He told me I had no "presence" as in when I was in a room I didn’t stand out and faded into the background.
Q. Sorry this is quite long! I went on a date last night with a guy who I've fancied for a while and who I was getting signals from, as in he kept asking in a roundabout way if I had a boyfriend and said a couple of times I looked "cute". I was to...
A. 15 October 2008: Do you really need this complexity in your life? If you are recovering from a difficult break up do you really think it's wise to date someone who makes you doubt yourself and whose every move you are questioning? I don't.
This guy sounds a... (read in full...)
We split up 5 months ago but he won't move out!!!!
Q. I split with my boyfriend (and father of my 3 year old twins) 5 months ago after years of him lying and stealing from me but he still won't move out. Nothing has changed, I still do all the cooking and cleaning and look after the twins by myself, ...
A. 15 October 2008: I think it's time you embraced your inner 'bad guy'. What incentive does this guy have to leave? You cook for him, clean his house, look after his kids. He gets to see the twins anytime he likes and you are allowed no expectations of him because you ... (read in full...)
How do you get your husband to open his eyes and see what he is throwing away?
Q. How do you get your husband to open his eyes and see what he is throwing away? My husband told me he didn't think he loved me anymore. He told me this about 2 weeks ago. Up to that point he was giving me kisses in the morning and at night and ...
A. 15 October 2008: I agree with both the last posters. I think your husband is at the very least 'entertaining' the idea of an affair...if he hasn't already done something. God, how many times is it a female 'friend' who is listening to him, providing a shoulder for ... (read in full...)
New love disrupted by jealous ex
Q. I have been seeing a man I have know for a while for the past 4 weeks, and it is really special and lovely. I was friendly with the 39 year old Mother of his child who has been trying to pair us off for a long time (I was too cautious), but since I ...
A. 15 October 2008: Your post makes me want to tell you to RUN. You are all adults but what you are describing sounds like schoolyard crap. You can decide whether you want to 'play games' with this man and the 'mother of the child' or not. There is obviously a long ... (read in full...)
I'm in a 5 year relationship, phone this girl and she says "I didn't know he had a girlfriend!!!"
Q. ok, i been dating my bf for 5 years and 4 months ago he and some friends went to a club and i dont have a problem with that but i noticed he was often hiding his phone when i was around and one day i asked to see it, he said hold on and was deleting ...
A. 15 October 2008: DANGER!!! Sorry honey but this is a BIG RED FLAG....you can't ignore this!
Your BF may not have actually "cheated" but his behaviour is indicative of being vulnerable to do it - and probably as soon as the opportunity arises from what you desc... (read in full...)
I thought it was my 'dream job', but since starting it my life has felt so empty. I feel alone and worthless and it is getting hard to put on a fake smile - what should I do?
Q. I thought i had it all the perfect friends the perfect man and the perfect job .... i worked all my life to get the job i have now and at the end of the day I'm so miserable! my job took me away from home so i grew distant with my friends and my ...
A. 14 October 2008: You have two choices...accept this and do nothing or make some changes. I agree with SaraOwen, it does sound from your post that you are experiencing some form of depression - and that may actually be stopping you from being able to assess the ... (read in full...)
Is this a trust issue and should or could this effect our future marriage?
Q. my Fiance and I have been together for 1.5 years and are incredibly happy. I have always had a weird intuition about a relationship in his past and just recently found out they got pregnant and got an abortion. He hasn't talked to her since this ...
A. 14 October 2008: I also can understand why you would feel some 'mistrust' and worry about what he 'might' keep from you - but I'm not convinced that this scenario is a 'red flag' or that your future with him could be affected.
There was no purpose for him in tell... (read in full...)
His wife gave him permission from day one to have sex outside their relationship... and it's with me. He says he loves me and we're friends. What do you think?
Q. So I am in an interesting situation. For the last 4 years I have been romatically involved with a man. We have absolutely amazing sex and we click so perfectly that people constantly wonder if we are married. Ok so now the catch, He has been in ...
A. 14 October 2008: I think the other aunts and uncles have made some valid points - and I agree with most of it so am not going to repeat it.
I wanted to pose a question or two to you.
Where do YOU see this going? What would you like to see happen with this 're... (read in full...)
How do I go about living with someone again and trusting them?
Q. hello I am almost 46 yrs was married for 16 years which ended around 10 years ago leaving me with a settlement which got me somewhere to live which was mine (no mortgage) then i met my recent ex partner - sold my house , put the money into one w...
A. 13 October 2008: It's really hard when you have been so badly burnt - trust is something we take for granted until it is broken - then it is so hard to ever find again.
It sounds like you are conscious of not making your recent partner suffer because of the acti... (read in full...)
I just found out I have a teenaged son I knew nothing about - how do I tell my wife and our children, and how do I talk to this other child?
Q. Alright im going to try to make this short as possible. Ok, when I was in my early 20s I had a friend that I was really close to. He had a sister that was I'm guessing 6 years younger than him (I can't rember). So she had a thing for me, but of c...
A. 13 October 2008: It's not like you had an affair that resulted in this child you knew nothing about. You were practically a kid yourself when this ONS happened. You should be upfront with your wife about all of this - especially if you are intending to have some ... (read in full...)
I wanted some closure - but do you think he thinks I want him back now?
Q. Does my ex think I'm trying to get him back? I broke up with my ex a year ago. Shortly after the breakup i changed my phone number so he would stop harassing me. He was emailing me up until July-so i changed my email in July. Well, on Saturday i ...
A. 8 October 2008: We always want 'closure' - or to hear the person who wronged us admit it....we want them to actually "get" what they did to us, how it felt etc. The problem is, they are never likely to be able to do it in the way we want..as they have their own ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant after a one night stand. Should I tell the guy? Should I tell my father? I feel so stupid, what am I going to do?
Q. should i tell a guy that im pregnant if it was a one night stand? i know his name, where he lives but i dont know how to approach him, or what to say. Im not sure what im going to do, i havent told anybody, is that wise? and if i do tell my father ...
A. 8 October 2008: Hey there. This is a really difficult situation to be in - and I can understand why you are feeling so overwhelmed and confused about what to do! Have you got anyone you can confide in and ask for support? This isn't something you should try and ... (read in full...)
My husband left me, and won't return my calls. What do I do?
Q. I've been married for 2 years my husband left me n said he cant live with me anymore I really love him and want him home we have a 3 year old girl aswell. he won't cum n pick his gear up or answer my calls or txts I have supported him finacially ...
A. 7 October 2008: Hey, this must be really awful for you - I am sorry you're going through this. How confusing and devastating.
I don't think there is a whole lot you can do - he obviously is wanting some 'space' and until he is ready to talk to you you are unfo... (read in full...)
How do I get him to shape up?
Q. so me and my guy have been on and off FOREVER! i love him and i know he loves me. so heres the problem hes so wishy washy and changes his mind all the time. hes affarid to grow up and accept respondibility for any thing. we both know we have issues ...
A. 7 October 2008: A friend of mine once said to me 'the biggest predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour'...
I'm not saying your man can't shape up...but he has to want to - he has to prioritise your relationship and care about meeting you half way.
Sound... (read in full...)
Told him I miss him and he said I shouldn't miss him because he doesn't deserve it and asked me to not fall in love with him because that truly scares him and he doesn't want to hurt me.
Q. I am completely perplexed. I have been dating my boyfriend for going on five months now and I was just starting to fall for him hard though I have not told him I love him. We weren't able to get together this weekend because he spends every other ...
A. 7 October 2008: Hi, it sounds to me that this man of yours comes with a little 'baggage'...which is not surprising given he has had a marriage break up. Chances are he hasn't really processed what happened and what it means for him properly - and is now 'scared' of ... (read in full...)
I'm the other woman. Your opinions?
Q. i dont know what my purpose is in asking other people's opinions because i know what what your opinions will be... i guess i want everyone to reiterate what i already know...that cheating's bad...blah blah blah.. anywhooo, here it goes: i current...
A. 7 October 2008: Good on you...take each day at a time - but I think one day you will be really pleased you decided to end this now. Good luck - I hope that lovely single "Mr Right" is just around the corner for you and your baby too.... (read in full...)
I'm the other woman. Your opinions?
Q. i dont know what my purpose is in asking other people's opinions because i know what what your opinions will be... i guess i want everyone to reiterate what i already know...that cheating's bad...blah blah blah.. anywhooo, here it goes: i current...
A. 1 October 2008: Why do cheating husbands and their OW always say 'their wives can't fulfill a certain need'? Stop speculating on what his wife can and can't do in her relationship and have a look at yourself instead.
You're kidding yourself...the reason he is not ... (read in full...)
Can a marriage survive when sex is so important to one person and so not important to the other?
Q. My husband and I have not had sex in 5 months. I am pregnant - 6 months pregnant. We have other children and have been married for six years. We have gone to counseling for our marriage because we do not have sex nearly as often as I would like. ...
A. 1 October 2008: It sounds like you have alot going through your head right now - and being pregnant and probably 'overly emotional' all this 'stuff' would seem HUGE. Don;t get me wrong, I'm not downplaying your concerns - just acknowledging that you may be coping ... (read in full...)
Is my husband cheating on me?
Q. My husband has gone away once every month with a lady he works with. I found out and confronted him about 7 months ago and he told me he was truly sorry but since then he has continued to do so. He tells me he is going one place and then ends up ...
A. 30 September 2008: I think your 'gut' is telling you to be worried for a reason, and you should listen to that.
The thing that bothers me most about this situation is that you have told your husband how bad you feel about him having this 'friendship' with a fema... (read in full...)
My husband is texting a female colleague frequently, he says it's work-related. Should I be suspicious?
Q. hi, my partner keeps texting a woman from his work, i have seen his phone bill and he has replied 250 texts in one month to her, should i be suspicious? he says he was only asking for her help at work when he didn't know how to do something....
A. 27 September 2008: Yep, if your gut is telling you to be suspiscious (which I think posting this question on this site indicates) then you should definately trust it. 250 texts for a work issue...doesn't sound plausible to me. ... (read in full...)
Would you say I was alcohol dependant?
Q. I find I have alot more confidence when I have a drink in me, as I am usually shy and prefer to sit in the corner un-noticed. But as soon as I have a drink, I love meeting and chatting. Does this mean I am alcohol dependant?...
A. 25 September 2008: Hi,
I would say no - my guess is you are socially anxious or socially phobic and like many people who are, you are using alcolhol to numb your anxiety and drop your inhibitions. The problem with that is - you are only masking the symptoms and not ... (read in full...)
Is their any way of overcoming this shyness and if - how? Can you tell me?
Q. Hello agony aunts, I seem to have problems talking to girls. is their any advice you can give me into asking girls out ? I see my friends talking and getting numbers off girls on the streets, but i am unable to do it as something keeps on holding m...
A. 24 September 2008: Sadly many, many, many people live their lives with social anxiety (often thought of as 'shyness'),which can effect both personal and professional relationships - and can be very stressful for the sufferer.
I'm not sure if this is what you have... (read in full...)
He accuses me of going on dating sites to meet men!
Q. pls can someone tell me why my partner constantly accuses me of going on dating sites, meeting men and sleeping with them. i have in the past been to chat sites and chatted, flirted a little but that is all its been, and only went there when we fell ...
A. 24 September 2008: This is a hard situtaion to be in and resolve isn't it! Do you know if your husband's trust issues stem from being cheated on in past relationships...or whether maybe one of his parents was a cheater? The reason I ask is that they seem pretty ... (read in full...)
Why do guys only like skinny, slutty girls and why don't they like overweight girls, who are great people on the inside? Any insights?
Q. i want to know why guys are so mean and picky that they only like skinny girls that are slutty and why they don't like overweight girls. It really hurts my feelings that they judge me based on the way that i look and not whats on the inside, I ...
A. 24 September 2008: Hey there,
I tend to agree with what alot of the posters are saying. It's not as black and white and "weight".
We live in an increasingly 'visual' world - there are ads with glamourous, skinny woman on every bit of space available - so we are k... (read in full...)
This guy I like has a two kids with his girlfriend, but says he wants to get to know me better. Should I?
Q. i have feelings for a guy and he also has feelings for me.i been talking to him for about a month now and about two weeks ago he told me that he has a two year old little girl and a seven month baby and he also lives he with his babies mother.now he ...
A. 24 September 2008: You should continue to ignore his calls. No matter how sweet he is he is playing a dangerous game with you. What you are describing is the 'classic' beginning phase of most affairs. I would bet the mother of those babies has no idea he is 'unhappy' ... (read in full...)
I am truly in love with my teacher. How can I become friends with him?
Q. I am truly in love with my teacher, and it's more than a crush. He is about 20 years old than me, happily married with two kids. Obviously it's never going to work out, and I know that, but I am always day dreaming about him and have actual dreams ...
A. 24 September 2008: On one hand you are being very sensible and realistic - you are looking at the situation for what it is, a schoolgirl crush. Like Shandygirl says, these crushes are pretty common. I am sure your feelings are very real which is what makes it harder ... (read in full...)
HOw do I fall out of love with the man I am having an affair with?
Q. Hi, I'm having an affair with a married man....yes i'm married too. we're friends and about two years ago we stepped over that line. .....I've always thought that people who have affairs are cold people only thinking of themselves and vowed...
A. 19 September 2008: I don;t know if 'falling out of love' with him will be possible.
I'm no expert in this area, but it seems that most affairs start out like you describe - as sex, a bit of a thrill and the good feeling that brings - but it also seems that very ofte... (read in full...)
Married man 'says' he wants to be with me....
Q. I'm going to start from the beginning...so bare with me please! I met this guy and we started talking. He was in town for business...and lives a couple hours away from me. We just talked, nothing sexual happened. We talked all night long, and it ...
A. 19 September 2008: No advice will take the pain you feel right now away - but take heart in knowing that you found out what sort of guy he was early...and things between the two of your hadn't gotten more entangled. You're lucky - in time you'll realise that.
You just... (read in full...)
What can I say to him to make him go back to the way we were?
Q. I'm sorry if this is really long, but it's sort of tough to fit it in a short thing. Basically, this is what is happening. I have been friends with a guy for about 2 years. Last year he and I were together alot because we are part of the same ...
A. 18 September 2008: Hey there,
Firstly - good on you for taking a risk, lots of people would not have taken a chance and been honest about what they were feeling for fear of rejection - you should be proud of yourself. I know now you are regretting doing it - beca... (read in full...)
What can I say to him to make him go back to the way we were?
Q. I'm sorry if this is really long, but it's sort of tough to fit it in a short thing. Basically, this is what is happening. I have been friends with a guy for about 2 years. Last year he and I were together alot because we are part of the same ...
A. 18 September 2008: Hey there,
Firstly - good on you for taking a risk, lots of people would not have taken a chance and been honest about what they were feeling for fear of rejection - you should be proud of yourself. I know now you are regretting doing it - beca... (read in full...)
Should I tell my sister about her husband or not?
Q. My brother-in-law was driving my sister and I home (we all had been drinking) my sister fell asleep in the back of the car and them my brother-in-law started massaging my neck in a kind of erotic way - I pretended to be asleep as I was kind of ...
A. 18 September 2008: Hmmm, this is a difficult question. My thoughts are that I'm not sure telling your sister would be constructive - she may be annoyed at you rather than him and he is going to either deny it or blame you.....and what is telling her going to do?
Y... (read in full...)
I have just found out my husband has never divorced his first wife.!
Q. I just found out my husband of three years has been lying to me about everything possible, and the kicker, I just found out he never divorced his first wife. He got married in California the first time but we went to Las Vegas,Nevada and eloped.Is ...
A. 18 September 2008: Hi meme77, woah - finding that out must have been a total shock! Who does that? Does he know you have found out?
I am not well versed in the in's and out's of the law, but I suspect your marriage would not be seen as legal. My advice to you is to c... (read in full...)
I am the other girl and I want him to get caught cheating because I hate his girlfriend! How do I get caught on purpose?
Q. I am the other girl. Slowly i'm realizing that he's a complete jerk and this all might not be worth it. I do enjoy being the other girl because I hate his girlfriend. How can i GET caught on purpose?? I want her to know, I want him to get caught. I ...
A. 16 September 2008: Well anon with all the ideas...I wonder how you'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Have you had any success at securing long-term, fullfilling relationships using the techniques you describe?? I doubt it. Ever been in a committed ... (read in full...)
I am the other girl and I want him to get caught cheating because I hate his girlfriend! How do I get caught on purpose?
Q. I am the other girl. Slowly i'm realizing that he's a complete jerk and this all might not be worth it. I do enjoy being the other girl because I hate his girlfriend. How can i GET caught on purpose?? I want her to know, I want him to get caught. I ...
A. 13 September 2008: I reckon you hate yourself, AND you don't hate the girlfriend at all...you're jealous of her.
Is there anything constructive that can come from 'getting caught on purpose"? Have you asked yourself what it is you want from that? I suspect that if t... (read in full...)
Married a year ago but have been with my partner for 5. The passion seems to have completely drained out of our relationship and I'm contemplating divorce!
Q. Help! I got married 1 year ago but have been with my partner for 5. This year has been very up and down and I know that everyone says that the 1st year is hardest but I think this is different. The passion seems to have completely drained out of ...
A. 4 September 2008: Only you can make the decision - only you know the real situation and your own heart. If you truly do want to end your marriage maybe go and talk it through with a counsellor - so you can do it as decently as possible. It's obvious you don;t want to ... (read in full...)
I always hear women should understand men's preference for porn. But no one seems to expect men to understand women's feelings on the matter?
Q. a quick question about porn From the many questions I read on here many women are uncomfortable with their partners using porn. I know how they feel because personally it makes me feel inadequate and hurt that my husband wants to look at other ...
A. 3 September 2008: Hey there,
I think it is generalising to say that 'men' see it as their right to exploit and hurt women - there are plenty of men who aren't into porn at all, or who are but respect women. Having said that - I can see your point. Why is there alwa... (read in full...)
Married a year ago but have been with my partner for 5. The passion seems to have completely drained out of our relationship and I'm contemplating divorce!
Q. Help! I got married 1 year ago but have been with my partner for 5. This year has been very up and down and I know that everyone says that the 1st year is hardest but I think this is different. The passion seems to have completely drained out of ...
A. 3 September 2008: Hi Nat,
I agree with Annalisa, that maybe this marriage is worth fighting for and that you should pause and think hard before you make any big decisions. You have been with this man 6 years, you walked down the aisle with him and commited to him.... (read in full...)
I had sex with my wife's sister and now she's driving me crazy! What do I do about such a weird situation?
Q. About 2 years ago I had the best sex ever with my wifes sister. I have always wanted her and in fact, when i met my wife my intention was to hook up with the sister but it didn't happen. Anyway we ended up in bed together just having the best sex ...
A. 3 September 2008: Urgh - what a mess! It makes me sick to think of my man and my sister getting it on....yuk yuk yuk!
I think one of the other posters is right - you have a built up infatuation with 'the sister' because from day dot you 'wanted her and couldn't have... (read in full...)
Should I feel guilty for "messing" with a guy who has a girlfriend?
Q. should I feel guilty about messing with a guy who has a girl??? but they are not married????...
A. 3 September 2008: Should you feel guilty? Noone but you can answer that - nooone can 'make' you feel anything...from reading your responses to other posts it seems there is a part of you that does feel bad about what you're doing - although I don;t think you feel ... (read in full...)
My husband and I are trying to concieve. Could we be failing because he smokes a lot of weed?
Q. Hello can someone pls help me. me and my husband been trying to get pregnant but it hasent happend .He smokes alot of weed is this the reason why?...
A. 2 September 2008: Pot Smoking can affect couples ability to concieve, as the previous poster stated it can affect the sperm.
There is also a fair bit of research to suggest that a father's pot use can have far-reaching implications for a foetus/unborn child - for ... (read in full...)
I want to get pregnant on purpose so I can see how he feels about it. What's wrong with me?
Q. This is gonna sound really wierd but, I had an abortion when I was 15 by a guy 10 years my senior(which I was unaware of by the way) and he obviously didn't love me like he said cz not only did he force me to get the procedure done he left me at the ...
A. 28 August 2008: Hi, I don;t think there is something 'wrong' with you, but given what you went through at a very young age (I am sorry)it is not surprising for it to have played some role in shaping how you are in relationships today. I'm not a psychologist, but ... (read in full...)
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