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How do I play it on the 2nd date?

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Question - (24 May 2017) 3 Answers - (Newest, 25 May 2017)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hey guys, I'll try and keep this short and sweet, basically I met a girl on a dating site, after a few days of messaging, we went out on a date the other night. She said beforehand how shy/ nervous she is, anyway, we went on the date, and it went ok. Anyway, we are going to the cinema on our 2nd date and I'm not sure if I should or shouldn't put my arm around her?? Is there any subtle ways that I could find out? Or what should I do?

Also, although we are going on the 2nd date, she's not texting as much as she was before..

Thanks for your help!

View related questions: shy, text

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (25 May 2017):

olderthandirt agony auntOK, here's a thought when you get to the movie. Ask her very politely if it would be alright to place your arm around her. If she's uncomfortable with that, she'll let you know. If not, then do it slowly and gently and do no more than that. At least she will know you were respectful enough to not assume something else.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2017):

Don't judge anything by the frequency of texting. I think it's too soon to make any moves or form opinions; but lean-in just a little when you talk to her. She doesn't have to respond by text too much now that you've actually met.

If you're a big-guy, please make no sudden moves. I would understand if she felt intimidated. You can never go wrong when you have the gentle approach. Once you're better acquainted, your size and appearance would be less intimidating; if she is petite or much shorter than you.

You said the first-date went okay? Would it be presumptuous to say it was lack-luster and she wasn't particularly enthusiastic? Maybe she was just on-edge. A lady on her first-date has to be prepared for anything. So I can understand if she might have been a little stiff.

All you can do is wait and see how the second date goes. I can only say, if you have to carry the conversation and she sits there like a bump on a log. Don't ask her out anymore.

Personally, I can only tolerate so much "shyness." Everyone is nervous on a first-date; so you have to give her benefit of the doubt. She is courageous enough to agree to see you again. You are a stranger, and you never know who you're dealing with when you meet people on the internet.

I think you really should take her out for lunch or coffee. Dark theaters can be a little ominous with a complete stranger. She has only met you once. A nice bright setting where you can talk and actually look at each other; may help her to overcome her nervousness, and she can gauge your personality better while you're in full-view. It's important to read body-language and overall demeanor in someone you're becoming acquainted with. It's easier to assess a date's personality in daylight, or a well-lit spot, for starters.

Go easy, stay calm, keep the pitch of your voice low; and when you see she is being more interactive; that's a sign she's warming-up to you and feels more at ease. Don't take it hard if she doesn't really want to see you again. She did warn you she's shy and nervous. So you just might not be her type.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (24 May 2017):

Honeypie agony auntI wouldn't put my arm around her in the cinema. YOU are still a stranger to her (and vice verse). It can seem a bit forced. TAKE it slow, cowboy!

Going to see a movie is NOT always a great idea for the first kind of dates as you can't really TALK and get to know each other in a cinema. However, it CAN work if you go out for a drink or a bite to eat AFTER the movie - that way you two SHOULD have something easy to talk about! (the movie).

N9ot texting as much can mean that she is more focused on the upcoming date. And again, YOU CAN NOT get to know someone through texting. So don't MAKE texting the main form of communication.

And RELAX, it's only been a short time. I'd also say DON'T go out on a date with the presumption that it's going to end with a "forever" relationship. GET to know her FIRST. That way you will REALLY know if she is a good match for you and you for her.

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