A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i am in therapy trying to get over a relationship i have had with a married man for the past fifteen years. we actually broke it off (i did as i always did) a year ago but started speaking again this year. i became very threatened by a friendship (?) he began with a close friend of mine. she is married and was very secretive about it. i immediately went into therapy so i could handle it and stop obsessing. just this past month she told me he has prostrate cancer. i was devasted by the news and later jealous that he told her and not me. nevertheless i called him and left him a voice mail. i was quite upset and said i was sorry for hurting him and hoped and prayed he would be okay and hung up. i saw him that week and he totally snubbed me and has ever since. i can only surmise his wife heard the voice mail, even though it was not an answering machine. i cannot get over the guilt in this. to make matters worse, the so called friend of mine still talks to him and i am in the middle of all of this. my therapist has done his best to build up my confidence and to gradually break off the friendhsip with this woman. however, it is eating me up that his wife may have heard the message and i can't get over the guilt. what do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2007): I agree with the other aunts. However, my concern is that you are still obsessing over this married man who clearly does not want you, he is married. You have really wasted 15 long years of your life on a dead end affair with a man that has been unavailable to you. You have much deeper issues to resolve that have nothing to do with him and I hope that you continue with your therapy. Try not to waste 15 years and one more day thinking about him, start working on you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni feel so much better by the answers or roy and beautifullove. they are the most honest and sincere answers i've had in a long time.
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers  +, writes (14 April 2007):
 It sounds like this man is a bit of a player. You and possibly your friend?
Guilt..Maybe you have done his wife a favour? He maybe going through a hard time with his prostate cancer, but if he has been messing around behind her back for this amount of time, then surely she has a right to know. Whether it be by accident or some other way? Would'nt you want to know about something like that?
You seem like you have learnt from your mistakes by calling it off with him, dont go back down that road by getting jealous of your mate. You have to leave him behind you as he does'nt sound like he is good for your health.
You should feel a certain amount of guilt, but not for the phone call, but for the 15 years you were seeing him behind his wives back.
You are better off forgetting him and start to build your confidence again and find someone who isnt married so that you can be happier than you have been in the past.
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A
female
reader, beautifulllove +, writes (14 April 2007):
 Well im not going to judge and i hope you dont think i am but shouldnt you have more guilt over the relationship between you two than a voice message plus you don't need him and if she found out she deserved to i found out a month ago the 16th that my fiance was cheating on me and i almost married him ifeel sorry for you that you were in that situation and hes wife as well and my advise is that you break off any sorce connecting you to the past situations with him and may be you should frist easy your self and call the so called friend and ask if hes wife found out about you in any way; if he told her other things than he must have said something but i think that he may been upset over the voice mail and hes wife didnt hear it because that would have ment him cutting off contact with you and any other but he didnt so hes probley just butt hurt over the voice mail but dont let that bring you down your better than that and deep down you know that you are now go look in the mirror because your beautiful and i wish you all the luck in the world.
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