| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I want to finish things with him but feel like I'll be kicking someone when they're down.
Q. Hello all, I probably already know the answer to this question but I wanted to bounce it off everyone. I'm divorced and an older woman, so I should know better. My boyfriend is no kid either. He is divorced and his ex-wife constantly keeps his 9 ...
A. 11 February 2010: The problem is he's in a rut. No one blames you for feeling guilty. But he's not adding anything to your life. He's just sucking it all away, and no matter how guilty you feel, it's not nearly as bad as you'll feel if you stay with him and let him ... (read in full...)
Have I got my boyfriend enough for Valentines day?
Q. For valentines day I got my boyfriend a necklace and card. I was wondering if that would be enough?...
A. 11 February 2010: Well enough. Give him a big hug too.... (read in full...)
Have I got my boyfriend enough for Valentines day?
Q. For valentines day I got my boyfriend a necklace and card. I was wondering if that would be enough?...
A. 11 February 2010: Well enough. Give him a big hug too.... (read in full...)
He keeps putting a lot of pressure on me, should I date him again or not?
Q. Ok so im a 14 year old girl. this kid i went out with before is 16. he keeps trying to go out with me again. he used to text me to try and get me to send him a pic of me naked and would get mad when i refused. he would tell me im weird and no one ...
A. 11 February 2010: Do not under any circumstances date him. He is after using and abusing you. You're not the problem at all. He is, and he could land you in a huge amount of danger. Don't date him and cut all contact.... (read in full...)
My friends and I created a fake Myspace and now I have fallen in love with the guy we were pranking!
Q. I feel sorry because one day my friends and I was playing truth or dare. So, I picked Dare they dared me to make a fake myspace and to post a fake pic. Three days later a lot of people was adding this fake myspace. But there was this one guy that ...
A. 11 February 2010: As a male, I would find this hugely disturbing and I wouldn't ever speak to you again. You lied, turned him down, lied again and now he won't speak to you. No wonder. He's terrified and confused and very hurt. I'm sure you don't really love him, I'm ... (read in full...)
Tough Decision! My boyfriend or my new love???
Q. Hi, I have a big dilemma which is ruining my life right now.. I have been in a relationship for four years with my boyfriend that I really love. However we got in a big fight and I moved out. It's been two months since I have been living on my own. ...
A. 11 February 2010: Your new love is moving things way too fast, so I think that stands little chance of really working out. So there's a big red flag for you.
As for your boyfriend, take things slow if you are willing to give a second chance. You need to be sure that... (read in full...)
I want to finish things with him but feel like I'll be kicking someone when they're down.
Q. Hello all, I probably already know the answer to this question but I wanted to bounce it off everyone. I'm divorced and an older woman, so I should know better. My boyfriend is no kid either. He is divorced and his ex-wife constantly keeps his 9 ...
A. 11 February 2010: He's not doing anything for you at all. All he's doing is taking and sucking you dry. You need to move on and find someone positive before he sucks you into his little black hole too. ... (read in full...)
What do you guys think... Should I tell him I love him?
Q. I was dating this guy a couple years ago and during the summer he kissed me. The next day he told me that he regretted kissing me. After that summer he stopped talking to me. The next year my mom invited him to my graduation party. When we were ...
A. 11 February 2010: Wait. Spend more time getting to know him first. You'll scare him away if you move too quickly.... (read in full...)
My ex is dating a supposed friend of mines! How do I deal with this?
Q. I recently just got a divorce, have 3 children, and just found out that my ex is dating a supposed friend of mine. How do I deal with this? Just a few weeks ago we were in a relationship again, and with no notice he's sleeping with her!! I feel like ...
A. 11 February 2010: First of all, be sure you do not go back to this ex, because it's clear that he's just using you. You are divorced, end all contact there other than for the children.
Secondly, this is now your moment to start living again. You need to know whet... (read in full...)
I feel like I am a push over for him
Q. I feel like I sold out. Basically, around 2 years ago I started a new job in an office working for an insurance company. It's a great job with great pay, and great people, I'm really happy there. One workmate i bonded with in particular was a...
A. 11 February 2010: Keep the friendly contact to as little as possible. You know you can't trust him, you know he will cheat, and you know he will lie to you. Do not give him a second chance. ... (read in full...)
He now is seeing another girl, and I want to get him back!
Q. I have been talking to this guy over 1 year. We are not exactly in a relationship but I believe he was interested in me when we met first time in person. We met online.. He lives in the other state, so usually we talk on the phone. We talk like ...
A. 11 February 2010: Well he has said that he's seeing her, not dating her. So if you want him, tell him now that you want him. But bear this in mind. Firstly, you only decided you loved him on the verge of losing him, so maybe you don't love him. Maybe you're just ... (read in full...)
I am 13 and I am conteplating giving my boyfriend my virginity for valentines day
Q. ok. so me and my bf have been together for like EVER. we've been together so long that i lost count of the months. befor i lost count it was like 18 months. anyway i love him so much and i want to please him for v-day(if u know wat i mean) but im ...
A. 11 February 2010: You're too young. It would be illegal, and you might end up pregnant. And in the future when you look back you'll really regret it. Do something else.... (read in full...)
I asked a girl to my prom, she accepted, now I am worrying about it all
Q. Okay so I'm in 11th grade and like a girl in 9th. So I ask her to go to the prom. She says yes with extreme happiness. So for a few days I think she must like me. But now it finally dawned on me that probably the only reason she said yes was because ...
A. 11 February 2010: She hasn't given you any reason to doubt her whatsoever. Chances are she will be scared too and will remain by you. You asked her, she has a dress and she clearly likes you to have said yes. Be a gentleman and take her.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has suggested a threesome, I'm worried I might feel jealous if we do
Q. I am 20 years old and have been in an a serious monagomous relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now..sex is great, we don't fight, and we love eachother...Recently he brought up bringing someone else into the bedroom or maybe even having ...
A. 11 February 2010: This is very much a sign that you shouldn't do it. For any couple to be able to have threesomes and orgies or go swinging, they need to be very close and totally jealous free. This is a sign you shouldn't do it, because you are going to get hurt.... (read in full...)
I admitted my past to him, now he wants to date other girls as well as me
Q. bout six years ago, I had a really, really close male friend who I was head over heels for. We were friends with benefits for a while. I thought - as a typical, inexperienced 15 year old girl - that this would make him fall for me. It didn't, ...
A. 11 February 2010: You haven't cheated at all. This is more about a very pathetic, insecure and immature young men wanting to have his cake and eat it. Do not tolerate it. If he loved you, he would only want to be with you. He clearly doesn't love you, and you can do ... (read in full...)
How often do men become platonic friends with their ex girlfriends?
Q. How common is it for guys to want to be long term friends with their ex girlfriends? does this happen with alot of people, or do i mostly date guys who want to be platonic bff (best friends forever) after a breakup? not a complaint really, just a ...
A. 11 February 2010: Some can remain friends. I've always found that it's best not to remain friends. Certainly I'm not friends with any ex's, and it does make everything a lot easier to move on and focus on everything else. I would say it depends on how close you truly ... (read in full...)
Does kissing a guy make me a whore?
Q. I have a boyfriend, we`ve been together for about 20 months now and + he is the best and most sweetest guy I have ever know. The problem though, is not him, it`s me. I have very strong feelings for this other guy. This other guy has a girlfriend ...
A. 11 February 2010: You're not a whore. This other guy is just using that because he liked you, you turned him down and like an immature loser he couldn't take it. It's just an insult he's using because he knows it will get to you. You're not a whore.
HOWEVER. You ... (read in full...)
We used to be good friends but now that we are dating we fight all the time ....
Q. I've been going out with my boyfriend for close to 6 months now, and before that we were very good friends for quite some time. Now that we're dating all we ever seem to do is argue, and although I do truly care about him, I know this is not the ...
A. 11 February 2010: He isn't the person and you have different ideas, so well done for seeing that it won't work. The only way to break up is to sit down with him and just tell him that it's over. It will hurt him, but you need to do it. There is never an easy way. Do ... (read in full...)
Is he just saying this to her to keep the affair going?
Q. Ok, my friend is 32 years old and is married. She has been seeing a 45 year old married man for quite some time now. He always says "i love you" to her and tells her she is beautiful, sexy, hot etc etc. Also he says that he enjoys spending time with ...
A. 10 February 2010: Of course he's saying it for sex. He couldn't care a less about her at all. Married men rarely leave their wives. He's just using her. If he loved her, he would be with her. Your friend is really wasting her life.... (read in full...)
Can anyone shed some light here...? What's wrong with him???
Q. ok during high school my very first bf lied about sleeping with me and i cut off all contact. now its been like over a year later havent spoken to him or seen him to only find out he is still talkin about me and our relationship but making up stuff. ...
A. 10 February 2010: No, it's not something that all men do. He's just deluded and wants to impress everyone, so is lying. I wouldn't worry about it. Most people will know he is lying. ... (read in full...)
Why was he unable to penetrate me???
Q. Ok, I've been dating my boyfriend for the past 6 months. Yesterday we try to have sex for the first time but he couldnt get hard. When he did get hard we still couldnt have sex because he couldn't penetrate me =( . Does anyone have any answers or ...
A. 10 February 2010: Chances are he was nervous. Nerves can have a terrible effect on an erection. It's not you or him. He was just nervous.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend accused me of cheating and hasn't called me
Q. The other day while I was out, a guy who used to like me turned down the street I was driving on and started to follow me just by pure coincedence. Not really in a creepy way, but definitely in a way that if I stopped he would have stopped to say ...
A. 10 February 2010: You make him work hard for your affection again if he comes back. If he doesn't cut him right out of your life. You have nothing to defend. So he either was looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship, or he has serious issues with himself. ... (read in full...)
How can I deal with his anger and get him to communicate and to become fully commited to our marriage?
Q. I have been married for 5 1/2 years, and as I write this my husband has once again moved out and is saying he wants a divorce. Though up until last week he would tell anyone interested that he has never been happier and that I he loves me beyond ...
A. 10 February 2010: Well it's normal for men to take their time in communicating, but not to continually walk out demanding a divorce over small things. You've done the right thing by making him contact you through family members, because now you will know just how ... (read in full...)
Why am I feeling so run down?
Q. hi im 18. i know this isnt a relationship question but i need help. for the past fews months i have been feeling really tired even if i sleep for hours, when i wake up all i want to do is sleep, i feel like i have no energy. also whenever i wash my ...
A. 10 February 2010: Depression, stress, thyroid problem or something worse. Whatever happens, something isn't right. You need to go back to the doctor. Something is wrong.... (read in full...)
What is a "drama queen"?
Q. What exactly is a drama queen? My friend keeps accusing me of being a drama queen. I think he is more dramatic than I in that he has a terrible temper. After a little while things blow over and he acts as if nothing ever happened. Who is the ...
A. 10 February 2010: Drama queen simply means a woman who makes something out of nothing for no other reason that she wants to feel important. Your friend is acting like a bit of a drama queen to be honest.... (read in full...)
He acts as if nothing matters but law school!!!
Q. My boyfriend stayed the night at my house last night, and when we got up to leave at the same time this morning--he was going to law school, I was going to work--my car wouldn't start. He acted like it was a huge burden to help me and spent all of ...
A. 10 February 2010: It is clear that his priority is law school, and that you are less. He might grow out of it. But then again he might not. The truth is, you're just not important enough to him. So why waste anymore time?... (read in full...)
He's gone from perfect to a thoughtless liar!!!
Q. I'll try and keep this brief. My ex was amazing for 4 years. He then cheated on me and started with her. since then he has been nasty, then was nice again and said we'd get back together, now is cooling off, saying he loves me, unsure if he wants ...
A. 10 February 2010: This is the man he is though. He wasn't perfect, that was just an act. The truth always comes out in the end, and the truth is that he is just a thoughtless lying cheat. Just never ever give him another chance. He's not good enough at all and never ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a guy to like you yet totally ignore you in social settings?
Q. A question from a friend.. Is it possible for a guy to like you yet totally ignore you in social settings?...
A. 10 February 2010: Yes, if he's very shy. Completely normal and possible. ... (read in full...)
I'm considering cancelling our date for fear of screwing things up, I'm so nervious! Help!
Q. what do i do?!? Ive just started dating a guy in college with me and hes the first real boyfriend Ive had to be honest. anyway he asked me to go out on a date with him on sunday but im worried i wont know how to act or what to say. im becomin...
A. 10 February 2010: Dont' cancel, or you'll lose him and regret it. Just relax. Remember, he asked you out, so he likes you. All you need to do is turn up and just talk to him. That's it. :). So good luck.... (read in full...)
Opinions needed! Should I stay or leave...?
Q. O.K I have been with my man for 5 years now, and we have 1 child together age 3. We also have another on the way. The problem is, he has not had a real job since he left the Military in 2006. He has worked 2 jobs since then, The first job he had ...
A. 10 February 2010: You've asked him to change and forgiven him for cheating. Nothing has changed. He spends his time on beer and friends. You may not want to be a single mum, but in all honesty perhaps you'll be better off. You're more or less living your own life ... (read in full...)
Now that my friend has a boyfriend she doesn't talk to me any more...
Q. I'm really annoyed with a girl I know. we used 2 be best friends but now she has a boyfriend. Normally when she had a boyfriend she'd still talk to me or stay in my house for the night but now she wont talk to me or anything. The thing that has m...
A. 10 February 2010: Have patience with her and give her time. Of course you're annoyed. But this is something that happens to young women. They get a boyfriend, and are suddenly on cloud nine in heaven. Make sure you spend time with other friends, and don't take it ... (read in full...)
Why is he avoiding me???
Q. I need help :( I am sad and confused. The guy i have been dating for 4 months - well things have changed... he ignored me 2 weeks ago and then slowly started to talk to me after a week of silent treatment. During our conversation this week I asked ...
A. 10 February 2010: If there is something else going in in his life, such as another woman, it become very easy for someone to ignore. I think you should tell him that it's clear he's not interested and that you're moving on. It might be that there is another women, it ... (read in full...)
Am I a fool for leaving her?
Q. I was with my girlfriend for around five years, although for much of that time I stupidly just considered us friends, even though we were often living together and always sleeping together. During the five years I left her a total of three times, ...
A. 10 February 2010: You've already left her a few other times, so to leave her again proves that she really isn't the one. You know it in your heart. Move on. ... (read in full...)
Is this the beginning stages of spousal abuse???
Q. i've been married for almost a month and a half. not very long in my case, ive known my husband for about 5 years. me and him are known to play fight, but sometimes it gets serious and i usually get mad and walk away if that's the case. for examp...
A. 10 February 2010: No, this wasn't your fault. And yes you should leave. He had no need to choke you and say that. This is the start of abuse, and it will get worse. ... (read in full...)
Why do men like fake boobs so much?
Q. Why do men like fake boobs so much? In my country, guys seem to prefer fake boobs. These are some famous models in my country, which all men drool over (no nudity, just bikini clad, but probably NSFW): http://i48.tin...
A. 10 February 2010: No, believe me when I say it. Fake breasts are just not attractive to a lot of guys. There are guys who like fake breasts. They're usually the ones who don't understand women at all. But there are a lot of guys who know that they're fake. Real is ... (read in full...)
Why do I always seem to fancy older men?
Q. Hi, My current boyfriend is 54 and I am 30. The thing is i have always fancied older men. I have a stable family life and grew up with both my parents being there, i get on well with my dad. So i dont understand why i fancy older men? and not...
A. 10 February 2010: If you like older guys, you like older guys. I like older women and am dating one. There's nothing wrong with it. Have fun.... (read in full...)
I no longer want to have sex with my husband. How do I tell him?
Q. How do I tell my husband how I feel? I have been with my husband for 20 years and I no longer want to have sex with him. I do love and care for him but there is no emotional connection whatsoever. No kisses, no sex, no nothing! My feelings towards ...
A. 10 February 2010: I think this is something that can be fixed. I think you need to be honest with him though, and tell him what you want and tell him that you are worried about your marriage. You still love him, and it would be a shame after 20 years for you to not ... (read in full...)
What's so wrong with spending a weekend with the one you love?
Q. My boyfriend and i are both still young (18 - 19 this year) He's only had one serious partner with a younger girl whereas my previous relationships have been with men 3 or 4 years older than me who have all been ready to settle down. I now feel that ...
A. 10 February 2010: Well, no it won't hurt. But maybe the problem is that he isn't mature enough yet. I think you should talk to him and tell him what you want to be honest. Sometimes guys wake up when told what to do. But if nothing changes, then maybe he's not the ... (read in full...)
We both like each other but he doesn't want a relationship... what do I do?
Q. In september i was in a relationship with a boy who is 6 months younger than me, it only lasted 2 months but i really liked him, anyway since the start of january he's been texing me none stop and on sunday 7th he told me he still liked me. I still ...
A. 10 February 2010: If he doesn't want a relationship, then you really would be better off moving on. Otherwise you're just going to end up hurt.... (read in full...)
Can a guy urinate inside the girl during intercourse???
Q. I know that this is going to sound kind of dumb but I'm just a bit confused and would like answers, without making a fool out of myself. Okay here goes nothing... can a guy urinate inside the girl during intercourse??? it just seems possible to me ...
A. 10 February 2010: As a male, I can say I've never felt the need, usually because my mind is on anything but urinating. ... (read in full...)
I should run but my heart says stay. Help!
Q. i'm seeing this guy who all my family and friends hate they say i can do better but i love him i no i shouldnt get involved with him as hes got 3 children but he means so much to me and he makes me happy but i dont know what to do my head says run ...
A. 10 February 2010: Your head is telling to you to run. Your friends and family are telling you to run. Everyone is telling you to run. Then run. ... (read in full...)
Is he keeping these past 'sex texts' as a trophy or something to get off with?
Q. About 6 months ago I found very explicit sex texts on my husband's phone. The texts were between him and his (female) boss. I filed for divorce (because of this and his controlling/bullying behavior)but put the proceedings on hold because I was ...
A. 10 February 2010: Clearly something is wrong if he's kept the phone with the texts on it. Sit down again and tell him what you found. See what he says. ... (read in full...)
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