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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I often put people up on pedestals and have expectations about how they should behave. Then when they don't live up to my expectations, I'm disappointed. I know it's their life and we're all human, make mistakes, etc. But how can I stop doing this? I've been disappointed in friends before. For example, my one friend had everything going for her and she's so smart, talented, and caring, but then she fell in with the wrong crowd and got caught up with them. She fell for this guy who is a major player and basically threw all of her morals out the window for him and her new group. I know it's her life, but I can't help but feel a little disappointed. (I don't tell her this- we're still friends and all, she deserves a better guy.) I know this sounds like I'm jealous or I'm imposing my own morals on my friends, but how can I be less judging? Or realize that they may not live up to my expectations?
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (6 November 2009):
 Hi there, You can have high expectations of people, but it's very important that you realize that people have to experience life and make choices for themselves that may not be the choices that you might make for yourself. You should try to allow some flexibility in your assessment of what are good things about people and what may be considered bad. People will do well at times and then they may make a bad choice, that does not make them bad people. At any age these things can happen, so give your friends a little less "halo effect", we will all make bad decisions at times, even yourself. Your disappointment in people will lessen and you will appreciate people for who they are and not judge them only for what they may do that is against your grain. Take care, and allow for flaws in your friends.
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (6 November 2009):
 The best relationships are based on mutual love, trust, and respect. You have a problem respecting the choices other people make. If you want to build good relationships, you need to be at peace not only with other people but also with yourself. When you are at peace you can accept people for who they are, not who you wish them to be.
Find some inner peace, and the respect for other people will follow, which will lead to those really solid relationships. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (6 November 2009):
 I dont think you act this way because you are jealous.
I think you act like this because you care way too much of others around you.
Its good to have expectations of yourself but dont expect too much from others.
You will end up dissapointed if you expect people around you to act a certain way -like you say they are only human and will make mistakes.
Being judgemental of others is not an attractive quality remember you dont know why people act the way they do unless you have lived their life and their emotions. You might not know what they have truly been through.
Try and see it from a new viewpoint from now.
If someone dissapoints you see it as their opportunity to learn something and become better people.
Alot of successful, talented, people have made mistakes in their life which caused those around them to be dissapointed for a short while. BUT they turned those mistakes around to become better people.
Stopping your behaviour will take some time but you have shown you feel guilty for being like this so its a good sign.
I would suggest in future you continue to advise your friends but if they choose their own way then continue to be there for them but refrain from judging and look at it from a new perspective, the one offered above.
Hope this helps!
Goodluck!
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A
female
reader, Plexi +, writes (6 November 2009):
 Could it be because you have high expectations of yourself and you see your friends as mirrors of you? You see when your friends fail to be " perfect" or as you expected them to be you see their failure as reflections of your own vulnerability and imperfection. Would allowing your friends to make mistakes make you feel like you are also allowed to be less then perfect and that's what you are truly afraid of?
Perhaps deal first with the high standards you have on yourself and the fact that you are human just as they are:)
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