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What do I do? I feel I can't trust him anymore after what's happened.

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, Friends, Social Media, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 June 2017) 9 Answers - (Newest, 16 June 2017)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi I've been in what I thought was a happy relationship for the past 3 and a half years.

A couple of weeks ago I went on my Facebook and seen he had became friends with 2 women.

I asked who they were and he denied he had added anyone.

I had my suspicions and found out one of them was a woman he had a one night stand with, he said she sent him the request.

The other woman he sent the request to her.

I asked him why and he said he liked her profile picture. Why would he do this if he's supposed to be happy with me?

He is always staring at other women when were out.

What do I do? I feel like I can't trust him anymore

View related questions: facebook, one night stand

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (16 June 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHe done it because he is not serious about you. You will never be able to trust him and if you forgive him for this then you have a future off him cheating to look forward to simply because he feels he can get away with it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2017):

Run.

I have just found out again that my partner of 14 years is emailing another woman, he doesn't have a phone since I last discovered his cheating. It's been less than a year since last time, and not just one.

He made all the promises, did all the right things and even recently proposed again, but I had that feeling the other day and a quick look proves it was right.

I'm heartbroken, I'm 54 and really can't face going through it all again. I have nothing left.

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A female reader, Ivyblue Australia +, writes (7 June 2017):

Ivyblue agony auntahhh..Facebook strikes again. If you two were in a cafe and he just 'liked the profile' of some woman, would he just go up to her and start chatting away while you sat there? Of course not, that would make him a prick. So now he's a 'click prick' instead. He can be sent a thousand request from women, doesn't mean he has to accept them does it? He knows what he's up to and why. The one night stand, sorry but that is just dangerous territory for a two or more night stand.

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 June 2017):

olderthandirt agony aunt"Friends " on a lame social media site isn't exactly "cheating" It's kind of dumb if you ask me. Dump FB and all other such BS. Just live life like normal people do it's a lot simpler and less stress over silly stuff like how many "friends you have or, why did he/she "unfriend" me like that's a word even.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (5 June 2017):

Honeypie agony auntI'm on the "dump him" team too.

This is not some "one-off" this is just the first time you have caught him. NEXT time (and there will be a next time - I say that because he showed NO remorse and he lied about it) he will HIDE it better.

You are at a make or break time in a relationship for some it happens around 3 years others 5-7 and some much longer.

IF this IS a deal breaker for you, the adding women, the lying, the lack of respect and NOTION that HE can do what he wants - then BREAK up. Actions have consequences. When trust goes out the window other things will fall like dominoes too. You will find yourself turning into a "superspy" trying to "catch" him so you can STOP him from doing this. The truth is, you can't. YOU can't control what he does, says, feel or think but you CAN control how you react to what happens around you.

Is this REALLY the kind of behavior you want in a partner?

Looking up old F-buddies or ONS's it means HE is considering either hooking up over chats or in person. It's not like the ONS is a long lost friend he shared a lot of things with, is it? What did he share with her? SEX. So the most LOGICAL reason is that he is looking too or thinking OFF sharing that again. And a pretty girl he doesn't know he isn't ADDING her because they SHARE history or commonalities.

He is window shopping for YOUR replacement.

I know that sounds kind of harsh, but isn't that REALITY?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2017):

Once you become suspicious of your lover cheating, you're always suspicious. In your case, you've found incriminating evidence.

If he has a girlfriend, why would he Facebook-friend some woman who was a one-night stand from his past? That takes big balls!

You've hit the 3-5 year-mark. The make-it or break-it stage in your relationship. We get many posts from people at this particular stage in their relationships.

When you confronted him, he denied he even added the two women you found on his Facebook account. You saw them with your own two eyes. How did you know one was an ONS?!!

Now you don't trust him. You'll spend a lot of time snooping and he'll just find more clever ways to hide what he's up-to. Probably searching for side-chicks.

You no longer trust him. So end it. Fighting and spying won't solve this issue. If he lied to you about something like this; the relationship is less important to him than it is to you. He's probably tired of being in a committed-relationship. For some, it starts to feel like marriage.

He will never admit it. He misses being single.

.

If you ask him if he loves you, he'll say yes. This will place you in a state of suspension. You'll be paralyzed.

He probably does, but he's still bored being with being with the same woman. Before you blame our gender. This isn't true about all men. You only know the one you have and share your life with.

You'll probably keep him anyway. He'll tire of being spied on and confronted. He'll eventually dump you.

For now, the ball is in your court.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (5 June 2017):

Fatherly Advice agony auntI vote with Nora and N91 Dump him he has wandering eyes.

But even though I am addicted to social media I would not let the facebook feed rule my life. I have seen so much facebook drama involved in wrecking good relationships. I just don't trust it.

In this case you have done due diligence and researched the question and got answers from your BF. So you have solid facts.

Trust is the stuff relationships are made of. No trust, no relationship.

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A female reader, NORA B Ireland +, writes (5 June 2017):

This is very sad for you after 3 and a half years.He does not deserve someone like you.When trust is BROKEN in a relationship is is very difficult to trust that person again In his case he was unfaithful on you with one woman,maybe two.DO NOT WASTE ANYMORE TIME WITH HIM.The cold truth is he is not happy nor can he be trusted.Move on with your life.Be grateful you found out when you did and not continue in such a relationship with a cheating boyfriend.Mind your health,take a break from dating till you heal.Meet your friends,join a club,start a new hobbies.Kind regards.NORA B.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (5 June 2017):

N91 agony auntIf you can't trust him then how can you stay with him?

Break up

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