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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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How can I simmer down the relationship between my boyfriend and the girl living with his family?
Q. My boyfriend of 8 months is worrying me. He has never had a girlfriend before me for more than a month. When we started the relationship, we were living together, alone, and I was working. I didn't know at the time but he had cheated on his previous...
A. 14 May 2013: Thank you for the update(s). I am glad for you, this is actually even better news than you probably think. If your bf took the step to involve his mother and have her sort of use her authority about the issue, it means that you really got through to ... (read in full...)
Is he commitment phobic? He told me he loves me but then destroyed my trust in him. What's his problem?
Q. Hi, Would like some thoughts on the following... Dated a guy for two years and for the last seven months we have been going through a rough patch about living together. We arranged to sell our houses and live together. I sold mine first and ...
A. 5 May 2013: Wel, at least he was sincere - brazen in fact ! he is tryng on a new item, ( or several ) , if it does not work, - he wants the option to be back to old reliable you. Pfui !
Excellent decision, OP, move on and don't look back. The guy may be conf... (read in full...)
My friend decided to move to Spain this June from here in the US. I have feelings for him. Should I confess that before he moves, and I lose contact with him?
Q. We're 2 guys. Weird as it seems. Both of us are also in high school. We've been friends since school started last year, in September. Funny thing is, I'm gay--if you asked me on the street, it's what I say (truthfully, I don't label myself--bu...
A. 20 April 2013: I don't see what would be the point in telling him. In two months he is leaving to Spain, so it would be very hard to maintain a relationship even if you already were lovers or friends, and you are neither because he is interested in neither ... (read in full...)
We never get a minute to have fun together because his grandmother always interrupts!
Q. I am a early fifties female that works in a beauty shop, for 5 years now. I met a younger male there 4 years ago that brings his 82 year old Grandmother to the shop. We became casual friends. He lives with his grandmother to help her out, and does ...
A. 20 April 2013: I see what you mean, but he DOES get free time : the 12 hours a day. That he needs to spend these 12 hours working , rather than taking walks with his friends, that's its problem, it's not really something that should concern the lady. If he works ... (read in full...)
I need your input please. He flirts a lot. But is there no hope, if he told me that he's: "relieved that you don't have a crush on me"?
Q. I know that I have posted a similar question before, however I need further advice. I have known this guy for about three years and been emailing literally every day late 2011 - early 2012. Then in the spring we had no contact at all really for a...
A. 20 April 2013: So how is he , shy and quiet around girls, or a big flirt and a show off with everybody ? Pick one :).
Look, obviously you are looking for a different answer than those you got , one to confirm you that in fact he may like you romantically. Now,... (read in full...)
Is what my sister charges for babysitting unreasonable?
Q. I've got a bit of a dilemma around family and babysitting. I have four children. When I go for a night out I ask my 19 year old sister to look after them. She said ok and I used to give her £20-30 for sitting them. Sometimes it would be at night ...
A. 20 April 2013: I don't know what's the babysitting rate in your area, but £5 is less than 6 euros.. and here you would find nobody willing to babysit ( 4 kids, too ) for just 6 euros an hour- yet the cost of living is quite lower than in UK. Considering this, ... (read in full...)
We never get a minute to have fun together because his grandmother always interrupts!
Q. I am a early fifties female that works in a beauty shop, for 5 years now. I met a younger male there 4 years ago that brings his 82 year old Grandmother to the shop. We became casual friends. He lives with his grandmother to help her out, and does ...
A. 19 April 2013: Yes, I am afraid that there's not much you can do ( except perhaps bringing up the issue with him, but threading very lightly , with much tact ).
The lady is 82, stubborn as only young children and old folks can be, she is not going to chan... (read in full...)
What are some helpful ways I can tell him to comfort me?
Q. Although my partner has been through very similar situations to me, he doesn't know how to sympathise/empathise or comfort me at all. He is not a very touchy feely kind of guy and doesn't understand that it's not okay to just say 'that sucks' to ...
A. 19 April 2013: I think your Bf did a pretty decent job of explaining you why. If he has grown up around female figures who were very reserved or emotionally withdrawn, or anyway weren't inclined to open shows of negative feelings, " strong and silent ", then he ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of being judged about my lifestyle
Q. hey all i just need some opinions so here we go im a 23 year old girl who was in a relationship with a guy a year younger than i. we had a baby together and he did not step up to the plate to be a good dad. just a typical dead beat, yes he love his ...
A. 18 April 2013: Funny that you judge harshly young men men who do not work for a living and still live at home with mom, and you are a young woman who does not work for a living and still lives with her mom. ... (read in full...)
Was this girl ever interested in me?
Q. I caught this girl staring at me last and when I caught her she didn't look away so I kept looking until she did. I won that staring contest. then a couple days ago I was listening to my music and doing my work in art and I was just zoning out in my ...
A. 18 April 2013: Eh my dear, if only one could spend all his life only doing what comes easy. Ah that would be great, wouldn't it... but it never happens..
If depends from the degree and manifestations of your social anxiety. If it's really a serious , crip... (read in full...)
Was this girl ever interested in me?
Q. I caught this girl staring at me last and when I caught her she didn't look away so I kept looking until she did. I won that staring contest. then a couple days ago I was listening to my music and doing my work in art and I was just zoning out in my ...
A. 18 April 2013: I think Cerberus explained it . Because she did give you the " come and get me big boy ", but then you did not go get her . Maybe she thought she had sent enough of a signal ( s), and if that you did not pick them up you aren't much interested. ... (read in full...)
I feel marriage is important but he doesn't
Q. Dear everyone, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and I’m almost 36. We’ve lived together for a year. Problem is this: he knows I wanted to get married and have kids. He wants kids, but he doesn’t want to get married. We talked about ...
A. 18 April 2013: You are acting a bit silly, OP. Did you really end up crying over this ? Come on : he said he would marry you if that makes you happy. He hates marriage, he does not believe in marriage, yet he WILL marry you if for you it's so important. I'd say ... (read in full...)
Was this girl ever interested in me?
Q. I caught this girl staring at me last and when I caught her she didn't look away so I kept looking until she did. I won that staring contest. then a couple days ago I was listening to my music and doing my work in art and I was just zoning out in my ...
A. 18 April 2013: That I would stop the mind trips and the staring contests and just would go talk to her , what have you got to lose ? ... (read in full...)
He tells me he doesn't want to be in a relationship, but ...
Q. I had sex wih my friends brother. I have known him over 10 years. At the beginning there was some kind of attraction between us, but my friend, his sister didn't want us to get together. So I remained friends with her brother for 10 years. My ...
A. 18 April 2013: He said he does not want a relationship and he does not want committment . Believe him.
That does not mean that he does not like you. Obviously he likes to have sex with you . He likes you somewhat as a person too, if you have been friends such... (read in full...)
We never get a minute to have fun together because his grandmother always interrupts!
Q. I am a early fifties female that works in a beauty shop, for 5 years now. I met a younger male there 4 years ago that brings his 82 year old Grandmother to the shop. We became casual friends. He lives with his grandmother to help her out, and does ...
A. 18 April 2013: You are barking up the wrong tree.
This grandma's behaviour may be extreme, but it's far from unexplicable, I'd say it was to be expected. She counts on your friend for help, support, companionship and affection, in a way he has become the ... (read in full...)
I'm 19 and my parents wont allow me to date my boyfriend who is 8 years older than me.
Q. I just need to vent a little and am hoping to hear some others' inputs on the situation. I am 19 years old and am in college, but I am staying at home with my parents. I work part time and help pitch in with bills (not much but as much as I can do ...
A. 18 April 2013: I think that you are making the situation more dramatic than it needs to be.
I can see your parents ' point of view , if I had a daughter your age dating a much older guy frankly I would be far from overjoyed too. And I am not one to enco... (read in full...)
How can I simmer down the relationship between my boyfriend and the girl living with his family?
Q. My boyfriend of 8 months is worrying me. He has never had a girlfriend before me for more than a month. When we started the relationship, we were living together, alone, and I was working. I didn't know at the time but he had cheated on his previous...
A. 18 April 2013: Talking to him at his dad's house ,or somewhere where you you can be alone and will not be interrupted by Plain Jane :), is a very good idea.
Btw, I'd deal my issue directly with the bf, leave the girl out of it. She is not your friend or rela... (read in full...)
How can I simmer down the relationship between my boyfriend and the girl living with his family?
Q. My boyfriend of 8 months is worrying me. He has never had a girlfriend before me for more than a month. When we started the relationship, we were living together, alone, and I was working. I didn't know at the time but he had cheated on his previous...
A. 17 April 2013: 1)OP, unluckily, at least that I know, there is no foolproof method , short of physical violence, to make other people do what you like, or stop doing what you don't like. All you can do is to explain clearly what you don't like and why you ... (read in full...)
I am tired of telling people what they want to hear instead of what is actually on my mind. What to do?
Q. My friend asks me my opinion on how I felt about her and her boyfriends relationship. I told her as long as shes happy thats what matters. She then tells me after a short amount of time that she now lives with him. she should have told me that to ...
A. 17 April 2013: Eh people rarely ask things to know what 's on your mind. They want to be valitaded, reassured, complimented, ..anything but being told your true opinion if it's not a flattering one.
Take DearCupid , for instance. Long tales of woes about abus... (read in full...)
I love him so should I break up with him or consider an open relationship?
Q. I've posted on here before and found the answers to be helpful, so I'm back. My boyfriend of about seven months and I are in love with each other despite our differences, which I don't mind since I actually like him as a person. He doesn't believe ...
A. 17 April 2013: If he wants to take a break so he can f..k other women, he does not only have a past as a womanizer and a cheater, he has a present too.
I don't see what's in it for you. You would not try other guys anyway, because you don't want to. And your... (read in full...)
I'm losing my hair because of stress. Will it grow back?
Q. Please help. Last year my husband left me. First I heard was by email from his lawyer as I was overseas at the time on a short break. To cut story short i came back he had taken most things. We had been married 20 years he has not spoken to me ...
A. 17 April 2013: Yes it will grow back. It happened also to Princess Caroline of Monaco, some years ago- stress alopecia. And look at her now : a grandmother, and still faboulous .... (read in full...)
I'm losing my hair because of stress. Will it grow back?
Q. Please help. Last year my husband left me. First I heard was by email from his lawyer as I was overseas at the time on a short break. To cut story short i came back he had taken most things. We had been married 20 years he has not spoken to me ...
A. 17 April 2013: Yes it will grow back. It happened also to Princess Caroline of Monaco, some years ago- stress alopecia. And look at her now : a grandmother, and still faboulous .... (read in full...)
How can I simmer down the relationship between my boyfriend and the girl living with his family?
Q. My boyfriend of 8 months is worrying me. He has never had a girlfriend before me for more than a month. When we started the relationship, we were living together, alone, and I was working. I didn't know at the time but he had cheated on his previous...
A. 17 April 2013: Dear OP, you can do what you want, of course, but " jump to dump " often is not the superficial ,banal approach that you think it is. Often it is , in fact, if not the only, the smartest solution , and I'll try to show you why.
I would not call it "... (read in full...)
No one told me that my sister's boyfriend is moving in with us. I'm not happy about this!
Q. So my mom bought a house in Washington state right near the beach and so she was telling me how there is a house for rent right next door, I decided to rent it out. I was going to pay the full rent which is $700 by myself, my sister who is 20 ...
A. 17 April 2013: Exactly. Don't sign unless it's clear and officially accepted by all parties that you are signing for a boyfriend-free house. That SHOULD have been discussed with you in advance. That your sister pays half the rent does not give her the right to ... (read in full...)
He broke up with me because he thinks he doesn't make me happy
Q. My ex and I were together just over a year, we then had a few difficulties and spilt for about a month, we had time apart to think, do our own thing etc. We then got back together, made sure things were sorted, that we wern't making the same ...
A. 17 April 2013: I doubt that he is such a noble , selfless individual to break up just to see you happier.
If that were the problem,i.e. that he thinks you are not happy enough with him- your opinion should count more than his, shouldn't it ? I mean, you told... (read in full...)
She hurt me, I love her but should I just live with a broken heart and no violence?
Q. Hello. I am 21 and I am gay. My girlfriend and I got into an agrument one night at her house, so I grabbed all my stuff and told her I was leaving. I was actually leaving her for good, and she fought it. Thst's nice, but I needed to go home to cool ...
A. 16 April 2013: Yes, she's the one. The one that will send you to the hospital, next time she gets as drunk or more.
The One ? If you believe for a minute that " the One " is a person capable of tryng to choke you, knock you about against furniture, and phys... (read in full...)
No Sex till after marriage this is my value
Q. I'm at university and I've decided I don't want to have sex before marriage, as I don't want to sleep with someone who isn't fully committed to me. I feel very strongly about this and I don't think I'd like to change it. I'm definitely not asexual ...
A. 16 April 2013: It is not unrealistic to expect to find one, - it is unrealistic to expect to find many, or several, or various.
You said it yourself , the majority of men expect sex at some point of the relationship , and this may be wrong in your eyes, but,... (read in full...)
Gave my GF herpes, She now wants nothing to do with me!
Q. okay last October, i met a female photographer (39y.o) at a venue while i was out by myself supporting a friends band. I was married at the time and was at the venue to see my friends band and also take photo's of the band as i had begun a new ...
A. 16 April 2013: You've had the disease since 2002 and in all this time you never figured out that it MAY be contagious even between outbreaks ( during outbreaks is when it is MOST contagious ) and ,alas, even if you use a condom ( although this case does not ... (read in full...)
Girls: Do you say no sex to your boyfriend often?
Q. Hi Just like to know if this is normal behaviour for men or in relationships. Last night in bed with my boyfriend I wasn't feeling too well (have a bad headcold) and told him I didn't want to have sex with him, to just cuddle and sleep. He kep...
A. 16 April 2013: Well said, Cerberus, and even more since you are the only male on this thread that seem to grasp the obvious : i.e.,
no guys, you've gotta ASK first and you've got to be able to take NO for an answer , end of story. No ifs and buts .
The o... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's mom might have cancer, and she threatens to break up?
Q. My girlfriend is having a major crisis and it's deeply affecting our relationship. First of all, we've been dating over 2 years. We have discussed serious matters - possible marriage, living together, etc. She just found out that her mom may ...
A. 16 April 2013: If you don't want to lose her, you'll back off, keep a low profile and let her do whatever she needs to do, while you keep your wits about you, never withdraw your support no matter what , and avoid guilt tripping her for not being the ... (read in full...)
His friends are rude to me and know too much of my personal business
Q. How would you deal with your boyfriends friends being rude to you? I've found that I'm not really comfortable at all around my boyfriends 5 main best friends. They all make very rude comments to me and even just make rude comments about our relation...
A. 16 April 2013: I would not ( deal with them ) at all. I would deal with my boyfriend. He is the big blabbermouth who says your personal stuff to everybody, so HE is the one who needs to stop blabbering . Granted , it would be nice if his friends could be discr... (read in full...)
Girls: Do you say no sex to your boyfriend often?
Q. Hi Just like to know if this is normal behaviour for men or in relationships. Last night in bed with my boyfriend I wasn't feeling too well (have a bad headcold) and told him I didn't want to have sex with him, to just cuddle and sleep. He kep...
A. 16 April 2013: " I am your bf so I have the right to have sex with you any time I want " ? Where did you get this ape ! at the zoo ? . Luckily the law does not see it his way. He has so zero right to unlimited sexual access - that you could have had him ... (read in full...)
Confused: why did she start acting weird after I told her I am the same age as her and not younger?
Q. Hello Cupid well, I am in an awkward situation. I met a girl the other day at a cafeteria and as she was passing by, I stopped her and exchanged greetings so I could ask a bit about the place. The conversation went on and I asked her to sit with ...
A. 16 April 2013: Yes, I think she may have misunderstood. " I want to be sure in myself about what 's going on... " What's going on is , a guy tryng to be social and make friends, no need for all this caution and diplomacy if she had got it right initially. ... (read in full...)
Confused: why did she start acting weird after I told her I am the same age as her and not younger?
Q. Hello Cupid well, I am in an awkward situation. I met a girl the other day at a cafeteria and as she was passing by, I stopped her and exchanged greetings so I could ask a bit about the place. The conversation went on and I asked her to sit with ...
A. 15 April 2013: Uh strange.
The only thing I could think of, and I am far from sure that this is the exact truth , but at least it is a theory,... it's that, because in general 18-21 girls do not date younger guys, she had misunderstood your interest, and ... (read in full...)
Valid reasons to leave your partner after less than 2 years marriage.
Q. Some of you may remember my posts in the past. Well the good news is that we have been getting along well and building our future together. Bit there are two big pressures that I face on a continual basis. The first is the fact that I am expect...
A. 15 April 2013: Now , now, soul 83... you are tryng to play with loaded dice. Nice try, but no cigar.
Of course if there are new posters or posters that don't remember your story well, there's going to be a chorus of " Oh no, of course they are not valid reas... (read in full...)
My uncle doesn't like me and my mother's taking his side
Q. Hello, I really need help with some family issues. (I'm sorry for bad english) A couple of months ago, my uncle (my mother's brother) said really mean things about me and my father, in front of me and my mother. He was rude, he yelled at me for...
A. 15 April 2013: Your mother has been ASKED by the groom- to- be to invite this guy, and so she must do it; she cannot do as she pleases with other people's weddings. Plus, it's her nrother, she took your side , she defended you , as she was supposed to do, when ... (read in full...)
When he asks me questions, I feel put on the spot. How do I communicate?
Q. ive been dating this man for about a month, give or take. and it takes me awhile to get use to, open up to someone, but on the other hand he is very talkative, intelligent, comprehensive, sesquipedalian. i love that but, when he asks me questions i ...
A. 15 April 2013: You are not a person of big educated words ? Are you kidding me ?
I can say I speak English very fluently ( considering it's not my mothertongue ) - yet I got stumped at " sesquipedalian " . I thought it had something to do with Canada, then I re... (read in full...)
Girls: Do you say no sex to your boyfriend often?
Q. Hi Just like to know if this is normal behaviour for men or in relationships. Last night in bed with my boyfriend I wasn't feeling too well (have a bad headcold) and told him I didn't want to have sex with him, to just cuddle and sleep. He kep...
A. 15 April 2013: Normal ? That's something people go to jail for : attempted rape.
I have a hard time believing that you are old enough to have sex, but not old enough that you owe sex to nobody .
Sex happens when both people want it. If the woman ( or the man ... (read in full...)
My Crush always has a hard on around me and does nothing to hide it.
Q. I've noticed that my crush tends to have a hard on when we hang out and he stands in my face and it becomes very obvious to me that he has a hard on. I don't look at it cause I know is there. Is almost as if he wants me to know he has an erection. ...
A. 15 April 2013: What is he wearing, a catsuit?!
Bleah. It sounds creepy to me. If he can't help having an erection when he sees you all covered, it's not his fault, but he could do without sticking his hard on in your face. ... (read in full...)
I don't see myself marrying him, but he's good for now, what do you think?
Q. Hey guys! So me and my bf has been together for almost 2 years now and we have an amazing relationship. He's only a year younger than me but i feel like he has so much growing up to do and it literally drives me crazy! My biggest mistake was taking ...
A. 15 April 2013: "I am not going to break up with someone because they are not mature enough "- actually that sounds to me a very good reason to break up . It means that you are at two noticeably different levels psichologically and in how you deal with ... (read in full...)
Is he commitment phobic? He told me he loves me but then destroyed my trust in him. What's his problem?
Q. Hi, Would like some thoughts on the following... Dated a guy for two years and for the last seven months we have been going through a rough patch about living together. We arranged to sell our houses and live together. I sold mine first and ...
A. 14 April 2013: This guy's problem is that he was not that into you. At least not enough to merge your lives. He might as well want to be someone's husband, but surely he did not act as if he wanted to be your husband.
" But he said.".. talk his cheap. People can ... (read in full...)
He's still with his girlfriend, so why is he still seeing me? Does he like me?
Q. I was seeing a guy about 3 years ago and we never broke it off In bad terms we just fell apart .. So he ended up with someone and i was really happy for him so last year i messaged him and we spoke about the past and he asked if he could come ove...
A. 14 April 2013: He likes having sex with you and he likes your availability : no fuss, no pressures, no demands. Just a cozy, convenient bit on the side for the sake of variety, after which he can go back home to his real gf . For guys like him, eating his cake ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he want a relationship with me?
Q. I was dating a guy who I met on a dating site for two months. He actually stated that he wants a relationship and so do I. Our dates were really fun at first, we seemed pretty compatible. I've even met his friends and they all liked me but he was ...
A. 14 April 2013: Simple , OP, because he was somewhat attracted to you ( otherwise he would not have have even bothered with asking you out once ) but not particularly , not specially. It does not mean that he has to be head over heels to want a relationship, ... (read in full...)
I need your input please. He flirts a lot. But is there no hope, if he told me that he's: "relieved that you don't have a crush on me"?
Q. I know that I have posted a similar question before, however I need further advice. I have known this guy for about three years and been emailing literally every day late 2011 - early 2012. Then in the spring we had no contact at all really for a...
A. 14 April 2013: Yeah you are overthinking this. Sure,it happens that people may say one thing and mean another , but you have to go by his actions, and if his actions are to be frendly-flirty to all the girls he knows including you, then you have to take him at ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he want a relationship with me?
Q. I was dating a guy who I met on a dating site for two months. He actually stated that he wants a relationship and so do I. Our dates were really fun at first, we seemed pretty compatible. I've even met his friends and they all liked me but he was ...
A. 12 April 2013: He did not " lead you on ", unless he has made you specific promises that you don't mention in your post. In fact, he had a hard time even complimenting you, so I think you might have assumed a keen interest that wasn't there. Taking you on dates ... (read in full...)
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