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I had sex with my wife's sister and now she's driving me crazy! What do I do about such a weird situation?

Tagged as: Cheating, Family, Forbidden love, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 August 2008) 19 Answers - (Newest, 22 September 2010)
A male United States age 30-35, *riton54 writes:

About 2 years ago I had the best sex ever with my wifes sister. I have always wanted her and in fact, when i met my wife my intention was to hook up with the sister but it didn't happen. Anyway we ended up in bed together just having the best sex either of us ever had, she even said so. She got deployed and is home now. She says its over now and it will never happen again but the other night we were drinking and texting back and forth talking about it and we wanted it again. Let me add that there has not been a single day i have not thought of her, she just drives me crazy, what do i do, what do i say to her? Me and my wife have a son together which really makes it weird but i dont hardly have sex with my wife anymore, we are like roommates.

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A male reader, Clinton United States +, writes (22 September 2010):

Woa that's hot dude. You are living what so many can only fantasize about...banging the hot SIL! And I KNOW you have secretly thought about if only you get them both into it at the same time...but uhm, back to reality...that's probably never gonna happen. Ok, so you bit the apple and you want out now...hmmm..well good luck bro, you're gonna lose them both most likely.

But hey maybe if you lose your wife your SIL will want to keep banging you...but probably not.

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A male reader, lucky 5 Canada +, writes (13 August 2009):

are you hoping that some one would say go for it ,go for the sister it is your constitutional right to fuck your wife's sister ,No why can not you have the same passionate feeling for your wife ,why can not you start thinking a bout your own wife .and remember what goes around comes around you will loose your wife and some day your new girl friend or your new wife will be fucking your brother or your best friend and then you would know how much it hurtful and heart breaking to be with some one who is not in love with you ,be sure that it will happen.love your wife and sex will come but only with her .

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A male reader, Main Man United Kingdom +, writes (3 May 2009):

Main Man agony auntIf you and your wife no longer love each other it might be best to end your marriage and move in with your sister in law if she will have you. Once the divorce is fianl ask your sister in law to marry you after you wanted to hook up with her and not your wife.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008):

We are all human and we all make mistakes hell give the guy a break. Yes he screwed up but don't we all, aren’t we all very quick to judge, think of everything you have done in your life he is at least asking for guidance don't crucify him. I am not saying what he did is right I am just saying we are all human and infactuation is a killer.

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A female reader, abbeymom Canada +, writes (3 September 2008):

abbeymom agony auntThis is in reply to your second post which I read. Okay bottom line you need to end the relationship, move out and apply for visitation rights to see your son. Your feelings for the sister don't really matter (though to you they do) I understand, but they don't.

Your son needs to be your top priority. You've admitted the relationship is bad. It's not what you want. You aren't happy. You can't stay in a relationship/marriage just to raise your kids. You end up hurting them more in the long run.

After you are done with sorting your parental issues out. Then if you and her sister still have an attraction and wish to do something about it, that is your business. But I would take care of your more important issues first. Namely your child and your living situation with his mother whom you don't love anymore.

Good luck

~ Abbeymom

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A female reader, pashanoodle Australia +, writes (3 September 2008):

pashanoodle agony auntUrgh - what a mess! It makes me sick to think of my man and my sister getting it on....yuk yuk yuk!

I think one of the other posters is right - you have a built up infatuation with 'the sister' because from day dot you 'wanted her and couldn't have her'...she's obviously helped keep that fantasy alive too. It's a real shame the two of you have been so selfish - you know there is so much pain and heartache ahead for so many people INCLUDING your son should all this come out!

If you are on here to try and figure out how to end your infatuation with the sister - then my advice is to actually seek professional counselling. The fact you are now thinking about another woman daily - says more about YOU and your marriage than about any "thing' between you and the sister....chances are you'd be fantasising about some other chick if the sister wasn't in the picture.

You need someone to talk to about your feelings for your girlfriend/wife, your thoughts on relationships in general (obviously you have been hurt previously and that would certainly impact on current relationships)and what your want in your life etc.

You need to sort yourself out for your sake and your son's sake - like one of the guys said...you need to model better behavoiur, he's watching you and one day will make more sense of all this than you would like him to! Believe me! And you can still be a great dad and not live with his mother...

Many many people are mixed up in relationships - and this site is evidence that LOTS of people make mistakes...but owning the mistake and dealing with the 'issues' that lead to it is not so easy.

I guess what I am saying is, stop living in some fantasy world and avoiding/ignoring what is really going on for you. Get real - for your sake, your girlfriends, your son's....

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (2 September 2008):

eyeswideopen agony auntYou most likely will not get full custody of your son but you may be able to get a 50-50 split of time. You need to move out of the house and get your own place. Tell your girlfriend you are done with the arguments and violence, and in short, her. As far as the sister goes that's up to you and her but she certainly sounds like a skank to me and don't forget your son will be watching your behavior and learning from it. Try to show some class.

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A male reader, Boonridge McPhalify United Kingdom +, writes (2 September 2008):

Boonridge McPhalify agony auntwell i for one found that very difficult to make any sense of but if you are miserable and your wife is violent leave and demand custody-to do this you will need to save money so alter any joint banking arrangements so that you can amass the money to leave then do it! and if you love you son you will have to alter this bad environment or he will be badly damaged mentally in terms of his understaning of human relationships and hisstory in the next generation will be just like the last

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A male reader, triton54 United States +, writes (1 September 2008):

triton54 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I tried to keep my ? short for the sake of everyones reading. I can say that if i were one of you i would say all the things said already. Let me add that i do call her my wife but that she is not....we are dating with a child....about a year and a half into our relationship i find out she was married...and still is to this day. She def has a tendency to start fights with me and get very aggressive to the point that she becomes physical. I keep my cool for the sake of our son. I was young once and lost a daughter to my stupidity and i now am in close contact with her thank god. But as far as raising her i wasnt a part of that. My sex life with my girlfriend..to avoid confusion...is downright terrible. I have tried everything to make her happy and nothing works. Last but not least i have been deployed as well and came home to an empty home from a previous marraige in which i was 100% faithful so morales for me are kind of iffy..not sure if anyone has been through that....I know ...get out....ladies and gentleman, i love my sonm and i will raise him everyday no matter how miserable i am but i dont want to continue feeling the way i do about her sis. thats why im here

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A female reader, duskyrowe United Kingdom +, writes (29 August 2008):

duskyrowe agony auntHold on did I read right? You actually prefered the sister when you was dating your wife, but you settled for second best?

Why on earth did you marry her and living a lie?

I think your lovely wife and child deserves better than you two DOGS ON HEAT!!!!

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A female reader, TAYL0Rshawtyy. United States +, writes (29 August 2008):

TAYL0Rshawtyy. agony auntwell first, i think you should stop having sex with your wife's sister. thats just wrong.

think about how your wife would feel knowing you did this? what if you were married to someone you loved and they were having sex with your

brother? how would you feel? NOT GOOD i suppose.

so that needs to stop. if you don't love your wife anymore then sadly, you probably need a divorce. love is what marriage is mostly about right?

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A female reader, CantHelpFallin United States +, writes (29 August 2008):

i hope u didnt com here expecting us to say "oh its ok" cause even you can't justify your actions. this is not the behavior of a man--its the behavior of a little boy!!

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A female reader, abbeymom Canada +, writes (29 August 2008):

abbeymom agony auntAre you serious? Be a man and grow up. Think of your son. Divorce your wife and let her be happy instead of causing her the most unimaginable pain ever by sleeping with her sister and not telling her. Or have you told her? I suppose I shouldn't assume.

I just don't understand where the morals of relationships and commitment have gone in the world. If you wanted the sister why didn't you marry her and not your wife? Was it because she was pregnant?

Ugggg. X

~ Abbeymom

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A male reader, Boonridge McPhalify United Kingdom +, writes (29 August 2008):

Boonridge McPhalify agony aunti dont think you are sick its just that you are weak willed, make bad decisions, and lack morals.

what will happen if you leave your wife for her sister that you will put a big fat horrid wedge through their family, you WILL be vilified and custody rights might be difficult to acheive as any judge would sympathise with the mother in that case.

are you on here because you care or do you want us to rationalise your behavhiour into some form of acceptable explanation that absolves you of responsibility.

the stakes are high, the choice is yours, and if you loose it all you can blame no-one but yourself (in other words you shoudn't have your cake and eat it cos it wont happen).

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2008):

that is terrible..how could you ever marry someone? were you sleeping when you read your vows aloud in front of both of your families?

you should both be ashamed. you are truly sick.

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A female reader, AriesGirl United States +, writes (29 August 2008):

You are not someone that should be married. Both the wife and her rotten sister would be better off without you. Remember what you've done when your karma comes back and kicks your selfish little a**.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2008):

The sex is good with your wifes sister because it is wrong it is risky and its like the forbidden fruit if you never wanted your wife how dare you use her like she is second best (the silver medal not the gold) for all these years. Having a sister myself, i cannot for the life of me understand how your bit on the side could effectively cheat on her own sister. What on earth would happen if your wife finds out - not only have you cheated on her but her own flesh and blood has stolen her man. Have you any idea what that will do to her? She will never trust another human being. And all because you cannot control yourselves or keep it zipped. Yuk. Stop it now and get away from the sister. I personally think your wife deserves better.... but even if you were long gone mate her sister will always be her sister and you have wrecked it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2008):

First,you need to answer these questions?Do you still love

your wife?Do you think things could possibly be forgiven and

forgotten?Could/would you give up your feelings and never

have any sexual contact with her,no matter how much the temptation,or urge?If you love your wife,you would tell her evrything that's been going on,even your plan to be with her

sister.It might be rocky for a while,but it's the best.And

be ready for trust issues,and anger,and so much hurt.You

really are sick....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2008):

You are messed up and need proper help

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