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... Send *lderthandirt a private message | | | *lderthandirt's profile:I don't know about qualifactions or not but I do know I'm older than most of the folks that offer up questions and I have shared a lot of experiences that the folks seem to be zeroed in on. 46 years of marriage yes to the same woman. i've lived in Hawaii,California, Texas(currently in Texas) worked in Louisiana, New Jersey, Arkansas,Texas, and Indiana on a consulting engineering basis. I love to daydream about stuff[like living o a beach somewhere living off the sea, I lkie to write lyrics for proposed songs,like reading. I surf the net a lot. |
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How can I erase this mental abuse?
Q. How can stop measuring my value by a man- since being young my parents and grand parents have lived a life according to what society thinks is right. My mom married my dad and stayed in a physically abusive relationship only because she didn't like ...
A. 25 May 2017: Erase all that baggage and get it out of your day-to-day stream of thought. What's past is past. Treat each day as a brand new beginning. you will go crazy trying to place blame for everything on how others lived their lives. You are in control of ... (read in full...)
We are newly weds. Should I confront him over this? He's been watching porn, alone, when I've been at work
Q. Hi I am 61 years old my husband is the same age. He has trouble keeping an erection but he tries he says it's do to his blood pressure. We have only been marriedx for 7 months now i know he likes porno. I have watched it with him What bothers m...
A. 25 May 2017: If he thinks his blood pressure is an issue then insist on seeing a cardiologist for a complete workup. The porn is a separate issue. It sounds as if he's trying to find an answer to performance issues in the bed that might not be blood pressure ... (read in full...)
How much do I need to earn to be an acceptable bride?
Q. Hi , Thanks for reading my post. I am very confuse with my current situation. I am 38-year-old female. I am in US. I work as nanny. I done my becholer from Middle East. But, I was not able to focus to my career in US. My father was sick I was takin...
A. 18 May 2017: As an American male - I am very confused. All a woman needs to DO in my opinion is love her husband period... (read in full...)
Do many females masturbate ? I feel ashamed when I do so.
Q. Do lots of girls/ladies masterbate? I get so paranoid that I'm abnormal for doing it because my friends never talk about it and sometimes someone will make a comment that it's more of a boy thing and I'll feel ashamed. ...
A. 18 May 2017: Both genders "pleasure themselves" it's totally normal... (read in full...)
I'm worried how rude the nurses will be
Q. Im going into hospital tomorrow for a minor procedure and the nurses are known to be nasty, what can i do? Am staying overnight and on the ward im going to overnight on the nurses are well known to be sarcastic and cold... I have spoken to s...
A. 17 May 2017: #1 Nurses are generally just the opposite. Nurses in general are very nice and do a great job. An B... Relax you're going to be just fine.... (read in full...)
I'm fixated on having a boyfriend
Q. I am 15, i have had boyfriends but not proper relationships. I am desperate for a boyfriend. It is on my mind all the time. I don't know any lads my age who would want to date me. I fall in love too easily and always think about boys I don't know ...
A. 11 May 2017: You are at an age where your "inner voice" is driving you to focus on the things that give you immediate gratification. It's not abnormal or anything you just cannot see the bigger picture. Your mother has years of experience and is only interested ... (read in full...)
My husband is almost forcing me to have sex with my lesbian neighbor
Q. Hi, my husband has recently come home after a month away and suddenly started wanting me to have sex with my lesbian next door neighbour, he doesn't want to watch or be involved at all. We have known she has a crush on me for a long time and given ...
A. 5 May 2017: It's a guy fantasy to be "involved with two women. But this seems more like a test to see if you're "up to it". Just remember you don't HAVE to do anything you're uncomfortable with. He cannot force you to do this; otherwise you have grounds for ... (read in full...)
Confusedabout my feelings
Q. I apologise this is very long! Around 4 years ago i met this man online. We eventually met up and went for a meal, (i need to mention i was in a bad place back then and very insecure) he was a bit of a d***. He said i had bad table manners, asked if ...
A. 2 May 2017: From your description, it sounds like he is just out 'fishing' for a friends with benefits. I'd be VERY cautious if I were you.... (read in full...)
The fiance, the step daughter, the baby mama and possible cheating!
Q. Hello, I have been engaged for over 2 years to the man of my dreams. However,we dont get along all the time. He has a daughter and I have a son. Now, his babymother is in the picture and my son father is not. But he gets his daughter every w...
A. 28 April 2017: Yeah you should go...it sounds like there is nothing good gonna happen here. Why not try with a newer dude that'll not have a baby mama joined at the hip. There are "normal folks out there too.... (read in full...)
He went to a strip club, I went to see male dancers and an "eye for an eye" isn't feeling good right now
Q. I feel like the back story is needed (see below). But, my question is how do I let go of the fact my boyfriend went to a strip club TWO nights in a row while on business? I eneded up going to a male strip club for a girls night recently, now I'm ...
A. 28 April 2017: some things are just better left unsaid. Why share stories when you know it'll just hurt and leave you open for getting hurt back? What goes around comes around.... (read in full...)
Why do many men prefer a tight vagina? Or do they? 2
Q. Why do many men find a tight vagina so appealing? I was a late bloomer and lost my virginity to my current husband when I was in my 40's. I was married previously to a man who suffered erectile difficulties and was never able to have intercourse...
A. 27 April 2017: Tight vaginas are not necessarily better or worse just different. my wife is so tight as to make penetration painful and nearly impossible not a good thing at all.I'd prefer a snug fit but not a prolapse situation.... (read in full...)
Is it normal for men to have sex when women are having their periods?
Q. I'm meeting up with my bf next month who stays in another city. The problem is that the date when I will be going, I might be on my periods. I've told him that already to which he has said that he's fine with it. What can this possibly mean? Is he ...
A. 27 April 2017: Not "normal" But acceptable.... (read in full...)
I have trouble expressing my emotions and I don't know what to do about it
Q. So I just broke up with my ex. He's really popular and all I've had for ages is people coming up to me and making me feel bad. After the breakup, I went to one of my best friends and started laughing even though I was upset. Looking back, that was ...
A. 21 April 2017: In my 'perfect world" it would be better for everyone if we all kept our emotions to ourselves. Sadness is contagious we don't need sadness and that's what I think you want to express. I could be wrong. Hope you find a release soon.... (read in full...)
My husband lies about watching porn and masturbating
Q. My husband lies about watching porn and masturbating. I know he does this to avoid an argument, and I don't really mind his porn usage - I just don't want him to be lying to me. However we had a massive argument a couple of weeks ago - it came up...
A. 21 April 2017: There is no answer as to "why" it's just a 'brain magnet' for us guys we have a desire to watch others have sex even if we know it's not real(and it's not real-it's drugged females doing what they are directed to do by over-endowed males.... (read in full...)
When I try to talk to my girlfriend about her flaws it always turns into an argument
Q. Okay so i have a girlfriend and i love her to bits but sometimes she can doing very annoying things, but whenever i bring them up she acts like its a massive problem and it always turns into an argument....
A. 20 April 2017: DUH... learn from this,,, NO ONE wants to have their "flaws" pointed out and Two; You are working under the misconception that you are perfect when you address someone about their imperfections. i.e. Judgmental comments evoke a bad reaction so ... (read in full...)
Is it weird that I don't feel anything for him after losing my virginity to him?
Q. Hi I'm 17, soon to be 18, and a few weeks ago i lost my virginity. Me and this guy have known each other for some time over a year and have been good friends ever since. Although we've been just friends there's been this kind of sexual tension (for ...
A. 19 April 2017: OK, firstly you didn't "lose" you virginity you gave it up to someone you're not even sure is in love with you. He didn't have and still doesn't have feeling for you or he wouldn't be distant now. You gave up your ONLY gift you had for a husband in ... (read in full...)
Do I call this married man?
Q. I'm 23, and I am dating a married man, who is 35, for 8 weeks now. We haven't had sex yet, but we've been kissing, making out and stuff. However, he used to call me whenever he was free. But now, all he says after making out is "Call me!" Last time, ...
A. 19 April 2017: This "situation" is a classic no-win. Everyone loses in the end especially his current wife. You are the wild card that is about to ruin her life so what difference does it make?... (read in full...)
Toxic, controlling, abusive and violent relationship. But I do love him. Plus I recently cheated. What should I do?
Q. I met my current partner 3 years ago, we were dating and then I moved into his place and sub letted my place to my sister as she had moved to London. At the time, three years ago, when I met my partner, my grandad had just passed away and my dad w...
A. 13 April 2017: GET AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE AS SOON AS POSIBLE. For your own safety. you are in peril. By the way, all those other influences you mention are no excuses for his behavior. RUN!... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a man to have a friend with benefits he isn't attracted to?
Q. I met a fellow on a dating site a few months ago with the mutually-agreed-on purpose of only having sex. Since then, we've continued to hook up, but it's been happening less and less - from several times a week to once every 1-2 weeks - although he ...
A. 12 April 2017: ero expectations... (read in full...)
He wants to take me as his second wife but my mother doesn't approve
Q. my name is mathapelo and im inlove with a married man and now he wants take me as a second wife and he has proofed himself to me he cant live without me in his lfe but my mom doesnt approves what do i do because i we really love each other pls help...
A. 9 April 2017: In our culture (American) Not many folks could handle being the second wife much less an American man wanting two wives at the same time. Too much trouble.... (read in full...)
He says his HIV is undetectable and he's on medication. Is it ok to sleep with him?
Q. So I've met this guy who is HIV undetectable and he says it's safe to have unprotected sex cause the hiv is not transmitable cause of medication. I don't really know much about undetectable HIV can I get some info...
A. 8 April 2017: If you go to Las Vegas Do you expect to win at every game you play? If you have to ask the question it shows that you are afraid of the answer. You want some anon person out here in the world of fantasy relationships to "Oh sure it's just fine to ... (read in full...)
I don't trust him and I'm worried he'll give me a STD. Is it time to break up with him?
Q. Should I end this relationship? Me and B we were friends for years and I had my boyfriend who I was stable for 4 years and we have a kid, me and him and B lived together for 9 months. One year ago he kissed me and we made love. Before letting ...
A. 2 April 2017: Run for the hills...this is going down the drain!! If there is no trust there is nothing... (read in full...)
I'm ok with my sexless relationship but my friends think it's weird
Q. Hi there , I have been with my partner a year and a half yet in all that time we have only had sex 10 times we cuddle kiss hold hands but nothing more he was honest from the start and said he wasn't very sexual, this is ok with me however my friends ...
A. 31 March 2017: Yep, totally "normal". I've been married 51 years and it's not a problem. Your "friends" are the ones that need the reality check.... (read in full...)
How much effort should a woman put into being attractive for her partner?
Q. How much effort should a woman put into being attractive for her partner?. I mean considering my partner has developed very particulicular tastes in women lately. How much should I be trying to be what he wants or trying to be attractive to him He...
A. 8 March 2017: Other than what you think makes you look good. We don't live life trying to please others. We fixate on what we think looks good to ourselves.Othes(yes even the ones we love) can go jump in a lake with their wants and expectations.... (read in full...)
I don't know whether to keep seeing this man or not
Q. I started dating a guy a few weeks ago, but a few things are worrying me. He knows a few gay men. One of these men kept asking me and this man what was going on between us. He pestered us for ages. This man jokingly blew the gay man a kiss. Another ...
A. 7 March 2017: Sounds a little weird to me. If you are concerned about the gender identity of your new friend you might want to get that settled before your relationship proceeds to any next levels. there are serious consequences (aids for one) to be alarmed ... (read in full...)
I don't know whether to tell my boyfriend that I cheated or not
Q. Okay so I went out one night at the start of my relationship and I barely remember anything. I'd gone out with a few friends and end up in a club on my own. I got speaking to a guy and he walked me part way home. He ended up giving me his number but ...
A. 6 March 2017: nope silence is golden... (read in full...)
Why is he withholding sex?
Q. Withholding sex? I have been seeing a guy I met for the past 4-5 months. The first few months were quite casual and we'd only see each other maybe once a week. The last couple we've been doing more together, going on trips out of town etc. At the...
A. 4 March 2017: Sometimes (not many)much like women, guys just don't feel like it. Let it go, when the testosterone levels peak again he'll be allover you.... (read in full...)
Is it too soon to sleep with him?
Q. I need your opinions and thank you in advance. I am 40 dating a guy who is 48 for 3 weeks. We have been on 16 dates already. I know it is too much with some standards but he is just head over heels for me and has told all his family and friends and ...
A. 27 February 2017: There's no number of dates to prequalify for sex. If there were you would have exceeded that. 16 dates in 3 weeks? That is a stretch(maybe the numbers are mixed up but I can't see that many dates in such a short period of time. Hold off until you ... (read in full...)
His family want us to marry, mine don't!
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, I 'was' dating this guy for a little over two years. We have both met each other's families and all was well until last December when his family started asking him to get married. Now the problem is I am in my early 20s ...
A. 27 February 2017: I may be in the minority but my take on this is; Your parents are probably more right than his family whereas his job is a bit "shakey" You have demonstrated that you can be self-sufficient. With the societal norm being that the man should s... (read in full...)
My boyfriend appears to be attracted to transgender women!
Q. A few weeks ago I noticed my boyfriend had sent a friend request to a young lady. When I went to her page her pics were mostly of her in sexy lingerie and telling all to visit her on webcam. I also noticed she had obvious breast implants and a ...
A. 27 February 2017: "Oh my word!" as they say down south when a complicated situation like this comes up. If it were me I'd run for the hills. He seems to be confused.... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin and a little afraid of sex but I'm worried this guy will want it
Q. I'm a virgin at the age of 21 and always feel embarrassed talking about it. I've never done anything with a guy... But I've met a guy and we get on well... however I'm afraid of having sex. I don't know why. I just think he will just want that. An...
A. 22 February 2017: First; Congrats on retaining your virginity, it's sad to see how many don't these days. Your husband (when that time comes) will be so appreciative. Nothing to fear about sex. Of course there's always the fear of STDs, etc. but other than that sex ... (read in full...)
My grandmother died and I've lost my job
Q. I'm not one to ask for advice but I really need some. I've been under a tremendous amount of stress and I'm not sure how to cope, I feel like everything is crashing down around me. On January 10th my grandma who I was really close to died a...
A. 16 February 2017: Yep , life sucks and then you die. I was Very close to my grandparents but I always knew that odds were that I'd outlive them all.so I kind of prepared myself for that eventuality. That is not to make light of your loss. I'm suggesting you were ... (read in full...)
Is it a red flag if a woman has been 3 or 4 times and says all the marriages were abusive?
Q. well asking a question, if a woman, a man started dating, tells you they been married three or four times, is that a big red flag, my own opinion is that they all couldn't be bad,one or two maybe,an if they say all three men were abusive ...
A. 16 February 2017: There's an old saying...'It takes two to tango" So maybe not a RED flag but at least a pink one. Walk softly and proceed with caution. Good luck.... (read in full...)
How do I deal with this? Whenever I invite a friend over she invariably does not show up
Q. I have a friend I've known for several years. She has a very frustrating habit in which she will set a day with me to meet up, and then not show up. I really don't understand how you can simply disregard to tell a person you are not coming and let ...
A. 8 February 2017: This "friend" is a time-bandit. A time bandit is someone that ignores you and wastes your time. There is a certain amount of tie you have been granted in this life. Don't let some goofball steal any of if from you. Forget her!... (read in full...)
I miss my Mom. Is it normal to feel so bad and upset moving out from a parent ?
Q. I'm 22, married and having a baby in 6 weeks time. My father died a year and a half ago and at the time myself and husbands rent was raised sky high meaning we temporarily needed to move home for a few months however the few months turned into 15 ...
A. 8 February 2017: Of course your feelings are normal, especially as you approach motherhood yourself. You MUST reinitiate contact. I don't care what problems or situations led you to being estranged, now is the time to get back together . You're about to be a mother ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's sexual past troubles me, What should I do?
Q. My girlfriend and i have been together for 8 months and we both are in love and have talked about a future. we both talked about pasts as well and got on the subject of sex. i was disgusted when she told me on how many people she slept with and...
A. 8 February 2017: Get over it! Lots of people have pasts that are unacceptable to others but nothing can change it. in my opinion, the less you know about your best friend's past the better off you are so stop "sharing".... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't want me going out with male friends for drinks
Q. Am I in the wrong ? After recently starting uni I made a small group of three male friends whom I worked on an assessment with and we automatically became friends. We are all older than the normal uni starting age so its nice to have someone on ...
A. 8 February 2017: He is feeling a bit insecure and he like everyone knows that going out for drinks can end up in a bit more than an innocent evening with friends. Why not ask him to join you and/or meet the male friends you want to go out with?... (read in full...)
I discovered that my 16 year old has had sex. Should I punish her by cancelling her "sweet sixteen" birthday celebrations?
Q. i recently found out by going through my 15 year old daughters phone that she has recently lost her virginity to an 18 year old guy whom is now dating another girl in the same area as us. When i first confronted her she denied it but eventual...
A. 7 February 2017: Her "punishment was lose of virginity prior to giving it to the one she will eventually love. She'll only be sixteen once. And the once for virginity was used up. She "pay for that" the rest of her life (guilt).... (read in full...)
My husband and I had a threesome with a guy. Should I push the issue or let it go on naturally?
Q. Recently I found porn on my husbands phone and confronted him. He confessed that he was turned on by the fact that he wanted me to do a three-some. Well yesterday he brought a male friend home and after several drinks I found myself going down o...
A. 7 February 2017: Although it sounds a bit out of mainstream whatever happens in the privacy of your own home shouldn't be anyone's business BUT don't forget the dangers involved (Aids , etc).... (read in full...)
Would you remain friends with someone who keeps you blocked from Skype?
Q. Hi All, Could really use a little input here. I met a woman online on an international dating site. I'm American, she's from Europe. We emailed, talked and Skyped for about 10 months and then got into a fight. Without going into the details, ...
A. 4 February 2017: I am not a fan of computer dating or computer affairs. So I've probably answered this question before. Why can't folks just meet face-to-face anymore?... (read in full...)
We have Skype online sex regularly. He is my first cousin and separated from his wife. Is this OK?
Q. Im having skype sex with my first cousin. Im 34, he's 32. I just got out of a 10 year relationship 6 mths ago, and been feeling very sexually frustrated. He's separated from his wife for 3 years now. He lives in Canada, and im from Cali. We ...
A. 4 February 2017: "Is this OK?" What do you want to know? Is this normal? -NO. it's dumb! Is this legal? I suppose, heck in some states it's probably considered the best of both worlds. I think it's dumb simply because you can't have sex with a computer image. It's ... (read in full...)
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