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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Should I back down in the face of my Gf mother refusal to have me in her home?
Q. Hi in light of my previous question I posted over a month ago I would like to ask if I’m right in thinking to stick to my guns . Basically My Gf Mother will not let me in the house because over 2 months ago my gf and I argued over something p...
A. 29 March 2013: OP, you don't get the point , but it is actually easy to get.
You Gf has moved on because she is in love with you and therefore more inclined to forgive and forget.
Her mother is not in love with you, has no romantic or sexual feelings for you,... (read in full...)
How can I ask my customers politely to leave tip?
Q. I've been waitressing at a restaurant for a few months. I've noticed that certain regulars don't leave tip regardless of service. And of course there are occasional customers that don't tip at all. How can I ask my customers politely to leave tip? ...
A. 29 March 2013: Not really.
Tipped employees are a class of employees for which the standard federal minimum wage does not apply. Instead, employers must pay a tipped employee at least 2.13 per hour. HOWEVER, the laws also clearly states that if the empl... (read in full...)
Should I back down in the face of my Gf mother refusal to have me in her home?
Q. Hi in light of my previous question I posted over a month ago I would like to ask if I’m right in thinking to stick to my guns . Basically My Gf Mother will not let me in the house because over 2 months ago my gf and I argued over something p...
A. 29 March 2013: Sorry but I side with the mom. The dynamics between you and your Gf may be only your business, but who is a welcome guest in this woman's house or not is very much HER business and she is free to adopt any criteria for admission she wants.
I find... (read in full...)
Her crush claimed, to me, that he does not like her. Should I tell her?
Q. Hey so I wanted to know how to tell my friend her crush doesn't like her. My friend and I are very close and we trust each other. Her crush rides my bus so she is always wanting me to ask him questions so I do. Once I asked him if he likes her and...
A. 29 March 2013: Then stop enabling her obsession. Refuse to be a go between, refuse to ask him stuff about her, when she starts raving about him change subject, try to distract her or tell her bluntly, enough I am sick and tired of talking about your obsession. ... (read in full...)
I am very hurt and angry that my husband is looking at porn. Why does everyone think porn is ok?
Q. I have been married for 4 months and moved across the country leaving my family and everything behind to be with my husband. I have no one out here but him and his family. I miss my family so much and cry quite a bit. My mother was molested b...
A. 29 March 2013: Not all men think that porn is OK- and not all women think porn is wrong.
I am not saying that you don't have the right to feel the way you feel, or that your dismay is unfounded or irrational, and I am no big fan of porn myself.
But I think is... (read in full...)
How can I ask my customers politely to leave tip?
Q. I've been waitressing at a restaurant for a few months. I've noticed that certain regulars don't leave tip regardless of service. And of course there are occasional customers that don't tip at all. How can I ask my customers politely to leave tip? ...
A. 28 March 2013: Tipping is customary, yet customary does not mean mandatory. Restaurants are public establishements , open to everybody, including cheapskates , absent minded people , or even impecunious people who can barely afford the cost of the meal. It's ... (read in full...)
What do I do about this ring intended for my ex?
Q. Hey all, I have what I think is an unusual question. For Christmas 2012 I bought my then girlfriend a ring. Not an engagement ring, but a little bit of an expensive ring that has a heart made out of rubies filled in with diamonds. Well her and I ...
A. 28 March 2013: An expensive gift to an ex ? Never ! She is an ex, she does not need or want from you anything more than birthday wishes IF you have remained in friendly terms.
Anything more than being civil is inappropriate and heavy handed, and will quit... (read in full...)
Boyfriend of two years wont stay at my place
Q. I have been divorced for 3 yrs and I have two kids 4 and 13 I have been with my bf for two yrs. my xhusband and I had a two family home and when we divorced he lived in one half I lived in the other and I had the kids all day and he took them at ...
A. 28 March 2013: I don't think you canblame your bf if he is not eager to do the same cartwheels you did in order to spend all nights together. If you decided to do said cartwheels and go out of your way to spend any free moment with him, , that was your choice , ... (read in full...)
Why do women treat nice guys badly?
Q. hi, to all you women who say you want to meet a nice guy, but when you do, you treat him like sh.t, but a bad guy comes around you fall madly in love, you all say thats not true, but think about it,a nice guy you know what hes going to say, what hes ...
A. 28 March 2013: This is a lame trite generalization and if you go around spouting off this kind of platitudes I am not surprised that you did not have lots of luck with the ladies no matter how nice you are.
Besides, a nice guy whom you always can predict what he's... (read in full...)
Is it the wrong time to be marrying with dating sites in the background?
Q. I am getting married in June. Two years ago I found her to be going on dating sites. First she lied about it, and then admitted she did it for a joke. I caught her doing it again and I left that time. We got back after she begged me and promised she ...
A. 28 March 2013: Yes,wrong time. Or perhaps wrong bride.
She made you a promise, and she broke it ( for what motivations, I think it is not relevant ).
She does not sound like someone who takes promises seriously .... (read in full...)
I am concerned my boyfriend has never been sexually attracted to me
Q. My boyfriend have been together for over a year. He was very shy in the beginning, and I was quite confident, so I was the one who initiated dating, but he was very interested and told me how much he liked me. We lost our virginity togeth...
A. 27 March 2013: I don't think it has got anything to do with you or your sex appeal.
More simply, particularly if your bf is in your age range- he will be a major wanker :). With, or without porn ( but probably, with ). Nothing wrong with masturbation, obvi... (read in full...)
What does the term "significant other" means in the homosexual relationship
Q. I would like to know what the term "significant other" means in the homosexual relationship. I used the term in an essay regarding interpersonal relationships. I stated that relationship of all kind can become complicated. whether it is with ...
A. 27 March 2013: Significant other is gender blind and it means in the current usage any partner whom you are having a meaningful intimate relationship with ( i.e., obviously a one night stand is not your significant other ) regardless of marital status.
I don'... (read in full...)
How can I ask my customers politely to leave tip?
Q. I've been waitressing at a restaurant for a few months. I've noticed that certain regulars don't leave tip regardless of service. And of course there are occasional customers that don't tip at all. How can I ask my customers politely to leave tip? ...
A. 27 March 2013: I wouldn't do it.
A gratuity IS optional and discretionary and, even assuming that not leaving a tip is rude, it's not your job to help your clients with their manners , only with their food !
Some establishements have solved this problem ... (read in full...)
Is it too much to expect that he at least acknowledge the gift?
Q. Dear Cupid I bought a really expensive gift for my bf and sent it to him. He received his gift today and i called him to check whether he liked it or not, even sent him a message. No response for anything. I called again and he yelled at me...
A. 26 March 2013: It sounds like you are broken up now. " Don't ever call me or I'll kill you ".
But, it does not make much sense that a person threatens to kill you and breaks up because you have sent them an expensive gift ! so there must be some sort of back... (read in full...)
Where was his chivalry? I was so disappointed!
Q. I went out on a date with a guy I met online..he is insanely hot,the pictures don't do justice,anywys when I saw him first I wasn't disappointed but I was really disappointed with his actions! Where is the chivalry these days?it seems dead to me! ...
A. 26 March 2013: Cerberus, I think you are being unjust with the OP. First, she's from India, it is a more conservative, traditional society,not exactly the poster country for women's lib, for all we know minor social things are more important there.
Second, if w... (read in full...)
Do I have a baby because that is what me and my fiancee want, or do I not because of what people will think and say?
Q. I have been in a long term relationship with my fiance over three years, we have had a very happy relationship and got engages almost a year ago. like all relationships, we have had our usual arguments and obstacles (other interfering people) but ...
A. 26 March 2013: In your country , which , if the flag is right, is UK, (and which,btw, is a country where I have lived and which I know well ) the average age for first childbirth is 28 or thereabout. Which says that , at least on this issue, the values and ... (read in full...)
Do I have a baby because that is what me and my fiancee want, or do I not because of what people will think and say?
Q. I have been in a long term relationship with my fiance over three years, we have had a very happy relationship and got engages almost a year ago. like all relationships, we have had our usual arguments and obstacles (other interfering people) but ...
A. 26 March 2013: As you wish. Fair or unfair is a relative concept.
I , for instance, personally find not fair ( to the child ) bringing a child into the world when the parent(s) is 20, still in school, not financially secure , in a couple who already had vari... (read in full...)
How much do a woman's friends reflect who she is and her values?
Q. We had some issues a couple of years back when my wife thought about cheating on me. She never went with the other man but considered it. He worked hard to sleep with her and she lied to me about it all until I found out from others. This happened ...
A. 26 March 2013: At first I wanted to say Oh no, they don't reflect what she is and thinks.
I am basically a non drinker - a glass of wine when I am dining out ,that's enough for me. And I have a good friend who is an alcoholic. When I realized the real exte... (read in full...)
Help! I want to break it off but it doesn't work!
Q. dear cupid, i need help. ive been in an on and off again relationship with this man that tells me that he does love and honor me. i do see some truth in that but as our relationship went on he became controlling and very insecure. the w...
A. 26 March 2013: Assume that if he yells at you and tells you you are horrible he does not honor you- i.e. respect you, and his actions are contraddicting his words.
Realize that if he " somehow " he returns into your life, that's just because you allow him to, ... (read in full...)
When should I email him and does he like me?
Q. Hey- really brief just want your views. I'm 22 indian- he's 23 muslim- both born bred uk. We work in the same organisation and have monthly meetings together. He is always looking at his phone so i thought has a gf. He is the quiet shy guy , ...
A. 26 March 2013: I assume that he's Muslim but you are not , and you are instead Hindu or Sikh ; and that this must have some relevance in your case , otherwise you would not mention it, I mean you would not mention " he's from Leeds I'm from Bristol", right ? ... (read in full...)
Do I have a baby because that is what me and my fiancee want, or do I not because of what people will think and say?
Q. I have been in a long term relationship with my fiance over three years, we have had a very happy relationship and got engages almost a year ago. like all relationships, we have had our usual arguments and obstacles (other interfering people) but ...
A. 26 March 2013: What's the rush of having a bay at 20 when you haven't finished your education and money can be tight ? ( And, I want to add , your relationship still has to solidify a bit -( " had your usual arguments and obstacles like all relationships do " - ... (read in full...)
I've gone from being madly in love with her to wishing our relationship were over. Break up or stay? Help!
Q. I'm in a long term relationship with my girlfriend (4 1/2 years). I have two kids (13/12) from a previous marriage. The kids live with me. About one year ago my girlfriend moved in with us. We had some problems during these 4 1/2 years. She woul...
A. 26 March 2013: I think, pardon me but I don't know how saying it in other more tactful ways, that you are a major wuss, as a father if not as a man. What, you let some woman you are shacking up with ( by your, and her, own admission, you don't feel or act ... (read in full...)
Can you have sex without feelings?
Q. I am super confused, please help me figure this one out! If a guy said he never had relationships with a girl, he only used her for sex, how in the name of everything that's good can it carry on for 2-3 months and no feelings whatsoever developed? ...
A. 25 March 2013: Oh he can carry it on for 2 or 3 years as for that .
Most men are able to keep sex and feelings distinct and separate. And women too, tbh. For women it comes more difficult, for both cultural and biological reason, but they do it too. Peop... (read in full...)
It's either arranged marriage for me or cutting ties with my family. What to do?
Q. Hi everyone, I come from a traditional indian family as many of you know the rules here are set on stone and you can't dream of changing it! I'm a hopeless romantic and someday want to be loved and 'in love'..I never really had a real relationshi...
A. 25 March 2013: Sigh... in theory, I have no hesitations, you should stand your ground and just say NO. They can't get you married until you keep say no, arranged marriaged are legal but forced ones aren't. And a family that's so oblivious and indifferent to ... (read in full...)
Is it reasonable for me to tell my wife to stop kissing other men on the lips?
Q. I really do not like it when other men kiss my wife on the lips. These are friends - just 2 or so. They do it as a greeting, when, for example, we first meet up for the night, and then again when we say good bye. I am fairly certain it has nothing ...
A. 25 March 2013: But that's the point, she is not being a NORMAL kind and loving friend, because this is not normal either by American or European standards ,it's instead crossing boundaries. So she is going above and beyond the call of duty to show her ... (read in full...)
Is it reasonable for me to tell my wife to stop kissing other men on the lips?
Q. I really do not like it when other men kiss my wife on the lips. These are friends - just 2 or so. They do it as a greeting, when, for example, we first meet up for the night, and then again when we say good bye. I am fairly certain it has nothing ...
A. 25 March 2013: What European way ?! I am from Europe, and I visited so far 23 European countries, in none they have this custom, it would be seen as strange .And /or inappropriate.
Let's add friends or colleagues from European countries that I did not visi... (read in full...)
I am his Gf yet he treats me like the other woman. Should I end this relationship? Worse, he's also started being mean to me
Q. I need some sort of advice, i been driving myself crazy going over and over this issue in my head. I am single no kids never been married. I been dating this man for 3 years things were great as any relationship it has its up and downs. Some of h...
A. 25 March 2013: He's treating you as the other woman because clearly that's what you are. She is the legit one, you are plan B.
He complains because you are not supportive of the situation ?... I can't believe that !
This is just like a guy punching you hard... (read in full...)
Should I leave my alcoholic boyfriend? At times he blacked out and acted evil.
Q. My boyfriend Max and I have dated for seven months. I thought he was the "one." He was always very attentive, we have wonderful fun together and we spend lots of itme together. As the relationship progressed I noticed that each time we went out to ...
A. 25 March 2013: Work out what ?, the guy is an alcoholic. Run for the hills. He does not need you- or any gf in general, he needs specialized professional treatment for his addiction- which I doubt he is going to seek because it seems he does not even see his ... (read in full...)
Will you let go of your cat you love if your mate has a terrifying phobia?
Q. I am interested in pursuing a relationship with a good friend of mine. We were once in a romantic relationship that ended because of the distance but now we realize we can't do without each other. He is planning to move down here with me so we ca...
A. 24 March 2013: Lol, Cerberus is right, I mean , this thing about cats' spirits that bring bad luck would sound perfect from the lips of Dennis Hopper in " Easy Rider " in lieu of his little speach about flying saucers, .... are you sure you want to keep him ... (read in full...)
Are women put off by skinny guys?
Q. I'm a skinny lad and I was wondering is this a turn-off? I mean I know some girls like guys to be teddy bears but is there really any market for us skinny guys? I'm 5'11"/180 cm and 143 pounds/64 kg and feel as though I'm not bulky enough for women ...
A. 24 March 2013: Put off ? I think you are perfect !
Well, in part perhaps it's a generational thing, MY sex symbols were skinny guys like David Bowie and Mick Jagger , the current taste maybe is oriented toward bulkier guys. Then again, I know some male mode... (read in full...)
Why am I stalling about moving to his country? Could it be that I have some resentment about the fact he gave me three STDs?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am in limbo and need your help. I've been dating my man for almost 2 years and we have an incredible connection, love each other deeply and have developed an open and trusting relationship. However, it wasn't always that...
A. 24 March 2013: ...Or, if we had to fight too much, maybe it's the way a benevolent Universe - or our subconscious mind - is signaling us that we are on the wrong path and going to hell in a wheelbarrow :).
Personally, if a man would had given me 3 STDs beca... (read in full...)
Will you let go of your cat you love if your mate has a terrifying phobia?
Q. I am interested in pursuing a relationship with a good friend of mine. We were once in a romantic relationship that ended because of the distance but now we realize we can't do without each other. He is planning to move down here with me so we ca...
A. 24 March 2013: ...But he does not have a terrifyng phobia, he has a stupid superstition !
I am not particularly an animal lover ( nor even an animal hater ). I do like animals, but I think that people count more, so yes, I would get rid of my cat if my love... (read in full...)
He's a virgin and I am not. Seems I only want sex from him and it's only been two weeks. He wants cute dates. What should I do?
Q. Why do I seem to only want sex from my boyfriend of two weeks? He's really shy and he's a virgin but I'm not - and I feel terrible! He keeps asking me out on walks and cute little dates, and then there's me; just trying to initiate more. How ca...
A. 24 March 2013: Karlos 5021 is right. Men get flak and reproaches for stealing virginities and using women for sex, why should it be any different if the roles are reversed. Tell him honestly how it's gonna be, and let him decide if it what he wants or not.... (read in full...)
Is my 16 year old boyfriend too young to have sex with me?
Q. I'm 19 nearly 20 and my boyfriend is 16 we both are so much in love and we wanna have sex but I'm scared if he's too young for that and if its illegal or something might go wrong. I don't wanna be in trouble....
A. 23 March 2013: The age of consent in India is 18.
Regardless of that, if you want to " stay out of trouble " you may want to think it over very well before going ahead with your plans. I know that this is not what you asked about, but we get many many post... (read in full...)
I told my boyfriend I don't have money for an Ipad, then he stopped talking to me.
Q. Dear cupid My bf of 3 years is asking me to buy him new iPad for his birthday, I don't have that kind of money and I cannot afford it. He never bought me anything for my b'day and I never really made an issue out of it. I told him I cannot ...
A. 23 March 2013: Tell him to go...iPad off and find yourself someone who is less blatantly a moocher . ... (read in full...)
I thought she loved me but she broke up with me saying I'm too angry all the time
Q. hi..im 19...ive been in a relationship with this girl for one year six months...we love each other or loved each other...she always says im angry all the time but its not my fault...my parents hate me...and im constantly being targeted by my ...
A. 23 March 2013: Isn't that how relationship are... ? Heck no ! at least not the ones worth keeping. If you fight a lot it means you are not compatible and eventually your gf realized - or simply got fed up of the constant arguing.
Your gf has been smart to take... (read in full...)
My personal trainer embarassed me in front of everyone in the gym, why did he do this?
Q. Why did he behave like that? I'm so angry and ambrassed? I was working out with my personal trainer and I'm kinda shy so I couldnt look at him straight so i was looking around the gym. and alot of changes has taken place there so I was j...
A. 23 March 2013: He behaved like that because you were not paying attention to your work out and were letting your attention ,and your eys, wander .Very annoying for the trainer. He resorted to a JOKE ( a rather unsophisticated one, agreed ) to make you focus ... (read in full...)
Should I contact my ex to apologize for my behavior in the past?
Q. Me and my ex were friends for five years before entering into a relationship and shared many of the same friends. She broke up with me once, we got back together, then our relationship started going poorly again. I preemptively broke up with he...
A. 20 March 2013: No. Let it go. Give yourself your own closure, it's the only one that counts and serves.
It was 14 months ago ( and btw ,is your current gf happy you being still so hung on the past ? ). She has moved on, she is in a serious relationship , you ... (read in full...)
I think my ex got married on a short term relationship, I want to contact her, but should I?
Q. Ok, this will probably be a little complicated. Both my girlfriend and I are middle aged, so, a little older than many of the people who post here. But, I could use some advice on a tricky issue. We had been dating for 1.5 years. I was going th...
A. 20 March 2013: Drop all contacts already ! You are looking for Trouble with a capital T and I don't see what you hope to accomplish even if she comes back to you. What do you want to be , her 5th temporary husband and financial sponsor ?
It sounds from your... (read in full...)
How is this romantic and not creepy?
Q. My roommate just got a date with a girl for being a creep and messaging her on facebook when he didn't even know her. He sent a message to her on an account he newly made that said I quote "I don't know you very well but one of my friends knows you ...
A. 20 March 2013: Eh a little flattery will take you a long way :) . People likes compliments. I bet you do too.
Besides, it all depends from the context and background. If I should receive such a starstruck message ( veeery improbable at my age ,lol- just sayi... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is really disconnected in our relationship. I don't know what to do
Q. My boyfriend and I have been living together for the 6 months and in the past month he has pretty much lost all interest in me sexually. He will cuddle with me on the couch and will kiss me (peck) goodbye but that is about it. He makes comments ...
A. 20 March 2013: I think you are not seeing the forest for the trees. He cheated on you in January, and he has an history of attempting ( or concluding ? ) Craigslist hookups with both sexes. That's a lot to take in.
And why are you taking it in ?
You asked if... (read in full...)
Should I try to reconnect with my mother in law or not?
Q. I am having a hard time reconnecting with my mother in law and don't know if I should. My mother in law has always been pretty nice to me, even though she said something very offensive about me before we even met. She did not want her son (my now-...
A. 20 March 2013: As you have written yourself, you have mother issues, that's why the rift with your mother-in-law leaves you uneasy , feeling a void that wants to be filled.
But, just ask around, and you'll see there IS life without MILs, even the nice, well... (read in full...)
I found out my husband is using porn and I don't like it
Q. I have found out that my husband views internet porn a lot. I am so hurt by this. I work hard to stay attractive and am always ready to make love or be adventurous in bed w/him. He says It's no big deal, and It's the same as me using a vibrator. ...
A. 20 March 2013: I don't think he is getting off because of all the different women, if he wanted to " admire " beautiful women he could just jack off to an issue of Playboy, or even to depilatory creams advertisements. Or close his eyes and think of his favourite ... (read in full...)
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