| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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We have set a wedding date and I am on probation for beating up a woman he had sex with
Q. Me and Alex have been together for 2 yrs in the second month dating i kissed another guy then around the 6 month i sent some (pics) to a different guy then we went to a club and i danced with sum1 he claims the guy was grabbing me but he wasnt ...
A. 18 February 2010: End it. This is doomed, I promise you that now. He never forgave you first time around for sending those pics, and now he has one this. This is doomed. End it and move on.... (read in full...)
He seems perfect .... but is he?
Q. I'm dating a 60 year old man who's never been married, never engaged, never lived with anyone, longest relationhsip was 4 years. He's got a lot going for him; very attractive, fit, well educated, great job/security, good sense or humor, articulate. ...
A. 18 February 2010: I would suggest that this is a man who values his independence. I think he would commit, but only if you were to do everything 50/50. So you also need to be independent.... (read in full...)
Does size matter guys?
Q. What do guys think of large labia? I don't mind mine just wondering how guys feel! Ta x...
A. 18 February 2010: There's nothing wrong with you.... (read in full...)
I'm doing it by the book but how do I have a happy ending?
Q. Ever since my ex broke up with me over 2 years ago, I have been looking for ways to get him back. AT FIRST I made the mistake of chasing him and pushing him farther away. Then when I backed off, he began to initiate contact by calling and texting ...
A. 18 February 2010: I'm going to be honest. I don't think he fancies you,and I think you might end up hurt. That said, I can see that you still really like him and unless you know for sure from him where you stand, you won't get over him. You have a choice. You can ... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and I can't get a girlfriend
Q. I'm 15 and I've been single for about a year. And I'm trying to get a girlfriend but I can't. Any tips? ...
A. 18 February 2010: I didn't get my first girlfriend until I was nearly 17. I tried for a long time to get one, but didn't get anywhere. Then I stopped trying, just became myself again and then a girl told me she fancied me. If you're trying too hard, girls won't like ... (read in full...)
Live-in has become rude. He has started burping and passing gas...help..
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and a half. We have lived together for 8 months out of that time. Recently he has become quite rude. He passes gas and burps infront of me way more than he ever used to. What can I do to make him ...
A. 18 February 2010: Tell him it's rude and you find it immature and offensive. Tell him you would prefer it if he had more respect. ... (read in full...)
IT's our first date coming up, how will I tell if she likes me?
Q. I have an issue but it isn't an issue it's not bad haha I have a friend im starting to like her she always so nice I was at lunch and she ran up to me and triped and fell then knelled next to me at a table she didn't say anything but she was faci...
A. 18 February 2010: I think she likes you. I have the feeling that her tripping over might have been a careful trick to see how you responded. And if you gave her attention, it worked. I'd suggest that after your date, you ask her if she'd like another one. Tell her ... (read in full...)
I broke his heart, he wont answer my texts and I just want to get over it!
Q. I don't know why I keep thinking about this guy. I'm over him but I just feel sorry that I broke his heart. I lied to him and I feel sorry I wanna tell him Look, I'm sorry for hurting you. I wasn't faithfull at all and I regret EVERYTHING. I wanna ...
A. 18 February 2010: You just have to accept that you hurt him. There is no way you can say sorry. Even if he did answer your call, you would probably hear a lot of bad things that would make you feel worse. We all screw up in life, and you admit you screwed up. Now you ... (read in full...)
YEAH we have great sex but is that enough? Does it compensate for the neglect?
Q. After 6 years loving a "badboy", I am still left neglected and lonely. It seems every occasion or event meaningful to me, I end up alone. I am constantly disappointed and p.o'ed. After the steam cools, he always calls or shows up apologetic and ...
A. 18 February 2010: I think the loss of the man who truly loved you perhaps made you a little fearful of picking a guy who you could truly get close to, so you settled for a bad boy. Now though, it's clear perhaps that you are ready to find a guy who does love you ... (read in full...)
My best friend has a girlfriend...but I'm in love with him! Advice, anyone?
Q. I realized the other day that I'm in love. He's my closest best friend and we have been for about a year, I feel like myself the most when I'm around him. I tell him things I would never tell anyone else. He confessed to me the other night that he ...
A. 18 February 2010: He has a girlfriend, so you're aware that you can't be with him. All you can do is make sure you're seeing other people socially, and just having fun for yourself. Focus on your life and just make the best of it. You will get over him, but it will ... (read in full...)
I don't get why I have these weird fantasy's of being submissive to someone. Am I normal??
Q. Do I have a problem? Ever since I was a little girl I innocently (no sexual just like little kid imagining) fantasized being submissive. And I still do, I've never told anyone this. It's not because I am ashamed but because It's really personal...
A. 18 February 2010: You're perfectly normal. ... (read in full...)
What signs should I look for to see if he likes me?
Q. The guy I like called me and nervously asked me to come to his friend's picnic on the weekend. We are ok friends, so it's not unusual for him to ask me to come, but I can't think why he'd be nervous, unless he likes me too? What other signs should I ...
A. 18 February 2010: Look for eye contact, look for him trying to make a lot of jokes around you, look for him wanting to be very close to you. Things like that. Also, if you like him that much, maybe just tell him you like him and would really like to get to know him ... (read in full...)
He's too nice! How do I get him to be more rough?
Q. I really like my boyfriend. He's great, and nice and does everything just the way I want him to. But it's starting to drive me crazy! I wish that for once he'd do something wrong or get angry or something but he hasn't! This wouldn't be a huge ...
A. 18 February 2010: Your poor boyfriend has just become the walking cliche. He's done it all, and it's still wrong. I do understand where you're coming from though, because my girlfriend said that though she loved be being nice and really appreciated all those little ... (read in full...)
I feel he should have his own friends rather than hanging out with mine!
Q. Hey all, My boyfriend and I are having an argument about mine and his social life. First, I have to give you a bit of background info. I sit at home all day with nothing to do, he works 2 jobs, I'm currently looking for a job, and waiting for school ...
A. 18 February 2010: You are right, he should be out with his own friends. And you should be able to hang out with your friends. I've never been out with my g/f's friends, because I appreciate that it's her own time to have fun and not have to worry about me. If he's ... (read in full...)
It started as a plan to make my ex jealous, but now I love him!
Q. My ex Bf broke up with me because he said i dont put much effort in our relationship then after a day i saw him with his new GF....Then i become depress and desperate to win my EX back but my Ex just keep telling me we are just better of as friends ...
A. 18 February 2010: If you really like this other guy, tell him. If you don't ask, you'll never know how he feels. I think you might find that if he was willing to say all those things, he might like you more than he's letting on.... (read in full...)
My gay best friend proposed to me! And I want to accept!
Q. My gay best friend just asked me to marry him.... SOBER!! Now, he's a gay man who everyone thinks is straight or bisexual and he can play it straight very well! SoO straight, that he is enlisted in the US Armed Forces! I love him with all my heart...
A. 18 February 2010: There is something wrong here if he is gay and has asked to marry you. go with your gut and don't marry him.... (read in full...)
We are going to see each other again after 2 years! But my family won't let me date him.
Q. i apologise for the long story but ive cut it down quite a bit. when i was little my mam and dad spilt up and they both moved away, i moved in with my grandparents and lived there for about 16 years, i visited both parents and my mam still had a say ...
A. 18 February 2010: You are over 18, you can make your own decisions. ... (read in full...)
I want to have mutual friends with my fiancee but she doesn't.
Q. Hello everyone, I need some insight. Okay, basically my fiance and I argue about what is acceptable and what is not acceptable in our relationship. We've been together for about a year now, and I feel as if I should be a priority in her life and ...
A. 18 February 2010: I'm not friends with any of my girlfriend's friends. The reason is basically because there are some things man is not meant to know, and these things are discussed with a woman's close personal friends. Also, she'll be fiercely protective of you and ... (read in full...)
I wish she could show me how much she loves me.
Q. My fiance told me she doesn't want to be friends with me...if she wanted me as a friend then she wouldn't be with me. I can understand that to a point, but she treats and talks to her friends with more humanity then she gives to me. I know sh...
A. 18 February 2010: But you don't know she loves you. Never measure a person by their words. Measure a person by their actions. Her actions say that she doesn't love you. You are supposed to be friends with her. I get the feeling she's treating you like a bit of a ... (read in full...)
My ex wants to get back together... again. Should I give this other guy a chance?
Q. recently everything has ben realy crazy. a friend of mine died, i broke up w/ my on/off bf of over a yr for what will be the last time. my moms bf was beating her and she just told me and , both my parents drinking has gotten worse (even if they ...
A. 18 February 2010: Slow right down. There is a lot going on in your life right now, and you really need to sit down and think about what you want. First up, you are right to leave your ex in the past. He has hurt you and is never worth another moment. But there just ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is in jail, I send him money, he used to cheat, should I leave or wait for him
Q. my boyfriend in jail for escape.he got one year for it but the thing is when he was home he show me and my kids no attention bt i love him but to set this whole question off i got locked up behind him treating me like cramp and he wrote me once and ...
A. 18 February 2010: This is a man who has cheated, who has shown you not attention, you is taking your money and who is in jail. Don't wait for a man like this, go and find a decent guy who loves you instead.... (read in full...)
Our parents got married, now they say we have to split!
Q. I got enganged 1 year ago to "stepbrother" - well he wasnt till 2 mounth ago. both my parents and both his parents were devorsed, and my mam and his dad have been very good friends since we got together, and 2 months ago they went on a cruise and ...
A. 18 February 2010: Your parents have been incredibly selfish to do this to you, knowing that you were both engaged. However, you don't need to split, as you are not blood related. Your other parents are perfectly happy, so you know it's not wrong. I'm just sad that ... (read in full...)
I really like her, but am worried saying something might upset our future plans
Q. I like a girl who I am good friends with, I live with her and we get on great, we chat for ages and joke with each other constantly. im not sure if she feels the same way. Im stuck as we have put money down and are going to be living in the same ...
A. 18 February 2010: If you really like her that much, surely it's worth taking a chance to see whether she is or not. If she's not, so long as you both are mature enough and you both accept how each other feel, your friendship can continue. It's got to be worth a try ... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't believe in relationships, but I want to be in one with him. What can I do?
Q. Afraid of relationships but not afraid of commitment. My current lover has a chronic fear of relationships, he believes that every relationship is doomed from the start so why even bother. We've been seeing each other for a year and have been ...
A. 18 February 2010: If he doesn't believe in relationships, you're in for real hurt by continuing with this. My feelings are he's just after sex without the commitment. Seems to me like you're just wasting a lot of time.... (read in full...)
He's married, but I want to be friends. Should we be friends anyway?
Q. I know a married man who is interested in me. I am an Asian girl and have known this guy for a few years. We get on well and it is only recently that we have been in touch via text messages, occasional calls and meeting up for brief chats whenever ...
A. 18 February 2010: You're walking into a big mess. If his wife finds out, she'll assume you're the bad person trying to take him away and blame you. Your reputation will be badly damaged and you will be the one blamed for everything, whether you do anything with him ... (read in full...)
What does he really mean when he says that he values our friendship too much to be in a relationship?
Q. Why would a guy want to keep you as their best friend, so they do not ruin what they have with you? Is it that they just do not want to have a relationship with you, or that they are not ready or, that they value you too much to lose you from the...
A. 18 February 2010: You're in the friend zone. He loves you as a friend, but nothing more. ... (read in full...)
Is there any reason why I shouldn't bail on our marriage?
Q. I'M trying to save our marriage at the last 10 years,it is 25 year long now... Well, there is no luck. After years of counseling,self -improvement on my part... He did not change a bit. Now, he is sexually unavailable,not just emotionally.. Long ...
A. 18 February 2010: My girlfriend would be able to help you most. She was married to a man like this and it almost destroyed her. On top of that he really did emotionally abuse her, and it seems like your husband has kind of done that to you. My girlfriend did ... (read in full...)
I am divorcing my cheating husband and he is already happy with someone else. How can I get over it?
Q. I have been married 14 years, it was both our 3rd marriage. We are getting divorced and he bought a house for him to move into. I am quite devasted about divorcing, even though I acted as if I wanted to be divorced I would keep changing my mind. He ...
A. 18 February 2010: The truth is that the first 2 years you knew him were an act. Nothing changed. His acting just ran out. Who knows if the other relationship will last. If he treats her as he treated you, it probably won't. I don't think he'll change. I think now is ... (read in full...)
Is it the end? Or should I just try harder?
Q. I said I should move out, but now I want to stay and work things out. I've been here before i'm afraid. I have been seeing my girlfriend for 18 months and we moved in together 6 months ago. We encountered a few problems early on when we moved ...
A. 18 February 2010: This sounds doomed. She was happy for you to move out and you'e almost broken up several times before. Flashes of love are no good. I think the time has come for you both to move on. You've put effort in, and little has come out. I would move on. ... (read in full...)
Could our different experiences in dating cause big problems down the road?
Q. I'm very interested in a 23 year old guy who hasn't had a girlfriend before... and I'm 24 and have been dating for nearly 8 years. There are a few things that concern me about us and I'd love your thoughts on any of them: - would he likely be put...
A. 18 February 2010: 1) If he's secure in himself, he won't mind. My girlfriend has far more experience and not once has it ever bothered me.
2) My girlfriend is older than me, and she's happy. Don't discount him just because he's younger. A few young guys are very... (read in full...)
I had an emotional affair and my wife still won't get over it. Is there anything more I can do?
Q. I had an emotional affair with a work colleague. My wife just WON'T let it go. I have reassured her that I've never loved anyone but her but she won't believe me. I've booked for lunch tomorrow but I sense from her attitude tonight that it...
A. 18 February 2010: Well as you can imagine it will have come as a bit of a blow to her, and it will be hard for her to let it go. I would suggest that you sit down with her and ask her how she feels and what she would like you to do. And really listen to her. Tell her ... (read in full...)
Does this guy I met online sound like he likes me?
Q. i met this guy on a dating site 2months ago..we've txtd and chatted on msn since. my problem is i really like him..even though i dont know him well. this was our last convo on msn earlier today. HIM: can we meet and some point this lifetim...
A. 18 February 2010: He might do, but he might just be flirting. Why don't you text and say that you want that bedtime story? That would be a good way of seeing whether he will talk or not. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend cheated on me with a stripper?
Q. Dear All ... I have only just discovered what happened and Im devistated , my wonderful g/f of 4 Years ( well I used to think wonderful ) Went to a really " out there " Hens Night for the bride to be , It was in the city where there is much ...
A. 18 February 2010: I've heard of these parties. Some Stag nights and hen nights do get out of control. And this got out of control. I think you need to talk to her first and see what she says. Then you will be in a better position to know what to do. To be honest ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my girlfriend that I told her secret?
Q. hey.. i broke up with my girlfreind about 4 weeks ago, she had been sexually abused in the past and it has affected her trust in people. anyway i took the break up bad, i kept things in for two weeks and then confided everything (including the ...
A. 18 February 2010: If you can truly trust this other friend and you're sure she won't tell, then say nothing. If there is the slightest chance that it might come out, then come clean and say you did it because you were so upset and needed to get all your feelings out. ... (read in full...)
Does she really just want to be my friend or is she playing games?
Q. What is she thinking? The woman I had an emotional affair with contacted me again after I told her that for my girlfriend's sake, I wouldn't be spending any time with her or emailing with her. I thought I was completely over her with her out...
A. 17 February 2010: She's enjoying the power. Block her contact and just don't open anything that comes your way. If she was a friend, she would understand. She's just enjoying her power. ... (read in full...)
He has known me for a year, now how do I get him to like me?
Q. i need help... How do i win a mans heart that ive been talking to for the past year? he likes me and feels for me but he wont commit to me. Men i need your help please give me advice. i know im attractive, sweet, fun, polite, caring, interesting, ...
A. 17 February 2010: If you've already told him how you feel and he won't commit, then you can't suddenly win him over. It just won't work. If he doesn't fancy you, then he just doesn't. That's not your fault, and it's nothing you've done or have not done. It's him. If ... (read in full...)
He's great but I just can't cum. Is it me?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for just over a week now. We have been best friends for a year and a half so things have moved pretty quickly as we trust each other and care about each other alot! we also live together so we see each other all the ...
A. 17 February 2010: No, it's not you. It's not him either. And any woman can cum. It's all about your state of mind. First of all, quit worrying about it. You won't orgasm if you worry or if you try to hard. You need to be totally relaxed and care free. Then you need ... (read in full...)
Lied about my identity but found the man of my dreams!
Q. Used a fake name and picture. At first it was just a fun account that my friend created and then I started to develop feelings for this guy. It went on for a few months and I finally had to come clean to him because I was falling in love with him ...
A. 17 February 2010: Well he hasn't cut contact, and he did say that he didn't just want to cut contact. I would suggest that you wait for him to contact you. If he does, take things slow and continue to reassure him. If he doesn't get into contact, then you need to let ... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my boyfriend or try and date the new guy?
Q. I've been dating a guy for about 2 months. There is something about him I just don't click with. I don't feel the same way with him that I have with other guys I have dated, even in the same time period. He is older than me by 8 years, I'm 21 he is ...
A. 17 February 2010: If you are having problems making a clear choice, it means that neither man is right for you. The first guy who is older seems a bit too callous towards you, whilst this other guy is someone you have reservations about. Maybe you should just spend ... (read in full...)
How can I manage this difficult team at work?
Q. This question is more a problem at work than personal relationships. I am a manager in education. Lately my staff have been bleeding the sickness procedures and I have been becoming quite annoyed about it. I had one staff member with susp...
A. 17 February 2010: This is a difficult one. The problem with middle management is that the workers all resent you, whilst upper management don't care. You've tried being nice. Now I think you need to be tougher. Speak to superiors and tell them all the facts. Show ... (read in full...)
His penis won't stay in!
Q. Hi, this is to anyone who can help. I have recently started dating a new guy and we have had sex twice and had a problem. When he first inserts his penis for what feels like 10 mins it just wont stay in. He was on top and when we got going we ...
A. 17 February 2010: Perhaps he's thrusting too much. It really is nothing to worry about at all. So don't stress. ... (read in full...)
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