A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my fiancee' has been together for 3 1/2 years but for a year straight he cheated on me and the 2nd year was shaky then the 3rd year we got right and he changed. Now we are going on our 4th year and I still can't get over what he has done in the past and he cooks,cleans,and gives me anything I want.He wants to marry me and he'll walk a million miles for me in the rain,hell,sleet,and snow.Everything has always been good with him except for the cheating in the 1st year.every time we argue I bring up the past even when the arguement is not about that.I try to forget but it still replays in my mind. Am I dumb for staying and need to leave or do I need to let the past go?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): look i'm a pretty experienced person in life i would think and i've said and done to my life the best i could. HE's a cheater and he may always cheat but the thing is if you want to stay with him which i don't really recommend but if he hasn't done it in 3 years that's good. that means he feels something special that is worth more than cheating and if you want to be with him then forget about the cheating because yesterday is over and it' snot coming back. I'm sure like you said that he's willing to do anything for you and that means going back in time, changing the fact that he cheated and wishing he never did it. I'm pretty sure he regrets it if he hasn't cheated in that long. it's good though like the last person said it's highly possible that he could cheat but if you love him and want things to work then you need to forget that and look beyond that and move on or you'll just drive him to cheat again
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): Well... I believe once a cheater always a cheater. Its not you, it is his issue. It is a personality disorder and unless he is getting counseling I think you are setting yourself up for failure. I have been there. And I decided that I deserved better. My parents invested all this time, money and effort to make sure I was a strong, confident lady. I can't let them down. I don't know why you would want to stay with someone that could hurt you. No one has the right to cheat on anyone. Period. However, if you do choose to stay with him then you need to move pass your past. Your not really "fighting fair" its as if you were to make a mistake, apologized and he would keep throwing it in you face. Trust and Honesty really do have a brain of their own. Good luck! Keep me updated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): I would end the relationship, even if he really is a changed man and would never cheat on you again. The thing is that you have trust issues now, and who can blame you when he cheated on you continually for a year?? The relationship is just never going to be the same no matter how "good" he is from now on. This is why they say infidelity really kills relationships cos even if the cheater turns over a new leaf for good, the partner's trust is broken so deeply that it's really hard to ever regain it. You could be setting yourself up for a lifetime of mental anguish even if he never cheats again, because you just will never know. Do you want to turn into a paranoid neurotic spouse monitoring everything he does like a prison guard? That's no way to live. so, don't go down that road, don't marry him. He may be doing everything "right" now, but the damage to the relationship and to your heart and soul has already been done.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): If you can muster up the courage to leave him...please leave. I believe that if they can cheat once, they just might do it again....it might be a year from now or ten years from now....but they just might do it again depending on what the reasons are. If you choose to stay, then you will have to try your best to look past the cheating and think positive about being with him....it is going to be very hard because he did it more than once.......I think you know what to do in your heart, but you probably want to be with him because, you are in love.....
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (30 December 2010):
 Not dumb, just taking a big risk out of sentimentality. There's a pretty good chance he'll cheat again, but you have to decide for yourself if he will. And even if he doesn't cheat, it'll bother you again, the way you mention.
If you're going to take the risk with this guy (not my recommendation, but you know the situation better than I ever could), you need to get past it and stop bringing it up - it's only going to hurt the relationship to do that.
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female
reader, Julliet  +, writes (30 December 2010):
 You definitely need to let go. I remember when I just started out in a new relationship, I wasn't sure who or what I wanted therefore, I talked to lots of guys and saw them occasinally. This was my choice not the guys choice not fault of theirs. Him seeing other girls early on in the relationsip was no fault of yours. He made a mistake, he asked for forgiveness and you give it, but I don't think yoiu did it whole heartly because you keep throwing it in his face. In order for you guys to last you need to let go. Yes, it is your choice to be with him still, and it sounds like he is working to gain your trust. Don't base your relationship on the past make it about the future and if you're sure in your heart he is to be trusted then forget about the past and move on. If you are not sure of his actions then let go of him and move on. I think you should listen to your head and not your heart. Remember most guys think with their head and not heart, so we as women have to smarten up and start thinking with our brain.... lol...we'll out smart them...:)
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): If you want to stay with him you need to let go of this. There is a possibility he will cheat again in the future if he hasn't figured out why he did it. It depends on what your deal breakers and boundaries are.
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