A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why is it easier to blame things on someone else when things don't go as one has planned? When there is an arguement betweem my fiancee and myself, no matter who has started he blames always it on me. He brings up the past of me and tells me how it was my fault for this and that. I asked him to stop doing that, but he just continues. It hurts to hear how bad one is for the decisions one made. Ie, Like, I didn't complete university but worked to pay loans off and saved money to start scool all over again--feeling a bit of load of the shoulder yet he managed to make me feel like crap for having that decison. Yet, he brings it up when there is a spat. I avoid saying things like that, and am just quiet, while he continues to bicker.Ie, He tripped over the cord from the laptop and then it crashed from the table onto the floor breaking,he blamed it all on me that it was my fault leaving the computer there. He just manages to find small things and put the blame on me even if it was not me at fault. I am trying my best to communicate my feelings to him but he does not understand it at all because he is to focused on my wrong doings.
View related questions:
fiance, money, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2007): You bf sounds like an unhappy, angry, abusive man. His behaviours are saying a lot about who he is. I am sorry...but your bf is making his feelings quite clear...it's apparent he doesn't like you very much, isn't it? All this blaming and criticisms..that is so unhealthy and this is not a functional, loving way to conduct a quality relationship. So why are you tolerating all this crap by being in a relationship with someone who treats you like dirt? Because you love him? So I have to ask you, what is it about that makes you love and feel attracted to a guy who treats you like this? I think that you need to do a ton of reflection and soul-searching here. We know your bf has some problems but look into yourself as well. It may be that you yourself, have emotional problems that need healing. A lack of self-love is usually dominates these type of relationships. When one is loving themself, one is motivated to attract to find partners who treat them with respect and partners who know how to love them in a healthy, giving, mature way. For some reason you don't feel that you are 'good enough' because if you did..his ass would've hit the curb a long time ago. Real, quality good love should not be this way. Get some help for yourself to understand why you feel you don't deserve the best. As for the bf, you have to make the decision as yto whether you want a future like this with him. It couldbe a painful life path you are on. Once the sresses of children, mortgages and marriage come along, you may be stuck and it will be tougher to get out of a situation like this. Think about your own happiness and if he's really the one for you. I don't think he is. You can do better. Good luck, sweety and I do wish you the best...stay strong
A
female
reader, Enzian  +, writes (16 April 2007):
 For me it seems that you two have some conversation difficults. He is not able to listen to you and he is probably not able to speak about his feelings. It can not go on like this forever. You two should sit together and talk. Make an appointment for it and plan enough time for it. Both of you must have a time to just speak about his/hers feelings and say how things look in his/her eyes. And the otherone has to just listen without comments, only ask for things which are not clear. Maybe both of you will realise what is wrong. But for this both of you must be willing to try to understand the other part.
...............................
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (16 April 2007):
 He needs an anger management course or seek some professional guidance. He is putting all of HIS worries onto you by blaming you for every little thing which may go wrong, whether it is your fault or not.
Until he can control his rage he will continue to use you as target for all of his stresses and everyday worries.
It is easier to blame someone else for something coz that way you are not responsible for it and it makes you feel better. Not realising what it does to the other person of course.
Is he stressed by something which he may not be telling you about?
Create a calming atmosphere and discuss as best you can without putting him on the spot and tell him how you feel when he blames you for these petty things.
Ultimately if he cant admit this problem then counselling is an option, but that is not everyones cup of tea, even tho it can get alot of things into and open improve a relationship tenfold.
If this goes out the window, you need to re-think where you stand in the relationship and if it worth spending the rest of your life with a grown up with the anger of a teenager.
x
...............................
|
