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My turkish man wants to be with me! Should I marry him or not?

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Question - (6 February 2007) 145 Answers - (Newest, 26 June 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I went on holiday last year to turkey for 8 weeks. While i was there i met a wonderful man. We became really good friends and soon found myself falling for him big time. He told me he felt the same and we soon became an item. We stayed in contact after i returned to the uk and i have been over twice to see him since. We have been going steady for nearly a year now and speak everyday. People think its just some silly holiday romance but its more. I was speaking to him on the net last night and he wants to come and live here with me in the uk. however the only way he can do that is if we get married. I said to him i would love to but my family have gone mad and think he is only doing it for a one way ticket to get into the uk and said if i did marry him then i would lose them. He is 100 percent genuine and i would never in a million years marry someone i thought was fake. what should i do follow my heart or listen to my family??

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2012):

im turkish myself so i know how it is but all im saying is i think you should listen to your heart so you dont regret it in future.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2012):

im turkish myself so i know how it is but all im saying is i think you should listen to your heart so you dont regret it in future.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2012):

yes, some of the boys over there will tell you they love you for a bit of holiday fun. but think about it, ive been to holidays in england AND spain were they say i love you to get into your knickers. no matter what country, they are all the same....

i met my finance whilst on holiday with my family in "M".

when i went home we talked every night. only as friends. when i went back for the second time i fell for him.

i have been with him now for nearly three yrs and i basically spend all the season with him. i have been out to his home and stayed with his family for a few months but he has never been to england.

my family always come over to "M" . it is very hard for him to even visit england but to be honest it didnt bother me.

now we are expecting a little boy and i want my kids to be educated in england which is going to be something we have to talk about.

not once has he said he wants to live in england. it shows you that not all men are the same

in my honest opinion, if he asked you too marry him so you can both live in england i would question it.

and dont take none of the 'no baby, i love you forever' bollocks cos you don't want to f^^^ up your life.

if he really loves you, do what i do and basically live with him. so much easier and "M" is a beautiful place to live!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2012):

if u love him, marry him.. we live once, it's not easy to find the right man without faults... if he wants a visa thru that then so what, help him. if things don't work out divorces happen all the time.

To me, life is living the moment, you might never marry him and then you date a string of bastards.

i live with a Turkish man his the one who is rich not me but we love and cherish each other though he'll never marry me b'se of his parents and cultural values.. but who cares, we leave in a moment and that's all that matters.

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A female reader, halfandhalfchild United Kingdom +, writes (13 June 2012):

halfandhalfchild agony auntDo whatever you feel most comfortable with! My dad's Turkish and my mum's English, the same thing happened to her and my English family said the same, "He's just after a visa or a passport, ignore him. He's not worth it, we can see he's going to use you." and even to this day they still say the same thing and it's been 34 years, they're still together. They had me, my younger sister and my elder brother, because my dad came here we were all obviously brought up in this country and brought up the same as every other child. We weren't made to cover up or to over-protected. We were protected as other children were so don't worry about starting a family with him if that question might get asked by you in the future. They're still together after almost 29 years when nobody believed in my dad and nobody believed in my mum's beliefs. Go with what you think's right and if you're wrong then you learnt your lesson, if you're right then you've made sure the rest of your life is going to be happy. Turkish people are amazing people and very cultured, culture is good. :) Hope this helped!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012):

someone said "Firstly if a Turkish guy is serious about you and wants to marry you , you should be a virgin. That is part of their religion too. My bf made it clear no matter how much he loved me if i wasnt a virgin he wouldnt be with me. So for all you women with children - you are being used. Sorry but the truth hurts. " As a Turkish woman I have to say that the Turkish men that you really should STAY AWAY from are the ones who have the mentality of marrying only a virgin woman !!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011):

You have to judge yourself, deep down you will know the truth. If you are asking the question then part of me thinks you must have doubts and shouldn't do it.

My situation is different from the others. I had a turkish boyfriend, we are still in touch and have known each other 10 years now. But we are only friends now. I regret not staying with him, we split because of me not wanting to upset my family. I don't have the money now to get him a visa and I have had two boyfriends since being with him. He always wanted me to go to Turkey to stay with him which I did for a while and they were the best months of my life. I came home while he completed his army service. I wanted him still but never wanted to live in Turkey. I didn't want to force him to live here.

If I had of had more guts now then maybe I would be happy, if not at least I wouldn't spend everyday wondering about it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011):

I am going to say 1 powerful word that will remove all of this trust, communication, emotional turmoil.

It's called a good "LAWYER."

A CONTRACT

A Prenuptial agreement. Like what Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise and every other SMART relationship has.

It keeps him SAFE, it keep YOU SAFE and it removes all issues of doubt. If he is serious then you can draw up a strong legal contract that will protect you.

This will separate the MEN from the SNAKES every time. This is more about liability and damages and not so much about following your heart. Your heart is pure but that does not give you protection. If he truly loves you then he will not be afraid of a little piece of paper. You live in a country where you are protected by laws. You as a woman are protected by your legal system. Such is not the case in Turkey. A marriage is a legally binging contract that NO one should enter into lightly. I make no negative or positive judgments about a person you HARDLY know. If you are not comfortable, do not make one more move forward until you are comfortable.

So save all the emotional gushy, mushy, sweet, slippery juicy, affectionate, bliss and get practical.

Use your HEAD.

And then he will DESERVE your heart. He has to earn your trust. You hold all the power, not him.

Stay in control and be SMART.

I will wish you a good, intelligent decision and stay away from the fairy tales of Cinderella and Prince Charming.

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A male reader, sarhad United Kingdom +, writes (4 April 2011):

Short Answer, dont do it. ask him if he would still marry you if you dont bring him here. The main reason for this is to get the BRITISH Passport nothing else.

My advice is not to because it wont last for long. once he became British after 3 years he will be gone

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011):

I am Turk, it is funny to see responses here. I don't live in the tourist resorts I come from Istanbul but I have friends from the tourist resorts and they just play games with all the girls. They wont care if you are fat ugly or 50 years old they just wana one thing and its visa/sex.

I have a foreign gf from Europe but I do not treat her in a game way. I am serious about her because she change her religion when she got to know me. This is a serious girl. No turk will give up his culture or religion so the tourists need to understand the realities of Turkey not the fun nights in tourist places.

I love Turkey and do not want to leave it but I know so many people who will use a woman to get visa so they can work abroad for a few years and then they will leave them and come back here and marry a turkish girl.

Live real life.

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A female reader, alice0110 United Kingdom +, writes (22 March 2011):

hey :)

well, ive been talking to a turkish man online for over 8months now

and although ive never met him, i know exactly what hes like.

yh, hes controlling and gets jealous easily but he treats me well.

ive seen his family, yh only online, but it still counts for something. hes learning english all over again for me.

i did worry that maybe he only wants me for money as many times hes told me hes not a rich man but he goes to university and will get a good job.

i think you should listen to your heart. your family might say that, but they will always be there for you and they should respect your choices :D

good luck x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011):

You are about to fall into the same trap as I fell into. Before we were married my Husband (of last week my ex Husband) treated me like a queen. He made me feel so special. We lived together for two years. The only thing is one month after we got married he started to treat me badly. What do I mean? Well, he held a carving knife at my throat and threatened to kill me; he tried to run me over with his lorry on more than one occasion; he tried to strangle me; he threw me to the floor and kicked me from head to toe; he beat me up so badly that my left eye was completely closed and my right eye partially closed and I had bruises from my hairline to my chest and yet he said he loved me. He had had money, plus four properties and two cars which he managed to illegally and I had two really bad lawyers who, despite photographic evidence and good Court witnesses - English and Turkish were not able to obtain my divorce. I spent over £20,000 and over two years trying to get a divorce from him, so my advice to you is to run now. I did not take this advice 'Because I loved him'. All he could say was that I did not understand, but it was the Turkish culture. He said if a man hit his wife it showed how much he loved her. If this is love, then give me hate any day.

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A male reader, anonymousman Turkey +, writes (28 February 2011):

are you BLIND ????? don't you read this posts ?????? you think you have found the perfect turkish guy :)))) you know nothing about turkish mens. GO GO GO get married with him, he will be so happy to leave Turkey because he has nothing there, no money, no home, no job.He will lives with about 2 years and when he will get his papers, forget himmmm, he will leave you and find a turkish girlfriend. Why don't you ask him to live with him in Turkey ??? try, you will see, he will find tones af reasons to show you its not a good idea. Of course you are the only way of getting a visa for uk. Run away girl, dont be stupid, run away of turkish guy, especially kurdish guy there are worst.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011):

I think you have to work this one out for yourself.

Just because there are gold-diggers and passport-hunters out there in Turkey doesn't mean they are all like that. You've known him a lot longer than the average holiday romance and if it's stood the test of time so far, then hey, it could work out!

I'm in a very curious position with a Turkish guy who says he is in love with my daughter - but she changed her mind about him. I think he's a great guy and I hope they get back together. He has a very good job and very western values - as far as I can tell. Don't give up on your dream -check it out first though.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010):

hello girls,

i'm a turkish man from Istanbul, just want to say to make attention if you want to get married with a turkish boy, they often want to leave turkey because they have no money, no job, they want married with all turists girls they meet. some of my friends get married with an english or american womans, its bad because they don't really love the woman, a firend of me erhan içyer did same he live in america now

girls find man who love you for real

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010):

Hi my name is Steve i am Englissh 47 years old, been going on holiday for years with my english girlfriend and now wife to Turkey and love the place, as a holiday destination.

But with the turkish people i've always seen it as a game, they play with you at what ever level you come to them i.e tourist (scam you out of some quick cash) / potential visa to uk!

The average Turkish person working in a Turkish holiday resort is, in my opinion, a sociopath pure & simple - (Google sociopath)

They are there to sucker English women because they are easy targets - tell them everything they want to hear - usually get sex quick -

Gaining employment in a tourist resort is seen as a massive achievement in Turkey it's what the really 'jaxy ones' get - if they play their cards right they will be sorted for the rest of their lives.

all the other entries below brilliantly descibe the average turk and what they are up to - SOCIOPATHS - that is what they are.

You are a visa ticket and they will manipulate you emotionally and normally you will completely fall for it because you think - this guy is different - he's not like that - why .. because of all the things HE IS TELLING YOU... please wake up your guy is not different he is after a better life that eventually will not include you.

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A male reader, deniz1980 Turkey +, writes (28 October 2010):

deniz1980 agony aunthi, I am a Turkish man(30) who lives in London. now I have a student visa but my intention is to stay here for good and get the citizenship. my English is not very good yet but I'm gonna express myself as well as I can.

yes, In most cases the goal of Turkish men is to get the permission to stay in whatever the country is and then to get the citizenship. but it is not that simple. you need to consider the other facts.

for example in my case, yes! getting married to a British lady would be quite useful considering my goal to get the citizenship. But I am not about to marry a lady just to get the permission. I need to love her in the first place.

besides, to have the goal to get this permission should not be considered a crime or a secret agenda. there is nothing wrong with that.but I'm telling you these things only considering who I am.

and yes! there are people out there who don't care anyone's feelings and whose only aim is to get what he/she wants. so I agree that you should be careful about that. Probably there are so many people around you saying that "he doesn't love you, he pretends to love you just to get what he wants and when he gets it, he'll leave you and so on" listen to them but don't let them poison your brain. maybe your man is one of those who are honest about what he wants. I don't know the guy,so I can not tell.

but I can give you some tips;

most of Turkish people who want to go abroad and start a new life there are uneducated and/or broke. generally if a Turkish man has a good job in his country and earns well enough, then probably he will not leave his country. (you need to ask yourself " what are his conditions in Turkey?"

if the Turkish man is uneducated, poor person and the foreigner lady that he wants to get married to is older than him and has child(ren) then I really start to think he has a secret agenda. because Turkish men are generally quite traditional and in our tradition a woman who is older,non-mulsim, have children doesn't have many chances to be loved by a traditional Turkish man. I don't know your conditions. keep this knowledge in your mind and act accordingly I would say.

as for me:)yes I am a Turkish man who wants to be a British citizen. But I am a little bit different from the average Turkish man. I am an atheist and believe, support western values.I am an educated person who will start to study MBA in London in january. I am not broke (rich eiter).

I'm not saying I am exactly like a British man, of course I am not but how can I say this hmmmm.. being an eastern person has its advantages and disadvantages. to a western lady, I have the advantages of being a eastern person but not have the most disadvantages of it:)

but I'm gonna have to deal with the same suspicion when I try to get a British girlfriend and I'm gonna tell her what I am writing to you now.

so, yes! we all should consider the positive and negative possibilities, make up our minds, hope the best, and have some faith, I guess. otherwise our lives are gonna get ruled by our fears and maybe because of that, when we try to protect ourselves, we are gonna lose our dreams.

don't be as stupid as to jump into it

don't be as stupid as to run away from your dreams.

but if your decision is "yes I want to do it" then "get rid of the suspicions in your head" otherwise it will effect your relationship in a bad way.

good luck...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010):

I am well acquainted with the turkish culture. I am with my turkish bf 2 years now. I also have a very close turkish female friend.

Firstly if a Turkish guy is serious about you and wants to marry you , you should be a virgin. That is part of their religion too. My bf made it clear no matter how much he loved me if i wasnt a virgin he wouldnt be with me. So for all you women with children - you are being used. Sorry but the truth hurts.

Also life with a turkish guy is hard. They dont understand western values and they dont want to live that way. They expect you to live the Turkish way. Me and my boyfriend had a rocky relationship at the start because I wasnt used to the controlling, the jealousy etc. Really a turkish guy wants to be the man , the leader , the one in control. If he loves you then he tries to protect you by telling you what to do although and you can see this as controlling but in their mind they see it as being protective. No turkish man wants his gf/wife revealing their body , talking to other men or going to clubs. I had to give up a lot for my bf and he made it clear that he wasnt going to change his ways. I also even changed my religion to being a muslim.

Most turkish guys are like my bf. My bf also said if we marry in the future he will always live in Turkey. Turkish people have strong connections with their family - its actually a really nice family orientated society and they arent willing to give this up for a lifetime in another country. My bf is well aware of the men that use women for visas , to use women for sex, to gain financially but if he is serious about you, you will see he will allow you to meet his family , he will tell you what to do and he wont be afraid to be honest.

There are lots of turkish guys out there who come from a society that is poor compared to europe so it is no wonder they try get a visa. Also in tourist resorts do not expect to find a good turkish guy because most of guys there use women for sex its a fact and turkish guys laugh together at how easy the women are in these resorts as they get into bed after the guy says he loves them. You all put turkish men down but if women werent stupid enough to degrade themselves after 1 night of knowing a guy it wouldnt be easy for the turkish guys.

Dont make it easy for any Turk to deceive you. Really think about getting in a relationship with one nevermind marrying one because it isnt like a relationship with a european guy or american etc. The culture is different , the religion is different and i am speaking honestly when i say no turk will give up his values as they are extremely nationalistic. You really need to research all this and you will easily spot a dodgy guy. I hope my advise helps any of you women out there. Dont jump into marriage!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010):

i am a Turkish also..and when i read this i thought that your family is right..in this circumstances as usual you can not know a man just with an eight months relationship...why he will come to england? for you or for himself? and really is he a turkish? probably he may be a kurdish guy because most kurdish guys under turkish nationality use this way to escape foreign countries..marry a girl..take the citizenship..when he is stable..kick her and go on his new life with his new citizenship:))) sorry i really dont want to hurt your feelings but love and marriage is not that much easy..it requires self sacrifice and devotion to the person and prove that with the actions..not only by saying i love you..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010):

okay so you have been over there TWICE to see him... and you think he is gods gift.

let me tell you i have dated turkis men/ cypriot men and english and the one thing i have learnt is how CONTROLING turkish men are who are they to say what you can and cant wear where you can and cant go who you can and cant talk too... you may not have had this yet but believe me the minute you let him know your his everything will turn around! and who in gods name would believe in thinking he is GENUINE when its god damn obvious he is after a free ticket to the uk!! if he is younger than you he is not only after the free ticket but your money too let me tell you something why would a young no doubt gorjeous turk want a life with a woman maybe 10 20 or more years older than him... wake up!!

remember he is muslim you are not. he will not change and he will not comprimise.

good god how your thinking abour marrying this guy so soon is unbelievable u may talk on msn or facebook etc and he may say i love you. your eyes are gorjous. your my angel and all that crap but that doesnt mean hes being onest infact things like that show he is lying as hes trying to make you fall for him.

he is 23 or what ever and you have teenagers ... nice!

ino also turkish men dont want a woman already to of had sex never mind children if they are wanting a real life time relationship.

i live in northern cyprus and have done for many years and have experienced the nicest the craziest and the loveliest...

i think you should slow down there is no rush for him to live in england ... IS THERE? ;)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010):

HI - I am in a smilar position, I am 40 but this is all new to me. I met my Turkish boyfriend Aged 23 in June 2010 and recently went back for 2 weeks and spent the whole time togther, including meeting his family. He says he justs wants me , nothing more , and doesnt matter where he lives. But as i have teenagers and a decent job, it is more sensible for it to be here. He is applying to visit me for 3 months, so we can see how it goes. No promises as with any relationship. I have been used, abused and taken for an idiot by English men , and do you know what ? for the beautiful way i am now being treated , its worth the risk. life is too short , be careful as with any relationship. My Tukish man is passionate, loving and strong willed. English men I have met are lazy, selfish and unromantic. If i die tomorow i will die happy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010):

HOLD IT.......Men are men and always will be no matter what country their from. I have a Turkish Boyfriend and he's wonderful. I had given up on finding love again because of how I've been treated in the past. He's loving, afectionate and can't do enough for me. I met him on holiday in resort and I knew I'd met my soul mate. He's lived in England before and doesn't want to live here ever again. I'm hoping to move out to Turkey next summer and can't wait. Turkish people are more respectful then the English, I will NOT miss England at all. I'm starting Turkish lessons soon ready for starting my new life with my boyfriend.

I say follow your heart, you only live once, live life to the max and enjoy it x

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010):

Fact: there are good and bad in every country.

Fact: man usually lie in every country

Fact: if your man has poor education, don't have a reputable job, stay away, he is trying to use you to get double citizenship, money etc etc.

Fact: if you are the one who is only visiting, in other words, if he is not putting hands to his pocket and visiting you at least one in a month, or let's say 2 months, stay away...

Fact: 99% of the guys you met in holiday resorts which are let's say a little bit wealthy, they are there to make score.

Fact: even if they call you, or use free of charge chat programs to tell how much they love you bla bla, it is just and investment for a possible score in the future...maybe next time you visit them..

Fact: 90% is Muslim in this country roughly, don't forget about Jews, Armenians, etc etc, what I mean, people usually get married with people from the same relegion, and would not prefer a Christian.

Fact: foreigner girls are pretty to our eye, that's why some of them might even believe that they are in love with you, however there is a huge difference between loving someone and willing to dleep with someone. People usually mix this 2 feeling.

Fact: sorry guys, but considering the fact that all man are liar, Turkish boys are much more warm and sensitive than you are, fake or not, it doesn't make you guys better man in your home country just because you are natural, sorry naturally wood and arrogant. Girls don't like this type of man.

Fact: listen to your heart was just a silly song from roxette, listen this song, but never rely on it only, please consider how much this man sacrifice from himself to be with you?

Fact: if the guy in front of you barely can speaks English, how do you think he can understand you? If he can't, how he can find the quality in you, how he can love how good you are, how he can be attracted to your brain?

Fact: also stay away from rich playboys unless you are not a golddigger.

Fact: if a boy doesn't have serious intentions for you, either he will never meet with your parents, or he will be so relax and comfortable to meet with them. If he has serious intentions, he will pay great importance for the first meeting day.

Fact: sadly, Turkish or Kurdish, British or Russian whatever, it is very difficult to find the right guy.

Fact: a guy seems like an ordinary guy mostly is the right guy unless you spoil the relation with silly mistakes.

Fact: being honest and realistic is the best way to understand this life.

Fact: girls and especially girls who are not considered as bitch in their own country, are thirsty for hearing good words. Girls, you all deserve to hear that you are beautiful, good, kind etc but... Be realistic, smart.

Folks, I am just an ordinary Turkish guy, good or bad, who knows, who cares.. I have a beauiful and smart girl living in another country. I have no intention to immigrate to her country, no intention to fill her mind with customs of this country... I love her as she is. I have no intention to get passport etc. Instead, as a man should do, I want to buy a diamond ring as she deserves and offer her the standards I can give to her. FYI, we do not visit clubs bars parties just to visit each other as frequently as possible... We save money, we do not waste time with chatting with any other boy or girl, we just sacrifice, just to be together.

Good luck!

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A female reader, devuruu Moldova - Republic of +, writes (26 September 2010):

Fero, super answer on 19 april 2010 ;)

but yeah majority of turkish are liars .... yes...because they have special goals in their lives and they can achieve them by all ways possible, i appreciate this :D but yes they can walk on deads to achieve aims and stay true in front of others' eyes and to make their dignity dirty ... i dont know where's their dignity :D i dont know why Allah is so mercyful in their minds :D i think the most important for turks is to get free of religions ... this will help their minds to get free ... most of their character is instinct... and mentality that is very deep rooted.

i dont know what to say, just do what you want..maryy or not marry anyway :D it won't be bad... it will be an experience...:)

i 've talked to many turks ... many turks... :D and i can say that each of them had lied :D beautifully :D :D :D

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010):

sooo did yous get married? and how is it going? :)x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010):

not all turkish men are the same... kurdish men are bad but obviously not all of them... i dont think everyone should be tarnished with the same brush.

the are exceptions to the rule in everyones case its like saying because one english girl is a slag ALL english girls are a slag.....

be careful but dont totally rule it out if u love him and u believe he loves u and u have no reason to suspect him go for it... i been going to turkey for 17 years on holiday and i have the bestest friends who are male and a boyfriend and they are genuine.... good luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010):

ive recently gotten back from turkey i went for 3 weeks with my friend and at first i didnt like the thought of going to turkey because i thought it wasnt a nice country but obviously that was because i didnt go there before when me and my friend got off the bus outside our apartments me were smitten with the two men that took our suitcases and from then on we were infatuated with them we would look all day long as they would work they were our waiters until one night they had a night off to go to barstreet and we ended up going aswell and so as the night went on i was up on the bar all night dancing with the guy i was mad about and when i was sweating he would just hug me and then all of a sudden he pulled me in and kissed me i was in love from that moment on.. we walked back to the hotel and kissed for ages he told me he loved me walking up the road i laughed to myself because i thought it was silly he cannoot talk english for the life of him i think they were the only 3 words he knew everything that was happening to me happened to my friend also so then on the last night we got very intimate before i had to go home and we both said we loved eachother and i went home back to ireland i got his number and facebook and we have been talking ever since and on the webcam .. the only problem is i am 15 years old and he is 20 he dont know that though he said when he is finished in the army he wants to marry me i will be 17 when he wants to marry me and he wants to live in ireland with me is it only to get a visa or does he really want to marry me? i love him so much i dont know what to do.. im not stupid and young i have been with guys older than me since i was 13 i just want to know what would happen if i did marry him when i was 17

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A female reader, Starlights United Kingdom +, writes (3 August 2010):

Starlights agony auntMy Husband is kurdish and the best thing that ever happened to me! Kurdish make good husbands.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010):

To Karenkale

If Turks are so great and Kurds are so bad how come 90% of Turkish-Kurdish marriages (of which there are over a million) are Turkish woman marrying Kurdish man. Had Turkish man been better, the opposite would have been the case.

As a person who has known a few thousand Turkish and Kurdish men and women, speak bot langages fluently and well versed in both cultures and lived between both people let me give you western ladies (and gents) a piece of advice. Every person is an individual, need to be evaluated on his/her merits. It is true that there was a time when western women were considered easy (sexually speaking) but that was 20 years ago. Now bedding a Turkish woman (even the seemingly religious one)is much easier than bedding an American, even European woman. More of my married Turkish friends (men and women alike) cheat on their spouses than my American, German, or Irish friends.

It is true that there are people who may want to marry you for visa etc. But this is only a small reason. The main reason is that light skin is very attractive to most Kurds (man and woman alike). Having a dark skin is undesirable; even within families kids with light skins are favored. So if you are light skinned/blond women don't be surprised if you draw attention of Kurdish "hanks". Most everything I said about Kurdish men is also true for Turkish men from the central Turkey. Men from costal cities are quite different; more likely to see a relationship as an investment.

This said, you should also pay attention to religion. All else being equal, Alawi (as opposed to sunni muslim)families are a lot more open to foreign in-loves, and more likely to accept woman as equal. In addition if you are considering marriage to a Kurdish man (or woman) check out the family. If the object of your attention is from a good family, and the family accepts you as one theirs, this will increase chances of successful relationship/marriage significantly.

And Remember...IT IS A DECISION THAT ONLY YOU CAN MAKE, TRUST YOUR GUTS!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010):

hi im in the same situation as u only im in ireland,everyone except 1or2 think ive gone mad and that he only wants a visa i think not.im going to see him in september and we are getting engadged who knows how people will react but he loves me and i love him so i think do what makes u happy good luck with your plans

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010):

i would just marrie him hun,because life is to short.at least u will know one way or the other.but sounds to me he loves u very much,as u do him :) good look hun xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010):

DO IT!

if you think he is genuine..

you are old enough to make your own desicions

its your life not your families!

im sorry if that sounds harsh but still your only young once!

ive met a turkish boy he wants me to marry him when we are both old enough.. so i am going to, but i would like to find out more info.. like because of his religion what sort of wedding it will be and where to live.

and i know you get the turks who just want a visa but we are truly in love and it seems like you and this guy are aswell!

go for it babe!

good luck for the future:)

oxoxox

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010):

I went on holiday to turkey in april but went last year and met my boyfriend over there. Since then i have found out i am now 6 wks pregnant. I thought that he was turkish with him living in turkey but he is kurdish, the nicest man i have ever met. As soon as i came back he paid for me to go straight over there and i stayed with his family for 10days. When the baby is born he wants to marry me and for me to move to turkey with him. Im glad he wants me to move to turkey because i know he will always be there for his child and not that he wants a visa! i go turkey 4 times a year and my family come twice too :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2010):

hi answer to your question dont even bother with turks they will break your heart i married a turrkish man but i think he just wants a visa ive just learnt that he is still with his turkish wive in turkey it all sums up i found out on the email a turkish man came up i thought right i might get some answers here i made out i knew my husbands family and well well he said he knew them even mentioned her name which i knew allready so dont even go there hun

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010):

i have been communicating with turkish man on facebook for 8 weeks now who declared undying love for me ....during this time i discover photo in profile on facebook is fake. He then send me another photo which he says is the real him. Then he ask me to go on Skype to meet properly. Surprise, surprise man on Skype not man in either pictures. Not only this i discover but also he operates another Facebook account under different name and photo. Although he has been reported...Facebook take no action against him and he still has both accounts open. I would not trust Turkish men one little bit!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010):

I am 24 and got a turkish bf he is 26 and met him last year in my holiday in turkey, I am from poland decided to stay and live with him and he is very open minded like all the other Turks...it is the kurds that are religious and close-minded...His family said they are happy if we love each other thats all..and i come from a poor family so not all turks want money!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2010):

I must be honest and say I would not marry him just yet. Has he been over to see you? I know VISAs are hard and expensive for Turkish men but I would be dubious this early on about marrying someone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010):

i am a 30 year old english woman, i have a decent job, my own place a nice car etc etc.. 5 weeks ago i came back from a holiday with friends to turkey, i met a turkish guy, who is 25, he seemed like a really nice guy we got on great and really liked each other. We swapped numbers and email address, and now i find i am 4 weeks pregnant!! Clearly this is not an ideal situation, but it has happened. i never once imagined myself in this situation, but now its very real..

I will keep the baby, and it will be much loved by me and my family. Its hard to know what his intentions are, under no circumstances would i give him any money, or agree to marry him in order for him to visit. i like all of you have heard many of the stories, and will not mug myself off in that respect. I don't want to write him off because of others bad stories, and am a firm believer in innocent until proven guilty. I guess i will leave it down to him, he will do what he wants to do, he will show his true colours in the decision that he decides to make, as if he loves me likes he says etc etc he will do what he can to be a part of our babies life at least..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010):

Most of the people in this seem forum have a very basic command of the English Language. So to that purpose I will not use big words!!! I have been living here for 25 years and I still cannot believe you all go for all the rubbish the Turks tell you - believe me as Europe slips away from them they will get more desperate. I just wish the MSM group about Turkish Love Rats was still around and the Late 90's group VOMIT- Victims Of Men In Turkey. Ladies - You are are cash cows!!!!

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A female reader, tijean United Kingdom +, writes (13 June 2010):

that is something only you can answer,i myslf am happily married to a kurdish man who is absolutely fantastic,we have been married for 3 years and have a daughter whom we both adore,i met my husband in turkey and i did live out there,i would say that if he is only wanting to live in the uk with you and not turkey then just be careful,i wish you luck and happiness xxx

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A female reader, karenakale United Kingdom +, writes (12 May 2010):

Please people,understand not all turkish men are this way..99% of thee time the bad ones are kurds. True turkish men are very caring and protective of their women. Kurds are exact opposite of this. Also anyone who has ever been to turkey will know it is not somewhere anyone would be so desperate to escape from. What makes us think UK is such a prize that everyone would want to come here. I am in love with a wonderful Turkish man...and will marry him in a few months now. Yes, i am older,yes i have 2 kids, but i am NOT rich by any means,have NOTHING to offer him but my heart...and he has NO desire to come here to live. I will be happy to go and live with him in Turkey. BEWARE of KURDS..yes...but please ....stop judging all turkish men on the morals and actions of the kurds.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010):

hey all, this is fero, one of those turkish man you are talkin about. i ll try to be rational. Most of these guyz u met out there at holidayz and vacations doesnt really represent turkish males.. they only represent ignorant minds and man who cant control the basic drives they have.. of course even in them there are nice hearths and minds but as some of them sad above it is at most 10 percent... I also date with lots of foreign ladies and treated them as a man (becareful i dont say turkish man, at the end men are men right? ) i wonder if you meet any well educated man who has an enlarged view about not only women but also about life? well give it a try and try also to go Ankara or some other big city in Turkey where you ll see more educated people.. about this girl who wants to marry this guy but no sure; well no rush, as far as i see you are young and pure love will lead you to destruction,. i suggest you to become real good friends first then try to keep your love stronger.. love will dissapper by time but your bond will not if you know eachother real good. oh by the way i just breakup with my german fiancee because of she wanted me to move to germany.. hey my german friends i respect your Culture and i love germany but it is real boring and automated way of living u guyz have out there.. like my dutch friend says; i love to live in turkey because; standart of living in europe is 100 times better than turkey where the quality of life is 1000 times better in turkey then europe and states.. :) not all turkish people are that ass but yeah most of em are.. good luck to you my friend. i wish you best.. go get it girl.. :) by the way it was real fun and interesting to read what people think about turks, turkish, people and culture..

(anyone who wanna discuss; gimme a shot :)

thnx all then too :P

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2010):

Hi there, I had a turkish boy friend for almost 3 years i went a lot to turkey to see him. I found out now he had a other girlfriend. I didnt here from him for a month this wash not normal he went home because he told me his mother had to go to the hospital(not true). Well i surch on the internet and found him on facebook with an other women i text here finaly he called me and told me this wash the women he wash marring a english women he whas begging me to stop contact with here. She text me back and told me he had almost his visa for the UK. And off this story is she broke up with him. What i want to tell is this i read a lot about this on the internet after the break up. He wash a warm lovely person we had good times on the internet and phone and also when i wash in turkey. But my conclusion is that they all want to go to europe.I also understand they see or livestile this is so much better. Live in Turkey is hard the whole family is happy when there son can go to Turkey this means better life also for them. My advice is this start to live with them for a while in Turkey when this is goinig well then think maybe to get them to your country. Read a lot on the internet about this mather culture differts religion lifstyle.

It took him 2 years before he get some money from me then i started to trust him completly. well he broke my heart

but he also gave me some goodtimes. Please girls be ware what you are doing ,love is not enough to have a good relation, in turkey it is very normal to have a arranged marrige.With longdistance loveaffairs you stay very much in love like a longterm holidayromance this is over when you see eachother evryday. I hope there are also men who are only wanting you and not your country. Like my turkish boyfriend always said ,NEVER TRUST A TURK" he knew what he wash saing. Take care and think twice.

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A female reader, jojoschuett Canada +, writes (8 April 2010):

go with your heart. believe me, your famly will still be there for you, no matter what they say. life is too short to be unhappy.i am in the same vote.not all turkish men are rats.good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010):

i am 26 and going out with 25 yr old kurdish man he couldnt be any nicer to me and my 5yr old daughter we are to marry i worry he isnot genuine but that is from other people messing with my head as he is claiming to stay in uk . i think if you are truelly happy go for it just be cautious. dont get carried away in the i love yous you are beautiful and the rest of the complimants he will be giving you you can be happy and enjoy life with whomever you choose but be aware of whats going on.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010):

I have been with a turkish man for almost 20 years. I am 38 and he is 52 he was already an american citizen when we met. But the jealousy and verbal abuse is beyond! Depends mostly on where they were raised (part of turkey) I would not recommend it. They are sweet and so charming and once they have you you are never free again!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010):

I have read about half of all the questions and queries,and i would like to add this.I have been with a turkish man for nearly 4 years,and yes its been very very hard indeed,the jealousy was something shocking,but he didnt know any different,it drove me mad,but together we have learned about each other,and i'm 12 years older no money,he is a restaurenteur with 2 shops under his belt now,he looks after me pays for everything,i never helped him to get where he has got.he doesn't want to come to the uk,everything he has and owns is here in the north of cyprus,we are getting married soon,and yes he has had terrible stick from his mother,they really are the queen bees the mothers,but he has standed his ground because he wants to marry me and continue to look after me.All i can say to all those females out there that get their selves into a relationship with a turkish man is to take it slowly and to be honest no relationship comes with a guarantee and there is good and bad in everyone of us,but if you do feel something is not right then speak up,and trust your inner self to come to a conclusion.i wish any1 the best of luck in whatever relationship.x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010):

Sorry but I can guarantee 500% that this guy wants to marry you for his entry into the UK. I have lived in Turkey for 5 years and have experience of this scenario time and time and time again!!!!!!!!!! Often to the family are involved in the 'love affair'. BUT maybe he is genuine...I hope so for your sake. Many women limp back to the UK broken hearted with an empty bank account. These guys can be very hypnotic convincing handsome and charming. They play with the tourists and marry their own.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010):

this may be no help what so ever. the truth hurts. i have one of the very very very few genuine turkish men. my fella came here illegally and were fighting to marry but its not easy and it takes a lot of hard work and time. weve been fightning now 2 year and were no were near finished. but even for my falla his first reason for being here is monay and work. believe me when u become to understand the real turkish culture and the meaning they have to there life you will not be able to understand y they want to come here. it is for money and work only darling!! im moving to turkey the culture and life is a million times better but you have to understand one weeks wages here is the same as 4 there , so u work 3 month here thats like working a year there. use your head if he is using you he will do every thing you want make everything sound so easy. if he is genuine he will stand his ground and tell u thing he doesnt like about what u do and put u down a little. becasue there life is so different and thats a part of being together.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010):

my daughter went to turkey 5 years ago and met a turkish guy she was 22 we wasnt happy at first she has been out there lots of times 2 or 3 times a year even worked a summer season out there with the airlines and lived with him she came home after the saeson and continued to visit he has since done his national services and has just come out she is out there now visiting and arranging here wedding for november this year we have accepted this and are going out for the wedding she has relised she cant live out there so after the wedding she is comming home and hopefully he will be able to get a visa to live here we accept this and wish them well any marriage is a gamble and we just have to be there for her and support them all Ican say is listen to your parents and dont rush into anything take your time like my daughter did good luck

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A male reader, tufannn United Kingdom +, writes (5 March 2010):

If he is kurdish, i recommend you to be carefull, because though Turkish and kurdish cultures almost same, kurdish ppl are much more strict and cruel. There is no way a traditional kurdish men will accept an europan woman as a real wife for life. (%5 percent of kurdish ppl is an exception).

If he is real turkish still be carefull, but it dosent mean he is using you as a ticket for visa.

Unfortunately, you will have lots of problems, especially about his jeolousness, because there is no way a turkish men will let his wife or gf to wear very short skirt or very sexy clothes, this wont happen no matter how much he loves you. dont think that you will have freedom as you would have with an english husband.

Finally, it is very natural that ppl prefer to talk their mother language when possible, it is not rude at all at our culture, it is just EASY for them, like you ppl would talk english when you see an english in turkey,

would you try to talk them in turkish instead? Dont be funny... :-)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010):

I am reading everyone's posts and it is difficult for me to tell heads from tails...I have met a Turkish man online and we plan to meet in a few months...a muslim friend of mine says he is probably only interested in me for a green card to the US. This has made me think 2x and 3 & 4x! Words are so easy to say. I am 10 years older than he is and with 2 kids...and from what I understand over there to have kids from a different marriage is for them a liability. Does this also apply to him?.....I dunno. Probably so. He seems genuine...but that is the key word here! SEEMS! I dunno what to think anymore...it messes with my head. He writes me letters, and we have a lovely time on the phone etc...but I now have concerns I didn't have before.

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A male reader, yakamoz77 Turkey +, writes (20 February 2010):

I lived in UK as a student for 2 years,after that I moved back to Turkey for starting a new life in Istanbul.Firstly I am sorry to say that to live in UK ver hard indeed,because there is too much taxes if you campare with Turkey,also people is very lonely as far as I observe.Most of them are addictive of alcohol or drugs to forget their lonely days.On the other hand lifestyle is more comfartable than Turkey,for instance finding job,social activities, unemployment wage or social securities.In turkey we dont have these kind of advantages honestly that's why people try to immigrate from turkey to abroad.But as far as I heard from them,most of them not happy to live abroad because culture conflict and the other reasons.For me ,during my stay in UK,I learned lots of them from English people about their culture,for instance(without drink alcohol they dont get close or they love control themselves in every conditions,love to pretend,love to be polite etc..)Anyway in Turkey,lots of people to want marry with Eurepean girls for living in europe,but they are not aware that to live in Europe more harder than Turkey,also you can add to social conflicts,some kind of discriminations.Anyway there is lots of things to say,but I dont have enough time to explain all these matters.I recommend you just be sure if his love is genuine or not.Pls offer him to test,to live together in Turkey instead of UK...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010):

what are the Turkish men escaping to if they are using women for a visa to the UK then leave them, why would anyone want to leave somewhere where property, cost of living is cheap and the weather great, to leave their friends and family to come to UK, pay over the odds for everything and never be any better off but just be bollocks cold instead and far from family and friends!!!??

The reason why a lot of Turkish men want to marry is because its near on impossible to get a visa to UK even just to visit for a holiday and sometimes the only way they can be with the one they love is to marry them.

All men and women break hearts, we've all been on the giving and the receiving end - thats life, follow your heart, no relationship comes with a lifetime guarantee!

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A male reader, zbanszyn Turkey +, writes (7 February 2010):

Hi you all,

You all should think twice to start such international relationship. Culture differences are very important and you never know the person so well just be carefull, i had such relation with a polish girl and she left me after 3 years, it has been 5 months and iam still in depression i am strongly destructed.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010):

Please listen to your family I know of this through my own horrific experience of marrying the most honest, caring, loving genuine man i had ever met. However after the marriage he sadly became a sadistic horrific monster!!!!!!

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A male reader, Freshness Turkey +, writes (29 January 2010):

Good. So if you are happy, everything is allright

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010):

yes i am married now

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A male reader, Freshness Turkey +, writes (10 January 2010):

Hello folks,

I read many stories on this page, so there are some people who are married and very happy, and there are some who became unhappy.

First of all, Turkish culture and British cultures are opposite cultures. Turkish people are generally very sempatic, friendly, warm, caring, hospitable and very sincere people, they love to share. Turkish people have very good neighbourhood relations, and they import visiting relatives often, and respect is number one rule in any situation.

British community and culture is a little bit different. Everybody has indedependent life in UK, so everybody in UK lives an individual life. As a result, some of them become selfish and some dont care anything. British people mostly not warm, generally polite, and they dont trust other people. Some of them alcholic, some use drugs..

I read many comments here. My response would be, 'Nobody forces you to marry a Turkish, so in every society, there are some good people and some bad people, spend time with your friend, if you feel happy with him or with her, it means everything going allright. Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Turkish people love family life, because they import family values like respect, affection and loyalty. Life is a beauty, admire it. Turkish friend is a beauty, just spend time and discover a different culture, visit his or her family for a dinner, why not?

Life is a challenge, meet it!Dont escape, just meet and try! Maybe its the chance of your life, maybe he or she is the right person for you?

Life is game, play it. Think that everything is a game, and play!Dont think to stop the game, maybe at the end of the game you will feel very happy and get married with other person.

Life is a song, sing it! Maybe your Turkish friend is a song, just sing it, who knows maybe it will be a short song, maybe a very long song! If you wish, dont sing it, nobody can force you to marry!

Life is life, fight for it. If you believe that your Turkish friend is the right person, you will feel it!Dont care what others say or think. This is your life. This is your game. There is one love. If you find true love, never afraid, go with him/her and trust and pray for the best.

How many people are happy in UK? When I see smiling faces on streets in UK, I do know that most of them are fake smiles, fake behaviours. Turkish people import family values, respect, affection and loyalty. Some people wrote that Turkish people want UK girls for visa? Everybody knows that life in Uk is more expensive and rents are more more expensive than Turkey. So why should people here would like to come over there and live like a slave? For working and paying bills? I live in Istanbul and I love my country. Everything is cheap in Turkey, rents houses, foods, vegetables, fruits. We dont need visa. We dont need UK. We dont need UK girls. We dont need anything. If 2 people meet, and if they like each other, that becomes love, and they get married. Creating family is nice, thats what God orderd isnt it? God said 'Go plural'.God didnt say opposite. I would never live in Uk for any British girl.

Nobody forces anyone to get married with Turkish people. Just choose your life. I can guess why British girls like Turkish boys. Because British men mostly drink too much alchol and dont care anything.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2009):

Hi

I am in the same position, i went to turkey LAST year for 3 weeks, with my 3 children, stayed with good friends in thier newley built villa, it was amazing, the whole 3 weeks was great fun,didnt actually meet any one whilst there, few friends, some men, some ladies, one i kept in touch with, but as friends - and we still are friends but not in touch as much. 2 weeks prior to us going to turkey, my partner of 4 years, dumped me, over the fone, he was meant to be coming with us to turkey, hed also already paid for us including himself for the following may/june, needless to say, he didnt go on either holiday, but me and the kids did...

on the holiday in May, i met some really great people, english and turkish, i was invited by the english friends to go with them to a different bar, close to where our apartment was - meaning i cud look on my 3 kids as and when i wanted, - 13,10 and 8 years, so not babies,

and ofcourse i did, i was watching the stairs to the apartment like a hawk, but i was assured that NO ONE would go up there, and i shud relax and enjoy the evening,,,

I was amongst friends, turkish and english, dancing,fotos, chatting, drinking, and having a really great night. I was introduced to one of the turkish men, who was within the group,i wanted a BIRA, got my purse out, and he said, YOU NO PAY, ME PAY..i was shocked, but kindly accepted and sat happily chatting for the rest of the evening with him , drinking etc, we had a great night, he wasnt able to speak great english, but i wasnt able to speak turkish either !!

Somehow,,we arranged to meet the following day, hed offered to take me and my 3 kids to a swimming pool,

CUD I TRUST THIS MAN ? i found out, he was single, divorced, had been in the army, had 2 children, and lived 10 minutes away, his job, he had 2 dogs, and his name,.

i didnt pay for any of my drinks that night, he wouldnt accept my payment. The following day, as arranged to meet at 2 pm, he turned up at 2.08 pm, took us to a local water park, paid for us to go in, also extra spends and a ice cream each..he was lovely, and i was falling for him, i really liked him, and hoping i wud see him again before i went back to UK..Thank fully i did, and this time,he took me to his home, treat me like a queen, waited on me hand and foot, i didnt ask him to, he just DID IT. showed me around his home, it was immaculate, introduced me to his 2 husskies, fish and budgie..We are still together and speak every night, via web cam, i can speak more turkish, and he now speaks and understands more english. We returned to stay with him in his family home in July/august 09. where we met his 2 children, me and his daughter get on as if she was my daughter, and his son is very nice too,

We have spoken about marriage, me living there, we are going back in MARCH for 2 weeks, and hopefully again in the summer for 8/10 weeks,

THERE ARE SOME REALLY GENUINE TURKISH MEN, AND BELIEVE ME, I HAVE ONE OF THEM,there are no secrets between us,

every day he says,,,SENI COK SEVIYORUM BENIM KALM (WIFE) i jknow we r'nt married, but its a great thought,

He doesnt have any family, and when and if we do get married, we wont have a TURKISH wedding, he said hes done all of that, it will be a normal, beach wedding with a english/turkish theme, nothing traditional about it, it will BE OUR WEDDING,

if this story helps you, great, do what you feel is right, i am 38 and my parents will have something to say i am sure, but, i have one life and i intend to live it for me and my new family in Turkey with my new KOCAM (HUSBAND)

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A male reader, holarus Turkey +, writes (10 December 2009):

Hey, although this is a very old post, i as a Turkish man, want to make my comment on that, in tourism industry people see tourists(rich ones or beautiful ones there must be something either sexual interest or money) as a ticket to a better life. I am an engineer,the socioeconomic situation in Turkey is very diffucult and people are looking to immigrate even the educated ones with masters, phds, i also think of immigration. However for the uneducated ones, high school or 2 years college , or some 3rd class university graduates marriage is the only way to move to another country australia,UK,germany,or any EU country. There are really nice people in this but the education level and the prosperity of him and his faily in Turkey is the key factor. I advise you(foreign women) to consider his situation, education, intellectuality, family, either a modern family or a traditional one, rural or city life. The wellness of them is one of most factors, if he was poor and with a poor and illiterate family then you should evaluate his education and be sure that he isnt involved in tourism, restaurants, hotels, etc. This is the key factor you should consider in your decision. I would be happy if i could help on that more. Hope your decision will be right.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2009):

the turks are all liars and the english girls ie women are barmy its all about money and sex and you will find that out go on liars cheets and bastards web site will make youre hair curle and when they cant get what they want you get bashed up

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009):

I met a sweet Turkish guy, I really didn't know anything about Turkish people and I am amazed at the rich culture and history... he is very open and tells me he is my soul mate. I am mixed raced as well (just so you know. He keeps commenting on my skin color, how much he loves it and calls me his milk coffee and tells his friends all the time. We talk on camera all the time and lets me talk to his mom and dad and friends.. he asked me if I would ever move countries for true love.. I said I didn't know. He has no interest in coming to USA (I have asked)and keeps telling me that Izmir is paradise.. He is also pretty successful thus far.. owns a men's clothing shop and such. He now stays in all weekend and we talk for hours.. his friends also as me what I have done to him, because he doesn't want to party anymore or play soccer games LOL. He said he has always feared love because he was hurt before by a Turkish woman who cheated on him. but he says every day we get to knwo each other gives him courage....

see if I were to explain exactly what my dream boy looks like and acts like.. omg.. it is this...

It is just that, 1) do I really want to move to turkey? (I would rather move back to Europe)

2)Though he is very modern in many ways, his religion is Islam.. I don't have any religion and don't intend to :-( he said not to worry about that because true Islam is not compultion and that he loves and respects me anyway.

grrr so what is my question exactly? haven't a clue.. just thought I would share as everyone else is..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009):

hi , i too met a genuine turkish man he is single and has no children he can speak english and is a very true man we got married april 2009 . i have been to see him several times since . we have known each other since 2007 . we applied for a visa but he was refused now we have appealed against the decision but i cannot have a oral hearing until feb . 2010 . it is not fair and i do not know why my husband cannot come to uk for holiday , i am being forced out of my own country just because i married a turkish man . oh and by the way my children are not happy about me marring turkisk man . suzy

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A female reader, vickywardle United Kingdom +, writes (17 November 2009):

my turkish bf is 33 and was married when i met him. he split up with his wife then and since then i have been back twice;he does not speak english but is trying to learn and does not want to come to the uk except for a week visit;he is NOT romantic,however i cant get him out of my head,i do not know why. i already see his controlling ways though_like do not speak to other men, wear long dresses etc like he owns me but i give as good as i get. he has only had a wife and does not know the british way of life-should i let him stay for a week or just keep him as my play thing:):P:D...thanx

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A female reader, Babayaga United Kingdom +, writes (12 November 2009):

If you are single then it's nice to have romance, but if you are thinking of marrying a Turkish man think ruthlessly. 9 times out of 10 he will be hiding his ruthlessness behind a charming personality and good looks. He will make you feel like you're in heaven and will have you thinking you are something very special, and extremely attractive. On saying this, I was married to a Turk for 26 years and you can too if you are strong enough to put up with the suffering and lies, and enjoy the good times when they happen. I was brought up to put up with things, but if you are like my beautiful half Turkish daughter you will only stay married for two to four years, while you try to unravel your own story to some disbelieving solicitor or counsellor. My daughter married this pea brained Turk secretly in Turkey, he was handsome of course but left her pregnant in Turkey to do his military service. When he came back he left her and baby again, when he produced a student visa and went to London on his own. She came back to UK as a single mother and has been looking after herself eversince and they have never lived together, and now after only being here 2 years he has FREE legal aid and has access to the best barristers in this country, and is trying to gain citizenship in the UK. Also he has taken my daughter to court to gain access to their child using the court order to help him gain longer stay in this country. My daughter has to pay 70 pounds per month for her legal aid contribution. Even now he still believes that he owns my daughter and the child and given half the chance he would have his suitcase inside her frontdoor tomorrow he she let him. What do you think, do you think she should let him in ? I think you know the answer to that one ?

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A female reader, annette1016 United States +, writes (11 November 2009):

ok female. first off at your age you should consider getting married some other time you have you whole life ahead of you. Second everyone here has pretty much the same thing to say. Don't do it. I will reitterate this fact stated on another post. They seriously prefer their own kind. Second turkish men can be very tricky. Does this sound familiar."he's very charming, polite, honest and caring". Yeah that's them until they get you. Once they have you then they don't want you anymore . And another thing you will never be turkish. Again they seriously prefer their own kind. After he hurts you all you will be able to think about is the nice guy he presented to you. If you marry this guy, you willlllllll regret it. I was once in love with one of these guys. Please don't do it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009):

Dear Friend,

I understand your situation. And if I where you I will say yes and try a life beside him. If you where right, time and facts will return your family to you. If you are wrong then you may end your marriage and learn from the mistake.

I am panamanian, married to a panamanian with two beautiful girls. And most of the time I regret not finding Nxxx before. I love a turkish man I will never be able to see face to face.

Please don't lost your chance to find happyness.

Regards,

Ana

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A female reader, KIRSTYLOU19 United Kingdom +, writes (24 August 2009):

hey huni FOLLOW YOUR HEART!!! I am 19 years old and am also with a Turkish man he is 21 and we have been together since I was 16 and have a 3 month old son together although he lives in England we have still had a lot of shit trust me.. white girl and Turkish man don't look good in there familys yes but we fought for our relationship and live together now away from everyone.. it is hard but I went with my heart my family gave me crap but I still left home for him and him for me and we are fine now.. You shouldn't have to but prove these people wrong you deserve to be happy :) x

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A female reader, fern United Kingdom +, writes (1 April 2009):

i would like to know the legal requirements and documents i need to take to marry my turkish boyfriend in turkey . thanx

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A female reader, fern United Kingdom +, writes (1 April 2009):

i to have a turkish boyfriend , i am older than him we have been together for 2 years now we are hoping to be married this year and yes he would like me to live their ( i dont want to ).i have meet the family on several occasions . my family are horrified sk me do i care NO.

I had a irish husband who took me for thousands and a alcoholic . he is trying for a visa but wont accept my help as he knows what people will say and hes not wrong .

I have no support from anyone including mt family . so good luck life is to short and time is not on my side so grab with 2 hands and enjoy what happiness you can get .

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A female reader, anoni United Kingdom +, writes (6 March 2009):

Ok.. well this might sound a bit nuts but look if u really wanna know then theres only one way to find out. u know the saying “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.” if he comes to the Uk or (u to turkey) and stays with u treats u right, and cares for u, (doesnt want to depend financially on u) then its love if he decides to leave u after he got a visa then its clearly not. although it sounds stupid u only live once either u try it out follow ur heart or dont and never know. ofcourse u only live once therefore have to look after ur life and happiness and try to choose the right paths in life.. it depends how much ur willing to lose for love or gain...important is that its ur life in the end of the day, ur happiness and its a decision u will have to make urself -- thats how we learn innit ;)

Love is the answer?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009):

I married who I thought was the most the most genuine and loving and caring MAN IN THE UNIVERSE!!!!! He is / was Turkish. Once all the "nice things" were over with I found myself with a stranger where only THE TURKISH WAY mattered.

Turkish tradition took over and ruled!!!! I don't care if the guy claims to be Americanized,Unionized,Baptized you name it...traditions win over love everytime pretty much anywhere. And then there was the reality that the country/state has rules that may appear to similar to "our way". The Moslem group has their ways. When I reluctantly moved "closer to home" I was faced with another wife being added....THANK GOD we had no children. It cost a lot of money and most of all HEARTACHE and embarassment...and most of all lost precious time to rid myself of this animal disguised as a man. I suggest any woman who wants to marry a from Turkey (or any of those places) see the movie "Not without my daughter".....

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A male reader, spartakus8561 Turkey +, writes (16 February 2009):

:D we do not know him but most probably he wants a visa but after I m sure about that he will return the turkey, even he loves you, sure about that he will RETURN Turkey, because according to UK, turkey is a paradise.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008):

Iya- I met a turkish man in turkey an he was an still is the most lovely an genuine man i ave ever met an we are more deeply in love now than when we first met! We have been together for 3 years an have a beautiful baby son together who we both love very much! We are not married as we both decided not 2 cos the time is not right at the minute. I still live in the uk an he still lives in Turkey an next year i will move there 2 live permanetly with my son. He is in the turkish army at the moment an he gets out in January- I CAN'T WAIT! I advise u 2 get 2 know him first jus 2 be sure he really is genuine cos i know what SOME turkish men are like as my boyfriends friends have once 2 many times left many women heart broken! I am lucky i got someone very truely genuine but some people aint as lucky! Jus mention u livin there in turkey then if he say yes go there for a few months an see how things work out with u livin together! Am very happy his mum an family love me an i am part of their family now. Not all turkish mean are untrue BUT some are so be very careful! If people tell u 2 fllow your heart i suggest u don't cos this is not always the right thing 2 do jus make sure this is someone u really truelly want an that it's not jus a long lived fantasy!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008):

hi

if you want trust man isn't easy no matter where they from

man is man, just follow your haert and pray that his the one,good luck all

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008):

My advice.... have a long hard think about what you have got to lose if things don't work out and all that you will gain if they do work out. Your family are naturally going to be worried about you and I suspect that whatever you decide, they will support you. There are no guarantees with any marriage these days. I can guarantee that if you don't go for it.... you,ll never know. Good luck x yes my fiance is Turkish and he is the most romantic man I have ever met. We are living in Turkey because neither of us like the cold.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008):

I am just smiling when i read wht english womans write..

I realy was thingking english womans are clever before i start work at tourism as a kasanova maybe 350 _400womans in 4 years..(now not working at tourism now)...sory but how can u be this much blind and stupit i cant understand...look ladys %99.9 of the turks or kurds wwant to get married with europan woman for just fucking visa.i was the same but when i see few countrys of europa i gave up.turkey is paradise for me i know for u too:)dont be idiot...ha ia m a türk.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008):

Dont do it!! they groom English women, even when you test them and say you want to live there they will pretend to agree,for a while! And anyone that has kids-they will say to you "come and live here" knowing full well you wont uproot your kids and move there, they know theyre onto a winner if you have kids. His family will be lovely to you-oh they love you so much but theyre all in on it too. It is all fake youre a ticket to a better life for him and also them because he will be sending his family money. This is why they want european girls and women, we are an escape, if they wanted love there are enough women in their own country, with the same religion, culture and who their family will genuinely approve of. I have been there, I have lived it. And I have seen it when the women have absolutely no idea she is being used, even the married ones living in Turkey their husbands are telling people he doesnt love her and the wives have absolutely no idea. Be careful!

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A male reader, yum yum Switzerland +, writes (11 September 2008):

yum yum agony auntThis is hard for me to judge but remember that there

is a cultural difference and it could become more

pronouced once you get married with him. Even

if you are sure he is genuine remember that love

can make you blind. I think you should get to know

him longer before you marry him. In retrospective

thinking I remember a couple that got married.

The wife was French and the husband was turkish.

Once they got married she had to ask permission

if she could go out and meet friends. In Turky

its the man who makes the decisions and most of

the time also for the wife. Its not like in the

U.K However I don't want to make a general rule

of this. At the end of the day its you who decides.

Good Luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008):

I have read most of the replies posted in here.. I want to reply to a female reader who has posted her reply on 20 Sept 2007.

Her advice was Turkish men are naturally unfaithful, "RUBBISH"!! Why did you mary to a Turkish man if you think they're a cheat? So Everyday you're living with fear that your man will cheat on you. What a stupid thing to do, isn't it? Why people fall in love with Turkish men very quickly because they're very affectionate. I cannot say the same for the English men. So, I wouldn't live with a man if i knew he will leave me after he gets what he wants out of me i.e. better life, visa, money etc.

For the lady who's asking advice..Go & live in Turkey for a while then bring him to the UK. If he asked you to come and live in the UK you should be aware.. You should be asking him to come and live with you not other way around. Did he ask you to go and live with him in Turkey? You may be living with him in UK now or you may be married to him already but I belive what ever ppl say in here you'll follow your heart not your brain.. :-))) I hope you are happy..

Celine

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008):

if you tell him I can marry you but if we live in Turkey. If he still says "yes" then he is your man..

Good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008):

It is always good to check his intention. You never know. Suggest that you go and live with him in Turkey and see what his response is. I am from Tunisia and I am living a wonderful story with a Turkish man...what your family told you could be true..so take your time and make sure that you know him very well before making any decision.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008):

well i am married to a turkish man now and it is very difficult because u think they love u but they really want their green card but their are diffrent guys out their so u have to choose the best one

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008):

you dont have to marry him for him to come here . My Turkish partner came with a work visa and he stayed with me for 2 years now we are married and live in Bodrum because he seen the uk and said he misses Turkey so we live here now and are very happy and i have learnt Turkish . I would ask him first about living in Turkey one day and see what his reaction is .

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008):

I have a Kurdish boyfriend. I have been with him for over two years. I am 19 years older than him. He has never taken me out- except for shopping. Despite his efforts to keep me secret over the years a handful of his friends -LOL- in fact the whole of the Kurdish community know about it but he still denies it. Stupid man as every body knows. He has left me once when I found out he was after some young woman. I finished with him but he came back- constnantly ringing me and knocking on the door until I forgave him. After that our relationship grew stonger and he remained with me until he was sent back to Iraq. He now wants me to go to Jordon to marry him and bring him back. My concerns are the fact that I will pay out a lot of money and the home office may not allow entry clearence for him to the UK. I could not go through the heart ache. It was horrendous when he was sent back. I am now trying to recover but he rings every day for me to go and marry him. His friend says don't do it he will leave you after a few months. I so want to do it as he is so sad - but- when I look at it in the cool light of day I know I will be setting myself up for more heart ache. My advise would be - do not answer the phone for your own sanity.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2008):

I have been involved with a man from Fiji for three years now, he is here on a work permit, and has lived in the US for 13 years. I often wish I could get in to his head and discover how much of him really loves me and how much of him really just wants to get a visa. He does want a visa, very very very much...

The truth is there is no way of delineating how much he loves me/ wants a visa. However, I can tell you that my cousin married someone and she got a visa, but right after she got through nursing school she divorced him. She seemed so cold and calculating that he and I do believe that she married him mostly for a visa.

What I do believe is this: it is better to start a relationship and marry someone with whom you have A LOT in common, someone from your hometown would do just fine. Marriage often falls apart in even the best circumstances, that's why people need every advantage.

Right now my fiji man is getting ready to move back to his country and become expertly sauve at trying to sell himself to me for marriage, but after three years I still have BIG concerns about him that I can't put to bed.

So-after a few short visits do you really feel like you know this guy well enough for marriage? Why can't just a regular old guy from your hood do?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008):

SO what happened = what did you do? I am in a similar position, been with my turkish boyf for 2 years, I dont want to live there just now as I am in the middle of studying for a degree, which I want to finish. He would rather I went there but undertands that its not possible just now, anyway, love to hear how you did and what hapened?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008):

NO,NO,NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

What ever you do dont marry this guy, I am a turk but i would never have married somebody from back home. Unfortunatley my cousin didnt listen to me and fell in this nasty trap. She got married to a nasty guy last year, his only aim was to come to the UK. He has been here since Dec last year and has not once taken here out for a meal or even walked to the corner shop with her. He has this week even moved out and doesnt bother to call. but until they got married he was the best thing since sliced bread. They change as soon as they come to this country.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008):

I know how you feel i am in the same position as you. really dont no what to do, my family wont help me by loking after my sons to let me back over to see/ marry him. if i met a boy in the uk and had only knew him for this short period of time, i wouldnt think twice about marrying him, but i think in this situation its a different story as this is the only way for them to come to the uk. if it doesnt work whats the worst that can happen? divorce, people do that every day. i say we should do it!!!! go girl

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A female reader, x-Sarahw-x United Kingdom +, writes (11 August 2008):

I think you should follow your heart!

whatever you do your family should support you

lifes short its worth a try!

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A female reader, x-Sarahw-x United Kingdom +, writes (11 August 2008):

I think you should follow your heart!

whatever you do your family should support you

lifes short its worth a try!

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A female reader, x-Sarahw-x United Kingdom +, writes (11 August 2008):

I went to Altinkum,Turkey 1 month ago and met a really nice guy.He's four years older than me and he works in a restaraunt as a summer job before he goes back to college.I was walking by with my mum and we got dragged in the restaraunt for a drink.Then I saw him for the first time OMG I got butterflies in my stomach I never felt this way about anyone before it was very weird.I kept looking at him (he cot me a few times) and I blushed.We finally spoke about 1 hour later because he had a dog and I thought it was cute and he told me to come and look at it and stroke it and I did.He didn't speak much English but enough for me to understand.Me and my mum had to go so we said goodbye and did a handshake and a kiss on each cheek!

we saw each other every day for six days and on 2nd last day we went to the restaraunt at night.He asked me to dance with him for loads of songs even slow ones for couples.After dancing we had a chat and got to know about each other.We did the same the next night.he said he no forget me! I smiled.I had tears in my eyes I didn't want to go.I said I was going tomorrow he had tears in his eyes to!we had to go to the hotel to pack so I said goodbye.we did a handshake and a kiss on the lips!

I gave him my email address but he hasn't replied yet.

should I trust him he is a proper Turkish man?

should I go back next year to see him?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008):

there is another way I would suggest you. If you really love this guy but not sure about whether he is honest or not ask him to live with you without marriage. He can apply for partnership visa and stay in Uk for sometime (at least a year). I have a turkish friend who did the same thing and got the UK citizenship without marrying his girlfriend. As a Turkish, I believe (unfortunaltely) your family might be right. this is not to prove them or reproach Turkish men, just go out and try to observe people in the same situation.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008):

Run as far and as fast as you can away from this man. He is using you to obtain a visa and probably only wants your money. Do a keyword search on the subject and you will see the evidence for this from other women whi have been duped.

Good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008):

advice,i was with a turkish guy for 11 years,then one day just said he was going to russia to open a shop,i was heartbroken,pennyless and i am just picking up the pieces,you follow your heart but dont give nothing.believe me i know.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2008):

Its not just Turkish men. I wrote previously about the same thing that happened to me. She upped and left less than a month after getting her leave to reamin. And only contacts me if its to do with money. She knows how badly i suffer and does nothing but make it worse. Now her sister is here on a student visa and has her prey all lined up and hes stupid as i was. Its sickening these people can do this but they do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008):

i really think u should listen to ur family they are right he just wants to come to uk after 1year he will change u see.i no im married to turkish man myself and he as changed so much since hes been in uk.not only that i no people to and the same things happened to them.

dee

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008):

Heartbroken by a turk....My ex boyfriend is turkish, we broke up in december after 2 years together knowing him for almost 10 years. He started to date someone 2 days after me....2day I hear he is getting married to this girl after only 7 months 2gether. He repeatedly told me that anyone who married for a visa was really sad and desperate and he would NEVER do the same..this was the most 'genuine' person that I have ever met and knowing him so long I really believed he was true to his values...Now I believe that he knew that getting a visa from me was proving difficult and took the easier option of finding a much younger vunerable girl...

I think i had a very Lucky Escape and would urge anyone considering marrying a turkish man to really take your time, if he really loves you he will wait or have you live in turkey with him,......be careful!!!

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A female reader, RJF Macedonia +, writes (25 July 2008):

Getting married is a HUGE commitment, regardless of nationality and you should be 100% sure before you walk down the ailse; then it will be the happiest day of your life! The other thing is that you are quite young so there is no need to rush into anything and this guy can apply for a visa to visit you in UK.

Good luck, I hope it works out for you!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008):

Also i just want to say, I've also had my heart broken from a British boy.

Just be careful, dont give him money all the time. I know they dont have a lot of mony, so help them, don't give them. Do what you want to do, enjoy, if he brakes your heart then that can be mended.

God i have so much to say on htis subject!!!! Sarah

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008):

Whats happened 16 months on?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008):

Here is another crazy story. I met my Turkish husband on facebook. Three months later, I went to see him in London, then our trips went back and forth from London to the u.s. He is a genuine, traditional, warm hearted man. I could never ask for anything more. I know that Turks have their reputations, but you should always listen to your heart. When in doubt...don't! Your gut feeling is always right. Mine tells me it's the best thing I've ever done. We're now married, after less then a year, we're looking forward to our lives together and our future babies.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008):

Hi, I think you should go with your heart and trust your instincts. I am english and live in the UK with my turkish husband. We met in Holland and after a short time dating i got pregnant, after our son was born we decided to move to the UK and get married. This was 7 months ago and I have never been happier. he is a great husband and a wonderful father (and my family think the world of him). Maybe your boyfriend could come to the UK on a 6 month visit visa and see how you work out at living together before you commit to marriage and then he can meet your family, maybe they will change their opinion. Check the direct.gov.uk website about visas.

I hope it works out for you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008):

I am so in love with a Turkish man that I met online about 7 months agon on the game Second Life. We married on the game but for now we have to be content with this. We spend hours every night on line and on the webcam with each other and know each other inside and out. I am even considering converting to Islam to marry this man because he is very devoted to his religion. I am so happy to say that he has treated me better than any man ever has. We have about a 20 year age difference (I am older than him) and he loves me regardless. He loves me for my pure heart, and he speaks with honesty and sencerity. I think that the culture has placed more value on how the relationships are viewed. I may just be an older woman dazzled by the fact that this young hunk is in love with me but baby girl, Go For It! You don't get a chance at happiness like this often in life. I am renewing my passport tomorrow. Good Luck and God Bless!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008):

Hi

I met my Kurdish bf over a month ago and i go back in 3 weeks (an PS i am haven't even slept with him yet I told him I did not know him enough then). I have all the same worries, some things set alarm bells off but then other things like organising a red rose to be delivered to me, getting sad and drunk because he cant see me. Telling me all the right things like he has never waited for anyone before that he has always cheated (it all seems too honest to be all lies)and telling about his previous girls that one of them he did want for a visa. I do believe their ultimate goal is for a visa but hey dont us girls have a dream of a rich man whether we love them or not (half of the scottish girls i know are chasing footballers)!!!!?? I think that the love comes and I hope that this is what is happening here. He comes to the webcam every night (which he has to pay for in a cafe) and I call him two or three times a day. My family and friends all think I am being stupid

Please tell me if you think like that because sometimes I let my heart rule my head.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008):

Hello again. Im the same person that submitted the last answer. Having read all the replies now. I have some further views. To the guy Stewart i think. Dont do it. And a couple of you are about two years in and the spouse is about to apply for leave to remain. Be warned, this is when they change. As someone quite rightly said its a cultural thing. You can take someone out of Turkey but you cant take Turkey out of them. I too work with Turks/Kurds and most were either born or at least had a full education here. And yet they all sit together and talk there own language constantly. Its a ghetto mentality. Extremely insular. Of course I would never have expected my wife to turn her back on her roots completely but she married me an English man. And she seemed excited at a new challenging life here. We would watch TV together, listen to English/US music. This all stopped, she would only listen to Turkish music, started watching Turkish soaps on youtube. Anyway all of this is fine. But to pretend to be so in love with someone and then just walk out the door hurts like you would never beleive. So those women who said they just want to enjoy the moment and so on. Well you are in denial because when it happens it will hit you like a sledgehammer and 3 or 4 years will have been taken from you. Marriage should be meant for life, if it all goes wrong then so be it. But both people should make the commitment and then stick at it to make it work. I did and then I got shafted big style. So my advice, dont do it. The chances of it being true love are slim

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008):

Of course it may be love, but be careful. I met my (ex) wife in Summer 2004 she was a student from Ankara. We (apparently) fell in love and married on new years eve that same year. For 3 years it all seemed Ok , yes we argued occasionally, who doesnt. But for the most part it was good. She would tell me how much she loved me nearly everyday. She seemed so genuine. She got her leave to remain in the UK in Feb 2008 and within a month she was gone. She just left and only contacted me to arrange money. She isnt even pretending anymore that it was nothing but a sham. Its the hardest thing ive ever had to endure. I still cry everyday 10 weeks later. Even though she is so evil I still feel devestated. But she will have to live with the guilt till the day she dies and I will get over it in time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008):

I have had a relatively harmonious marriage to a Turkish man for the last twenty five years. I am one of the lucky ones. During this time I have seen other English women with Turkish partners who have been beaten, abused, cheated on and ripped off, some even loosing houses and businesses or being saddled with large debts. I have met women who stay with their Turkish husbands only because they are frightened of loosing their children.

Although my own husband is loyal, hardworking kind and reasonable I am sorry to have to say that in all these years I have only met a handful on English women who can say the same about their Turkish men after a few years of marriage.

Also be aware that there are men who carve out careers in the holiday resorts by forming relationships with women from northern europe only for financial gain.

No genuine Turkish man would take money from a woman.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2008):

HY,

I would say don't do that. I married with Turkish man for two and a half years, but now it is finished.Then he come to the UK he couldn't speak English very well, he didn't have friends, so I was everything for him. But situation changed then his English got better and he found his Turkish friends. Remember just one thing FOR TURKISH MAN, WOMAN DOESN'T HAVE THE SAME WRIGHTS AS MAN. So be very careful.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008):

Hi

I find myself in the same boat i went to cyprus last year in sept met a 24 yr old and went back in oct he sais he love me and wanted to marry me all i could se was a ticket to england he phoned and tex but i was paying allthe time he said if i loved him i would go injan i didnt but went in april he wanted me to go met hes family i just couldnt i cant trust i think he dont love me at all so wot am saying i sjust be very carfull as he had 4 other girlsfreinds which i was told about .. istilltalk to him and will see him again but i dont think i will marry himas am not prepaored to risk everything i own i am 48 an di know someone who is 65 married to a 25yr old and has moved to englad this yr and only stayed with hes wifr for 6 mts and then left.. good luck hope it works out for you

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008):

nobody should critize people by using their nationality. your parents would be right or you so. but there is no connection with the nationality. you should find out the answer

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A female reader, canim United Kingdom +, writes (11 April 2008):

Well i went to Istanbull to meet my boyfriend for the 1st time last week,, we met the airport,, believe me all fears i had just went ,, we looked at each other and it was instant love, we had chatted on line for 3 months,, we then spent 5 days together it was amazing, we both cried when i had to return to uk,, we speak every night on line and text and call each other , our love is deep and i know its genuine, at the end of the day you cant stop whats happening,, only you have the answer, no one can tell you right or wrong ,,just be happy and enjoy the moment,

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008):

Hi.

I found your posting whilst searching on the net! I am in a smilar situation, although I met my Turkish gf in london. She has now moved back and after a year now we are still going strong. She has made it clear she would love to move back here permately. She is 26 and I am 27. As you say the only real way she can move here is if we both marry and then she can stay on a visa here in London.

How did things work out for you? any help would be useful.

Regards,

Stewart

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008):

i myself am married to a turkish man,we however live here in turkey.i would be very careful if he only mentions england to you.for him to live with you in england is a very difficult process.it would be better if you lived in turkey for a while then applied for him to join you in the uk for just 6 months 1st.then go for the 2 year settlement visa.good luck and all the happiness

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008):

Don't marry a turkish man. I did and have had the worst 4 years of my life and he was one of the better ones. Turkish culture is just too different and they will expect you to do everything and be their slave. They are VERY GOOD at the romancing at the beginning but that all stops and you are just a slave. DON'T GET DRAWN IN........... If i could go back in time and change the day I met him I would.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008):

my turkish guy is desperate to marry me i know its for a visa but i have true feelings for him how do you know yours is not just after the same

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008):

hi just wanted to share my experience with you i am married to a turkish guy and we have been together nine yr married eight.

Not all stories are horror ones mine was also a holiday romance and dispite some negative reactions at first everyone reliases that we are a family listen to opinions but remember they are only opions try to talk to people who are married in the same situation as you listen to all they have to say good and bad follow your intution it is never wrong be honest both with your man and yourself. Respect each other listen to what you both have to say sometimes it is difficult to do that you are your own person only you know what it is you really want mixed relationships are not easy they require give and take as do all relationships you both have to try to understand each others culturers.

I am very happy it is the best thing that happend to me i wish you all the happiness in the world take care

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008):

Hi well I have met a very nice turkish man friom istanbull , I am going to visit him in 2 weeks ,, not once has he asked about a visa to come here, he is genuine, he ia a Turk not a Kurd and there is a difference,, Turk men more loyal more proud,,, so yes invite him let your parents decide for themselves,, but at end of day its your life ,,

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A male reader, MT United Kingdom +, writes (11 March 2008):

I felt horible when i read some of answers as a Turk. Some people love to make prejudgement or talking behind the bad experiences without knowing the person.First of all just wondering do you now diffrence between Turks and Kurds? And how many Turks do live in North London? How many terorist has been excepted in UK as a politic refugee last 15 years or more? Anyway i felt sorry for Turkish students who came here with excitement for to study.Do you know why?Thats because most of them has been face to strange reaction from the English woman and they have just met.Refused from the woman thats because they are Turkish.

That is why mostly educated Turks immigrate to USA.

My suggestion is; he has right to stay in UK 90 days with

tourist visa if your parents accepted invite him to stay your parents home.And surely meantime you and your parents have chance make pre personality analyse. Or apply for VAF4 for fiance (Settilment form)http://www.ukvisas.gov.uk/Files/KFile/VAF4_25Oct.pdf

Before marry him be %100 sure that he is the person you like to spend your life side by side!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008):

Hi, I met my Turkish husband nearly 5 years ago, but our relationship was slightly different as I was working as a rep there so we had a proper dating one, we were never going to get married, it was not what either of us really wanted at the time, however one day he proposed and being totally in love with him I said yes, 1 1/2 months later we were married, I came back to UK and he applied for his Visa to come here, he has been in the UK now for 2 years and just applied for his indefinate leave to remain, we will return to live in Turkey one day, but just satisfy ourselves with holidays to his mums at the moment. He is not after my money - I do not have much! he was not after a visa but wanted to learn english better and felt it would be easier in the UK

Yes there are some who are only after a visa and your money but I have had some bad experiences with British men who have professed undieing love for me and taken my money, so what is the difference? just that they come form a different country.

How can anybody tell what the future of their relationship is going to be? I have many friends that are married happily to Turks and for a long time, I also know a few people who have been treated badly by Turks, but the same can be said with British guys, i have lots of friends who have been happily married forever, and some that thought they were and are now getting divorced after 37 years of marriage,

Everybody knows that it is so easy to divorce these days and there is no stigma attached to it.

My father and brother were not particulary keen on my marriage to my husband at the time but now they love him to pieces because they see how he treats me and what he does for me.

I am not saying it has been easy, he is quite a difficult person to live with at times, the cultures are different and his views on things vary greatly to mine at times, but that is what makes us strong as a couple.

Ultimately the choice is yours, Have your family met him? It may be an idea to take a family holiday to Turkey to visit him, so they can see him before you take the plunge, that way they can get to know him a bit.

Have you visited his family? This is also a good way of seeing if they are right for you.

Anyway enough of my ramblings, Good luck in whatever you decide.

Take care

K

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008):

hi its step,

i think you shouldn`t marry him because if he is saying he wants to come over and live here he might just want a visa and leave you when he gets here.

i had a turkish boyfriend we got together in june last year and was engaged by august i kept in contact with him everyday he said i was the love of his life and he cant wait to marry me and have children and spend the rest of our lives together.

we got a house together and i bought everything to go in it and my mum did and then when i came back to manchester a week before christmas he kept saying when are you coming back so i said soon so he said ok and then last week i got a phone call saying im sorry i cant do it i love you so much but i dont want to be with you anymore so i think he may of been seeing another girl behind my back. after all i have done for him, now he has the house and everything in it so if i was you i would say no, i have found a new english boyfriend now who i love to pieces write back from steph.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008):

be careful, i know somebody who met a Turkish man here inthe uk they went on holiday and got married, and that was a year ago he still hasnt been able to get back here and she came back and has sent him thousands of pounds to try and get a visa so he can get back. and he cant get back now he wants a devorce,i was also with a Turkish man who after 3 months asked me to marry him i was 16 years old and then i found out i was pregnant i then realised what they are like when he started ruling my life when i told him i didn't want to get married he finished with me. now i have a son who he doesn't want to know and right now he is in Turkey and can't get a visa back here i thought he was genuin and it turns out that he wasn't. i have nothing nice to say about them i think they want vulnerable women to marry so they can get into our country i'm realy sorry for putting a downer on your love, but if you carry on with this man i think you might get hurt so please follow your heart and if something doesn't feel right then don't do it. i'm sorry again !

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008):

I really do hope and pray the everything works out for you, as everyone else has asked the questions I would like to ask you....... My husband is Turkish, we have been together in London for 3 years and have a son who will be two soon.... we went back to Turkey for two months and I returned with my son - my husband has to apply for a visa and I'm pulling my hair out and so lonely without him and not sure how long this will take, we got married in Turkey to speed it up but not sure this is the case? He is the most wonderful guy and I can't stand another day without him - anyone else in my situation? please I need to know how long he will be away from us.......... I can put my hand on my heart and say he is definitely not doing this for a uk visa but to be with me and our son......

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008):

i am british too and have a turkish boyfreind we have been seeing each other for a year now. He wants to marry me too he says he loves me i do feel lots for him but i worry that he wants marriage for different reasons i do love him lots i dont want to have doubts. How can u feel really sure.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2007):

I have a turkish boyfriend who lives in turkey. i met him about 2 years ago. we have had a on and off relationship.but it is final now. we are engaged and i have 2 young children from a previous relatioship.ive actually met his family and they are really nice. my boyfriend has said he would stop turkey but he knows it would be best for him come england. so we are trying to get him to come over to england. we are going to apply for a visa for him. his brother has a visa for tourist already.and both his and my family are very supportive as he is a geniune guy.i have friends who say he just after visa. but both me and my family dont think that. he is a geniune turkish bloke and i love him.i didn't realize i would love somebody like i do with him after my break-up with my ex-husband. as that was a domestic voilence relationship.i haven't many friends who believe in me and who could help me to sort out about the visa for him.as some people know how difficult it is to get them one.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007):

Hi

I understand your story so well. I myself married my Turkish husband last October and he is arriving here in UK on Monday for us to eventually live together as man and wife. I can only suggest that you listen to your heart, I understand your families concerns but I do know that there are very genuine loving Turkish men that are not looking for a passport, my husband is one of those. In fact he preferred me to live in Turkey with him, but I have 2 grown up children I did not want to leave here in UK. He eventually made the decision to come to me. My family and my friends are so very happy for us as we have been in our relationship for the last 3 and half years and they have come to realise how much of a wonderful genuine man my husband is. Sadly we have had to fight our case so very hard for him to get his Visa into this country, but because our love is genuine and strong we have eventually won this. I wish you and your Turkish man all the best and if you love each other so much you can win through anything. Take care.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007):

Hello, take your time and don't rush into marriage. If it's genuine you can both wait as you know you will be there for one another. Also though don't dismiss your family and listen to what they have to say. The decision must be yours but remember your family are only looking out for your best interests.

It's unfortunate that many Turkish men are looking for foreign wives only for the visas so there is always a chance that your man may be deceiving you? Or maybe not? Be sure before taking any serious steps that you may one day regret.

Be lucky and happy.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007):

follow ur heart.........i have just come back from turkey for the second time to see a younger man i met there on holiday.we are so in love it hurts. i am going through a divorce after 18 years of marriage and my partner never made me feel how he does. he wants me to go and live with him there but i have two childen and i dont want to leave them here.im nervous about him coming here because my family....like yours are not happy about it. i am 40 years old and life is too short to worry.you have to do what is right for you. its your life and your only here once..........go for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2007):

I would say follow you heart, but always be aware that there is a strong chance he is doing it to get a visa - life is so shit in Turkey, they all dream of coming to the UK - it is their life's ambition. I am marrying my Turkish Boyfriend in February, but he is a business man and we do intend to return to Turkey in a couple of years - but I am still not totally sure of his intentions - so just keep a little room for doubt then you wont be totally shocked if he dissapears.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007):

hello dear friend and l dont think he feels the same way like you felt for him and l am eggree with you that he only wants to come to u.k and l think you are still young so dont do anything wrong in your life and if you are going to marry some1 he should be with you 4ever not like him only for the ticket are you so cheap?l am turkish too and l have been worked in marmaris and l have seen many girls like you so plz be carefull about it ok byee for now find a true love and catch to happness forever ok byeee

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007):

hi i have a turkish bf and he has made it quite clear he doesnt want to come to england he would rather me go to turkey which i would love to he is a bit younger than me we both love each other and text and ring each other about twice a day so i say follow your heart not every turkish men are gigolos there is some very nice genuine ones out there u can tell which ones are not genuine by the way they talk to u and their body language i know my bf is genuine u can see the love in his eyes he got upset the other day coz he was lonely and wanted me to go over there but at moment things are a bit hard coz i have children and he accepts this and coz we love each other i know we will get through it. so i say go for it girl follow your heart i always have and it has always worked out for me. good luck. xxxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007):

Well honey it can be made possible dont listen to all bad storys i have a wonderful turkish fiance he is a dental tec in istanbul and just last week we went for a holiday to bodrum he bought me a diamon solitair ring and asked me to marry him and i agreed (and a certificate for the ring) as he klnows the opinion of others in the uk so he wanted to prove it yes they want a better life and sometimes want to leave the uk but that does not mean they dont love you any more i have a sister with a turkish husband for 7 years now 3 freids that have been married 5 years but alos hundreds that have had problems but there not all like that its stupid to think that following your heart will always cause you problems but its the heart that leads the way if its a mistake its your mistake no one elses and if it all goes wrong then it does but your family and friends will always be there for you if there true friends

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007):

I married a turkish man last year after 3years of knowing him and travelling there 4times a year. He's here now in england on a 2year settlement visa. Its not that easy to apply and get the visa, ours was refused then we had a 7month wait before they overturned the decision. It really is much easier to apply for a visitor visa (less paper work needed, less things you both need to prove). Getting married doesn't mean a visa will be given, and u have to prove u've known eachother at least 2years or married 1year for it to be considered. My husband has found it hard settling here, but was lucky to find work (a restaurant owned by a turk). And married life to a muslim is bloody hard what with all their beliefs. I wouldn't say don't go for it but i would say take your time, theres no rush and if he truly loves u as u do him then he'll wait, but be prepared being unfaithful comes natural to them!!!. I'm happier now he's here with me.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007):

follow your heart, and let your gut feeling guide you, your family obviously have different views. but in the same repect have to accept yours. Im not in the same situation but Ive just came back from Altinkum, had a fantastic time whilst I was there I kept bumping into this gorgeous turk. night after night after night. I am gay and was aware not to shout it from the roof tops in tukey but this guy was really friendly to me. cut a long story short we he is gay too we still speak everyday or so and Im planning to go and see him in October first time since I left him in Altinkum. Im scared and nervous that Im going over myself and that things may not be the wat it was on holiday, his english is very very poor and my turkish isnt great........... what do I do?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007):

Hi, i have just come back from Turkey after being there 3 weeks, whilst there i got engaged to my partner who, like the last writer is much younger than me. Never in my life have i experienced such warmth, love and generosity not just from my partner but from his whole family. We are due to get married in January, I know in my heart this man is not after papers, as i am prepared to live there in turkey with him if that's what it takes, enjoy yourself whilst you can, you have one life....... live it...... i hope from the bottom of my heart you make the right choice for YOU and not for friends or family...xxxxxxxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007):

Hi there, I went to Turkey this year and have fallen for a guy much younger than me. I don't care what anyone says......I was married to an Italian that hit me, lived with an English guy who cheated on me every week and my last serious relationship with an English guy who couldn't care less about me. SO I'm going to get this guy over and have the best time of my life be that it lasts 6 months, 1 year or 1 day. Enjoy the love and attention that Turkish men give ladies for whatever reason it may be. Nothing lasts forever and life's too short. Enjoy my dear cause I am. xxx

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A male reader, Sinan Netherlands +, writes (20 March 2007):

hello,

You dont have to marry for visa aplications.

You can invite him to Uk as your unmaried partner.you also have to show that you can financialy sport him in UK

check out www.ukvisas.co.uk.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2007):

First to those people who are saying he should holiday with you in the UK it is very difficult for a Turkish person to get a visa even for a short while.

If you love him go for it What have you got to lose? I live in Turkey and have many friends with Turkish partners who are very happy together.

But do realise even if you are married he wont automatically get a visa for the UK so be prepared that you may have to live in Turkey if you want to be together

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2007):

Hi

My boyfreind is Turkish. We got engaged at Christmas after a very quick Romance. I have been over to visit him and his family twice now and am planning a 3rd visit in the spring (all paid for by him).

We have had many discussions about where we will live. I have told him I won't live in Turkey as I don't want to leave my family although this is where he would prefer to stay he is willing to move to the UK.

We cannot marry until we have evidence of being together for 2 years, and even then he is prepared to jump through hoops to live with me in the UK.

If your lucky enough to have a man willing to do all this then he's worth marrying.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007):

wake up n smell the coffee hun.

Why does he want everything from you.. to him your a ritch, white girl with a passport to a country he cant get into legally. Marriage gets him in.

All he had to do was show you a good time, chat you up, give you the attention you obviously needed and you fell for it.

Look around town like London, Glasgow, Luton... large turkish populations, all of which wont give you a second glance as a white person because theyre already over here.

He's using you simple as.

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A male reader, maxsteel86 United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2007):

maxsteel86 agony auntYou must not have seen many turkish people around the UK have you? Here's the thing: they seriously prefer to be with their own kind! There's so many of them in north London, all the ones in my 6th form they just stuck together speaking turkish. And they're as rude as hell. They hang out with you and when there's another turk around (doesn't matter if they know them or not) they go and talk in their own language for hours. Total buttwipes (the ones I've met so far anyway and that's quite a few!)

Here's my point. As soon as he gets his citizenship, he'll change especially once he starts meeting other turkish people.

I know you'll follow your own heart and stuff but do me a favour. If you decide to marry him and after about 5 years, he doesn't start treating you like crap, drop me a message! It'll change my outlook on those folk which might be a good thing

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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom + , writes (6 February 2007):

AskEve agony auntWhen I read your question I had alarm bells ring inside me right away. For one, why is it YOU are always the one going over to see him? Why don't you ask him over on HOLIDAY to start with to see you and learn more about your culture? He would be able to come and see you without any bother if it was only for a holiday. If he's genuinely interested in you and loves you like you say then he would have no problem doing that. If he says he can't afford to then THAT should set alarm bells ringing again.

Feel him out and don't let him use that as an excuse. Tell him you'll help with the fare, throw it over to him again and see if he makes another excuse. Tellulah is right love, there are so many foreigners want to get with someone for the UK and marry them ONLY to get into the country.

Try this, why don't you ask him if you can go over there and live with him! (Even if you don't want to, feel him out.) See what he says to that. I think you'll probably find his one aim is to get and live in the UK and the easiest way to do that is to find some poor vulnerable person, use them and get automatic citizenship.

Your boyfriend may be in the minority but if he is truly genuine then he'll agree to come over on holiday, no qualms or he'll jump at the chance for you to stay there with him. Once in the UK, he could even stay for a while and find work for 6 months or so. See if he'll do that! If he comes up with excuses that he can't, then you know he's only using you.

Good luck and let me know how it goes.

Eve

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2007):

TELLULAH agony auntHi

Listen to your family, no if buts or maybe's.

Does he have anything to gain from you financially.

Do you know how many of these guys do this, to do exactlly the thing your family are scared of.

If this guy is genuine, why cant he come over and stay for a while to see how you get on. He could get a work permit surely. He should prove himself to your family and you, if he really loves you that is.

I hope you dont think i'm rude, but how old are you both. Its very hard to make a decision when you are in love, but its really important that you find out more about this man first. You wouldnt be the first lady to have her heart broken, by a good looking foreigner, declaring his undying love.

I'm sorry if I sound hard, but if I save you from getting your heart broke, then it was worth it. And if im wrong then I opoligise.

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A female reader, Pretty and proud United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2007):

Pretty and proud agony auntfollow your heart babe marry him if he is the love of your life. i believe that every couple should be togeether and you have been apart for so long its about time you were together for life

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