| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Did I really break her heart?
Q. so i have hurt a girl and maybe got her heart broken dunno and after that she doesnt want to talk to me anymore or even answer my sms, i sent her apology letter but she didnt change and still doesnt want to talk to me,, one month after i sent her a ...
A. 16 February 2010: Girls have a habit of giving men the silent treatment before attempting to make them jealous and such. I think this girl is attempting that with you. She doesn't really want you to go with anyone else. Instead she wants you to regret what you've ... (read in full...)
Should I postpone my career for another 18 months, in order to move with him? Is this worth doing or crazy?
Q. I've been going out with an amazing guy for nearly three years. We've never lived in the same place but have managed to keep it going this long - obviously because we both feel it's worth it. The thing is it's not getting any easier. At the moment ...
A. 16 February 2010: Right now, given all the circumstances with jobs and money in general, it is safer to continue with your work. If you and your boyfriend are meant to be then you will overcome the distance with a lot of work. ... (read in full...)
Male input would be useful. What makes the perfect woman?
Q. Not really a question. More of an investigation,just wondering what makes the perfect woman-not just looks wise but taking that into consideration. Please and thankyou :).. xx...
A. 16 February 2010: Depends on the guy. But most guys like an intelligent confident girl who can hold a conversation. ... (read in full...)
I feel like he raped me... he was so aggressive!
Q. hi so im turning 16 in april and my bf turned 19 a week ago. we have been together 3 months but ive known him since i was very young, about 4. we had sex for the first time the other night, not my first time ever. i had sex with my ex bf 3 times. so ...
A. 16 February 2010: Dump him now. You did tell him to stop, but he would argue that he didn't hear it, so it would be very hard to prove. But clearly he was aggressive, and no matter how much you love him, you are now in danger and for your own safety you must get away ... (read in full...)
Why is it guys my age just want hook-ups?
Q. Why is it guys my age just want hook-ups? i m 18. why arent there guys who want meaningful relationships? fine, i want sex. but i've been keeping it reallllyyyy long for the one but why hasnt it come? how long do i have to wait for someone whom i l...
A. 16 February 2010: Just wait for the right guy. Sadly most guys your age are only interested in sex. However, there are some who want actual relationships, so continue to wait and find a decent guy for yourself. There will be one somewhere.... (read in full...)
Help! How can I get his trust back?
Q. I want to know how I can earn my boyfriend's trust back. I slept with two different men when he was incarcerated, two different times. How do I get the love and trust and him not cussing me? I love him so much and I don't know why I did it... I ...
A. 16 February 2010: With a huge amount of work that might not even pay off. There is a reason you did it, so you're either not telling us, or you've not thought about it and faced up to it yet. That's the first point. You need to know why you did it. Also, you need to ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to assume she's playing me?
Q. So basically I have a friend/ friend with benefits and we have been hanging out messing around about twice a week for the last few weeks now. Though when we first met about 3 months ago apparently I got too serious for her and we went on hiatus for ...
A. 16 February 2010: Sounds to me like you are being played. Your best bet would be to move on. It seems like it's not really going anywhere and it does sound like you're being played a bit. ... (read in full...)
Whilst we were on a break he fathered a child - What should I do?
Q. I really need advice from people who have gone through my situation or know of someone who has. I'll try and keep it short. I was in a relationship with a guy for 2 years when I told him we needed a break so he could sort himself out, our ...
A. 16 February 2010: You are far too good for this guy! :)... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's male friend with an agenda!
Q. I have been seeing my girlfriend for just over three months and I have fallen in love with, she does have a male friend who she has known for 13 years and has kissed him, this guy has also confessed his love for her. She has told me that she doesn't ...
A. 15 February 2010: You may not trust his agenda, but I am sure you can trust hers. She has said she doesn't want to be with him, and she chose to be with you. I don't think you can really ask her not to see him, because this is not about her being bad, it's about him ... (read in full...)
Soon to be ex-husband knowing about the co-inhabiting new boyfriend...
Q. Heres the story: Married 5 years, emotionally the marriage has been over since January 2009, seperated in July 2009(not legally), asked for a divorce in October 2009. We have a young child together. I re-met an old friend from High School in ...
A. 15 February 2010: There won't be an easy way to say it to him. You need to talk to him alone about it before any meeting between him and your new boyfriend can really take place. You sound like everything else is well in order, so as for him using this to gain ... (read in full...)
Communication troubles...
Q. I have been dating the same girl for over 2 years. But every time I talk to her she just nods her head or says okay. I tell her how I feel and she apologizes for everything. I know in my head I love her but when I talk to other girls like from work. ...
A. 15 February 2010: Ask her how she feels about everything. And really listen. She sounds like she has real confidence issues. Try asking her how she feels about everything and see what happens. ... (read in full...)
I'm at my wits end on what to do next...
Q. I need help im losing sleep over this guy n look forward to the moments im with him but when im around him i get shy! hes 21 im 20 the whole world tells me i shouldnt be with him cause of his past cheated on his ex gf....(smh i know) but ive been ...
A. 15 February 2010: You know you're walking into a mess and heartache with this guy. He has already proved he can't stay committed, and to be honest he sounds very immature. The last time I pulled a girl's hair because I liked her was when I was six. I think you need ... (read in full...)
I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart...
Q. I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart. My best friend has told me he started dating another girl last night - I'm devastated. i really love him and have never told him because for the past 7 months I've been supporting him over his wife lea...
A. 15 February 2010: You need to back away. This other girl could be a rebound. I know it's hard for you to get over him, but that really is something you need to work on. He has made his choice, and now you must pull away for your own sake. ... (read in full...)
I thought he was committed to me... but seems not from his answer.
Q. Hello, Apologies in advance, this is quite a long question/conundrum but I will deeply appreciate answers. I asked a question about 6 months ago relating to my disappointment that my boyfriend, of what is now nearly 2 years, won't tell me he...
A. 15 February 2010: Seems to me that he likes all the fun without the commitment, which is a bad sign. It's all right him keeping you at his house and having all this fun, but there seems to be little sign that he really wants to live with you in a separate house and ... (read in full...)
He text me to say he has "good lean meat now"!
Q. Hi, my partner of ten years walked out on me when I was unwell about a year ago. We kept in touch and we talked all the time and he talked about getting back together. Then he suddenly switched on me. He has always complained about my size. I ...
A. 15 February 2010: Basically you unfortunately chose a guy who was an ass. He is an abuser of women. He abused his ex, and he has abused you. No doubt he will abuse this new woman too. Don't take it personally, because this isn't about you, it's about him. Cut all ... (read in full...)
I am pregnant and my boyfriend can't marry me because it will break the other girl's heart
Q. hi everybody,i think you gyzs for all those good idvices and ideas that may lead my relationship.therefore,i have a problem and i need some advices from anyone who cares about my situation.this is my problem:i have been with my boyfriend for two ...
A. 15 February 2010: Seems to me that your parents are very concerned by his behaviour towards you to actually say they will help. I think you need to listen to them. ... (read in full...)
Does the hurt and pain EVER go away or at least ease?
Q. It's me again, Well we went out for valentines dinner on Saturday night and it had to happen. I mentioned I suppose I'd be getting a poxy bunch of flowers as usual rather than a heart necklace (like he bought 9 years ago for some woman he got clo...
A. 15 February 2010: The pain won't go away until you get your feelings well and truly out in the open. That means counselling. If you want this to work, then get counselling and get all your feelings out, because unless you do, he will end up leaving you. He was wrong ... (read in full...)
I really want a baby, but I am confused at the whole situation.
Q. Hi I'm 19, I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months now never been happier and I know he's the one he is a few more years older then me. I've always wanted a baby. Last week I had a scare, told my boyfriend and he said if you are it's good news ...
A. 15 February 2010: It comes down to money. Have you got £10,000 for the next 18 years? Or would you be better off getting a good career and such first. Too many people have a baby without thinking about added costs. You will lose your social life, your money, you will ... (read in full...)
Ex's family hate me, but I did nothing but try to help!
Q. I need help. I had to divorce a man I love still becasue he was bi polar and refused to get help, I did everything iun my power for years to help him. Even our priest said to me I am surprised you are still trying to help him . When he was in ...
A. 15 February 2010: The family can't accept that he has a problem, so it's just easier to blame you. That's the reason for all this. I know you'll take it personally, but frankly you're better off just leaving it all in the past and not giving a damn. I know that is ... (read in full...)
Am I a fool to stay with this guy?
Q. I'm feeling very confused and unsure about what to do in my relationship. We have been together on and off for 5 years in may. We live together and had a wedding booked for last may but it never happened as i left him due to us arguing so much abou...
A. 15 February 2010: You're not a fool. You're just in love and its affecting your judgement. Take away all emotion and look at the facts now, because you're letting emotion get in the way of your judgement. You have been arguing a lot and have already broken up because ... (read in full...)
He makes me feel like a criminal because of my past. Help?
Q. Hello. I'm at my wits end. I'm hopelessly in love with my boyfriend. The problem is he is obsessed with my past. I have been completely faithful to him. In the beginning of the relationship he said he didn't want to know anything about my past, he ...
A. 15 February 2010: Please dump this guy. Please!!! You can't make him understand, you can't make him change, you can't make him become trustworthy. You can't do anything. This is a man who thinks you're a slut because you've kissed other guys, and sits there asking ... (read in full...)
He's lost in the past it seems!
Q. Ok so my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 3 years now. For the past 8 or 9 months it seems he has been trying to get in touch with a bunch of his exes. I understood 8 months ago when it was near his birthday and he needed some ...
A. 15 February 2010: To be honest, this isn't normal. Some people do have a fix on one ex, but to have a fix on so many suggests he doesn't have a clue about what he wants. My feelings are that if he is in touch with ex's and is now secretive, that you would be better ... (read in full...)
Should I have said "I Love You"? I have not heard from him since and I'm worried I scared him away!
Q. I have been seeing this guy for a while now and we get along really well. I have very strong feelins for him and last night I told him that I loved him. I don't think that he could return the feelings. He told me that he loved me too, but I don't ...
A. 15 February 2010: You only told him last night. Don't feel stupid and ashamed. First of all, he might just be thinking about what you've said. Secondly, if he does run and doesn't get in contact again, then you know he's not the one and that he has commitment issues. ... (read in full...)
Long distance broken relationship..
Q. I met this guy a while ago on holiday (lets call him *fred), we only talked for a couple of days, but then we had to go home. He's irish, I'm scottish. We stay far apart, then he added me on msn. He asked me out, and I said yes cause I did quite ...
A. 15 February 2010: I think you should block him. He seems a bit dangerous to me to be honest. LDR's at such a young age almost never work out. And this isn't even going anywhere and he went mental when you said that you were having feelings for another guy. Best to ... (read in full...)
Boys and sex. What is it these days?
Q. Why are boys SOO obsessive about sex? It's like a must have for them! I have been asked for it a couple of times, but I'm only 13. Im definitely not having sex until I'm at least 17 and I when I've found someone I love and trust to loose my ...
A. 15 February 2010: It's plastered on TV, there's porn, older people are having it, hormones, peer pressure,, immaturity. The list is endless. Fortunately you've realized that it's best to wait until you've found a guy you#re happy with and who you love, so just take ... (read in full...)
She had a one night stand before I asked her out and its really getting to me! Should I let it go?
Q. My new girlfriend broke up with her then boyfriend because she wanted to get with me, she told me she had liked me for 5 years and I had felt the same but neither of us had thought to say anything. The problem is the night before I asked her out she ...
A. 15 February 2010: Very much let it go. She is clearly regretting what happened and is hoping that you will understand she made a big mistake. Also remember that it was before you were going out. She made a mistake and she is asking you to let it go and understand ... (read in full...)
I'm so confused, is he interested or is he confused?
Q. Right where to start met a minute on the internet 6 months ago haven't met him yet as he live quite far away from me. I must admit I have trust issue because of previous relationship one being my son's dad. Anyway thought this man wanted space so ...
A. 15 February 2010: Good job you took it slow and kept texting him, because though it didn't work out, you now know where you really stand. He was back on the dating website, he then went on about permission and said to you 'just chill'. He's not good enough, and is ... (read in full...)
Any way to make him come back?
Q. My ex asked me a week ago if I wanted to try again. He said that his feelings for me havent changed over 2 years and he really cant lose me from his life. And I'm the best thing thats happened to him and he cant wait to tell people we are back ...
A. 15 February 2010: He's already made his mistake. He got involved with an ex who he thought he loved, and who he really didn't. He thought that you were the one, so came back. But after trying again, he decided you are not the one. You're wasting so much time with ... (read in full...)
My parents want me to stay away from him after his drunken outburst, but he wants us to get back together! I really don't know what to do...
Q. hi! i'll try 2 keep this as short as i can, i've been seeing a guy for about a year and a half now were not anything official but we dont see other people sounds complicated i know! anyways we have been finished a while but last night we had a drunk ...
A. 15 February 2010: Do not get back together with him and listen to your parents this time. Often drunk behaviour is an indication to what a person is really like. Next time he might hit you. ... (read in full...)
He called me his "casual friend" at the end of our date! How can I talk to him about this without appearing to be clingy?
Q. A couple of weeks ago I met up with a guy I've been online friends with since last summer. I've had feelings for him for some time. We had a great day, typical date- cinema, meal, then to finish we went on a walk and got to know each other some more ...
A. 15 February 2010: Continue to get to know him. Remember that talking online and meeting in person are totally different things. You need to take it slow and continue to meet him in person, then perhaps things will develop. ... (read in full...)
Over the last year our sex life has gone down-hill, how can I get my wife to open up to me?
Q. How can i get my wife to open up more to me. I have never had a boring sex life. For the past year its been real bad. I need advice please. ...
A. 15 February 2010: I think you do need to sit down and gently ask her about it. Tell her you are worried that the relationship seems to be stalling a bit. You also need to take a look at life from her point of view. Is she stressed or tired? Has something happened in ... (read in full...)
Why would my boyfriend not respond to this letter?
Q. One day I was very angry at my boyfriend and told him to have a good life, after that I wrote him a letter explaining why I was upset, since then I have not heard anything from him :( Below is what I wrote, please help me explain why he would no...
A. 15 February 2010: I think he's made it clear by no response that he isn't interested in making it work. Which means he's Mr Right and that there is another guy out there somewhere. Find him. ... (read in full...)
What are the signs of bi-polar disorder?
Q. What are the signs of bi-polar disorder? Does anyone know?...
A. 15 February 2010: The best thing to do is look it up on the internet. There are a lot of symptoms, but they could be mixed up with other illnesses. ... (read in full...)
Valentines Day was such a disappointment, he never makes me feel special anymore...
Q. Two weeks ago when my b/f and I were having a fight he bought me an ipod and gave it to me, to get himself out of the doghouse. He said it was an early Valentine's gift. He didn't wrap it, he just handed it to me after we left the store. When ...
A. 15 February 2010: I'm afraid he's just not into you as much as he should be. He's trying to buy your love, not nurture what he already has. You would do better to move on now and find someone who really cares about you. ... (read in full...)
Why is she trying to make her boyfriend jealous by flirting with me?
Q. I think a girl is trying to make her boyfriend, whom she recently broke up with, jealous by flirting with me. How would I know if she is?...
A. 15 February 2010: If she's suddenly showing you far more attention and such, which you will know, then yes she is trying to make him jealous. She only recently broke up with him and is most likely trying to get him back. Make sure you give her space and don't take ... (read in full...)
How can I get her to love me as more than a friend?
Q. IM A MALE/FRIENDS A FEMALE Ive been desperately in love with my best friend for a year now. We started the relationship terrible as i came to find out that she was my best friends ex girlfriend. Then out of the blue as soon as i start talking to...
A. 15 February 2010: She has made it clear that you are a friend and nothing more. The best thing you can do is move on. You're just waiting for something that can never happen, as she has made it clear. ... (read in full...)
Best friend always tries to steal my boyfriends!
Q. Right, there is this boy I really like so I am trying to get with him. Bit every time I turn round my BEST friend is flirting with him, and she knows I like him. How can I tell her nicely to back pod? And why is she doing this, she does it with ...
A. 15 February 2010: She wants male attention that she is missing from her Dad, so she is throwing herself at other guys to get it. That's the problem. Basically she just wants her Dad. Since she doesn't speak to him, her attention is turned to other guys. ... (read in full...)
What are my next steps with this?
Q. I am in the middle of a divorce and have met a married man who has the same values and needs. My marriage will be over for reasons that have nothing to do with him;however we have connected both mentally and sexually. I was asked where I was 10 ...
A. 15 February 2010: Hmm, perhaps he is not the guy you think he is. If he had the same values and needs, he would have left his wife before having anything to do with you. Clearly, he preferred to cheat. I am very glad that you have seen that there is a problem and ... (read in full...)
How should I confront my boyfriend about his declarations of love for other girls online?
Q. i`ve had 5 other girls talk to me on msn telling me tht my boyfriend keeps on telling them that he loves them and he has just got out of hospital and has lost some of his memory when i talked to him about it a few days ago he said that he was really ...
A. 15 February 2010: You don't say anything. You dump him. It#s clear he has no respect or love for you whatsoever. Do not spend another second with him. ... (read in full...)
Is he a little too attached to his dog for him to be this depressed after it died?
Q. My boyfriend has been depressed for about a month now ever since his dog died, is he a little too attached to his dog for him to be this depressed?...
A. 15 February 2010: Some people just take it badly. My friend had a hamster and was depressed for nearly a year. All you can do is be there for him.... (read in full...)
Why don't girls put effort into relationships?
Q. My girlfriend is just not putting forth effort into our relationship. She wants me doing all this shit and I get nothing back in return. I even tried telling her nice things all the time and loving on her but I got nothing back in return. I want to ...
A. 15 February 2010: Most girls aren't like this at all. Your girlfriend just isn't that great I'm afraid. Perhaps this is not the girl for you and you would be better moving on.... (read in full...)
Whilst we were on a break he fathered a child - What should I do?
Q. I really need advice from people who have gone through my situation or know of someone who has. I'll try and keep it short. I was in a relationship with a guy for 2 years when I told him we needed a break so he could sort himself out, our ...
A. 15 February 2010: No he hasn't changed. He's just telling you what you want to hear. Let's face it, you had a break and told him to mature, and all he did was sleep with another woman who has had his child. He has USED AND DESERTED HER, he has lied and hurt you in ... (read in full...)
Best friend always tries to steal my boyfriends!
Q. Right, there is this boy I really like so I am trying to get with him. Bit every time I turn round my BEST friend is flirting with him, and she knows I like him. How can I tell her nicely to back pod? And why is she doing this, she does it with ...
A. 14 February 2010: She's jealous, and perhaps isn't a best friend if she is always doing it. Tell her straight you that you like him and that since she is your friend and knows it, the least she can do is not flirt outrageously with him. Clearly if she continues, then ... (read in full...)
I am pregnant and my boyfriend can't marry me because it will break the other girl's heart
Q. hi everybody,i think you gyzs for all those good idvices and ideas that may lead my relationship.therefore,i have a problem and i need some advices from anyone who cares about my situation.this is my problem:i have been with my boyfriend for two ...
A. 5 February 2010: I'm sorry, but there is something seriously wrong here. No man would refuse to marry you because it would break another girl's heart. Either he loves her, or he just isn't ready for marriage at all. ... (read in full...)
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