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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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Why do guys run when you mention "baby"?
Q. i going to be giving birth in the next month and the father who i was dating for, for 6 years did a legger as soon as i told him he has a new gf now anyways i have to do it all on my own to be honest i don't think i'm ready to be a mam or to do it ...
A. 3 January 2011: Guys do that when they didn't plan to have a baby. Especially younger guys - fewer of them have been raised to believe in the obligations of a father, and even those that have see no benefit in doing so.
I didn't see anything in this question... (read in full...)
Why sex is important in a Relationship
Q. You can only hold hands for so long and then its time to get down to business. A lot of women serve as the problem with sex in the marriage. The only thing they focus on is the wedding, the family , and not the husband. Its like big poppa comes last ...
A. 3 January 2011: I think you've hit on the female half of the problem very well - a lack of respect for their vows and obligations. And you are correct, lack of sex in a marriage is terrible, especially for guys. A lot of poorly-informed guys sign up for marriage ... (read in full...)
I'm pansexual and want to come out to my Christian boyfriend and best friend..
Q. :] I have just recently realized that I am pansexual (gender doesn't matter) and I don't know how to come out to my boyfriend and best friend. My boyfriend is a devout Christian and doesn't tolerate homosexuality what so ever and my best friend i...
A. 3 January 2011: Hmm. I don't know how to deal with your friend, but I can give you my amateur religious take on the whole homosexuality thing, which you can present to him if he has a hard time with it.
The proscriptions against homosexuality in the Bible ar... (read in full...)
I love her but don't want to be one of her sex slaves
Q. Hi everyone, In short I know a girl who I care for and think I love, the problem is she is beautiful and younger and does not want to settle for any one man. She has a string of open relationships where she is sexually intimate with a few people. ...
A. 3 January 2011: It is demeaning. Having a relationship that's not at all on your terms is going to hurt, and it's going to make her lose what little respect she has for you. There is absolutely no future with this chick.
More importantly, your feelings of hurt ... (read in full...)
Is intimidation a bad thing?
Q. So i have had a few boyfriends in my past. And every time we broke up it was kinda sudden and not really that far into the relationship. And well my mom was talking to the mom of my ex. She had said that her son was probable intimidated me. Which i ...
A. 2 January 2011: Girls say guys are intimidated when, really, the guys just made an assessment of the value of the relationship compard to the chance of it working and decided it was not worth the effort. "Intimidation" in the traditional sense of "inspiring fear" ... (read in full...)
Guys just use me and never want a relationship.
Q. Well, I've live my life for 19 years now just. I still feel ugly and i still feel unloved. Everyman i've been with just nail and bails me or wants to be "fuck buddies". i feel used and i cant stop crying. I think im being a little over dramatising ...
A. 30 December 2010: Let's say you know 100 guys, and 10 of them are assholes. If word gets around that you'll put out before a commitment, all 10 of them will be at your doorstep in a heartbeat. The other 90 will go elsewhere.
Guys use you because you let them. N... (read in full...)
Am I dumb for staying with my fiancee' if he has cheated more than once?
Q. Me and my fiancee' has been together for 3 1/2 years but for a year straight he cheated on me and the 2nd year was shaky then the 3rd year we got right and he changed. Now we are going on our 4th year and I still can't get over what he has done in ...
A. 30 December 2010: Not dumb, just taking a big risk out of sentimentality. There's a pretty good chance he'll cheat again, but you have to decide for yourself if he will. And even if he doesn't cheat, it'll bother you again, the way you mention.
If you're going to... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin and I need sex tips! Help!
Q. I need help. im a virgin and im ready to have sex with my boyfriend but im just scared that im going to be rubbish because ive never done it before. he's had sex a few times, what if im awful at giving a BJ? please give me any advice as to what to ...
A. 30 December 2010: It's natural to be nervous the first time. But, if you're sure you're ready (and you should try to be sure), just relax.
BJ's - just don't use your teeth. You don't have to deep throat it until you're all ready - go as deep as you're comforta... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to want a guy who is 8 years older than me?
Q. If I'm 19 and wanted to talk to this guy whos 27 is that bad? I'm not saying I want to be his wife or girlfriend, I'm just talk or maybe have sex. Nothing more. Is the gap between use bad? He knows how old I am and I've known him for 5 months. ...
A. 30 December 2010: The gap's fine. You're both of legal age. Girls are almost all attracted to older usy - it's just a matter of whether it's two years, five, eight, whatever.
So long as he respects you everything's good.... (read in full...)
How do I make my first offical relationship work? Any tips??
Q. OK. The whole story about what happened is written below, my question is, I'm new at this, so how do I experience this relationship right? It's been a long time in the making, but today at a friend's birthday party, a guy I like that also am...
A. 29 December 2010: Great for you!
Keep things simple. Trying to remember a dozen rules and tips is only going to confuse you. So, I'll give you this one.
You're going to hear thigns that make you wonder what he's thinking, you're going to say things that make... (read in full...)
How do I know if he will be serious with me unlike the other girls he has played with?
Q. I have been dating this guy on and off for the last seven months. He treats me amazing and has always been there but my friends think something is alittle off. He has told me he played other girls before me but I am different. Would a player stay ...
A. 29 December 2010: You cannot reform a player, he can only reform himself - and that doesn't happen often. I'd be willing to bet good money that he told the last girl she was different, too. The on and off dating is an especially bad sign. Odds are good the "of... (read in full...)
Why do my classmates make fun of me? How can I blend in and make them accept me?
Q. My name is Cailtyn, but I go by the nickname Cat. In my classes I'm barked at and people make fun of it all the time. I've asked them to stop and I've explained it's just a shortening for my name when they ask. They say I think I'm better than them. ...
A. 29 December 2010: Kids are cruel. Kids are vicious little bastards. A lot of them never grow out of that phase, either. Small comfort is that they're makign fun of all available targets, and not just you, even if it doesn't feel that way sometimes. Taking th... (read in full...)
My boyfriend deleted his porn collection. Is he serious about it or just pretending?
Q. My boyfriend deleted his porn collection from his P.C. I never asked him to. Earlier on we was watching a program, with asian girls on it. I called him a hypocrite for defending them, when he calls so many types people. So in our arguementhe deleted ...
A. 29 December 2010: "But i do it because he does it and he started it." The best way to stop a behavior is not to do it yourself; it's first to ask them to stop, then start with the stick and carrot. "Will he start watching porn in secret?" That's a trust thing... (read in full...)
Guys, please advise me if my boyfriend have sex with me because he loves me or just to satisfy himself?
Q. Last month i had sex with my boyfriend. It was for the first time for me, but he already told me that he is a experienced person. I am in relationship with him for the last 3 years. Now i have moved to a city which is at 15h distance to his city. ...
A. 29 December 2010: Can't it be both? If he's remembering all those details, either he cares about you, or you're earth-shatteringly mind-blowing in bed. Given your lack of experience, it's probably the former. If he hadn't cared at all, he would have remembered ... (read in full...)
Son's girlfriend cheated, now his whole outlook on life has changed.
Q. I need help really badly. My son he has been down for the last year or so. He had a girlfriend who he loved a lot. He did things for this for this girl that were super romantic and she reciprocated. I liked her. 5 years later,, and I repeat my son ...
A. 29 December 2010: @ OP I'm not certain how to help with his perception of the worth of modern day girls. The problem with any distinct group of people is that it's way too easy, especially when angry, to only notice the bad examples - this is due to the same psyc... (read in full...)
Flirted with other guys to make him jealous, now he doesn't want to be together. How can I make up with him?
Q. I know what I want help with, but I can't find the words. will try. My boyfriend and I broke up twice. The first time I broke up with him because he was chatting to his ex girlfriend who works with me sometimes. The second break up was mutual...
A. 28 December 2010: "I believed he would like me more if he saw other guys who liked me."
I've known a lot of girls who, despite everything they say, actually get very attached to guys who openly flirt with other girls in front of them - so long as he turns the othe... (read in full...)
Whos the daddy? Should I find out? Or keep it in the closet for a later date?
Q. I am 30 partner 31 we are not married. Backstory- We dated for two years and had moved in with each other, and was still in the experimental sex mode when I found out we had fallen pregnant. With twins. We had a foursome(completly protected- co...
A. 28 December 2010: Get the DNA test, even if he's dragging his feet about it. It's going to eat him up inside not knowing. Besides which, cuckoldry, even unintentional cuckoldry, is a pretty vile thing to live with - but not as bad as suspecting it without proof.
... (read in full...)
Are chivalry and fidelity things of the past?
Q. After getting my heart broken about a year and a half ago. Am I naïve to still believe in chivalry and fidelity? ...
A. 28 December 2010: Fidelity is tough to get, but it's still expected and admired. You just have to find the right guy - often, the most faithful guys are the ones who take a while to become attractive to women, so give the boring nice guys a chance.
Chiva... (read in full...)
I've had 8 sex partners and only one has been able to make me have an orgasm
Q. Hi guys. Ive got a really irritating and quite embarrassing problem! Im 18 years old and ive been sexually active now for a little ovet 3 years. My first sexual boyfriend and i had an amazing sex life. Everytime was special and we tried everything. ...
A. 28 December 2010: A large part of the female orgasm is emotion-based. As Cerberus said, these guys aren't getting enough time to learn your buttons - but in addition, you aren't getting enough time to feel comfortable with them, attached to them. They could be ... (read in full...)
Son's girlfriend cheated, now his whole outlook on life has changed.
Q. I need help really badly. My son he has been down for the last year or so. He had a girlfriend who he loved a lot. He did things for this for this girl that were super romantic and she reciprocated. I liked her. 5 years later,, and I repeat my son ...
A. 27 December 2010: Dirtball is right about the grieving process.
I'd like to add that trying to tell him "Not all women are like that," or "She made a mistake," or any other excuse either for her or for women in general is going to be counterproductive. He's lik... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to get married again. Is this a deal breaker?
Q. my boyfriend is going through a divorce and experienced a bad relationship. He feels as if the marriage ruined it. He told me he cannot see himself ever marrying again. Ever since I was a little girl i have always wanted to be happily married. ...
A. 27 December 2010: Well, do you want to have a wedding day, or do you want to have a wedded life? For all you know, he may be prepared to one day live with you, love you, care for you, and have kids with you... just not with a government-issued paper. If the wedded ... (read in full...)
Should I open that forbidden door or play it safe?
Q. hello im needing advice. im 24 and a parent to a 4 yr old boy. im also married and have been with my partner since i was 18. hes 30 yrs old. my dilemma is that he wants another baby. he feels hes ready and i do too but is it wrong for me to want ...
A. 27 December 2010: You have a child, you can't afford to be one. The kid and the marriage have to come first.
You're allowed to want these things. It's perfectly fine to feel that way. But you can't just act on them impulsively. If you're going to do these th... (read in full...)
If he really loved her he wouldn't cheat on her with me right?
Q. I am extremely torn and confused over a guy that I was with 8 years ago for 1.5 years. Because of certain circumstances we had broken it off and recently about 4 months ago he came back into my life. He remembers everything we have done, all the ...
A. 27 December 2010: If he really loved you, he wouldn't cheapen you by letting you become the "other woman."
Besides which, a lot of guys can be perfectly happy with someone and still cheat. That's why he can say those things to you, it gets you to put out. It's no... (read in full...)
I cheated on my wife with the girl we previously had a threesome with!
Q. About a week ago I cheated on my wife with a girl that my wife and I have been having threesomes with. Now she says she wants me out she dosent love me and I disgust her. She keeps talking about her broken family I told her I'm sorry and I love her. ...
A. 27 December 2010: Honestly, there may not be much you can do. If she had gotten angry and yelled or threatened to leave, without actually saying anything concrete, you could probably convince her to take you back. However, if she's made up her mind, the most you ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be cast aside!
Q. I've been dating this guy for six years until on our anniversary I get taken to my favorite restaurant (I picked the place when I clearly said I didn't want to) so the big question pops up! And I say yes because I love him unconditionally. Now he's ...
A. 27 December 2010: I don't think anything terrible is happening right now. It seems unlikely that he would want to break up so soon after proposing. Could be wrong, but it sounds like he's just a little emotionally overwhelmed by the proposal and needs some quiet ... (read in full...)
Are there any guys that don't mind girls who just trim?
Q. Are there any guys that actually don't mind girls just trimming their pubes nowadays? I've stopped getting rid of mine now cos of the itchiness and ingrown hairs, but all my guy friends say they find pubes extremely unattractive. Is this true for ...
A. 27 December 2010: Not sure about your age group, or your side of the Pond in general, but here in the States most adult men are fine with things just being trimmed. A lot of us still like shaven, though.
What matter most is what works for you, though. Decide i... (read in full...)
Did I hurt him?
Q. its really a long story but im gonna make it short so i have a crush on a guy 4 almost a year and we re both in college well i started to like him when i knew that he likes me but im just too shy to talk to him so... he tried so many times to ta...
A. 27 December 2010: Yes, I think you hurt him. Some guys develop the thick skin to shrug off rejection, but that takes a lot of practice. It sounds like he hasn't had that practice.
The good news is you can make it up to him. It won't be easy, though (nothing... (read in full...)
It's a woman's right to change her mind, but what should I do?
Q. My friend (who is a boy), recently asked me out, I said no, because at the time I didn't like him. I now really like him, problem is he asked out another girl two days after asking me. He's still really nice to me, tries to help me and all that, but ...
A. 27 December 2010: It's everyone's right to change their mind - and, it's everyone's right not to put up with other people's choices. Telling him you like him now would only mess up his current relationship. You missed your chance, I'm sorry.
Would it be accurate... (read in full...)
What am I doing wrong? Guys flock to her and I never get that.
Q. So, one of my close friends, is constantly getting hit on by guys. She claims to have low self esteem, yet whenever we go out, she gets a bunch of guys asking for her number. Now, don't get me wrong, I love her and everything, she's my friend, but ...
A. 27 December 2010: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you're making a common female mistake - assuming that guys are only attracted to girls in one way. In fact, it's more accurate (though still incomplete) to say that guys are attracted in either an "easy lay" way ... (read in full...)
I've managed to find nobody.
Q. OK, I'm really, really struggling now, and I don't know who I can turn to. Basically I just want honest answers, which my friends and family in real life don't seem to wish to give. Anyway, I'm almost 29. I will be 30 in a little over a ye...
A. 27 December 2010: There is hope.
You aren't doomed, but everyone has a different level of baseline attractiveness that they must work to maximize. That includes figuring out what doesn't work and excising it from our personality - as an example, I know that I c... (read in full...)
Boyfriend saved my life and is now handicapped. Should I stay with him?
Q. I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 24. He is the best thing that's ever happened to me. It almost sounds unreal, but he saved my life about one month ago. He pushed me out of the way from getting hit by an oncoming car, but he was badly injured. Right now, ...
A. 26 December 2010: First, I'm sorry for what happened, and wish him a speedy recovery.
Anyway, the *least* you owe him is to stay and help him through physical therapy. As great as it is that he cares so much for you, he is not entitled to a relationship forever.... (read in full...)
I'm 19 and have never had a girlfriend.
Q. i'm 19 and have never had a girlfriend. I have never been kissed or hugged (besides family). girls always tell me im a nice guy, but not what they're looking for - im always just a friend. i am pretty average, i recently started working out ...
A. 24 December 2010: Lifting weights will help with your depression and confidence, and make you look better, but it will not get you results on its own. Keep it in perspective.
You need to associate with girls in a more romantic context. Classes, lunch, and afte... (read in full...)
Why do boys not like me?
Q. Dear Cupid.... I have one big question. Why dont boys [ever] like me? I am about 5'4, have dirty blond thats about a little past my shoulders, greenish blueish eyes, have a GPA (grade point averge) of 3.7 out of 4 , im skinny (105 pounds) but...
A. 24 December 2010: First of all, part of it's your age. Guys are still figuring out the whole "ask girls out" thing, and the ones that have got it are getting snatched up (as you've seen). At this age, they go more for low-hanging fruit than anything else - girls ... (read in full...)
Why is it wrong for the woman to make a decision about marriage?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating about 2.5 years. We have a house together that we bought about a year ago. I have been ready for marriage since about our 2 year mark. I started discussing this with him a couple months ago. I know many people s...
A. 24 December 2010: Talking about it is fine. There's nothing "wrong" with wanting to plan for it or discuss it, nor is there any tradition where the woman just keeps quiet until the guy pops the question. Talking about it is acceptable in most ways. Actually, I ... (read in full...)
What is wrong with guys?
Q. k, what is wrong with guys? everysingle time i say basically anything or try to talk to my boyfriend about anything he thinks i am bitching.... like at dinner tonight for example.. i cooked (like always) and told him hes guna do the dishes for once. ...
A. 24 December 2010: Depends. He may just be a whiner, or he may have a point. Do you talk to him using the same tone you used in writing this question? Saying things like "I cooked (like always)" or "hes guna do the dishes for once" would be the sort of thing that ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant by someone else, my boyfriend doesn't know and I can't have an abortion!
Q. Hey pipo m hopin u help me out on this problem....me and this guy have been datin 4 2yrs nw,n i met this nice guy we went out @ some club and took enuf beers...we later went 2 his home we had sex and now m pregnunt n my boyfriend doesnt knw about ...
A. 23 December 2010: Tell him. Cuckoldry is one of the worst things you can do to a guy. Telling him would be the moral thing to do - just as importantly, if he finds out on his own, his reaction will be much worse than if you tell him on your own.
If you can, tel... (read in full...)
Now that I can have sex again, I need some tips on how to have good sex!
Q. Hey everyone, I have a unique question. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly seven years now and we've never had a fully functional sex life. Sex has always been too painful for me, until I had an operation last year when the doctor finally ...
A. 23 December 2010: My first girlfriend and I used to do what we called the "post-game analysis." Once the afterglow had worn off, we'd go over what we did - what worked, what didn't, what we should try to expand on, ideas we had. Over the course of about a year, we ... (read in full...)
She cuts short her time with me (her friend) to see her boyfriend...
Q. Hi, Short and simply, I am a man and I have a friend who is a woman. She says I am her close friend, but she also has a boyfriend. Now, sometimes we are out together and she says she has to go because she has to meet her boyfriend. Or she cuts sho...
A. 23 December 2010: It depends on your own expactations as a boyfriend - not hers, but with whoever you've been with before. Did you get upset when your previous girlfriends would seem to spend more time with their guy friends than with you? If so, it would be ... (read in full...)
I have social anxiety but want to ask this guy out!
Q. First off, a bit of background: I have social anxiety. I used to just be shy but its developed into a complete phobia. Its a problem for sure, but it isnt severe to the point where I cant go out of the house. The problem is that no one really knows ...
A. 23 December 2010: I understand where you're coming from. I had pretty rough social anxiety until I was about your age - it took conscious effort to get rid of, too. Doesn't go away all on its own. You've done the right thing reaching out - even anonymous posts ... (read in full...)
Does "love at first sight" really exist?
Q. Is there really such a thing as "love at first sight" or should it be "attraction at first sight" - I think the first has happened to me. ...
A. 22 December 2010: Depends on how shallow your definition of "love" is. To me, love requires a lot of knowledge about, and experience with, the person in question. It transcends the short skirt that initially drew my attention and becomes recognition of a good soul. ... (read in full...)
I cant get over my wife's past!
Q. Hi all, please help me in this issue, i hate the partner/lovers changing girls, I had no girl friend or sex in life, i used to watch a girl but no use, now i m arranged married person but after few years i came to know my wife had 2 bfs but not sex ...
A. 21 December 2010: Hey, could be worse. You could live in America. Here, the concern would be that she's slept with five, ten, twenty guys (or more) before us, instead of just having dated two guys. Not even counting single mothers, STD's, or "technical virgins."
... (read in full...)
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