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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Am I crazy to hope there might be more between us or should I just move on?
Q. I have had a FWB for three years (we've known each other fir 16 years) when we are together we act just like any other couple but if we're at work or out with friends we act as if nothing is going oneven though mist of them know we're sleeping ...
A. 29 April 2013: So,he's not aknowledging your relationship and he is keeping it secret ( although not a very well kept secret 9 and if this has been going on since 3 years I doubt is going to change, it means that this way works well for him . But it does notr ... (read in full...)
Why is my ex civiil to me when she told my friend she doesn't even like me?
Q. i'm confused why the girl i used to date would make comment like this to my best mate about me. I thought things we're okay, so why she lied seems off to me. You decide... We had a bad break up, I was a douche to her I wont deny that. But she sa...
A. 28 April 2013: You would not be civil with someone you don't like, and you would be quite wrong.
First, because you may not like someone that much, but still do not see them as your archienemy or the bane of your life, - you have been sort of a douche but hop... (read in full...)
Do I have a right to be angry that he is going out to dinner alone with another woman?
Q. Is it acceptable for a man to go to dinner with a female acquaintance when he is either in a relationship or trying to "work things out" with his ex? And if you're "working things out" then does that mean you would describe yourself to othe...
A. 28 April 2013: I think that if he is working things out with you , apparently he is not pouring his heart into the effort, he gets distracted easily... and I think that, although I find nothing wrong with having dinner one on one with a longtime friend of the ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend nonchalantly hinting at a baby or just joking
Q. Okay so me and my boyfriend just got back together and things have gotten a lot better between us communication wise, now I'm starting to open up to him a lot more which makes him happy. Well once night we were talking and teasing and joking around. ...
A. 27 April 2013: Op, whether your bf is serious or just joking about the baby is not really relevant, what's relevant is what you think .
I know you say you want to have a baby some day, but, would you want to have it NOW ? Like, right now ? At such a young age ... (read in full...)
I am getting mixed signals from my friend, but I really like her
Q. Does my female 19 year old uni friend like me? The things that make me think 'maybe' are: She jokes about going out and that I am the type of guy she would want to marry She always tells me I make her laugh She calls me cute I catch her lo...
A. 27 April 2013: Yes, I think it's definitely worth a try :)
Her search for physical contact is rather telling, -it's true that some people are more touchy feely than others and if they hug you it does not mean they want to date you, but it's also true that... (read in full...)
Yes she is married. At the last minute she ripped up the divorce papers.How can I be friends with her?
Q. I’m in a sticky situation. I’m in love with a married woman and she’s my first love. It’s really hard. See they were getting divorced but still sleeping in the same house(different rooms and beds}. She had the papers and everything suit ...
A. 27 April 2013: Forget about her marital status, you CAN'T be friends with someone you are in love with. As simple as that. It's a " fake ", contrived friendship, - the person who is in love would want much more than friendship, can't have it and just settles for ... (read in full...)
Are my insecurities playing a part in this? Or were his comments rude?
Q. I’ve been seeing this guy (exclusively but not boyfriend and girlfriend yet)for just over 2 months (I have known him for 5 months but things started progressing properly 3 months in), I'm 20, he's 21, things are really good between us in general....
A. 27 April 2013: I think so. And that's why when I'll become dictator I will outlaw text messaging except for strictly practical purposes ,i.e " Pick you up at 7 ". Anybody who uses texts for courtship and romance will be deported to a remote island. You can't ... (read in full...)
Why would he call me a Princess and then tell me that I like to get my own way and I sulk? Is that a compliment or is he flirting with me?
Q. Why would he say that to me? Is it a compliment? I was talking to this cute guy I like. I'm very quiet and shy around him and he's quiet Around me too. He said I'm very mysterious and a princess I said why does he calls me a princess he said I...
A. 27 April 2013: No, it's not a compliment in general, and in your case, he even motivated in a way that I wonder how can you even doubt he meant it in a good way !
Unless you think that being someone stubborn ,childish and demanding that always want to have thin... (read in full...)
I'm conflicted. Since I'm a virgin is it unreasonable to want to find a girl who is a virgin to date?
Q. I don't really know how to approach this topic eloquently, so here's it in a nutshell: I'm extremely conflicted right now about sex. I'm 22 years old and have never had a girlfriend, and am still a virgin (obviously). I've never even kissed a gi...
A. 27 April 2013: Then, if I got it right, so many words,... but it all boils down to performance anxiety. You are afraid that you won't be that good the first time, and that she would judge you poorly for that.
The first is not a fear, it's a fact of life. The ... (read in full...)
Is he more into this relationship than he's willing to admit?
Q. An old relationship is in the process of being renewed. He says he wants to keep it casual, but is constantly saying and doing things that don't define casual. He comes over several times a week, sometimes, twice a day. If I don't call him, he ...
A. 26 April 2013: I think it's wishful thinking, OP, if it's more than 20 years that you are in love with this guy, I suppose you are both well into your adulthood, if he was really into this relationship and wanted something serious with you, why would he be ... (read in full...)
Does she love me or is she crazy?
Q. hey guys i need some advise. me and my ex broke up about a month ago a 6 month relationship. she went back to the guy before me. she said she was sorry but i dont care what she says. shes done this a couple times the guy is a jerk but im not here to ...
A. 26 April 2013: OP, I can offer you my guess in a few seconds, but first, let me warn you : this is just the type of idle, pointless questions that have no practical utility, will keep you stuck in longing and pining , and will prevent you from moving on.
The only... (read in full...)
Me and my boyfriend are fighting all the time & I don't know what to do.
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 3 months, I am 14 years old and sexually active. At this age I wish I wasn't. We had sexual intercorse when we started dating for 2 months. On the second day that him and me started dating, i kissed ...
A. 26 April 2013: Look, don't take it as a negative comment, just as an objective impartial observation of how things look from the outside to an average neutral observer.
You may have had to grow up pretty fast, but in the sense that you have adopted adult beha... (read in full...)
What does he mean he 'doesn't want drama'?
Q. Hi , so there is this guy at my work that I like so much but he is m y boss. I knoe he likes me too because of the way he act. But he never tells me that he likes me so last night I told him I like him very much and all he said was he is much ...
A. 26 April 2013: " I don't want drama " generally is code for " I don't want any attachment or emotional involvement, I want to keep it simple, uncommitted. No jealousy, no expectations, casual fun only ".... (read in full...)
Going on holiday without my boyfriend - should I tell him the truth about where I'm going?
Q. Am i being selfish going on holiday without my boyfriend? I'm going to London for three days next week with my mum. My boyfriend doesn't even know yet! When my boyfriend gets paid, he goes to see his friends for about three days. Sometimes less, ...
A. 25 April 2013: Why should you lie about going on a mini holiday with your mom ? it's not as if you are taking off with another guy !
If your qualms are because your will be a fancier ,more expensive trip than his several local trips, it's also true this is your... (read in full...)
I'm 18 and my parents are strict. I want to get birth control but if I do my parents will judge me. What should I do?
Q. Okay I'm 18, and with having strict parents i sometimes feel like they don't understand me. Ever since i started dating my boyfriend i feel like he is the only one here for me. We have been together for almost a year now and we have started ...
A. 25 April 2013: OP, you are 18 and you don't need to share with your parents your contracceptive choices, that's your private business. Anyway, you are afraid they would judge... but what the lesser evil, being judged or being pregnant ?!
Run, not walk, to your... (read in full...)
I'm conflicted. Since I'm a virgin is it unreasonable to want to find a girl who is a virgin to date?
Q. I don't really know how to approach this topic eloquently, so here's it in a nutshell: I'm extremely conflicted right now about sex. I'm 22 years old and have never had a girlfriend, and am still a virgin (obviously). I've never even kissed a gi...
A. 25 April 2013: Yes it is wrong. You don't mention religious reasons and are not even sure you'd want to wait for marriage yourself, so obviously you don't see premarital sex as a bad, immoral choice. In fact, it is a choice you would do for yourself in a jiffy, ... (read in full...)
My Mom seems to want me to be more like her. But that's not me. How can I handle this problem?
Q. hey aunties and uncles, it's not a relationship question, well not of the romantic kind anyway. just a quick background, As a child I wasn't very shy but as the years passed I suppose I became shy with strangers at school I wasn't bullied, ...
A. 25 April 2013: Well said zippy78, just my point only expressed better.
As a matter of fact, I am a bit surprised that this is even an issue and that you,OP, resent as an injust imposition being asked to act civil ( not bubbly, not spunky- civil ) ,so I wond... (read in full...)
I don't want to break up. What can I do? She wants to tell everyone we are dating and I am not there yet.
Q. I am in a very complicated situation. I've been dating this girl for a couples of months now. I had never dated a women before and before I met her I always considered myself straight 100%. I don't like women, I just like her. I have actuall...
A. 25 April 2013: This is a very unfortunate situation, but I think you should break up in fairness to this person. It's not your fault if you aren't ready to come out , or even sure that you want to come out, as you don't identify yourself as a lesbian . But you ... (read in full...)
My Mom seems to want me to be more like her. But that's not me. How can I handle this problem?
Q. hey aunties and uncles, it's not a relationship question, well not of the romantic kind anyway. just a quick background, As a child I wasn't very shy but as the years passed I suppose I became shy with strangers at school I wasn't bullied, ...
A. 25 April 2013: Pardon me, but... if you don't want to be treated like a child, then stop acting like one. Yours is the typical reasoning of a ten years old. " If I had been alone we would not have aknowledged each other 2 Perhaps, but, WERE you alone ? No. You ... (read in full...)
My husband wants to have a baby with another woman. He's says I'm making this out to be a big deal. Am I over-reacting like he says?
Q. Im 20 years old and have 2 kids. My oldest is 4 and she is from a past relationship. Im now married and we just had our son in February. Recently my husband has been talking about having a baby of his own with another woman. I thought he was k...
A. 24 April 2013: Overreacting ? Are you nuts ?
It is a very big deal. First, to make this baby he should have sex with another woman , which he has promised not to do since the moment he married you. Are you OK with him having sex with another woman ( for WHAT... (read in full...)
To move or not to move, single mom life
Q. Hello! I am looking for advice on moving in with my boyfriend. He is 32 and i am 23. We both have elementary school age daughters. His daughter doesnt live with him now, but in two months she will,move in with him full time. When i met her she wasnt ...
A. 24 April 2013: Of course don't move ! You said that you live in limited income housing, that if you break up with the guy ( which is quite a possibility, when you add to the adjustment efforts of getting used to live together full time, the stress of blending ... (read in full...)
We will be breaking up after the summer. Is it a good idea to keep dating now?
Q. Next year my boyfriend and I are going to uni, different unis but not that far apart. I told him that he meant a lot to me and I'd like to try to stay together at uni because I didn't want to lose him, but after a lot of time of him thinking about ...
A. 24 April 2013: Yes, bad idea. Either in or out. He wants to break up with you , and although the unis are not that far apart so distance would not necessarily be the kiss of death- but he wants to do it when it's more conevenient for him , so that he can move ... (read in full...)
We have sex but he wont consider being my boyfriend.
Q. Atfirst this guy and ibwere together,then we were forced to seperate by parents.Well,now we are allowed around eachouther and we have been sleeping together for about 2 years..i would like to have and call it a relationship,however he says he isn't ...
A. 24 April 2013: He does not want a relationship, at least with you ,he wants to be free and sleep with you without committment.
He did not mean that he feels is not got enough to be your boyfriend, he knows you like him as he is, otherwise why would you acce... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend hiding something from me?
Q. My girlfriend has lied to me in the past about where she was from. At the time, I forgave it as she appeared to be really sincere, and she cried her eyes out after admitting it to me. I felt bad and decided to give her a chance because she really ...
A. 23 April 2013: I am with SVC , the bottom line is that if there's no trust, you are both wasting time.
I feel, contrariously to other posters, that there is not enough condemning evidence in what you report.
She must have finished high school, otherwis... (read in full...)
Why cant I befriend this girl who is also friends with my BF?
Q. Both my boyfriend and I share a large friend group who we have all been friends with for a long time. There is this other girl in the group who I seem to be bothered by a lot. To be honest, me and her are really the only two girls in the group, th...
A. 23 April 2013: I think that you don't have a problem unless you want to.
You could not make friends with this girl, so be it, hopefully you have friendships with women out of this group, and if you don't, then it's time to establish some :).
As for the atte... (read in full...)
Why did he not tell me?
Q. My bf and i started dating newly,recently there was a social school programme for campus students so i told him i would go with my galfriends and i asked him if he would go,he said he wasnt sure but he might...i called him after the programme and he ...
A. 23 April 2013: Ask him, this is one of those cases were mind reading won't help. If you were " amazed " ,i.e. if you found it very strange and disturbing, why did you not bring it up with him, rather than let it slide ?
Anyway, personally I don't think it's so t... (read in full...)
Why is he suddenly MIA on me?
Q. I've been seeing this guy for about two months. He's moving out of state after graduation, about a month from now, so we've been keeping it casual. He seems to really like me, texting all day everyday and he calls me most nights of the week to talk ...
A. 23 April 2013: So, if I got it right, now after all he is not moving. Therefore there's no need to keep it so casual, unless he wants to,right ? It should go sort of automatically to more bf-gf ish. If it does not, and you decide you are fine with staying ... (read in full...)
Confession on face book has let people know who my crush is!
Q. I'd posted a very embarrassing personal confession in a confession group on FB, and then shared it on my profile to keep it in view.It was about an incident about a senior at college and how I had developed a crush on him. A classmate saw the shar...
A. 22 April 2013: Uh ? why so piqued OP ? I don't get how reminding you of a technical detail is " judgemental ". You may have excellent reasons , practical or otherwise, to share a post, yet the fact remains that you can only hope, never be sure it does not get ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend was annoyed by my FB post. Did she over-react? Was her reaction immature? I thought the post was light fun.
Q. Three days ago, I wrote on my Facebook Wall that "If you can't change the girl, change the girl!" . My girlfriend (for two years) didn't like it and called me jerk when she met me later. She is talking to me but can see some change in her at...
A. 22 April 2013: Maybe your gf does not have a great sense of humour, but the joke was actually a bit lame , and anyway it's not the kind of thing that a man in love would shout from the rooftops ( i.e. post on Facebook ).
I think that if you had cracked the ... (read in full...)
He seems to be overreacting -- could there be more to the story?
Q. i met this man online almost two weeks ago and after exchanging phone numbers we clicked instantly. We were both smitten by each other texting all day calling every night telling each other how much we missed each other it was crazy we had such good ...
A. 22 April 2013: So, you were supposed to check on a police officer to make sure he made it home allright :) ? sorry, but that sort of stroke me as funny.
He was just mad because he had planned to get laid and he didn't. He realized he 'd have to sweat it a bit ... (read in full...)
My parents don't like my Bf who's older. They're suffocating me with their over protection and treating me like I'm still a child. What to do?
Q. I live at home still because I am in post secondary and cannot afford to live on my own and I am fortunate enough to be able to live a home for free. But my parents are extremely over protective of me. I have tried sooo many times reasonin...
A. 22 April 2013: Dear OP, you miss the point entirely : you can make your own choices , being 20, but your parents do NOT have to respect them, support them or even tolerate them , if they consider it a very bad choice as most reasonable adults would do.
It's thei... (read in full...)
I'm feeling paranoid about his roving eye!
Q. I have just met a divorced guy with a teenage son. He seems lovely and genuine. We have been going out a lot these past few months and I can't help but notice how visual he is towards attractive women. I asked him if he knew the prety barmaid last ...
A. 22 April 2013: Maybe he is immature... or more probably he is just rude . His sense of of what 's socially and relationally appropriate may be very different from yours , only you haven't found out yet because you don't know him much, and that, yes, may be a ... (read in full...)
Is this strange for a FWB hook up?
Q. I have been hanging out with my guy friend a lot more lately, and we have become 'friends with benefits', I think, can't really think of a better term right now (I usually don't have casual sex like that so it's kind of throwing me off). Anyway, I ...
A. 22 April 2013: If you ask me, I'd say that what is strange is how girls your age just assume, and accept, that sex out of a relationship would also exclude authomatically any warmth, affection, tenderness,gentleness. They seem surprised, as you are, even ... (read in full...)
I love him still and want him in my life but have come to the realization that for now I have to let him hit rock bottom and pray that he finds his way back to my heart..hopefully soon enough.
Q. The man I love with who Ive been off and on (not because we argued all the time, just because he has not been ready for a relationship because of many aspects of his life). 1- When I say he's not ready for a relationship is because he isn't...
A. 22 April 2013: It's difficult to be NOT objective because from what you wrote it sounds very simple and evident, and it would be clear cut to anybody who's not personally involved ( and willing to clutch at straws in order to hang in there ).
He's not that into... (read in full...)
I want this to be more than just "One Night Stand". What should I do guys to make this work?
Q. Dear All So here it goes, I have a colleague at my work place that I truly am attracted to him and wouldn't mind being in a relationship with him. He lately been flirting with me sexually, his been touching my waist when he has the ...
A. 21 April 2013: I'm glad that Chigirl brought up the subject of his intentions , and of his approach that has all the markings of a one night stand waiting to happen. I am glad because Chigirl is young,in her 20s. I wanted to say right away that , the way he is ... (read in full...)
Should I give up everything, and move interstate to be with my boyfriend? It would mean giving up my own home, which I purchased before I met him.
Q. I have been with my BF for 4 years. We are each in our late 20's/early 30s. I have my own house. He still lives at home. He was studying which is why he stayed there, but he could have moved out by now! (has it too good!). A big concern for me ...
A. 21 April 2013: Don't move. Don't even think about moving.
Do you want to leave your house ( btw, yes, it is a big accomplishment at such a young age ), the support net of your family and friends , and, most of all, a job that you enjoy and that is well paid... (read in full...)
My parents don't like my Bf who's older. They're suffocating me with their over protection and treating me like I'm still a child. What to do?
Q. I live at home still because I am in post secondary and cannot afford to live on my own and I am fortunate enough to be able to live a home for free. But my parents are extremely over protective of me. I have tried sooo many times reasonin...
A. 21 April 2013: So you want your parents to approve and be happy about your involvement with an older guy with lots of " baggage " ( I wonder what that could mean exactly.. ) who does drugs ?.... They would not be parents if they did , they'd be thoughless ... (read in full...)
Did my panicking ruin my relationship for good?
Q. Hi! My boyfriend and I broke up after two and a half years together at the end of January because of my over the top overreacting and how I handle things sometimes. It started out as a break but I panicked and it turned into a break up. I kept...
A. 20 April 2013: .. Oh so only once you called him 300 times, while normally you would not exceed 30 ...
OP, are you serious ? Does this sound even vaguely marginally remotely normal to you ?
That was not overreacting, that was going berserk ! I'd say you are ... (read in full...)
Would people notice or make comment about my mole removal scars if I wore shorts?
Q. I just wanted advice on if i should wear shorts even though i have two mole removal scars on my thigh. They are about two inches apart from each other horizontally in the middle of my thigh. They are like dark dots that were even bigger than ...
A. 20 April 2013: Go ahead , wear your shorts. It does not sound like anything disfiguring , anything that would scare children, horses and pregnant women. I think most people won't even notice, and if they do, so what , everybody's got scars , blemishes, warts or ... (read in full...)
What to do? I'm older, alone and along comes my sexy sister in law? Will it cause problems to date an ex-inlaw?
Q. I'm a widower, I have dated a few women over the years and was not looking for a relationship,I just wanted to get out of the house and have some fun. My wife's brother's X wife called me to ask me how I was doing, I haven't talked to her since my ...
A. 20 April 2013: I think you are putting the cart before the horses.
You are turning things in your mind so thoroughly- but you don't even know if she is looking for a relationship too, at least with you.
All you know is that you spent 3 great hours in bed toge... (read in full...)
My friend decided to move to Spain this June from here in the US. I have feelings for him. Should I confess that before he moves, and I lose contact with him?
Q. We're 2 guys. Weird as it seems. Both of us are also in high school. We've been friends since school started last year, in September. Funny thing is, I'm gay--if you asked me on the street, it's what I say (truthfully, I don't label myself--bu...
A. 20 April 2013: I don't see what would be the point in telling him. In two months he is leaving to Spain, so it would be very hard to maintain a relationship even if you already were lovers or friends, and you are neither because he is interested in neither ... (read in full...)
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