A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have lived together since February, our one year is in a couple days. Last month he came home at 2:30 in the morning after drinking, he told me his car battery had died on his way home from work so he was stuck. i went through his phone and saw he was telling this girl he loved her and they had gone out to the woods to drink together. He lied about it and said he was jokingly saying the i love yous. i found out it wasn't the first time he'd hung out with her alone. we had been constantly fighting, mostly about him sneaking around me and lying to me about where he was and if he was drinking. one time he got so drunk with her that they had sex, he claims to not remember any of it, he didn't find out until his friend who was having sex with her for months had flipped out on him because the girl told him. I had surgery and found out i had chlamydia and that's how i knew it happened. he wouldn't admit it because he was scared he'd lose me. he knows he fucked up and he constantly says he's sorry and he's trying to do everything he can to make things right. sometimes i can have a good laugh with him still and enjoy a couple hours but then the realization that he cheated kicks in and it breaks me. will it ever get easier? will i ever be able to forgive him and move on with our relationship? we both want it to work but i don't know how to make it work.
View related questions:
drunk, I love you, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 May 2017):
 He cannot remember cheating? Please tell me you did not fall for that petty excuse. He is a liar. He knew rightly what he was doing with that girl texting her and meeting her for drinks. If he was so drunk he had memory loss then it is more than likely he would have been in no fit state to actually have sex. He is lying to you. I could never be with someone who gave me a STI. It means he is having unprotected sex and where will he stop? Getting someone pregnant? What will it take for you to realize you deserve better?
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (26 May 2017):
 You can't "make it work" nor can you in-ring a bell. Need to find a more suitable love interest.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 May 2017):
 No, sorry, you both dont want this to work. He might tell you he wants it to work, but look at his actions. He still sneaks around and meets this woman, he lies to you. He is not doing "everything" he can to make things right. He just wants to stay because it makes life easier for him to not have to move + sex easily avaliable. Sorry, but you need to open your eyes and see that he is playing you..
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 May 2017):
 He gave you chlamydia? Eww. Sorry, but that would be the straw for me. Why? Because it would mean he had UNPROTECTED sex with that girl to GET chlamydia to pass it on to you.
What's next? HpV? HIV? SHE obviously isn't picky about her bedfellows either.
The fact that YOU didn't even KNOW he had cheated on you till you got a STD should tell you JUST how much he DOESN'T respect you. He might be afraid of losing you, but not enough to keep his dick in his pants or to USE a condom when screwing around.
How will you ever be able to trust him?
Sorry, I see nothing here to forgive but a RELATIONSHIP and soon-to-be ex-bf to FORGET.
Had you NOT had surgery and been tested you could have had chlamydia for so LONG that you would have ended up being UNABLE to have kids. Long-term exposure to chlamydia can render a woman sterile. Not everyone show symptoms.
Do you really WANT to be with someone who RISKED your health?
I think it's a LITTLE too late for him to be "sorry" about it. And it apparently wasn't a one-time cheating thing. He had sex with her more than once, THAT is not a mistake or accident - THAT is deliberate.
IF I were you, get my ducks in a row( make sure you are OFF all the bills for the shared place), DUMP him, cut all contact and I'd move out.
No way I'd stay with a guy like that. Just eww.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (25 May 2017):
 I wouldn't even try to salvage the relationship if I were you.
He has cheated on you. What worse act can he commit in a relationship? He doesn't respect you. So what if he's sorry, could you ever honestly trust him again?
Why would YOU want it to work? This man is not loyal, so why should you stay loyal to him?
Drunk or not, it is no excuse. Even when you've had a drink you have plenty of chances to realise what you're doing to stop yourself. Your BF willingly decided to have sex with another woman. Why are you settling for someone that can easily do that to you?
...............................
A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (25 May 2017):
 Why are you even still with him? :( poor you being treated so badly. You deserve so much better than this. He has shown how much he doesn't respect you or your relationship. He cared so little he gave you chlamydia. You can laugh with him until the sun goes down everyday, it won't change anything.
I don't know if you can ever trust someone who has done this and I don't know what to recommend because if you've only been together for a year then that isn't very long. He's already done all this to you after only being together a year?
If you'd been together Faithfull for five years or more, you'd be able to say "he isn't really like this. Things have gone wrong and I trusted him for five years, this was just one blip". But this isn't the case in your relationship. You dont have any period of trust to use as a solid base to fall back on.
I'm not sure how you can "make it work" in this situation and there are people who will treat you so much better in life that I don't know why you would want to.
...............................
|
