...
A. 13 April 2013: Why do you say he can't change that ? There are remedies for premature ejaculation, maybe they don't work 100% for everybody, but before assuming " he can't do anything about it " he should consult a doctor AND a psychologist.
He can't thro... (read in full...)
Divorced wife entitled to 50% of assets, I don't have a property?
Q. My American wife, she is white, filled for divorce lawsuit in the US and we got married in Pakistan. So can claim 50% property in case court give decision in her favor? I don't have any property in my name but she does and she is the one asking for ...
A. 12 April 2013: It depends where this divorce has been filed. I think you are referring to Community Property laws, when all the property/ assets acquired during the marriage are considered common marital property of both spouses and split 50% in case of ... (read in full...)
Is sex really ruined when a man has to pull out?
Q. Because of a medical condition, I do not use contraception such as the pill or injection etc. My doctor many years ago taught me how to calculate my fertile days etc which has worked perfectly for many years. My ex and I used this method fine for ...
A. 12 April 2013: OP, I think you really misunderstood, nobody called you a whore ! No Uncle or Aunt on this site would assume they are free to call you names , actually we can't ( we have moderators ) even if we wanted to, which we have no reason to want. ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for 34 year old man be interested in 26 year old woman? I am separated with 3 children.
Q. Ok so I'm a 26 year old single mom of three young kids. I've been seperated from my husband for a year and a half, we need to save money for a divorce. Anyways i jus met a 34 year old man about 2 weeks ago but only been talking for a week. i me...
A. 12 April 2013: Then everything is under control :). Just proceed sensibly and prudently ... but also with a pinch of optimism , as you probably would do with any endeavour in life. Good luck !... (read in full...)
Are the people around me just forgetful? Or am I too brash and lacking empathy with people? I have a habit of putting people down when I reply to them if I think they've told me something before..
Q. I was in trouble yesterday with my husband. He told me my behaviour was too much. We have gatherings of my club, that basically is for Italians. I’m not Italian but speak the language. One guy there asked at least 5 times if I'm Italian. I ...
A. 12 April 2013: On one hand, I understand you. I am a good listener and I have an excellent memory, so it does bother me when other people aren't...as good as I am :).
But, I think it depends from the situation and the level of intimacy you have with the pers... (read in full...)
Is it possible for 34 year old man be interested in 26 year old woman? I am separated with 3 children.
Q. Ok so I'm a 26 year old single mom of three young kids. I've been seperated from my husband for a year and a half, we need to save money for a divorce. Anyways i jus met a 34 year old man about 2 weeks ago but only been talking for a week. i me...
A. 12 April 2013: You are not THAT younger . It would be a big deal if you were 16 and he 24, but now the age difference is really not relevant.
Pardon my brutality, but what may make him not want anything serious is not your age but your 3 ( I am sure, lova... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. Ever since we met we have pretty much been connected at the hip. We have been talking for hours and hours every day. We have pretty much spent the past 7 years together, like every day except for maybe when ...
A. 12 April 2013: A bit of both.
Talk about a " fusional " relationship ! It's not a good thing, you don't know anymore where your Self ends and his starts, you see and value yourself and give meaning to yourself not as an individual but just as part of a coup... (read in full...)
I don't trust my former friend around my boyfriend
Q. There is a girl who I knew for a while who I've always been suspicious of because she use to always tell me about all of these guys she has been with and how she cheated on them and use to always say she could get and steal any guy she wanted. ...
A. 12 April 2013: I think it is a trust issue, instead. The best boyfriend thief can still only steal who wants to be stolen- or at least is not adamant in stopping theft attemps.
I don't think your bf is dumb and does not see when some girl is crossing the line... (read in full...)
I need feedback from others who have opened up their marriage
Q. My husband and I have a good marriage and communication about our needs and fantasies. My husband first suggested for me to experience another man. At first I it was an instant NO, this was years, years ago. We however talked about it and fantasize ...
A. 12 April 2013: I hope Aunt SoVeryConfused will see your post because she had this kind of marriage so she can give advice from real experience and not just by hearsay. Maybe you can PM her ?
In the meantime, I have to say that I've sort of got the feeling that... (read in full...)
GF went back to her EX, I made my one night stand pregnant, GF came back and then left when she heard about the pregnancy?
Q. My ex and I broke up about 6 months ago, which she went back to her ex (whom is the father of her child). I was assured it was over, and I begged her to come back. She suddenly comes back with a paper showing a divorce, and wanting to start...
A. 12 April 2013: Maybe it's nothing personal, - perhaps it's precisely because she already went through all the bady daddy baby mama baby drama , that now she does not want to have to deal with the same again.
Plus, not every girl likes the kind of guy who has ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he want a relationship with me?
Q. I was dating a guy who I met on a dating site for two months. He actually stated that he wants a relationship and so do I. Our dates were really fun at first, we seemed pretty compatible. I've even met his friends and they all liked me but he was ...
A. 12 April 2013: He did not " lead you on ", unless he has made you specific promises that you don't mention in your post. In fact, he had a hard time even complimenting you, so I think you might have assumed a keen interest that wasn't there. Taking you on dates ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's parents think I am not good enough for their son
Q. So this is my deal ..... I dont feel good enuff for my boyfriend and his parents ... cuz I dont act a sertin way or cuz I was brought up differently then them or cuz my kid dosent act the way that they want her to act cuz, im not in school right now ...
A. 12 April 2013: It seems you have been unlucky and you chanced into a guy who's not independent enough and never cut the apron strings. There is an over involvement of his family, both in terms of communication and of spending time together, and I can't but ... (read in full...)
I've been dating a "seperated" man for 6 years and starting to feel like his mistress
Q. I have been dating a man for over 6 years. I am divorced - he is not although he has been separated for 7 years. My issue is that every Xmas I am by myself for most of the day, while he flys with his ex and their 3 kids to spend Xmas with both her ...
A. 12 April 2013: In part I tend to agree with sugarplum786, but I am perhaps less sanguine, I mean, there ARE difficulties and awkward moments in dealing with extended families. In an ideal world of civility and mutual good will, yes, you would be included in ... (read in full...)
I felt betrayed when I found out my girlfriend had told me I was her first boyfriend but I wasn't!
Q. Alright so this is going to be kiiinnndd of a weird question. It's water under the bridge now, but I just want to see if my reaction to my girlfriend a while ago was reasonable. So here goes: My gf and I are in 10th grade in high school. All the ...
A. 12 April 2013: There's nothing acceptable or normal in what you did , you have been a neurotic jerk. Please put your head under the cold water tap and stay there, until you come to your senses. RJ ( retroactive jealousy ) is already unhealthy ,arrogant and ... (read in full...)
Not a player, but I'd like to be...
Q. I'm, 22, not a "player" or a guy who sleeps with loads of girls (in fact I've slept with 0) but I really want to be one, I don't feel like I am a man unless I have slept with a respectable amount of girls. Is this a good desire? I desperately want...
A. 12 April 2013: One step at the time :). Go get your first girl, for the time being, then proceed from there, see what happens. I mean, who tells you would not fall in love and feel no need for other women, or at least abstain from cheating on her for fear she ... (read in full...)
I know my self esteem is low. But his list of "RULES" is so long. What should I do about his verbal abuse?
Q. Dear Cupid I know the post is long, please read it through and help me. I have been with this person for 3 years, I cook, clean after him, work and pay 3/4 of expenses at home, get him nice gifts for his birthdays and Christmas, never ask...
A. 11 April 2013: ...It does not seem you can talk much to him either, since he switches off his phone when you call him or text him.
And, you may not have people to talk to, but, let's put it this way : at least the people you don't talk to- can't call you a dumb... (read in full...)
GF is cheating and I don't see it?
Q. I have been dating my jealous, possessive, demanding and highly strung girlfriend for just over 2 years. I have constantly tried and failed to meet her demands and expectations. Her jealousy occasionally turns violent and emotional if she ever gets ...
A. 11 April 2013: " Her jealousy occasionally turns violent ". Do you mean by this that she has on occasions hit you, or tried to , or attacked you more than just verbally ( not that being verbally abused is nice,of course ): then the good news is that you don't ... (read in full...)
How do I confront my cheating Fiance without making her angry because I spyed into her emails?
Q. How do you let your fiance know that you know she is cheating without her getting mad because you have been looking at her email that she keeps leaving open, most recent email to her "friend" "I still want to meet with you. I want to try if you ar...
A. 11 April 2013: Why would you worry if she gets mad, since anyway you are going to dump her, aren't you ?...
Aren't you ? ....
Or , what you want to confront her what for ? ... Hear an explanation, a justification ? Give her time to fabricate some straw ex... (read in full...)
If this is how he's going to parent I don't want any more kids with him
Q. I don't know how many married men out there are like my husband but it keeps me up at night weather or not there is and if those men are still happily married or still married at all to there wives. I've been married for 2 years now and my husband ...
A. 11 April 2013: Sorry, OP, I think you married a freak, and a dangerous one as for that.
Sure not all real life dads, alas,resemble those of TV spots , there are many dads that can act standoffish or lukewarm, fob off to the mother most of the childcare, when... (read in full...)
Is this what marriage is today?
Q. I know this couple. They have been married for 5 years and have a 4 year old daughter. The husband is a player and every now and then he's involved with many girls. He did this before marriage and after marriage as well but his wife married him and ...
A. 11 April 2013: OP, we are curious , may we please know what is the REAL question ?
Every now and then,regularly this post pops up, with slight variations, but it's always a discombobulated rambling story about a marriage of semi celebs and drugs and fash... (read in full...)
Sex after marriage vs sex if in a long term relationship, what is right?
Q. I'm in college, have never slept with anyone/had a boyfriend and I'm still undecided as to whether to do so before I get married (I'm also Christian though I wasn't raised religious). I would never sleep around but at the moment I feel it's unfair ...
A. 10 April 2013: Yes, OP, THAT'S a wonderful idea - even if you find what you believe to be the right guy, and if you WANT to make love with him don't let him taint you... spoil you ...ruin you...by letting him ( gasp ! ) put his penis inside you, so in case you ... (read in full...)
I am not excited about my boyfriend's teenage daughter possibly moving in with him!
Q. I met a wonderful guy 3 years ago, we both wanted the same things had similar visions for our future. My children have left home but his are still teenagers that live with their mum, so understand we cant go travelling yet until they turn 18. I was ...
A. 10 April 2013: I understand your concerns too, and they may be selfish, but are also natural and human. I think it is normal that you feel nervous, worried and far from elated.
But then again, what you can/ want to do , other than roll with the punches and show... (read in full...)
I'm insulted that my ex said our time together was "nice"!
Q. My ex just said our time together was "nice" and I feel kind of insulted. I felt like replying, "and your love-making, sir, was perfectly adequate," but I'm just not that quick on my feet. Now that I've been downgraded, I can't stop thinkin...
A. 10 April 2013: I don't think he was being patronizing or unappreciative. After all, " nice " means ...nice:) good, enjoyable, delectable, positive, all sorts of good stuff , it's not your ex's fault that the word has been so overused, particularly in UK, and ... (read in full...)
His friends are judgmental, mean, try to break us up and are so disrespectful!
Q. Dear Cupid I'm typing this post because I don't really know who to talk to about this. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over two years and me and him have been through a lot, like most long term relationships. I feel like I'...
A. 10 April 2013: What Sageoldguy said.
At first, I was probably going to say that it's bad when in a couple people feel they have to choose and take sides between their partner and their friends, so maybe it's best to " agree to disagree " and just to never ming... (read in full...)
Is it bad to daydream all the time?
Q. Is it bad that I'm daydreaming all the time? I'm a college student with average grades, a waitress, have decent family and friends, and I'm single. However I'm constantly daydreaming about my imaginary life. My boyfriend and what we did for ...
A. 10 April 2013: If instead than calling it " daydreaming " you call it " creative visualization " or " The Secret " ... you can write books about it, organize lectures and workshops, and become a millionaire self - help guru :).
There's nothing wrong in dayd... (read in full...)
Sex after marriage vs sex if in a long term relationship, what is right?
Q. I'm in college, have never slept with anyone/had a boyfriend and I'm still undecided as to whether to do so before I get married (I'm also Christian though I wasn't raised religious). I would never sleep around but at the moment I feel it's unfair ...
A. 9 April 2013: I think it is impossible for us to give you an unbiased ,objective advice, because our advice won't be detached by our personal set of moral/religious/cultural values and rules.
So, if you ask me, I am not Christian and I'd have to say that it's... (read in full...)
BF has changed from the unfaithful, to obsessively possessive, why?
Q. I've been dating this guy for almost 2 months the first month we was dating was just simply horrible! We fought all the time about everything! We just simply hated each other. For the past 3 weeks everything has been going great! No fighting as ...
A. 9 April 2013: How did you even get to break up in less than two months ?? Half of which, spent arguing and hating each other ? why even bothering, if this is the start ?
And how come that , in less than two months and in such tempestous circumstances, your daug... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's friend tried to set him up with another girl behind my back.
Q. I saw on my boyfriends phone that a friend of his texted him a pic of another girl. Followed by, "what do you think?" Mind you my boyfriend had erased all the text messages between them prior to this. Anyway, my boyfriend replied, "that could be ...
A. 9 April 2013: I find curious how so many of our posters are always ready to blame everybody and his sister for their SO's misdeeds, but the actual offender. It's always somebody else's fault : a flirty colleague, an interfering mother, a jerk friend that can't ... (read in full...)
Do I back off? Seems I am doing all the initiating. Every date I am the one who contacts him first and ask him when he is free to hang out.
Q. So I have been on four dates with this guy, after every date I am the one who contacts him first and ask him when he is free to hang out. After the fourth date I decided not to contact him and he hasn't contacted me and it has now been 5 days! i ...
A. 8 April 2013: Eh he sounds kind of lukewarm, and as if the pattern is set by now. He likes you - somewhat. Enough to not reject you if you ask him out and if he has the time. But as for being his own idea, well.. he's got all these other girls and apparently you ... (read in full...)
My mom is sleeping with a guy my age!
Q. My Mom is Sleeping with a Guy My Age. Advice? My mom is 45 and she's sleeping with a 21 year old guy I knew while growing up. I'm her only son (only child) and I'm 20. I don't think this is right, or appropriate at all. I think she should act h...
A. 8 April 2013: If there something that is not right and not appropriate is a 20 y.o. son meddling in his mother's love and sex life and demanding to dictate what she should do and with whom. Who are you ,OP, her son or her tutor ? The custodian of her virtue , the ... (read in full...)
After sex, liquid came out of me. Was it from me? Or him?
Q. Ok, so me and my ex messed around again and we did it 2 times in one day. The first time he was going really fast before he pulled out, and when I stood up and seat back down I felt some warm, liquid come out of me. Then the second time we did it ...
A. 8 April 2013: No darling, if you can't even distinguish semen from your own secretions, it's debatable that you are " grown up " enough for sex- responsible sex - let alone for having a child. Then again, even admitting you are ready to be a mother- does ... (read in full...)
Is there any way out of this clash of values and attitudes? She wants to stop having sex until the wedding day (no date set for wedding yet)
Q. Hello, This is a bit long-winded but I hope you enjoy the ride. It's certainly been interesting for me. The backstory: I'm a 33 y/o professional traveling musician from the states. Three years ago I met a lovely 33 y/o girl in Germany ...
A. 8 April 2013: OP, I atoned of my sins of omission:) and I have read all the thread head to bottom. It does not change my views.
Far from belittling the sacrifices and adjustments necessary to anybody who starts a new life in a new country, something that I am... (read in full...)
She's the Gf of a guy who is the best friend of my Bf. What should I about the continual rudeness of this girl towards me?
Q. Hello all. Well, I'm really quite down tonight because for a while now I have been dealing with a huge problem. Some of you may think it's silly but it's something that has really been bothering me so I would like to get some advice. The proble...
A. 8 April 2013: I think your problem is more your boyfriend , than the girl. I mean, it really does not take a serious, official talk for him to know that other girls sending him their naked pictures is totally inappropriate and disrespectful to you. What did he ... (read in full...)
Is there any way out of this clash of values and attitudes? She wants to stop having sex until the wedding day (no date set for wedding yet)
Q. Hello, This is a bit long-winded but I hope you enjoy the ride. It's certainly been interesting for me. The backstory: I'm a 33 y/o professional traveling musician from the states. Three years ago I met a lovely 33 y/o girl in Germany ...
A. 7 April 2013: I admit that , being a long thread, I skimmed through it so I may have missed something - admitted that,... really, what's the problem.
Love is blind and made you chance into someone who's not totally compatible with you, - it happens. Smok... (read in full...)
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