A
female
age
13-15,
anonymous
writes:im 14 and i had an abortion in February, and know im depressed and want a baby.what do i do? please help me.i have never been this depressed in my life before please please help me
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abortion, depressed, want a baby Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (6 November 2009):
 I am so very sorry for you. What you are feeling is grief, because someone close to you has gone now. It is completely natural to feel this, and to feel that you want another baby. To be honest, the only real cure for abortion is another baby, or babies. However, you are too young now to have a baby, so you need help - a lot of help - to get you through these days of grief, and to help you become strong again (so that then you can have your next baby - when it is a good time to do so).
You very much need professional counselling and help as soon as possible, sweetheart. You need to talk to people who understand what has happened to you, and who can genuinely help you to cope with your feelings, and look forward to the rest of your life. I don't know who you talked to about the abortion, and who organised it for you, but they probably won't be very sympathetic now, or won't know what to say (eg, if it was your mum, she possibly hasn't had an abortion and doesn't really know what you're feeling). I think you should ring or email right now this helpline - it is for girls in exactly your situation:
http://www.lifecharity.org.uk/
Helpline
0800 915 4600
Text-to-Talk
07786 200 330
Email
[email address blocked]
The women here are really so nice and kind, and they will definitely help you.
I am so sorry again, because nobody tells you before you have an abortion how you will really feel afterwards. They thought they were doing you a favour and looking after you by getting the abortion for you, I know, but I also know that they aren't the ones going through it, and now sadly you are left trying to deal with your feelings. But you will get better, in time, I promise. Call that number right now if you can, or when you get chance.
Email me if I can help any more.
nx
A
female
reader, ffogalilly  + ♥, writes (6 November 2009):
You need to get help! I'm 28 and I had an abortion in April, and for awhile I was a total wreck, but I didn't want another baby. Having an abortion just opened my eyes and showed me that children are not for me. You're 14, don't run out and get yourself pregnant again, that is not the answer, you need to seek out professional help, after my abortion I did see a counselor and still see her once a week. You're still coming down from the hormones, I remember what that was like, it just keeps building and building until you finally lash out.I think about my son, he would've been born this month, but I knew that I could not raise a baby alone. Please get help, don't run out and get pregnant again, you need to live your life before you decide to have kids, get on birth control, Mirena etc.
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A
female
reader, Starlights + ♥, writes (6 November 2009):
 I am sad to hear this, sadly this abortion is something you will never forget.
Of course you will want your baby back -but remember why you did the abortion in the first place? im assuming its because you are so young and its not the right time.
You have to think you've done right by that baby. Abortion is never an easy choice. You have to stay strong.
But you can overcome this depression, if you go to your GP they can refer you to a qualified counselor. You need to see someone soon to get the right treatment.
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A
female
reader, alwayznd4eva116 + ♥, writes (6 November 2009):
 well im 18, and had an abortion in march. i was almost four months. i really didnt wanna get rid of it but i did what my bf told me to do. he told me i needed to finish skool before havin a baby. but afterwards i was soo mad i listened to him, because it was MY decision. i didnt listen to my heart and even months later, i think about my poor baby that didnt ask to be concieved and i went and killed it. i was soo mad. even more mad at my bf. he purposely got me pregnant, then talked me into abortion. like wtf? he neva had an explanation for me, and now im done with him. on one part, i thank God i didnt keep it because the father ended up bein an asshole. but i still feel guilty. i feel the same way yu do. and i still want a baby..maybe now more then ever. but skool is important, so finish then get a good job. yu culd always have a baby, but skool comes first.
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A
female
reader, d-m_girl  +, writes (5 November 2009):
 Sweety, think about it logically.Is your body really ready to handle a healthy pregnancy?Most women arent physically mature enough until at least 18.Now i can tell you, yes its normal to want a baby after an abortion. I know... i've had one. But its not that you want *A* baby, its that you want *your* baby back. Because remember, it was a part of you. So you were emotionally attatched to it.But also are you really ready for a baby yet? and would you not prefer to have the funds to look after it correctly? and your own house? and a father for it?When i had my abortion, i wanted my baby back aswell. and i was so depressed, i wanted to kill myself.I can suggest one thing. Funnily enough about a 3 and a half months later, my best friends cat had kittens. And he offered me one.I ended up taking one of the kittens home with me. A little boy =]I treated him like i would have my baby.And he is now 1 1/2 years old, and he's just the best to come home to every day.He meows at the door when im opening it, coming home from work.He sleeps with me on my bed at night uderneath my blankets, and basically cuddles me.He misses me like a child would their parent.And if you put enough time into it, you can teach them to do things, and to be obediant like a child would be.Like my cat. He plays fetch, and he talks to me when i talk to him. He sits down for food on my command. He comes to bed when i tell him to. He comes inside when i tell him to aswell.And he does alot of other things to.But my main point is, he filled that empty hole inside me, that was eating away at me. So maybe get yourself a kitten, or a puppy to raise.Cats have more personality though and are cleaner.but that wont solve it all... so when you're emotionally ready to open up to someone about it, go see a psycologist. because believe me, if you dont deal with it now, it will slowly eat away at you forever. I left it until not long ago to go see one. and im only just starting to feel completely better.Or if you would like to, email me on here and ill give you my email address so you may talk to me about it.I fell for you sweety. I really do.
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A
female
reader, superdolly +, writes (5 November 2009):
you should go to your doctor or talk to a friend but definitely please dont have a child until you are old enough to pay for it and look after it properly it would be really selfish i know its hard to say but instead of longing after a baby you should go and do things that people your age do. you will have to live with this and youre already starting to feel the regret so go do something constructive you go to school get your grades have fun like people your age do and then bring a baby into the world you need a life plan dont stay in and be alone.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy + ♥, writes (5 November 2009):
You need to tell someone you feel this way, and you need to get therapy as quickly as you can. I'm sorry you're in this situation, but don't suffer in silence. There are specialist groups and specialist counsellors who are trained to handle this and who can help you. Be brave and ask for help, even if it's just from your mum initially or your doctor, so you can receive the care you need.
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A
female
reader, marieclaire  +, writes (5 November 2009):
 you should tell your doctor and he can refer you to counselling. it's important you deal with these feelings
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A
female
reader, tumelo  +, writes (5 November 2009):
i had an abortion last week im still bleeding and cramp on my low abds, i need 2 ask you a question, how long did you bleed after ur procedure is it normal to bleed for more than 7 days, its light sometimes stops then comes again, dont have appetite, please help. im not ready to have another baby, but sometimes i ask myself why i did it, i want my baby back i have strange feelings.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): I have to ask - if you wanted a baby why did you have an abortion?
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga + ♥, writes (5 November 2009):
 I would urge you to speak to your mum, and get her to help you to make an appointment with the nearest health clinic to you where they will have groups you can go to and sit in on them to talk.
I think it is important to understand why you had this abortion and also to understand that having a baby so soon after this is not a good idea.
Someone in the nursing profession that is usually present in these groups can help you to understand this.
It is very important to seek help as your very vulnerable right now and i feel the sooner you can get to speak to someone in the nursing profession the better,I would also urge you to see your GP to get something to help you with your depression, it is understandable why you feel as you do, and it is also very important that you get the right treatment for this because you are very young and emotionally not ready for all this, you take care.
Gina
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A
female
reader, witch-fire +, writes (5 November 2009):
 Ok, before we adress the issue of depression; you are 14 sweetheart and shouldn't even be thinking about having children. I've only just started and I'm 21 but know I'm a long way off having them.
Depression can happen after abortion. It's quite common. I would go to your GP and ask for advise on depression. They are your best bet. Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, RosesAreRed86 +, writes (5 November 2009):
God, you're 14 and had an abortion? So presumably you started having sex when you were 13? Wow, you are way, way, way, way too young to be having sex or having a baby. Frankly I'm a little appalled. At your age, you are probably not even capable of taking care of yourself, let alone another person.
With that said, your depression is completely normal. The reason you've never been this depressed before in your life is because nothing this significant has ever happened to you before. The only cure for this type of depression is time, and more time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): The best you can do is think maybe you can have a baby when your a little older but wait for a while(please.) Maybe go to therapy and let it all out. So so sorry this is what you are going through hun.
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