| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Whilst we were on a break he fathered a child - What should I do?
Q. I really need advice from people who have gone through my situation or know of someone who has. I'll try and keep it short. I was in a relationship with a guy for 2 years when I told him we needed a break so he could sort himself out, our ...
A. 16 February 2010: You are far too good for this guy! :)... (read in full...)
Best friend always tries to steal my boyfriends!
Q. Right, there is this boy I really like so I am trying to get with him. Bit every time I turn round my BEST friend is flirting with him, and she knows I like him. How can I tell her nicely to back pod? And why is she doing this, she does it with ...
A. 15 February 2010: She wants male attention that she is missing from her Dad, so she is throwing herself at other guys to get it. That's the problem. Basically she just wants her Dad. Since she doesn't speak to him, her attention is turned to other guys. ... (read in full...)
Why don't girls put effort into relationships?
Q. My girlfriend is just not putting forth effort into our relationship. She wants me doing all this shit and I get nothing back in return. I even tried telling her nice things all the time and loving on her but I got nothing back in return. I want to ...
A. 15 February 2010: Most girls aren't like this at all. Your girlfriend just isn't that great I'm afraid. Perhaps this is not the girl for you and you would be better moving on.... (read in full...)
Is it wrong that my husband discusses our personal life with the mother of one of his children?
Q. Please could you tell me how you would feel about this. I am recently married and have found out that my new husband discusses our personal life and things about me personally with one of the mothers of his children, asking for advice and her view ...
A. 15 February 2010: Well don't be too quick to condemn him. Yes, he is talking to his ex about personal things between you two, which would be better left private. But please remember that he is actually asking for advice about things between you two, rather than just ... (read in full...)
Why aren't we "Official"?
Q. I've been "seeing" this guy for a few months. There is a slight age gap -I am 20, he is 25- but we get along very well. We hung out very often before it reached this point. From what I've seen, he's kind of shy; I made the first move on him, and it ...
A. 15 February 2010: Yes he does have esteem issues if he is saying those things. I think you would be better sitting down with him, telling him again that you like him and then tell him that you would like to be his girlfriend. You can't be any clearer than that. ... (read in full...)
We have sex once a week and he thinks I am a sex addict?!!
Q. Hi My husband thinks I am a sex addict and it is making me feel paranoid. We have been married for a year and have sex about once every week and a half to two weeks. He says he is attracted me, but we barely have it. The only time we do is when I ...
A. 15 February 2010: This might be a medical problem. Maybe he should see a doctor.... (read in full...)
My husband didnt buy me anything for Valentine´s Day :(
Q. I am really sad because my husband didnt buy me anything for Valentines Day, and the worst part is that he tells me in the morning that he didnt get me anything, and that he will buy me flowers tomorrow.(which he probably wont) I just said its...
A. 15 February 2010: Miamine has given some really good advice. Some guys aren't bothered by Valentine's Day. Some are. Your husband doesn't seem bothered about, nor does he seem bothered by your birthday either, which leads me to suspect that he might be a bit into ... (read in full...)
Whilst we were on a break he fathered a child - What should I do?
Q. I really need advice from people who have gone through my situation or know of someone who has. I'll try and keep it short. I was in a relationship with a guy for 2 years when I told him we needed a break so he could sort himself out, our ...
A. 15 February 2010: No he hasn't changed. He's just telling you what you want to hear. Let's face it, you had a break and told him to mature, and all he did was sleep with another woman who has had his child. He has USED AND DESERTED HER, he has lied and hurt you in ... (read in full...)
Is he pulling away because of the grief/stress in his life...or has he lost interest in me?
Q. Is it grief, or lack of interest? My bf recently lost of a loved a while ago and has been having a very difficult past few months. I have been by his side trying to be supportive and helpful. We live together. The past few months have been ...
A. 15 February 2010: When men suffer grief, they tend to retreat away from everything. Men find it hard to identify how they're feeling and what to do about it, so they retreat into themselves so they can work it out. If he has lost someone, chances are that he is very ... (read in full...)
I spent Valentines Day spent alone while my bf preferred to be with his friends!! Advice?
Q. well today is Valentines day. I've seen my boyfriend once before he has left the house for church. I didn't want him to leave this morninq but its church so i feel as thouqh i cant qet mad. My problem is that he's been home [the apt upstairs] for ...
A. 15 February 2010: Well him going to Church is one thing. But him saying that he wanted to spend time with you and then not spending time with you is another. The problem is that he is still young and immature. Like most boys his age, he probably doesn't understand ... (read in full...)
He's messing around with my heart...should I just move on?
Q. Hi i'm really stuck and needing advice desperately! i split up with my boyfriend of 4 years over christmas and new year, it was my idea for us to split up. I had become very unhappy in the relationship and it was at a point where it had become ...
A. 15 February 2010: I'm sorry but Tom used you for sex. He knew you were unhappy and saw a chance to use you. He happily cheated on his girlfriend and used you while you were unhappy. This guys isn't worth your time, and you would really be better moving on from him ... (read in full...)
How to provide her with comfort?
Q. Hi. I need some advice, i've been with my girlfriend for 9 months now, i'm 27 and she's 36 we both have a lot in common and share some great times together. Her husband died nearly 3 years ago in a motorbike accident and she also has two daughters ...
A. 15 February 2010: I don#t think you can really say anything. But you can certainly carry on as you are. She seems to really enjoy your company, and I'm sure she does love you. But at the moment clearly she's not ready to have another man move in with her. Continue to ... (read in full...)
She's calling me a stalker and now won't talk to me...
Q. I'm in the 10th grade and i REALLY like this one girl who is in 9th grade. I talked to her once and we had alot in common. I tried talking to her more over facebook because i hate face to face conversations with people i like, makes me nervous. ...
A. 14 February 2010: Even if she does, for your own safety it's best to cut contact. The last thing you need is to be accused of something.... (read in full...)
Lust for youth minister!
Q. hello, for 1 1/2 years i have been wanting, needding to have sex with my youth minister. it all started when she held me late one night to help clean up the building. and she leaned over exposing major cleavage. i feel like i'll ha...
A. 14 February 2010: It makes no difference how important you think it is. You're still too young, and it would cost her job, and she might even go to jail. Plus, all you say is that you want to have sex with her. That's just lust, not love. And most women would prefer ... (read in full...)
How do I forgive myself for being so foolish????
Q. Hi I wonder if anyone can help me, last year I admitted to my husband I had made such a mess of our personal finances we had less money that he thought we had and I was in a terrible state. He told me he would never trust me again and that he ...
A. 14 February 2010: You sound like you're slipping into depression, which is going to make all this a lot worse. So I think the first thing you should do is get yourself some counselling to just get all your feelings out so you can understand them. You also need to ... (read in full...)
I don't know why I am married but I don't know how to walk away!
Q. I have been married nearly 10 years and have two children, one 9 months after my wedding day! I have tried to keep the marraige together time after time. I know he loves me it is just we have nothing in common. He is as romantic as a brick and ...
A. 14 February 2010: You need to end it, no matter what. Even after leaving him he didn't change, and there is debt, drinking and his controlling behaviour. Go to this site.
citizensadvice.org.uk
find out where your nearest office is using the postcode finder and make... (read in full...)
Lust for youth minister!
Q. hello, for 1 1/2 years i have been wanting, needding to have sex with my youth minister. it all started when she held me late one night to help clean up the building. and she leaned over exposing major cleavage. i feel like i'll ha...
A. 14 February 2010: You won't seduce her. Apart from being too young, she's in a place of trust and by trying anything you could make it that she loses her job. Enjoy your crush, but accept it won't go any further.... (read in full...)
He said I'm loose but I've NEVER had sex with anyone else! How can this be?
Q. okay so last night me and my boyfriend we just laying there cuddling and talking and he told me i was loose..... and he was serious... he said its the most noticeable when hes on top which is one of my favourite positions.... hes the only guy ive ...
A. 14 February 2010: He hasn't got the slightest clue what he's talking about. He's a little boy trying to be a man. He really doesn't understand women at all. There's nothing wrong with you at all. You're just dating a very immature, tactless disrespectful boy. And ... (read in full...)
30 years old and never got my first kiss!!!
Q. I have strange question - pathetic really, I am 30 years old and never got my first kiss. Can someone tell what a kiss feels because I'll never be kissed due to my appearance. I'd really love to know. If you're wondering why it's because guy...
A. 14 February 2010: Guys are too busy and reject you? It#s more likely that you're not meeting the right men. Where are you meeting them?... (read in full...)
MY boyfriend is telling his ex he loves her!!!!
Q. Hmm, me and my boyfriend have been going out for a while now and we've done everything. However, i went through his chat logs today and i saw that he's telling his ex that he loves her and she is saying the same back (even though she has a boyfriend ...
A. 14 February 2010: If he's telling his ex he loves her, then he doesn't love you. Tell him what you saw, then tell him it's over. Don't sit there being second best.... (read in full...)
Help me out here! What would you do in this situation?
Q. I broke up with the guy I was seeing a few weeks ago. There were alot of reasons that broke up with him, even though I cared about him a lot I couldn't see myself with him in the long run, and our personalities were not compatable in the least. Here ...
A. 14 February 2010: I would say no to him. If you say yes to sex and just use him, you will be looking very cruel in everyone's eyes and it could ruin your reputation. You made a decision that you didn't want him in your life as a boyfriend. That's it. You can't pick ... (read in full...)
How can I get her to change her mind about me???
Q. Hi about 1 year 7 months back I slept with a prostitute, I started talking to her and I fell in love with her, then I got her to stop all the things she is doing and I am helping her and the family. She stopped prostitution and started doing a ...
A. 14 February 2010: There is no honesty in her. You're just a cash cow to her. That's it. She doesn't love you, she's just using you for money. You need to move on from her. ... (read in full...)
I don't feel special to him... Am I being childish?
Q. Well,I'm with a man who doesn't say "I love you too" when I say "I love you" because he feels he should say it when he wants to, and not because I feel like he should. He says he loves me, just very rarely. Now, it's Valentines Day and my man ...
A. 14 February 2010: Well always measure a man by his actions, not his words. He doesn't tell you he loves you, and that wouldn't be so bad if his actions showed he did love you. As it his, his actions shows that he doesn't care a less. He didn't bother with Valentines ... (read in full...)
Best friend always tries to steal my boyfriends!
Q. Right, there is this boy I really like so I am trying to get with him. Bit every time I turn round my BEST friend is flirting with him, and she knows I like him. How can I tell her nicely to back pod? And why is she doing this, she does it with ...
A. 14 February 2010: She's jealous, and perhaps isn't a best friend if she is always doing it. Tell her straight you that you like him and that since she is your friend and knows it, the least she can do is not flirt outrageously with him. Clearly if she continues, then ... (read in full...)
Is the "play it casual" approach working?
Q. Hi had some advice last week. I had met a man on a dating site and had been talking to him for a few months when things changed and we decided to leave each other alone for a while I asked when would be a good time to text him I had some good advice ...
A. 14 February 2010: Hi again. Seems like a good sign, just keep taking it slow and texting him, and see what happens :). ... (read in full...)
Is it common to have erectile dysfunction at 43???
Q. I'm reading all kind of statistics about ED. But I'm confused. My husband has had it since 43, and he heard it from the doctor, that is very common in that age. Yet nobody we know has that. How common is that? Are we alone?...
A. 14 February 2010: No, you're not alone at all. Some guys in their twenties get it. It can be a few things. Maybe he's stressed, or nervous, or just tired. Don't take it personally, it's not you or him. Just focus on loving each other and spending time with each ... (read in full...)
I just want my best friend back!
Q. Dear cupid agony aunts, and uncles. I've been broken up with my ex for about a year now, and am in a very loving relationship right now, I have no problems with my current relationship. My problem is that me and my ex were best friends for years, ...
A. 14 February 2010: DO NOT go back to him at all. When friends date, this is always something that can happen. When it does, it hurts. Sadly, you're the one hurting. Leave him in the past where he belongs. He left you, after all. Going back could end up with you ... (read in full...)
I was hoping he'd ask me... what did I do wrong?
Q. Back in December my town had this "teen" dance thing - where all the high school in the area were invited. i went with a few of my friends and saw a lot of people i knew there... i saw this kid who i meant through a friend, i didnt even talk to ...
A. 14 February 2010: Not at all. He just sounds like he's not interested if he's not answering. Young men aren't good at being tactful with young women. Don't think it was you, because it wasn't. He's just not yet mature enough in his head to handle dating and talking ... (read in full...)
Am I being selfish or am I wasting my time with him?
Q. dear cupid. its my birthday today and my bf of two years has not called or text me. A few days ago he was complaining of not having money for petrol and food for himself. Last year he did not come to my birthday lunch. Am I wasting time with this ...
A. 14 February 2010: Well and truly wasting your time. There is no reason why he couldn't have phoned to say happy birthday at the very least, and he didn't bother last year either. Move on. ... (read in full...)
I think his behaviour is cruel! What do you think?
Q. I dont know what is going on with my ex at all !. We went out with each other on and off from 2004 - 2006 , and we kept intouch every now and then after that by text messages. Then in 2008, i bumped into him once when i was in a club. We said hello ...
A. 14 February 2010: After the way he's treated you, and given then you are already ex's, the best thing you can do is never reply and just move on. He's probably keeping you around in the hope that if all else fails you'll be there. So don't be there and just move on ... (read in full...)
Teen boyfriend troubles...
Q. I know this guy, and i have been out with him like 3 times. He was my first boyfriend, and I've had a thing for him ever since. Then one day we met up for a pull, do not know why, and then a couple of weeks later he says this 'we are technically ...
A. 14 February 2010: He's using you. He asked this other girl out when going out with you, then came back to you when he wasn't getting anywhere else. Take it from a male that he's using you. Dump him.... (read in full...)
Why didn't she say bye to me personally?
Q. My crush and her family were at my house last night (mainly to pick her brother up). When it was time for them to leave, I courteously walked them out to their car. Her mom and brother said good night to me, but for some reason she didn’t. There ...
A. 14 February 2010: She was probably just shy. Why don't you try talking to her more seriously and finding out what she really wants.... (read in full...)
I caught her red handed cheating on me!!!
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years now.. i am not happy with her.. i caught her red handed cheating on me but she always tries to convince me in a fashion that i was wrong... i dont trust her any more... i really wanted to break up with her ...
A. 14 February 2010: You know what you saw. And if she is lying, she's not worth one second more of your time, because it means she hasn't accepted she has done wrong and will do it again. You can do better that this. ... (read in full...)
Help!! How can I find out more about his past sex life without sounding paranoid???
Q. I am in love with my boyfriend. The only thing that bothers me is the fact that he is far more sexually experienced than me. We have been sexually active for months now with each other and he claims that our sex is the best he's ever had. But ...
A. 14 February 2010: Let it go. Because if you ask him and he tells, judging by how you're acting now, you won't be able to take it and you'll become even more insecure and then he'll run. He is with you, and that's all that matters. ... (read in full...)
What can I do to make him jealous and find out if he still has feelings for me?
Q. I still have feelings for my ex and at time he seems to act as if he does as well, he's always asking me if i got a man or if im seeing other guys... but im not so i always say no. I really would like to know if he still has feelings for me... ...
A. 14 February 2010: The jealousy trick never works. If you try to make him jealous, chances are he will just walk away. If you want to know how he feels, ask him. Don't waste time doing something that will just make him run.... (read in full...)
Sad from hubby's silent treatment
Q. Two days ago I went to my husband crying and told him I was feeling emotional over some deceased pets and wanted his support. He was hugging me and telling me everything was going to be fine and while looking over my right shoulder he blurted out ...
A. 14 February 2010: BrooklynGirl has got this completely right. There is more to this guy than not just apologizing. He is clearly far too into himself to care what you think. Any normal person is aware that what he did was really terrible. You need to think very ... (read in full...)
I treat them so special yet they don't seem to see it. What am I doing wrong?
Q. it seems like every time I try to talk to a girl they are interested in me but then they always try to talk to other guys behind my back. I do everything for them but they don't seem to see it. after a certain stage in dating, I treat them like they ...
A. 14 February 2010: It might be that you're trying so hard that they think you're coming on a little strong. Be a nice guy, but don't be a doormat. Get to know them, but don't do everything for them. Let the girl do a little chasing too. ... (read in full...)
She's calling me a stalker and now won't talk to me...
Q. I'm in the 10th grade and i REALLY like this one girl who is in 9th grade. I talked to her once and we had alot in common. I tried talking to her more over facebook because i hate face to face conversations with people i like, makes me nervous. ...
A. 14 February 2010: Leave her alone. She has accused you of being a stalker, which is a strong way of saying that she is not interested. Cut all contact all together and have nothing to do with her at all. ... (read in full...)
Should I cut off all contact and move away?
Q. I want your opinion about a family problem. I am the 3rd sibling of 5. As a child I was abused by my mother and later, by an older sibling. I was always the black sheep as we were growing up. I suffered a nervous breakdown and spent a number of ...
A. 14 February 2010: My mother was emotionally abused by her parents. In the end she cut off contact. She still says it was the best thing she ever did. If you want to cut contact, then do it. But you must remember that once you have done it, there is no going back. ... (read in full...)
Great date, great sex... and now no call from him!!!
Q. I met this guy two weeks ago and he was very interested right away. We kissed right away as we were out dancing and drinking, and I tend to move fast with guys. He got my number and called me the same night when I got home! We talked, but I was more ...
A. 14 February 2010: There is a high chance that he just used you for sex, or lost the thrill of the chase. I would let him go, and move on. Spend more time getting to know a guy in the future so you know what he really wants. ... (read in full...)
Am I REALLY that repulsive???
Q. I have been dating a great guy for abt 2 months. Things have gotten more intense the past couple of weeks (lots of kissing). Last night, I really wanted the sex to happen ( and it seemed like he did too). Then when I was mostly undressed ...
A. 14 February 2010: It could have been nerves, it could have Erectile Dysfunction, it could have out of respect. There are loads of reasons, and the only thing it won't be is that you were repulsive. You're not. Keep getting to know him. ... (read in full...)
Help peeps!!! How can I find out for sure if this guy at work likes me?
Q. I work at a supermarket in the floral department and he works in the produce department and they are in the same area. Hes a few years older than me and everyday he works he comes over to me and says hi and strikes up a conversation. Throughout the ...
A. 14 February 2010: He seems to like you. There's only one way to find out, and that's to talk to him. Why don't you ask him out on a date? He might be confused about how you feel for him. ... (read in full...)
Selfish sister???
Q. I just want to see if anyone else finds my older sister as selfish and thoughtless as I do? Basically, shes 35 and has her own family - 2 kids and a husband, nice home etc. Im 26 and about to have my first baby. For as long as I can remember, my...
A. 14 February 2010: For whatever reason, your sister wants little to do with her in laws and family in general. She will have her reasons. All you can do is be there for the day she decides her family is important to her (which may never happen). As for you, focus on ... (read in full...)
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