A
female
age
26-29,
*etUp
writes:(This is my first time on this site. I'm sorry that this is so long.)The reason I'm writing this is partially to try and sort my thoughts out (even though I've already spent countless nights doing that). But I'd also like a bit of insight from more experienced people.So there’s this guy (there’s always a guy, isn’t there), and I think about him all the damn time. I’ve liked him for about 6-7 years now. When I was younger I’d ALWAYS play Manhunt with him and our other friends (also guys, but that’s besides the point). We’d always joke around, eat lunch together, play video games together, and everything was dandy. I never told him my feelings though.There was one time, however, when I mustered up all my courage and admitted I liked him in Gr. 6 (I was moving so I thought I would never see him again, which didn’t turn out to be true). His reaction ripped my heart apart. He burst out laughing, backed away from me, and said "Good riddance!" in a joking way. I knew he was only kidding around, but....still. It hurt.Fast forward to the present, I’m really confused. We both go to the same high school, and in Gr. 10, I started hanging out with him and the same group of guy friends again. After not seeing him for 2 years (when I moved), I feel like he’s changed a bit. He slacks off in school, he's always super nervous during class presentations, and I'm getting the impression that he doesn't like homosexuals. This is the complete opposite of the kind of boys I’m interested in. I love hard working, confident, and open minded guys.Sooo… do I actually like him? Or do I like who he used to be? I mean, he’s still funny and it’s not like he’s stupid. He just doesn’t try in school. But to be very honest, I don’t want to like him anymore. It’s been over 6 years! I need to move on because this kind of love is actually so stupid, but my mind always finds its way back to him. So I’m just waiting until I fall out of love, but I don’t even know if that’s possible because….it’s been over 6 years, and I still like him. I’ve never really liked anyone else before. Is that normal? Is this just attachment? Not love? I have no idea because I’ve never dated before (is THAT normal?)Also, my friend Mike told me that my crush used to like me when we were younger, but when I confronted him about this he said it wasn’t true. I tried to give up after that but... it’s no good. I told one of my friends about my situation and she told me that I should just confess to him and live my youth. The thing is though, there’s no point in confessing because I don’t want to date him. It’s not like a relationship would ever last, because after high school we’ll probably just go our separate ways.Ugh, I’m feeling really superficial about this whole thing. I feel like a complete idiot for worrying about something this stupid. But I just wanna know if I actually like this guy or not.(Please ask me questions if this story is too confusing)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (24 November 2011):
 Hi there!
Do not feel like an idiot for worrying about this, its not stupid at all. Alot of people have gone through the same issue your going through now.
I will put this simple. The way I can tell if i really like a guy is if i like his good and bad side! because love essentially is when you can see past someones flaws and accept them and love them as they are.
Everyone changes as they grow up so have you and so has he.
You say that you dont want to date him if you had the chance, so to me it sounds as if you dont really love him because of the fear it wont last.
You've had a strong attachment to him from when you were a child so letting go is not so easy in your mind.
I hope this helps!
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