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*lderthandirt agony aunt


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*lderthandirt's profile:

I don't know about qualifactions or not but I do know I'm older than most of the folks that offer up questions and I have shared a lot of experiences that the folks seem to be zeroed in on. 46 years of marriage yes to the same woman. i've lived in Hawaii,California, Texas(currently in Texas) worked in Louisiana, New Jersey, Arkansas,Texas, and Indiana on a consulting engineering basis. I love to daydream about stuff[like living o a beach somewhere living off the sea, I lkie to write lyrics for proposed songs,like reading. I surf the net a lot.

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Should I ask him if there is a medical problem for the lack of sex?

Q.   Hi Guys, To you think my guy suffers from fertile dysfunction. Been seeing this guy for about 4 months, we have only had sex a few times as we didn't want it to only be about sex. Anyway we have sex it's great then the next morning he can't...

A.   27 March 2017: ED is a problem at any age. Pressure from the loved one only makes it worse so you might try allowing some more time before initiating sex again to see if it's an actual problem or not.... (read in full...)

How much effort should a woman put into being attractive for her partner?

Q.   How much effort should a woman put into being attractive for her partner?. I mean considering my partner has developed very particulicular tastes in women lately. How much should I be trying to be what he wants or trying to be attractive to him He...

A.   8 March 2017: Other than what you think makes you look good. We don't live life trying to please others. We fixate on what we think looks good to ourselves.Othes(yes even the ones we love) can go jump in a lake with their wants and expectations.... (read in full...)

I don't know whether to keep seeing this man or not

Q.   I started dating a guy a few weeks ago, but a few things are worrying me. He knows a few gay men. One of these men kept asking me and this man what was going on between us. He pestered us for ages. This man jokingly blew the gay man a kiss. Another ...

A.   7 March 2017: Sounds a little weird to me. If you are concerned about the gender identity of your new friend you might want to get that settled before your relationship proceeds to any next levels. there are serious consequences (aids for one) to be alarmed ... (read in full...)

I don't know whether to tell my boyfriend that I cheated or not

Q.   Okay so I went out one night at the start of my relationship and I barely remember anything. I'd gone out with a few friends and end up in a club on my own. I got speaking to a guy and he walked me part way home. He ended up giving me his number but ...

A.   6 March 2017: nope silence is golden... (read in full...)

Why is he withholding sex?

Q.   Withholding sex? I have been seeing a guy I met for the past 4-5 months. The first few months were quite casual and we'd only see each other maybe once a week. The last couple we've been doing more together, going on trips out of town etc. At the...

A.   4 March 2017: Sometimes (not many)much like women, guys just don't feel like it. Let it go, when the testosterone levels peak again he'll be allover you.... (read in full...)

Is it too soon to sleep with him?

Q.   I need your opinions and thank you in advance. I am 40 dating a guy who is 48 for 3 weeks. We have been on 16 dates already. I know it is too much with some standards but he is just head over heels for me and has told all his family and friends and ...

A.   27 February 2017: There's no number of dates to prequalify for sex. If there were you would have exceeded that. 16 dates in 3 weeks? That is a stretch(maybe the numbers are mixed up but I can't see that many dates in such a short period of time. Hold off until you ... (read in full...)

His family want us to marry, mine don't!

Q.   Dear Aunts and Uncles, I 'was' dating this guy for a little over two years. We have both met each other's families and all was well until last December when his family started asking him to get married. Now the problem is I am in my early 20s ...

A.   27 February 2017: I may be in the minority but my take on this is; Your parents are probably more right than his family whereas his job is a bit "shakey" You have demonstrated that you can be self-sufficient. With the societal norm being that the man should s... (read in full...)

My boyfriend appears to be attracted to transgender women!

Q.   A few weeks ago I noticed my boyfriend had sent a friend request to a young lady. When I went to her page her pics were mostly of her in sexy lingerie and telling all to visit her on webcam. I also noticed she had obvious breast implants and a ...

A.   27 February 2017: "Oh my word!" as they say down south when a complicated situation like this comes up. If it were me I'd run for the hills. He seems to be confused.... (read in full...)

I'm a virgin and a little afraid of sex but I'm worried this guy will want it

Q.   I'm a virgin at the age of 21 and always feel embarrassed talking about it. I've never done anything with a guy... But I've met a guy and we get on well... however I'm afraid of having sex. I don't know why. I just think he will just want that. An...

A.   22 February 2017: First; Congrats on retaining your virginity, it's sad to see how many don't these days. Your husband (when that time comes) will be so appreciative. Nothing to fear about sex. Of course there's always the fear of STDs, etc. but other than that sex ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't like my name

Q.   My boyfriend does not like my name. Of course he is entitled to his opinion about that, but I feel that I am inseparable from my name, and it suits me completely- it IS a big part of me. I asked him the other day over dinner if he liked it when...

A.   17 February 2017: Just tell him to call you "Z" and that'll do. He sounds like an idiot if you ask me.... (read in full...)

My grandmother died and I've lost my job

Q.   I'm not one to ask for advice but I really need some. I've been under a tremendous amount of stress and I'm not sure how to cope, I feel like everything is crashing down around me. On January 10th my grandma who I was really close to died a...

A.   16 February 2017: Yep , life sucks and then you die. I was Very close to my grandparents but I always knew that odds were that I'd outlive them I kind of prepared myself for that eventuality. That is not to make light of your loss. I'm suggesting you were ... (read in full...)

Is it a red flag if a woman has been 3 or 4 times and says all the marriages were abusive?

Q.   well asking a question, if a woman, a man started dating, tells you they been married three or four times, is that a big red flag, my own opinion is that they all couldn't be bad,one or two maybe,an if they say all three men were abusive ...

A.   16 February 2017: There's an old saying...'It takes two to tango" So maybe not a RED flag but at least a pink one. Walk softly and proceed with caution. Good luck.... (read in full...)

Do I stay and hope his performance in bed improves?

Q.   In November I split up with my partner of one year and it was difficult I was completely in love with him but he was verbally abusive and he dumped me. I spent until January doing the usual feeling sorry for myself until I met this man. This man was ...

A.   11 February 2017: Perhaps if you had given him some sense of what you expected in the bedroom, he might have had an idea of what was expected of him. A man always wants to satisfy his partner and when he can't or doesn't it is a feeling of devastationThe rolling ... (read in full...)

How do I deal with this? Whenever I invite a friend over she invariably does not show up

Q.   I have a friend I've known for several years. She has a very frustrating habit in which she will set a day with me to meet up, and then not show up. I really don't understand how you can simply disregard to tell a person you are not coming and let ...

A.   8 February 2017: This "friend" is a time-bandit. A time bandit is someone that ignores you and wastes your time. There is a certain amount of tie you have been granted in this life. Don't let some goofball steal any of if from you. Forget her!... (read in full...)

I miss my Mom. Is it normal to feel so bad and upset moving out from a parent ?

Q.   I'm 22, married and having a baby in 6 weeks time. My father died a year and a half ago and at the time myself and husbands rent was raised sky high meaning we temporarily needed to move home for a few months however the few months turned into 15 ...

A.   8 February 2017: Of course your feelings are normal, especially as you approach motherhood yourself. You MUST reinitiate contact. I don't care what problems or situations led you to being estranged, now is the time to get back together . You're about to be a mother ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend's sexual past troubles me, What should I do?

Q.   My girlfriend and i have been together for 8 months and we both are in love and have talked about a future. we both talked about pasts as well and got on the subject of sex. i was disgusted when she told me on how many people she slept with and...

A.   8 February 2017: Get over it! Lots of people have pasts that are unacceptable to others but nothing can change it. in my opinion, the less you know about your best friend's past the better off you are so stop "sharing".... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't want me going out with male friends for drinks

Q.   Am I in the wrong ? After recently starting uni I made a small group of three male friends whom I worked on an assessment with and we automatically became friends. We are all older than the normal uni starting age so its nice to have someone on ...

A.   8 February 2017: He is feeling a bit insecure and he like everyone knows that going out for drinks can end up in a bit more than an innocent evening with friends. Why not ask him to join you and/or meet the male friends you want to go out with?... (read in full...)

I discovered that my 16 year old has had sex. Should I punish her by cancelling her "sweet sixteen" birthday celebrations?

Q.   i recently found out by going through my 15 year old daughters phone that she has recently lost her virginity to an 18 year old guy whom is now dating another girl in the same area as us. When i first confronted her she denied it but eventual...

A.   7 February 2017: Her "punishment was lose of virginity prior to giving it to the one she will eventually love. She'll only be sixteen once. And the once for virginity was used up. She "pay for that" the rest of her life (guilt).... (read in full...)

My husband and I had a threesome with a guy. Should I push the issue or let it go on naturally?

Q.   Recently I found porn on my husbands phone and confronted him. He confessed that he was turned on by the fact that he wanted me to do a three-some. Well yesterday he brought a male friend home and after several drinks I found myself going down o...

A.   7 February 2017: Although it sounds a bit out of mainstream whatever happens in the privacy of your own home shouldn't be anyone's business BUT don't forget the dangers involved (Aids , etc).... (read in full...)

Would you remain friends with someone who keeps you blocked from Skype?

Q.   Hi All, Could really use a little input here. I met a woman online on an international dating site. I'm American, she's from Europe. We emailed, talked and Skyped for about 10 months and then got into a fight. Without going into the details, ...

A.   4 February 2017: I am not a fan of computer dating or computer affairs. So I've probably answered this question before. Why can't folks just meet face-to-face anymore?... (read in full...)

We have Skype online sex regularly. He is my first cousin and separated from his wife. Is this OK?

Q.   Im having skype sex with my first cousin. Im 34, he's 32. I just got out of a 10 year relationship 6 mths ago, and been feeling very sexually frustrated. He's separated from his wife for 3 years now. He lives in Canada, and im from Cali. We ...

A.   4 February 2017: "Is this OK?" What do you want to know? Is this normal? -NO. it's dumb! Is this legal? I suppose, heck in some states it's probably considered the best of both worlds. I think it's dumb simply because you can't have sex with a computer image. It's ... (read in full...)

Should I end things with this man?

Q.   hi, so I have been seeing this guy for 5 months now. we where friends first and I confided in him and then one day we had this connection and since then we been together. at one stage he was staying and spending nights with me and I have kid...

A.   2 February 2017: On the face of it sounds like you two are incompatible. Yeah, I know you love him and all but if he's not as punctual as you would like him to be and it sounds like you guys shout at each other over minor stuff. I think you should stop ... (read in full...)

I wasn't ready for sex so he hasn't talked to me for two weeks!

Q.   my boyfriend hasn't spoken to me for two weeks..he suddenly went silent after we argued over the fact that I wasn't ready for sex .we have only gone out for almost a month.I like him but I don't want to base my relationship on I call him ...

A.   2 February 2017: No..let him pout in silence. If he's not an idiot he'll call you to say he's sorry. If he is an idiot and doesn't call then you're better off.... (read in full...)

My husband has Erectile Dysfunction issues and yet is not interested in seeing the Doctor about this. I get no satisfaction. What can I do?

Q.   Hey, my husband couldn't have sex with me. It's been a year since our wedding and I'm still being a virgin , I want to experience it. He says that he has early ejaculation and erection issues too. He never really tried to have with me but he a...

A.   1 February 2017: Very disturbing problem. He must go see a doctor. Or, as others have suggested he may be gay and just not care to admit it.... (read in full...)

Grossed Out by Violent Behavior

Q.   Hi. I wrote two times here about an older man I had a crush on, got advice here, stepped back and realized that like the aunts and uncles warned that he was a no go. (Thanks again!) I've been cordial since he works/lives not too far from where I ...

A.   1 February 2017: If you can get a restraining order (consult an attorney first) then move to a new address. The guy is a time bomb and you need to take measures to protect yourself. Do whatever you can to avoid this guy. He's one drink away from hurting someone very ... (read in full...)

Dad told me if I dated this guy he would kick me out

Q.   I am 19 years old. Im a college student. There's a guy I like who is 24, I get along with great because we share the same interests. He likes me back. Though I can't date him for two reasons: 1 were related by marriage (no blood) 2 my dad said if...

A.   31 January 2017: Honor thy mother and thy father...In this case it's your father. Sounds like this guy in family by marriage(if you say not by blood) OK, your dad must know or know of this person and recognizes a potential problem. Therefore listen to your father!... (read in full...)

Should I pay attention to his behavioral patterns

Q.   When I was in undergrad 7 years ago I was partnered with one of my classmates (Tom) to do a class project. at the time I was in an unhealthy relationship and every time I went tto class I got attention from Tom. Both me and tom were attracted to ...

A.   31 January 2017: Reread Honeypie and follow her advice... (read in full...)

I don't understand the attitude of my hook-up

Q.   My hook up and I kept trying to make plans to, well you know, hook up, but he kept cancelling on me because something came up that he had to take care of. Anyway he apologized for being confusing lately (which idk what that really meant) but I...

A.   30 January 2017: Either you're being played for a fool or he has extreme anxiety (possibly guilt) over the whole sordid affair... (read in full...)

My mother in law walked in on me naked. I put some clothing on. But should I try not to be concerened? My M-in-Law wasn't bothered at all.

Q.   My wife and I are currently on vacation and staying at my mother in laws house for a week. Last night my mother in law walked into my bed room as I stepped out of the the bathroom. I was completely naked. She did not seem at all bothered by ...

A.   29 January 2017: You did the right thing. She should have knocked. Tell your wife what happened but don't make a big deal out of it. Maybe she'll knock next time. In the meantime try to be prepared for the next no knock situation.... (read in full...)

He is much older but I want to have sex with him

Q.   I knew a guy at work. I'm 22 he is 41. A very sexy man. Do u think he will have something with me after sex. We decided to be friends with benefits. He is in a relationship with a 31 years old . We planned to have sex this weekend. Do you think is ...

A.   28 January 2017: If being handsome is your only criteria for having sex with someone then sure why not? BUT "he can't love anymore (red flag)... (read in full...)

Do cheating married men usually have more than one mistress?

Q.   Do married men who cheat, cheat with more than one mistress at a time? Or do some men stay with just one? I am interested in everybody weighing in with their opinions. ...

A.   27 January 2017: Are you kidding? No one can keep up with 3 women at a time1... (read in full...)

I'm more interested in sex than my boyfriend

Q.   Should I back off and give boyfriend some room? Is there something wrong with me because I have a high sex drive? How can I get him to perform oral sex first without directly asking for it? We've been dating for 9 months I'm in love with him. I ...

A.   25 January 2017: The two sexiest words in the English language to a guy are: eat me..... If he can't respond to that then there's no hope.... (read in full...)

How do I deal with insensitive remarks about infertility?

Q.   My husband and I had a lot of difficulty to have our baby. After years of fertility appointments, I managed to conceive naturally and we had our miracle baby. I love him more than words can say. However, I have not forgotten the pain I went through ...

A.   25 January 2017: Firstly it is NONE of their business! I can't believe that anyone would even "go there". You say some are so nosey they think they need to provide input to your or anyone's private business. Those folks are undeserving of any response whatsoev... (read in full...)

Does being rich make a guy sexier, or does he just offer more security?

Q.   Does being rich make a guy sexier, or does he just offer more security? What is better in a guy who is 20-30 years old.. Being super rich (through inheritance or the lottery), or having an $US80k job?...

A.   24 January 2017: Money doesn't make you sexier or more just is a lure... (read in full...)

My son punched a guest, when guest videoed him and girlfriend having sex.

Q.   My son is 19 he has been dating his girlfriend since he was 16 and she was 15. We have a pretty open relationship with them. Over the weekend they went out to a party with their friends and at our house my husband and I threw a surprise party for ...

A.   23 January 2017: The youth of this generation has a feeling of entitlement and they truly do not understand the need to respect anyone else... (read in full...)

How can an older woman feel sexy when their partner obesesses over girls 20 years younger?

Q.   How does an older woman ever feel good enough or sexy enough especially when her partner is obsessed with watching women twenty years younger than her. I know the usual answer is to ' realise he is with you and if he wanted that he would have that ' ...

A.   23 January 2017: AS an older man I can tell you straight up that younger women and bigger breasts(both) are HIGLY overrated! The gal I married still has the best in bed moves and body. I think are just wired to think younger is better(because of the whole ... (read in full...)

Everything was great .... except the sex!

Q.   Hi. I am seeing someone and we get on so well. Everything is great. But we had sex for the first time and he treated me like a one night stand. He was just concerned about having an orgasm. He has never been in a relationship before. I know the ...

A.   23 January 2017: Assuming he is very inexperienced with sex...he probably hasn't yet learned that pleasing your partner fist is the ultimate sex. He will eventually learn to "hold back" and delay his own orgasm until you've experienced yours or try to "time it" ... (read in full...)

I lied to my husband about maxing out my credit card and he found out

Q.   So today my husband found out that i maxed my (our) credit card. He was upset by this. Which i dont blame him. Ive totally broken his trust in me. I was going to say that i dont know why i lied about it. But i do. I lied because he gets ver...

A.   19 January 2017: I must apologize that I cannot have any sympathy for your situation. Credit is a bad thing to abuse. The real abuse seems to me though is what you did to his credit. Even though the card may have been under both names his credit is affected by your ... (read in full...)

This bothers me a lot. What can I do? Married nearly 15 years and now my wife is no longer interested in Bjs.

Q.   Been married for nearly 15 years. My wife has basically decided that she will no longer perform oral sex on me. It's not like I was getting once a week, in fact once every two years is more like the current rate. When we first married, it was some...

A.   19 January 2017: According to most guys I know that are married. BJs go the way of the dinosaur after about a year or two of marriage. They seemingly don't need to PROVE their commitment to anyone and revert to being the innocent young image they have of ... (read in full...)

Why do some men say things to their partner the man thinks may sound supportive, and yet concurrently they collect pictures of women and porn?

Q.   I know this might seem a dumb question but it's bothered me in a lot of relationships I've been in as I've noticed most guys seem to do it and think it's no big deal to lie about it . Why do some men say things to their partner like 'you're the only...

A.   19 January 2017: guilt is a great motivator for lying.... (read in full...)

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