A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:helloI am almost 46 yrswas married for 16 years which ended around 10 years ago leaving me with a settlement which got me somewhere to live which was mine (no mortgage)then i met my recent ex partner - sold my house , put the money into one with him - but he took all the equity and when we split (not amicably) he managed to get me some money to put a deposit on another house, but with a mortgage ( i now have to work until i am 70 to pay this off if i carry on paying what i do now)i really hate him - he met someone else and wanted me out of our house and did things to get me out.we werent married but were together 6 yearsthat was 20 months agoi have met someone else and it has made me realise i dont want to be on my own for the rest of my lifei really like this man but i am scaredi know not all men are like my recent long term exhow do i go about living with someone again and trusting?i really want to make a go of this but dont want to put myself at risk of losing my stability again
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female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (13 October 2008):
 It's really hard when you have been so badly burnt - trust is something we take for granted until it is broken - then it is so hard to ever find again.
It sounds like you are conscious of not making your recent partner suffer because of the actions of your ex - that's good. If you have insight into your own behaviour, reactions, fears etc it will help you be conscious of your motivations.
All relationships come with some risk - if we had a crystal ball and could see who would hurt us in the long run life would be alot less complex...but we don't. So, you just have to trust your heart and try again. Why can't this be your "Mr Right"??
If I were you though- I would put something in place to safeguard your own finances. If this new man is decent he will understand why you need to do that and hopefully support that. Be money savvy for your own sake - but let yourself go with the fun of a new romance too!
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