A
female
age
41-50,
*rispap
writes:Awhile back I made the mistake of starting a relationship with a totally emotionally unavailable man. I say this because 1)He hardly had any free time because of his work and late shifts(this I checked is true) 2)He is a relationship phobic. He wanted his freedom and space but would always be mysterious as to what he is doing and what he wants. Finally, 3) Turns out he was separated at the time he was dating me, something I found out later. Now I know you are going to say, "why deal with all this crap?" Well I was too hooked by the time I realized all this yet I did attempt to date other men and eventually met someone. Meanwhile,I felt him getting closer to me. He would act really jealous if I went out, would send me sweet texts everyday, and would be all over me when came to see me. The passion was extreme and I could tell by the way he looked at me and touched me that he was hooked too. I attempted to tell him I met someone new so he would maybe fear losing me and wake up and do something! I didn't know if it was worth waiting it out with him or if I should move on with the new guy. Instead he just quietly sulked, acted happy for me and backed away but begged me to keep in touch with him, continued flirting with me and telling me he doesn't want to lose me. Then he starts missing me but after I go on vacation and come back I find out he got back with his wife! Huh? I confront him as to why he didn't just tell me and he admitted to not wanting to lose me. I had already moved on by then with my new boyfriend as he had asked me to move in with him.Obviously my ex still had feelings for me but I knew it couldn't go anywhere since he chose his wife so I just accepted all that happened and agreed to remain friends. Few weeks go by he disappears then I text him just to see if he is doing well and he starts up with me again texting me everyday and tells me wants to see me. I say ok since things were cool between us and we were now friends but he never shows up! Then he stops again with the texts, I tell him I can't deal with all his drama and stop talking to him but run into him one day and he is all over me hugging me, telling me how beautiful I am, asking me to not forget him, to text him! I feel bad for acting b**chy to him so I send just a few friendly texts just to say hello and he doesn't answer! Then he tells me he doesn't want to hurt my relationship with the new guy.I mean is the guy totally nuts?! What does he want? If he wants to cut me out and can't be friends why ask anything of me? He knows I made a new life for myself with someone else. I mean I care for him and want to be his friend but what can I do? Why is he acting like this? Could it be that he is still not over me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): I think you and i have something in common. Maybe you just want him cos you cant have him, and your not so fussed about the guy you do have cos you know you can have him. im not being critical of you its just a curse some of us girls have to live with.
Obviously you should just have nothing to do with Mr Unavailable because as soon as he realises he can have u , he will lose interest, and will forever break your heart in this unhealthy cycle.No contact is the only way, easier said than done, Im not managing it myself with my emotionally unavailable guy. but good luck maybe u are stronger than me.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (18 October 2009):
 He does it because you let him.
Leave him alone and focus on your relationship. No point wasting time on a guy who has proven that he's all talk and no action.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 October 2009):
He wants to use you for sex and that's it. Stay with your boyfriend and forget about this married guy. He's not worth a moment of your time and you know it. Forget him, don't be his toy.
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