| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Selfish sister???
Q. I just want to see if anyone else finds my older sister as selfish and thoughtless as I do? Basically, shes 35 and has her own family - 2 kids and a husband, nice home etc. Im 26 and about to have my first baby. For as long as I can remember, my...
A. 14 February 2010: For whatever reason, your sister wants little to do with her in laws and family in general. She will have her reasons. All you can do is be there for the day she decides her family is important to her (which may never happen). As for you, focus on ... (read in full...)
I thought he really liked me but it seems not to be the case. What do you think?
Q. Hey. Right so Friday night, I went to a party and I ended up spending pretty much the whole night with the guy I like. We don’t tend to speak much in person but a lot on Facebook. We were both pissed and he came to sit by me for most of the time...
A. 14 February 2010: He was drunk and was probably over quite a few girls. If he really likes you he can come to you when he's sober. ... (read in full...)
Why does he want to keep me a secret? Is he just using me???
Q. Well im seeing this boy, and he asked out another girl (my best friend). So i immediatly dumped him, my friend didn't know we where going out (well seeing each other) at the time, so I didn't say anything. Luckily she said no. Then about a week ...
A. 14 February 2010: He's using you until he can get the girl he really wants. He's already hurt you by dumping you for your friend. And all he does is ask you for sex. Seriously, you can do so much better. ... (read in full...)
How do men handle breakups, I know they work differently than girls...
Q. I'm just wondering how guys handle breakups? does it even bother them? do they cry? is he still thinking about me because it hasnt been long since we split? And how is he gona react to me telling him i hate him because he hasnt spoken to me since...
A. 14 February 2010: It really depends who dumped who. If he dumped you, then chances are he is already over you and not bothered. If you dumped him, and he really loved you, he will have spent plenty of time crying. So it depends on who dumped who. ... (read in full...)
Will sleeping with him make things better between us?
Q. I started talking to my sister's boyfriend's best mate which ive only just started talking to, and he said he liked me and i liked him. i went over his place and and we hung out for about 4 or 5 days and then he was saying he was bored. and i was ...
A. 14 February 2010: DO NOT sleep with him. I say that in capitals, because what he really wants is to use you for sex and nothing else. Find a better guy. ... (read in full...)
Will it frighten him off?
Q. I'm in my 40's so should know better - but I sent a valentines card to someone I have liked for ages. I didnt sign it and it just had 'happy valentines day' inside it. He may or may not know that I sent it. He is really shy and although we go out ...
A. 14 February 2010: From a male point of view, he won't be scared off unless he has serious commitment issues. But he will be confused, because now he will wonder who sent it. If you really want to know how he feels, the best thing you can do is talk to him about how ... (read in full...)
Am I being blind or just paranoid?
Q. I just wanted to know if I'm being paraniod. My bf and I have been going out for 6 months now, we have a age gap of 10 years, he's 21 and I'm 31. I've got 3 kids and he has none. He cheated on me in our third month, told me the truth about it. ...
A. 14 February 2010: He sounds like he has really committed after he made that mistake at the beginning, so I think you might be worrying to much. Keep talking to him, keep listening and make sure you both know you're there for each other, and you'll be fine. Good luck. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't want to spend time with me.
Q. i am in a commited and long distance relationship.my bf has gone crazy.he says he wants to study and won't allow nebody to interfare,not even me. :( he has started ignoring me.even on valentines day,he didn't msged me much,and when i wanted to talk ...
A. 14 February 2010: When a guy goes to this length, it's safe to say that he's not interested enough. No man who loves a woman would just totally shut her out of his life. If your boyfriend really cared, he would still be there for you. He's not. The best thing you can ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend flirts with all my friends, what should I take it as?
Q. Okay, so me and my boyfriend have been on and off for 9-10 months and he flirts with all of my friends. He knows I'm sorta pissed at him right now-but he doesn't know why. So he's trying to think of a way to make it up to me. I love him and care for ...
A. 14 February 2010: I'll call your attention to your first line, which reads that you've been on and off for 9-10 months. A couple who are in a good place don't go on and off, they stay together. And certainly when a guy is putting his arms around other women whilst ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend said she can't do our long distance relationship anymore and is going to block my number!
Q. Back in July of 2009 I started dating this wonderful girl, but soon after she moved to California. We kept it a long distance relationship. She was 25 and i am 19. In November I flew out to see her and I lost my vcard to her. (Yeah I know 19, ...
A. 12 February 2010: Relax, I don't need to judge you since you haven't done anything wrong. She's plying with you like a cat with a ball of string, and that's not fair. She obviously broke up with you to have sex with another guy, and I think you'll fine she's probably ... (read in full...)
How do I handle a guy who gets completely freaked out at the thought of having a girlfriend?
Q. What would you do with a guy who you're sure likes you but who seems completely freaked out by the idea of having a girlfriend? I like him, we briefly got together last year before he backed out and now we hang out mainly in groups, with his best ...
A. 12 February 2010: You move on. He clearly has major issues with commitment and trust, and the last thing you want is to go out with someone like that only to be messed around all the time.... (read in full...)
This guy despises my family...what would you do in my situation?
Q. Female here, 54. I have a bf who is 52, never had children. He and I have been dating, for 4 years. In Sept 09 he moved to go to work, at the other end of the country. Where his own family (brothers, neices, nephews, aged father) lives. The ...
A. 11 February 2010: God, that's even worse! Definitely make a run for it. You are right, actions speak louder than words, and his actions say it all! ... (read in full...)
Why does monogamy exist? What's the use?
Q. Why does monogamy exist? I don't get it. A lot of people - men and women - cheat. I've not been cheated on, but I see it happen often. It's often been said humans are not monogamous by nature, and I guess it's true. I get that people need love and ...
A. 11 February 2010: Around about 50% of people cheat. So the other 50% don't. Some cheating happens because there are lousy people around. Some cheating happens because people are very unhappy. So make a good choice in a male and put your effort into your relationship. ... (read in full...)
My sisters breasts are bigger than mine, will he choose her over me?
Q. Hi, I am with a man, and I love him and he loves me deeply. But he is very, very sexual. He watches porn all the time and he basically has one of the highest sex drives knows to man. Well, I have this insecurity. I have really small brea...
A. 11 February 2010: There is more to a woman than her breasts. And if he's a good guy, he'll know that and not be interested in your sister at all. You have no idea that it will happen. He loves you. End of. And if he does go with her, then he's not good enough anyway. ... (read in full...)
Ideas for Valentine's Day if you're single?
Q. What does a single guy do for valentine's day weekend? This is a light hearted thread for actual ideas - if you want to rant about the lameness and/or commercialisation of the day, and how it's totally rubbed in your face that your single - th...
A. 11 February 2010: When I was single, I just put on all the action films I could find. ... (read in full...)
Will the court take my kids away from me just for smoking pot?
Q. Hi there...I smoke weed and have 3 kids...I don't smoke around them and they don't know that I do it. My ex-husband knows that I have always smoked weed and now that I pushed for child support, he started calling DCF on me...twice in the last 6 ...
A. 11 February 2010: There is a chance that they might. You need to stop that immediately, and more importantly you need to make sure you own lawyers know how he treated you. ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with a break up when he's dating a girl with the same name as me?
Q. Hi im 16 years old and dealing with a breakup. i was on and off with my ex for 2 years. He was my first love and everything. We would always get into stupid fights and go on a break that did not even last for more then a day. Three weeks ago he ...
A. 11 February 2010: He won't come back. Sorry to hurt you like that. But he is a young guy and he really doesn't know what he wants yet. Very cruelly, he dumped you and suddenly moved on. He's a young guy, and he will learn. You'll find a far better guy, so cut contact ... (read in full...)
Is it wise to leave my 28 years old fiance for a 53 years old man?
Q. It's about 5 years already that I'm just attracted to older men.I can not be with young guys for too long.I find them boring,unreliable,hard to deal with... but because of my mum who is so angry at me for loving an older man that she just saw his ...
A. 11 February 2010: Well first of all, this 28 year old fiancé is not the guy for you and you know it. You need to break it off with him, no matter how painful, and let him find someone who does love him. Then you really need to spend time thinking about what you want ... (read in full...)
He's married to my friend, but we're together and I'm jealous of the time they spend together.
Q. Hi there, Im really not sure anyone can help me but i need advice. I have been very hurt over the last 2 years by somebody who i work with. it is a very long story but to cut it short i fell deeply for a man i had known for three years. we would me...
A. 11 February 2010: This is a mess isn't it. You've blown a marriage for one guy who was a womaniser. He then got rid of you and now you're busy with another guy who appears to just be using you. Seriously, none of these men are right. This new guy doesn't give a damn ... (read in full...)
Does his silence mean that he was cheating or that he was offended I asked?
Q. I asked my 36 year old boyfriend just before Christmas if there was someone else (as he had been acting 'off' for several months). He hasn't spoken to me since. Do I take it from this that he was seeing someone else or was he offended that I asked ...
A. 11 February 2010: I'm afraid to say I think he was. You don't just throw 2 years away through silence. The fact he hasn't got back shows that he wasn't interested if nothing else. He had weird behaviour beforehand and this says that he was up to something. What a ... (read in full...)
This guy despises my family...what would you do in my situation?
Q. Female here, 54. I have a bf who is 52, never had children. He and I have been dating, for 4 years. In Sept 09 he moved to go to work, at the other end of the country. Where his own family (brothers, neices, nephews, aged father) lives. The ...
A. 11 February 2010: !!! He hasn't any money and is waiting for you to turn up, ten demands half. Red flag one. He's trying to get you away from your family. Red flag two. He doesn't even want you to talk to him about your kids EVER. Red flag three. That's enough of ... (read in full...)
How do I ask my partner to leave without having any detrimental repercussions to my property assets?
Q. Dear Cupid Readers… Here’s my question. My de-facto relationship status of 2yrs and 7mths is at a dismal end and I'd like to know how to ask my partner (D) to leave without causing or having any detrimental repercussions to my property assets?...
A. 11 February 2010: The best thing you can do is speak to a lawyer. You need to know exactly where you stand. The good news is if he has made no contribution at all, I would have thought that you would be in a very good position. ... (read in full...)
How can I get my best friend to believe me? She is dating my ex and he is only going to end up hurting her!
Q. Me and my ex boyfriend have been broken up for about three months now. He broke up with me so I still have feelings for him. My best friend likes him and they went out before we were friends. He broke my heart and hers many,many times and I don't ...
A. 11 February 2010: You've shown her the emails, you've told her the stories, she hasn't listened to a word you've said. Let her find out for herself. ... (read in full...)
Does he behave this way because he is jealous or because he loves me?
Q. since my boyfriend doesn't like when i smile at people ,who smile at me do you think he is jealous or because he loves me?...
A. 11 February 2010: He doesn't love you. This is just controlling behaviour. He's more likely to end up really hurting you. ... (read in full...)
I still can't get over him...
Q. Here's the situation. The guy i've liked for months knew I liked him, and told me he liked me back. (This was a few months ago) But like eventually, he told me he had family problems and problems with his friends and didn't have time for a relat...
A. 11 February 2010: He let you down gently, rather than totally crush you. I'm sad to say that he's just not interested in you at all. you now need to be brave and move on. It won't be easy for you, but you now know that he's not the one. So you need to move on.... (read in full...)
I feel it is not fair that my wife wont give me anal sex when my ex-partners enjoyed it so much!
Q. do girls like anal sex, Ive been after my wife for 7 years and she just won't give it too me. I feel like thats not fair, Ive had other relationships where my partner enjoyed it sooooooooo much. how do i get my wife to try something new, we've ...
A. 11 February 2010: She doesn't want to do it, so that's it. Fairness has nothing to do with this. Is it fair that she should be forced to do something she doesn't' want to?... (read in full...)
Why can he be all over other girls but when I talked to a guy innocently he won't forgive me?
Q. Dear Cupid, I dont know what to do. I have a boyfriend. Hes a great guy and he really cares about me. He has his flaws and faults but who doesnt? I love being around him. He makes me feel loved and special. However he is very insecure and thi...
A. 11 February 2010: This is classic controlling behaviour. You opened up by saying that he's caring and makes you feel loved. Then you moved on and to my horror you said that he made you promise not to talk to certain guys. He's been through your phone. He has major ... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend, yet I miss the way this "fling" guy used to hold me and kiss me!
Q. Alright, I am a college gal (junior). I started dating this guy in high school, then we went to two separate colleges in different states. We continued a serious long distance relationship, visiting each other every few weekends and such... seemed ...
A. 11 February 2010: Your boyfriend is the nice guy and poses no threat, hence he can be somewhat boring. The other guy represents all the excitement, but also offers nothing but pain. Decide what you want. Do you want your boyfriend, who is the nice guy but who you ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to kiss your best friend while your on a break with your boyfriend?
Q. Ok, my boyfriend and i got into a really big fight and decided to take a break. So, about after a week into our break i called my best guy friend over to make me feel better. We kissed. It was unexpected and neither of us planned it. We both agreed ...
A. 11 February 2010: You were on a break, so it wasn't like you were cheating. But clearly it's a bit of a kick in the teeth for him, because now he wont know whether you care for him or your best friend. So be prepared that he might not be able to take it and will move ... (read in full...)
I don't want to upset my single friend by kissing my boyfriend in front of her, but it's Valentine's Day!
Q. Hey Its Valentines Day Soon and i don`t know what to do. i love my boyfriend fraser more than anything and me and him and all our friends are going to the cinema together. most of us going is full of couples e.g me and fraser, jasmine and hugo...
A. 11 February 2010: You spend the day kissing your boyfriend, but don't do it full on in front of your friend. Be a little discreet. Of course you should kiss your boyfriend, but don't make it massively obvious or over the top. Enjoy Valentine's Day. ... (read in full...)
Should I count the condoms and see if he used any?
Q. I'm not one to constantly seek being in a relationship and my past (and only) three relationships have resulted in heart ache purely for me. That being said I have an air of being promiscuous (a misconception) due to my large amount of gentle...
A. 11 February 2010: You are being very paranoid. Apart from anything else, you're not in a relationship with him, so even if he was seeing someone else, it's not cheating. It's more likely he took them so he can keep them in case you meet up again. Address your own ... (read in full...)
I told her I didnt want to be with her anymore and now she is claiming to be pregnant and having miscarriages, is she faking and should I be worried?
Q. so i had sex without a condom (dumb idea i know) anyways i never really was worried about her being pregnant but we had gotten in a fight the next day and she brought up the fact she was nervous about it. It was on my mind for about a week and we ...
A. 11 February 2010: This sounds like a big lie to me. Wait it out and have as little contact as possible since she is an ex. If she is pregnant, it will soon become obvious. This does sound like a lie though. ... (read in full...)
What could be the reason for these heat rashes?
Q. Hi! I'm 18 years old and for several years now I've been having heat rashes. Sometimes I just get so hot I wanna go swimming in ice and the next moment I'm cold again. What could be the reason for these?...
A. 11 February 2010: I can only think that it might be down to your hormones. It might be worth speaking to the doctor to get yourself checked. ... (read in full...)
I want to finish things with him but feel like I'll be kicking someone when they're down.
Q. Hello all, I probably already know the answer to this question but I wanted to bounce it off everyone. I'm divorced and an older woman, so I should know better. My boyfriend is no kid either. He is divorced and his ex-wife constantly keeps his 9 ...
A. 11 February 2010: The problem is he's in a rut. No one blames you for feeling guilty. But he's not adding anything to your life. He's just sucking it all away, and no matter how guilty you feel, it's not nearly as bad as you'll feel if you stay with him and let him ... (read in full...)
I'm worried his ex is his ideal woman that got away! Is he settling for me?
Q. I'm dating a military guy, He's in the Navy and this is the first time I've ever been involved in a military relationship. Next month will be our one year! We're living together, but of course he's not home right now, he's out to sea. Back in 2006 ...
A. 11 February 2010: You are paying the price for letting your curiosity get the better of you. This is how great relationships can fall apart. First of all, breast implants aren't that nice, so he won't be missing them. Secondly, he allowed himself time to get over her ... (read in full...)
How can I get past my fears of being in a relationship?
Q. Dear cupid, I am a 27 year old woman, virgin, and has never been in a relationship. My longest relationship was for 2 months. Every time I meet someone, I freak out and end the relationship. I hate this about myself. This is the one thing I am m...
A. 11 February 2010: I think you need to see a counsellor. You have built this wall around you and you won't let people through because you are fearful of being hurt. You need to find out why it is that you act this way, and the only real way to do that is with ... (read in full...)
Should I date her again?
Q. Ok so I dated this girl during hoemcoming and I left a stupid text on my phone saying I was going to hug this girl friend thats just a friend and she ditched me for her ex right in front of everyone and she tore up a 20$ corsage that I did hours or ...
A. 11 February 2010: Wake up. All you did was leave a text saying that you were going to hug a friend. She ddn't listen, she just dumped you in front of EVERYONE to go back to her ex and tore up something that you worked hard for. I know you like this girl, but she was ... (read in full...)
He says he loves me but only wants to hang out when he's drunk!
Q. ive been texting this boy for 2 months and we seem to get on well.. however hes on the fat side and people keep telling us that im totally out of his leauge at first i didnt really see it but ive been having a lot more attention of boys and am kind...
A. 11 February 2010: Read your post. He is only interested when he's drunk, and fails to even pick you up when he's told you he will. He clearly doesn't give a damn about you at all. Get rid of him.... (read in full...)
Can I kiss him after I blow him?
Q. I'm planning on giving my boyfriend a blowjob. Can I kiss him immediately after or do I need to wash out my mouth first?...
A. 11 February 2010: Depends on him. But be sure you want to do it first. ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to have friendly phone sex with a classmate when I have a boyfriend?
Q. well...im in a committed relationship...its been 7.5months..me and my bf really love each other..i want to ask that is it ok to have friendly phone sex with my classmate?(we actually don't mean it,its just 4 fun)i mean is it ok or whether i will be ...
A. 11 February 2010: No it is not. It's cheating.... (read in full...)
Have I got my boyfriend enough for Valentines day?
Q. For valentines day I got my boyfriend a necklace and card. I was wondering if that would be enough?...
A. 11 February 2010: Well enough. Give him a big hug too.... (read in full...)
Have I got my boyfriend enough for Valentines day?
Q. For valentines day I got my boyfriend a necklace and card. I was wondering if that would be enough?...
A. 11 February 2010: Well enough. Give him a big hug too.... (read in full...)
I want to finish things with him but feel like I'll be kicking someone when they're down.
Q. Hello all, I probably already know the answer to this question but I wanted to bounce it off everyone. I'm divorced and an older woman, so I should know better. My boyfriend is no kid either. He is divorced and his ex-wife constantly keeps his 9 ...
A. 11 February 2010: He's not doing anything for you at all. All he's doing is taking and sucking you dry. You need to move on and find someone positive before he sucks you into his little black hole too. ... (read in full...)
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