A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a question, if someone that claims he loves you but then never calls, writes, or does anything to initiate contact, do you back off???? Very confused and told that it is your not believing in the love or trusting that is the fault. But when there is no communication, or action showing the care or contact, what do you believe???? Thanks much. Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  + ♥, writes (18 October 2009):
He's not calling, not inititing contact, not writing. If a guy likes you, he falls over himself trying to please you! Your guy isn't doing anything. End it and find a guy who really does love you.
A
female
reader, sappygirl + ♥, writes (18 October 2009):
 Forget what he says. Look at his action. If he is not calling you and showing interest, most likely he "just not into you".
You need to move on. He is dangling a carrot in front of you, so don't chase it.
Men who care and love you will jump hoops for you. His words mean nothing.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  + ♥, writes (18 October 2009):
 Actions speak louder then words.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (18 October 2009):
 People that love each other crave LOTS of contact! They want to be near the love object, talk to them, touch them...especially in the first year or two, that's why it's called the 'honeymoon period'. When we are in love, our bodies release chemicals and endorphines that bond us to one another- it's biological. It's why we procreate and stay together long enough to have children or we wouldn't survive as a species. After the honeymoon period, many relationships fail because then it requires work like communication, commitment, and putting the relationship above each individual's own needs.
If you aren't getting any contact, then this process isn't happening at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): Hi
Well, if you ask for the moonlight and violin and gondola rides while you sip champagne to the music of a string quartet and then he doesn't comply... well, that can be a possible point in the favor of the man. But, calling, writing, etc are elementary communication! That is essential. How are we to know that we still matter, and how are you two to share your life together, if there is no idea what the other one is upto?
Yeah, either he overstates his love for or he is indeed juggling two women. Men are under the impression that all they have to say in order to get inside a woman's knickers is that they love them.
Move on. Find yourself another man who will want to communicate. Of course that will take time, so the sooner you begin, the greater your chances.
Love :)
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 + ♥, writes (18 October 2009):
 I would have to say that if he's neglecting you and avoiding you, no matter what he says, its obvious that you are not on his priority list. Now of course I do not know the context of how this message was delivered. As in, "I love you as a friend" type of statement. Or similar context.
But love as in intimate, trusting love ... I'd have to say he's either in the missing persons column, or you best check hospitals and morgues. If he's still alive and well, I'd write him off.
This is not showing love. Love ordinarily involves communications, trust, emotional connections and intimacy.
Being aloof and distant amounts to emotional abandonment. Maybe you should start shopping for a new significant other.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady + ♥, writes (18 October 2009):
 Yes. Someone who loves you shows it as much as they can. Words without actions are nothing but hot air.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  + ♥, writes (18 October 2009):
 He either has great difficulty with intimacy (and communication is part of an intimate relationship) or he is simply juggling more than one woman and trying to keep you at a distance while he entertains the other one. You cannot build a good, solid romantic relationship if you are guessing at things most of the time.
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