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Why do guys only like skinny, slutty girls and why don't they like overweight girls, who are great people on the inside? Any insights?

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Question - (23 September 2008) 30 Answers - (Newest, 17 April 2012)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

i want to know why guys are so mean and picky that they only like skinny girls that are slutty and why they don't like overweight girls. It really hurts my feelings that they judge me based on the way that i look and not whats on the inside, I learned that you can't judge a book by its cover and that's exactly what these guys are doing, judging me by the way that i look. I really wish guys would start paying more attention to me instead of those " Barbie looking" skinny girls. Men are sooooo immature! They need to grow up-seriously!

View related questions: immature, overweight

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A male reader, riposte11 United States +, writes (17 April 2012):

I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but it may come as a relief to you as well. Attraction, at the physical level, has everything to do with biology (perhaps we could even coin a term and call it "Psycho-biology). Men are programmed at a base biological level to seek out mates who have the greatest potential to have many healthy children who have the greatest chance for survival. Anthropological cross cultural analyses have shown that men--in wildly different cultures (I mean downtown New York City vs. Hunting/Gathering Peoples in New Guinea), are attracted to certain body types, and there is even a preferred "waist to hip" ratio of 1:1.71 In other words, what is working on a man at a base, biological level when it comes to attraction is a woman's body type and her probable potential for bearing many, and healthy, children. The reason why most men are, therefore, not attracted to women who are overweight is that--again--at a base biological level, it registers with them that women of said body type are not (probably) going to be able to bear many healthy children. While men in modern cultures would just say "Well, I'm attracted to her because, well, she's hot." in New Guinea they were more in touch with the reasons why they found women with the correct body type (or something close to it). Men in New Quinea came right out and said (in a study done on this in the 1990's) that "Women with these bodies could have 10, maybe even 12 children." So, when you say things like "Men are sooooo immature! They need to grow up-seriously!" You might want to look beyond your own superficiality and get down to cases when it comes to the biological motivation as to why certain men find certain women attractive.

If it makes you feel any better, women are similarly genetically programmed to be just as discriminating when it comes to men. They are "hard-wired" for security. So, when really nice guys who are good looking and intelligent see stupid, ugly, pushy, assholes get all the girls, they're just as frustrated as women. And why do women go for those guys? Well, there are all sorts of shallow explanations (women usually can't tell you why they go for big, tall, gorilla type men), but the truth is that they are looking for--much like their paleo-hominid ancestors--for large men who can provide the most food and protection for them and their young. So, it tips both ways.

Why do I know this? Well, first I've read the research and it's pretty conclusive. Second, I'm the "too nice", handsome, guy who women like to talk to, but don't want to date or be with because well "[you're] too nice...and well..." They can never explain it, but it boils down to I don't have the same kind of "animal" appeal that they're looking for. So, almost all of the women that I'm interested in have totally blown me off. At least I know why.

So, now you can get used to the idea and get over it. It's human biology, over and out. It doesn't have anything to do with who you are "on the inside." And it's not even remotely a question of maturity. It's about biology, getting your genes into the next generation (for both men and women) with the most biologically desirable mate. Both men and women really can't help it--it's programmed into our genetic code just as powerfully as the desire to reproduce. Superimposed upon modern society it leaves most of us frustrated, sad, and lonely. But that's life.

Last weekend I watched ABC's "Titanic" series (well, most of it) and fell in love with Jenna-Louise Coleman. Absolutely fell for her. Do I know her? Do I know what her personality is like in reality? NO, but her character in the series was everything I ever wanted in a woman, and she was absolutely the most beautiful creature I've ever seen. Hands down, over and out, drop dead gorgeous. I'd like to think that maybe it's not that "urge" that I described above. I'd like to think that it's something likable and noble inside of me. But I doubt it...it's probably biology rearing it's ubiquitously ugly head again, duping me into the believing "Wow, if only I had a woman like that, I'd be the happiest guy in the world." Am I ever going to date, fall in love with, and marry Jenna-Louise Coleman? Am I ever even going to get a date with her? Meet her? See her in person? Speak a word to her? Have her even look my way and have her think "wow, he's cute." Fat chance...not and ice cube's chance in Hell.

So, I'm sorry if this hits you where it hurts, but I'm pretty convinced that this is the truth based on the studies I've read. If it makes you feel any better, I'm no better off than you are. I don't make enough money for a woman like her to be interested in me, I'm good looking, but not a gorilla asshole who has that animal appeal. So, I'm just get used to the idea. You should, too. Life simply isn't fair. So, just get on with it. You may not find your dream man, but you may find somebody.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011):

I don't know what world you're in, but only a dog wants a bone. I find many thin girls attractive, sure, but when given the choice I always pick them big. I can't help it; I LOVE big girls.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010):

Look, teenage boys are shallow. at around 15 all they want to do is get laid and mess around, they dont want girlfriends. 'Slutty Girls' are easy and therefore attract guys because all they want to do is get in her pants, and that will be easy. As much as boys want to get laid, they still want that tall, smart, confident and sexy girl (even if shes a little bit bigger) once they get out of the 'sex' stage they'll start looking for better girls. just wait.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010):

This is old but I'm going to say something anyway.

I think this is pretty much a big fucking joke.

Girls always whine about having to be skinny and in shape in order to be deemed attractive by the majority of guys. Regardless of how accurate it is, its such a bullshit thing to whine about...

Almost EVERY girl has a height requirement for dating guys, they won't even consider anyone under their height requirement.

What do you think is more immature and ridiculous?

Guys not wanting to date girls who are fat, fat often showing that someone is lazy, has few to no active hobbies, is over indulgent, lacks self control etc etc.

Or girls demanding tall guys, height being a genetic factor and impossible to control.

Think that one over.

Weight can be controlled, being overweight says something about you.

Height on the other hand, says nothing.

And there are plenty of skinny, great girls. haha...

In the end, to each their own and theres just not much you can do about it beyond finding random websites to rant your ideas to in hopes of changing at least a single mind.

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A male reader, AnonymousWin United States +, writes (2 May 2010):

Hey, not all guys like the girls that you described. Many skinny and athletic dudes like chubby or fat girls. My opinion in girls is that I like skinny to chubby, I don't mind fat girls I'm just not sexually attracted, I like them in really strong friendship wise but I'm just not into them. I hate slutty girls because they're to much to handle and you have no idea if she's cheating on you. Many dudes just go for them for the sex, but to tell you there's many good guys out there.

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A male reader, little_retard United Kingdom +, writes (8 November 2009):

Wow! 21st century living and still people are ignorant and believe that the media tells the truth. You need only look at the media throughout history to see that some jumped up little youngster makes up what they want, and everybody believes.

I think to ask why guys prefer 'skinny girls' over 'overweight girls' says it all - if you are overweight you obviously have some kind of problem, which you need to work on first.

I personally would much rather meet someone who is healthy and intelligent. Though unfortunately these girls seem to be overcome with the desire to be blonde and slutty.

Just say "no"!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009):

If you want to help smash stereotypes- dont do it yourself.

NOT all guys go for barbie girls. Most i know def dont. Guys really arent as stupid and shallow as most girls make them out to be. Maybe its just because you expect them to be and so they feel they are expected to be and are? Give guys some space and allow them to have their own tastes in girls that arent just following the medias stupid pressure and unrealistic images...etc. And heaps of guys i know would be offended by those generalisations right there about guys only liking skinny slutty girls.

Skinny doesnt mean slutty. Some girls look a bit like barbie naturally and cant do anything about it and it doesnt always mean they are slutty.

And how overweight are you? is it a healthy curvy? or is it grossly overweight?

if the second one- do you actually do anything about it like exercise/workout or just cry in a corner about how fat you are? what is the situation like really?

sorry for the harsh comment- but seriously if you want to help yourself- help yourself! And everyone knows how evil the media is in portrayin unrealistic images of people and all that...etc. affecting guys mind...etc. so if you dont believe then dont conform! dont let yourself get affected by this stupid draggy attitude!

if what your looking for is a bf and boosting your self esteem then get help and work on that- but dont put down others to get there.

and dont make unfair generalisations!

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A female reader, eurolove United States +, writes (13 October 2008):

eurolove agony auntListen men fall for everything. I experienced when i got a little bit bigger actually i got more attention .. i had it in the right places though. and now that i am skinnier i actually dont get that attention. So dont think that men only like skinny girls,most like to grab onto something and claim it. And most men like some thickness , so just meet those men that are into that. And one more advice to you dont think that everyone likes what is being advertised, it is there because it is rare and only a dream. Look at what the real world is, there are no barbies, and never will be ......

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A female reader, Dipsydoodlenoodle United Kingdom +, writes (2 October 2008):

Well if men are at a pub and there is a Barbie girl and an over weight girl which girl are his friends going to pick on him for? I think it’s a status thing, look at her body but she’s an airhead inside (ok not all are but a lot are), men will realise after a date or two that the Barbie girl isn’t going to make a potential long term partner. I also think that some Barbie girls are as you said slutty; I went on a night out with a bunch of male friends a while ago, 2 girls later joined us, both wearing hot pants, boobs hanging out, dyed blonde hair – they are good for a one night stand. If they look easy that’s all ‘some’ men will be after. I myself am not overweight, I am slim and tall (5ft 11) and I most of the time got overlooked for my short overweight friends.

It is the same question as “why do men prefer blondes?” “why do women prefer tall guys?” – you know we don’t its just a stereotype.

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A female reader, Miss-Morphine United Kingdom +, writes (25 September 2008):

Miss-Morphine agony aunti know exactly what youre getting at

guys are shallow things

most of them do go for the slutty/skinny girls

some of the time because they are just shallo,

and sometimes because they feel their friends will have a go /take the mick, its just what they do.

however you do get a few exceptions,

a few guys who get to know girls, and see that the slutty girls arent all that great

and the girls that arent skinny/slutty

are absoultely amazing.

look at it this way

if a guy is shallow enough not to go for you just because youre not skinny/slutty,

hes not worth it

wait for a guy that is

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (25 September 2008):

LazyGuy agony auntEh, why do guys like slutty girls... BECAUSE THEY ARE SLUTS!

Fat or skinny doesn't make a difference. They put out!

Skinny girls ask the same question. Why do girls only like fat slutty girls and who don't they like fit girls, who are great people on the inside?

As for guys being sooooooo iiiiiiimmmmmmaaaaaaatttttttuuuuuurrrrrreeeeee that looses its sting when it is uttered by someone labels all HEALTHY weight women as skinny and slutty at once.

Fat girls can be just as slutty or have other bad character traits, like judging other women on their body weight.

As for what each man chooses to pursue, that is his own personal freedom. If I want skinny bitches, that is MY choice. Not yours.

Do nerdy men get to dictate that you need to date them because of their self-proclaimed great personality?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008):

the problem is that the media is partially to blame with the mentality of the ideal look.

its a stereotypical comment to say guys only like skinny slutty girls because for one, not all those petite girls are slutty and two, if it is such an issue then maybe those guys aren't worth your time.

my boyfriend believes that even though im average there is no reason for anyone to be overweight because it shows a sign of disrespect towards your own body. if you loved yourself enough you wouldn't put yourself through health issues.

i agree that some overweight girls i know, they are beautiful on the inside but when they pull the pity card that also is a real turn off.

we all are not perfect and can not please everyone.

if it is such an issue, you should find someone who accepts you for you..no matter your appearance.

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A female reader, browneyedbeauty United States +, writes (24 September 2008):

i so totally agree with the answer before mine. i am not a plus size, i am indeed very pettite, but i can empathize with you. my current boyfriend said that the thing that he liked about me the most was my confidence and look on life. (to think, i was 150 pounds when i met him. i decided to make myself better, now i weigh 119 pounds)

i am not saying that you need to change yourself in any way. i am sure that you are as beautiful on the outside as on the inside. what i believe you should do is look elsewhere. maybe those guys can't see that you are a beautiful young lady. they're blind to real beauty. they only look at the false beauty that will die off eventually.

think of it this way: the guy who turned you down, whoever he was, will marry a girl for her looks. in ten ot twenty years, her skin will be dangling from her and he wont want to be with her any more.

but you?

you will have found the one who makes you happy and who accepts you for who you are because you looked elsewhere.

you will be happy.

count on it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008):

if you want the attention that those "Barbie like skinny whores" are getting, you know what to do. Make yourself a skinny girl. I went from 180 pounds to 125 pounds (I am 5'11") and I did get more male attention, but it really wasn't from anyone I would want to be involved with anyways. They were all jerks in my opinion. And they made it clear that all they wanted was to get into my pants. Now I am back to being 180 pounds but I am married now with 2 kids. My husband loves me either way, & that is what you want to find.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008):

Hi... As a plus-sized woman myself, I have to speak up here and say Bullshit. Men don't only like skinny women. Men like women who are confident and comfortable in their own skin. As a plus-sized woman, I do NOT have a shortage of men and neither do any of my plus-sized friends.

Let me tell you, when I was your age, I thought I was lonely because I was big, but that wasn't true at all. It had more to do with the fact that as a big woman who had zero self-confidence, I exuded Loser with every step I took and every word I spoke. I didn't dress myself right, I didn't do my hair right, I didn't make the most of the hot and sexy wonderful body I have. I hid myself in corners and then got upset because no one looked at me.

There are tons of men out there who LOVE plus sized women. I know women who are 500+ lbs and have zero problems getting and keeping a man. There are dating sites and all that especially for us. So, stop worrying about skinny women and start working on your self esteem.

If you think you'll feel more comfortable with yourself if you shed some pounds, then do it. Do what you have to do for you to like you. Because if you don't like yourself, how on Earth would expect anyone else to?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008):

most have said the main thing, its psychology that physical attraction is what draws someone to a person. A man looks for a child bearer, healthy and attractive in his eyes, a woman to a child giver also attractive in their eyes, everything else is personal characteristics that draw you to a person. You will have yours and people will love them, I have my own and thats the resaon i have friends I get on with and partners I've learnt to love, its just finding someone compatible.

If you yourself don't feel happy with your looks then there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve you apperance to appeal to you, but dont do it for anyone else. Once you are happy with yourself your confidence will draw people in, if your happy with your appearance now then don't change a thing, I'm sure you have many things to offer a partner.

good luck x x x

p.s. for those who commented that they were overweight and have to compete with the skinny whores, well I'm slim does that make me a whore? no the same that overweight people aren't all loners who won't be loved or appreciated. Don't judge a slim person the same way you ASSUME we judge larger people.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (24 September 2008):

eyeswideopen agony auntPretty, skinny girls can have great personalities and can be great companions whereas people who wallow in self-pity are always a pain in the butt.

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A female reader, BigSis United Kingdom +, writes (24 September 2008):

BigSis agony auntAnd there you have it.

The Wizard has summed up the response everyone needed to know in one post!

Easily read, understood and to the point

Very well put Mr Waz ~ I applaud you!

BigSis

x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008):

i just want to say not all guys are like that.

Im not the skinnest prettiest thing in the world but I have a amazing b/f who loves me and tells and shows it often.I presonly think its wrong for you to sterio type. Your going after those kind of guys because you feel all guys are like that get your head out of your ass and look for someone worth seeing. somone who knows what they got. Not all guys are bad!!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008):

It is a fact of life.

People are attracted to things they find sexy.

This is a throwback to our early years when men and women would bed with only those likely to enable child-birth.

Over time various fads have given sexuality its name. The greeks loved a slightly larger women. As did Romans.

Islanders like their women a bit large too.

You are just gonna have to accept that Western Civilisation views these things as unhealthy. That we pride a healthy, attractively slender woman over a larger one.

It's not meant as an insult. It's just the first thing that crosses a persons mind on meeting. How long sexual attraction lasts depends on if the love is there.

Flynn 24

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008):

You mean the cool handsome guys ? Same reason you don't like fat ugly blokes.

Good luck

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A male reader, Passthrough United States +, writes (24 September 2008):

Passthrough agony auntMy thoughts:

When those guys are only going for the thin, pretty girls with nothing inside (sorry to stereotype) you should know they arent thinking with their heads.

When guys think with their hormones, they go on looks alone. When guys think only with their brains, sure then physical attributes are nearly pointless to concern.

You have to realize- the middle ground is where guys should be looking, and where you should be. For many, it takes alot of work to be beautiful and full inside, for some unlucky, it takes more work than others. That hard works pays off with having more inside.

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A female reader, pashanoodle Australia +, writes (24 September 2008):

pashanoodle agony auntHey there,

I tend to agree with what alot of the posters are saying. It's not as black and white and "weight".

We live in an increasingly 'visual' world - there are ads with glamourous, skinny woman on every bit of space available - so we are kind of 'programmed' from very early on in our lives to see that as "beautiful'. You just hope that people get different input too (from family, church wherever)in order to learn that there is more to someone than what they look like.

There is also a huge "trend" nowadays to be physically fit and health conscious, as well as eco-friendly...so some of the stereotypical beliefs about people who are bigger, like they "don;t care" and "eat crap" etc (which is not always true I know)can impact on how people are viewed too.

I could speculate forever on 'why' bigger isn't better - but what I really want to say is that how you feel about you and view yourself is going to play a BIG part in what happens for you. If you feel good about yourself you will feel more confident and that will be obvious to others who meet you/know you.

If you feel unhappy and miserable about the way you look - that will effect how you interact - and will be less "attractive" to others.

You can't change how other's think or feel - but you can change how you do. If you aren't happy as you are take the steps to become happy - whether that be by losing the weight OR by dealing with the emotional/psychological factors stopping you from embracing you.

It's a cliche, but so true...noone can love you until you love yourself!

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A female reader, Tremor Australia +, writes (24 September 2008):

Tremor agony auntIt's the eternal question, isn't it?

But Danielepew has hit the nail on the head. They don't ALL go for the skinny girls or the easy girls, and the guys that do are not the sort of guys you want to associate with anyway.

On the flip side, though, haven't you ever checked out a lad and thought 'oh, he's got a nice set of buns on him', or something similar? And you'd perhaps be more initially attracted to the well built guy, as opposed to that much larger guy at the other end of the bar? Note that I said /initially/ attracted, because there is always so much more to a person, and it's true that people should not be judged on looks alone. But as far as first impressions go, it /is/ instinctual, for males /and/ females, to be more attracted to a person with a trim, healthy bod. It's probably something to do with hunting or childbearing or something.

Either way, I wouldn't worry. Be glad that you have more to offer than just your body.

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A male reader, underfire2222 United States +, writes (24 September 2008):

What? I don't think any guy wants a slutty girl for a long term relationship, and really thats a turn off for me, and most of my male friends. The whole wieght issue of course they want to be with someone that looks good to them, wether it be skinny fat or medium. I think this goes back to your self esteem and the guys you associate with, if you don't want to be fat loose wieght .

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A female reader, misscooks32 United States +, writes (24 September 2008):

child i feel the same way, only im married and i still feel like im not good enough, because its like us "bigger women" are always in competition with the skinny whores, it is something i will never understand, but im at the point right now that i dont want to feel that way anymore, and i will always be big unless i do something about it, so ive got all the equipment at home to be skinny i just have to use it, so that is my goal as of right now, lose weight to feel good about myself, then my husband will be blown away by my looks, i mean he is attracted to me now, but thin seems to be better "eyecandy" for men, for some reason, ya its bullshit but, we can either deal with being big, or do something about it, so girl if you are determined like me then start working out. im only 24 and i have 3 kids and lord knows im no coke bottle shape kinda lady, but who says eventually i cant be right!!, i want to be confident enough where i can be out with my husband and see a thin women and know that i look just as good as her if not better, i want to know that hey i got it, i might not be 100 pounds but bitches i still look good lol. so... im in the same situation, but dont change for any man, change for you if your happy with the way you feel, then screw men and what they think, but if your unhappy (like me), then change somethings and see if you dont start to feel better, keep in touch.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (24 September 2008):

Danielepew agony auntDear poster, you're not right. We fall for girls that are not skinny, too. Some people will make their choices on looks alone, but those are not the guys you want to be with anyways.

Just don't lose hope and your chance will come.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008):

hey.

men buy with their eyes, women with their ears. never heard of that before?

am not trying to sound mean here but what do you think men think of young fat girls? that they are lazy, not healthy, not into sports or active activities, some like kinky sex and if ur really fat u cant bend as much as slimmer girls. not even that they think of that, these thoughts pass so quickly (our ancient instincts to get the best mate for breeding) that they dont even realise why they want the slimmer one over the heavier one. if ur fat now, whats going to happen when uve had a kid or two? ur going to double in size because at the start of the pregnancy u didnt have the healthy eating regime. also being skinny and looking after yourself means you are more successfull in life (statistics), so all in all you get the picture why guys like skinny girls. I myself have been in a relationship with a fat guy for 3 years, we broke up because i thought he was too lazy to help me raise my kids in the end, i dont need a couch potato. now im dating a fit guy who eats healthily and exercises and yes he is a successfull businessman.

its best to shape up and you will see that men will twist their heads to have a look at you and that will give you a huge boost of self confidence, instead of moaning about skinny girls being popular go check out those weight watchers i heard they can do a great job.

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A female reader, thelittleone! United States +, writes (24 September 2008):

thelittleone! agony auntHello!

It can be really hard when i was a senior i got some pounds and it was really hard but i could see who was really inlove with me .. if somebod looks at u and just can see ur face and ur body trust me he doesn't love ya ..

now i'm skinny again but it really hard cuz when i see my body reflection im not sure about if i'm good looking .. maybe when u live in world like it doesn't matter if u are whatever u are cuz when u are so skinny u don't have so much fun .. but when u accept who u are then u can be happy

xoxo

little one

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A male reader, canada guy Canada +, writes (24 September 2008):

myself...i dont find those skinny women to be attractive...i dont like feeling like im going to break a women if we have sex

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