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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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Seeking advice. She got pregnant, we're not together, now what?
Q. I need some perspective on pregnancy towards what I should do. I was dating a woman for a few months, we were practicing safe sex, but a couple of times we didn't. She got pregnant, and decided to keep it. We broke up around the same time. That was ...
A. 26 November 2010: Just want to second KC100's opinion. She clearly gets it, and has covered almost every point adequately.
The only point I would add is that if you are not in a relationship with the mother, she is going to start bringing home guys she's dating a... (read in full...)
Not sure what to make of this and what to say back!
Q. I'm off to visit two of my friends for the weekend who ive known for a very long time... there both gay and together. My boyfriend of 9 months has never met them so doesnt know them, hes off doing biking anyway this weekend so wouldnt have come ...
A. 26 November 2010: Sounds like a normal joke to me. That's the sort of thing a guy would say only if he's really secure in the relationship and understands that nothing is going to happen with the gay dudes.
Most straight guys understand how that works more tha... (read in full...)
How do I get more out of my girlfriend when she is not keen?
Q. I'm a 25 year guy my girlfriend and I have sex on average 12 times a week but its just not enough so I end up masterbating 6 times a day.is this normal and how do I get more out of her when she is not keen?...
A. 26 November 2010: I doubt there is a woman alive with that kind of sex drive who won't cheat on you. Outside of short bursts on vacations and the like, I haven't seen that sort of drive. You have a real catch if she can keep that up consistently.
Anyway, too solu... (read in full...)
Sex problems!
Q. So I have some sex problems... Ever since I started masturbating when I was 16, I've always jacked off very fast and gone until I cum (which is about 1-2 minutes) and then I stop, causing me to go down/limp. This has come back to bite me ...
A. 26 November 2010: Two parts to this:
1) Start masturbating again. Deliberately take as long as possible. Find a porn site with a video lasting a full ten minutes, and try to make it through the whole thing. If you're getting close, stop stroking and look awa... (read in full...)
He doesn't give me as much attention as I need!
Q. okay so, me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and almost 2 months.. and im a real romantic i like to have that special attention where it could be a note just saying "i love you" i like to be showed how much you are and lately.. ...
A. 26 November 2010: If he's like me, he may very well have had some bad experiences in the past with complimenting girls too much. Compliments are like currency - too many of them will reduce their value. Had one girlfriend stop responding to compliments altogether, ... (read in full...)
Why are guys my age so simple but complex at the same time?
Q. Hi, i just need some advice or something that will help me understand.I'am 14 but some people mistake me for being 21.Anyways the guys at my school seem so closed minded about the people who they date.All of them have to date the girls that look ...
A. 25 November 2010: Are you certain you're not doing the same thing they are? That is, going for the guys that give off the most attractive vibes, while ignoring the existence of the boring ones (you know, the ones with character)?
If you're not, I salute you, the... (read in full...)
Fiance has had 10 plus sex partners but will not have sex with me
Q. Well, like many others I have been subject to the condition of retrograde jealousy. The background is this: My girlfriend has had more than 10 sexual partners. I did not know this when I agreed that sex would not be part of our relationship. She is ...
A. 25 November 2010: This is a very bad sign.
First off, one or two one-night stands is a "mistake." I can buy that. 10 guys is an informed decision. That she would pull the "sex before marriage is immoral" card now is some pretty serious cognitive dissonan... (read in full...)
I want my b/f to remember he gets all he needs from me
Q. Hi,here it goes.. my sex life with my boyfriend is fine. He doesn't need to go anywhere else to get what he wants,but i still want to remind him that i'm all he needs. So i kinda need some tips if you have any for me? i wanna try new things with him ...
A. 23 November 2010: Thanks for the feedback, I'm glad it worked out for you. Always good to hear I'm not just full of B.S.
As an addition to what I wrote below, the opposite of surprise is anticipation, and it's every bit as good. Try letting him know first th... (read in full...)
Does she really mean what she said?
Q. She tells me that she likes how I am always there to talk, she said she likes that I like her but not enough to date me so w/e. Im not hear to ask what can I do to get her to like me cause its to late for that. My question is do you think she re...
A. 23 November 2010: Of course she means it. She gets to vent all her thoughts and feelings for free. I'm glad you enjoy talking to her and are getting something out of it, but honestly this is a fine example of the "Friend Zone."
The Friend Zone will eat you up i... (read in full...)
Husband's not ready to have a baby but I am!
Q. I'm 29 years old, soon to be 30. Have a great husband (29), we've been married just over a year and together for 4. I have this burning desire to have a baby, have felt this way for about 6 months now but my husband says he's not ready and we both ...
A. 23 November 2010: A baby really is something that both of you have to agree on. I agree with Cerberus_Raph that no one is ever really ready, but it's best not to start until you can at least say you're ready.
Raising the kid(s) is going to have to be a cooperat... (read in full...)
Is there anything memorable I can give him for his 21st birthday?
Q. Oh Dear! My boyfriend lost his favourite ring that he bought in America a year ago, and for his 21st birthday in two days, I bought him a similar one. He just called me all excited, saying he'd just found it in a pocket of one of his pairs of pants...
A. 22 November 2010: The ring was very sweet of you, but go ahead and return it. If you're of age, buy him a bottle of really nice booze. If not, or if you are but like this idea better, take him somewhere exciting - depending on his interests, a concert, a camping ... (read in full...)
Which one of us is being selfish?
Q. I initially agreed to go to a concert with this particular female, but recently changed those plans due to that fact that I decided to spend Thanksgiving in another state and see my kids that I have not seen in several years. Needless to sa...
A. 22 November 2010: Usually, the rule is to keep any commitments you make, but kids always come first. Good man on making that call.
Plus, if she's going to be keeping the relationship casual and spending time "thinking about us" (which sounds like utter B.S. to ... (read in full...)
Does "not ready now" mean "not ready ever"???
Q. I am so crazy about my boyfriend. He listens to me, does nice things to make my life easier or more pleasant, and does little things to make me feel special. We've been together for a couple years now. The first year or so we didn't see eachother ...
A. 22 November 2010: You did the right thing by stopping to think about this. I'll answer your questions one at a time.
"Is my assessment right?"
Going into turbo-needy mode (good name for it, I'm stealing that) was bad, but does not doom your relationship yet... (read in full...)
My friend is always eager to put me down!
Q. I have a guy friend who I feel like is always eager to put me down. I don't know if I'm just being overly sensitive or paranoid, but I just feel like he's always on me and ready to point out flaws or make fun of things I do or flake on me after ...
A. 22 November 2010: Some people are just really fun to tease - you may be one of those. It's possible you come off as "one of the guys" to him (that's not a bad thing). Guys rip on each other all the time, and maybe it just feels natural to him.
Have you tried te... (read in full...)
For men: Is it physical or personality?
Q. I have a question for men and women. What do men find sexy, or what attracts them to a woman? Is it mostly physical, is it personality, etc...? ...
A. 22 November 2010: Depends on what kind of attraction you''re talking about.
If it's "I want to bang her immediately" attraction, it's mostly physical. I'm sure you knew that much already, but I'd like to add that personality is basically just meeting the minimum ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend tell me one thing do another?
Q. My boyfriend constantly tells me one thing and does another. He also goes behind my back to other people to make me look bad to them. When confront him about it he lies and says it isnt true. He says he loves me and im sure he isnt cheating what ...
A. 22 November 2010: The cell phone is one thing - some people don't like being inspected, even if they have nothing to hide.
As for why he's going behind your back, I wish I could give you some complex explanation for why his behavior is normal and harmless - but re... (read in full...)
I stopped eating meat but now I'm eating too much sugar!
Q. Hi,umm I have started this new diet about not eating meat anymore because I've heard about what they do to the animals(I've heard about how the animals are kept under very poor conditions and they inject steroids into them and things like that and ...
A. 22 November 2010: Depending on your metabolism and blood type, the meatless diet may be a bad move long-term. It's really the amount of calories and the level of nutrients you consume that matters most. In particular, you need a source of proteins.
If you're n... (read in full...)
How can I just go with the flow with dating and not obsess over everything?
Q. I've been single for nearly three years after a healthy, long-term relationship. I've been told I am very attractive and I have been fortunate enough to meet quite a few men in these three years who have been interested in me but nothing ever seems ...
A. 22 November 2010: First, don't feel too bad about this. It's fairly normal, dating in your late 30's can be a real emotional minefield.
Try this: when you experience any kind of negative thought for a guy you're seeing, or when you are on the point of making a... (read in full...)
What makes someone a 'Soul Mate'?
Q. How would you classify the terms "Soulmate"? What does it mean to you, do you think you can have more than one?...
A. 20 November 2010: No such thing. But that's a good thing.
There are millions of people out there who would make great lovers or spouses. Any of them could work, all of them will take effort. But that's the beauty of it. When you meet one, and coose to be with ... (read in full...)
Girls lose interest because I'm too sweet?
Q. well here goes... i have a huge problem. Whenever me and a girl start talking for a bit and we get rly into each other or after a couple months of dating they lose their feelings for me and distance themselves because i try too hard, and i dont mea...
A. 20 November 2010: It's bad to be in contact every day until you've been dating for a while. Don't take that as a bad thing, though - take it as a chance to savor the relationship as it grows. There's no rush.
As for all the sweet things, remember, complime... (read in full...)
Girls lose interest because I'm too sweet?
Q. well here goes... i have a huge problem. Whenever me and a girl start talking for a bit and we get rly into each other or after a couple months of dating they lose their feelings for me and distance themselves because i try too hard, and i dont mea...
A. 19 November 2010: Wanting to be Mr. Perfect is fine, but you have to ask, who is Mr. Perfect, really?
You don't have to be an asshole, you just need to identify the positive traits they possess and take them on yourself. Chicks dig confidence, assertiv... (read in full...)
This relationship is turning me into someone that I hate!
Q. For the past 4 years I have been involved in the most exhausting relationship ever, and I have been married before when I was really young. I am 28 years old and I feel like this relationship is turning me into someone I hate. I have always been...
A. 19 November 2010: I see two possibilities here. It depends on which type of guy he is. Pick the one that applies and disregard the other.
1) He's not a very socially dominant, forecful guy. Probably really laid back, nice to most people, and tries to laugh of... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm the only one that tries to resolve things!
Q. What do you do when you feel like your the only one who tries to solve arguments in your relationship? When the other knows your mad or upset and they don't bother to try to solve anything, and just leave the conversation at that. He's not a bad ...
A. 19 November 2010: Depends on what you mean by "solving." In my experience, women believe solving means "talking about our feelings until she's satisfied." Guys mean "identifying what caused the fight and eliminating it." You could be an exception, so I'll just ... (read in full...)
I want my b/f to remember he gets all he needs from me
Q. Hi,here it goes.. my sex life with my boyfriend is fine. He doesn't need to go anywhere else to get what he wants,but i still want to remind him that i'm all he needs. So i kinda need some tips if you have any for me? i wanna try new things with him ...
A. 19 November 2010: Surprise him. Have sex in some time or place when he does not expect it. Maybe pull over during a road trip for a quickie, or ask him to come home in the middle of the day dor some pretense and then tear his clothes off.
See, he won't be surpr... (read in full...)
Being a great lover
Q. hi,Agony Aunt and everyone.I would love to know if there was just onething you could tell the world about being a great lover,what would that be? ...
A. 19 November 2010: Assuming you mean romantically, not sexually...
For men: She is going to change. Learn to love her not just for what she is now, but for what she will become.
For women: He is never going to change. Learn to love him as he is now, and not as ... (read in full...)
Do I have enough here to say that she likes me back or am I just getting my hopes up?
Q. There's a girl I know, let's call her Miranda. She's the roommate of two friends of mine, and we sometimes go over just to hang out with them. I've known this girl about a month or so. Two weeks ago myself, three other girls and her had a night ...
A. 18 November 2010: The question is not, "Does she like me?"
The question is, "Do I want to ask her out?"
Look, maybe she likes you, maybe not, but that has no bearing on whether or not you should make a move. Even if she doesn't like you now, she might after ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to end a good relationship?
Q. This may sound a little crazy but im thinking about ending a relationship, when there is nothing wrong with him. We have been together for 3yrs, and they have been great years together. we started as friends which evolved into a really fun ...
A. 18 November 2010: "for some reason lately, i have been having thoughts about being single."
This is natural, and normal, and not a sign that anything is wrong with the relationship. Your instincts are forcing you to really consider whether this man will be the b... (read in full...)
I've just started a new relationship and found out I have herpes! How do I tell her she needs to get tested?
Q. I recently found out I had herpes. God knows how long I've had it. I've started in a commited relationship and we've had unprotected sex. How can I tell her to get tested? I feel horrible....
A. 18 November 2010: Tell her before you have sex again. Tell her you only just learned, and that you won't put her at risk again until you've figured thigns out. Tell her to get tested, and that you'll both decide how to handle things after the results come back.
... (read in full...)
Does he like me or is he some kind of human contact freak?
Q. there's this boy i really like and sit next each other in math and he always sits so his arm arm is touching mine and if i move mine he'll strech out to be touching again but its not like he's like taking the whole table over. we dont really talk ...
A. 18 November 2010: At your age, he probably is just unable to really control his hormones. He would respond positively if you started talking to him - perhaps too positively, tough to say. If you're not interested, just politely ask that he stop touching you, and ... (read in full...)
I've never had a proper father figure, in my life and it saddens me..what can I do?
Q. I grew up in on pretty much a single-parent household, my mum's been on benefits all her life. My dad has spent the majority of his life in jail, and he's been extremely violent and emotionally abusive to both me and my mum, but my mum has always ...
A. 18 November 2010: You're not alone - this is fairly common among girls today. What makes your case unique is that you've consciously recognized the issue and are trying to solve it. So, before anything else, you deserve congrats on that point.
It's not childish... (read in full...)
Fiancé wishes my penis was bigger, do you think I'm big enough?
Q. I need help. Me and my fiancé been together for over a year and I have to admit...we are both sexually active. She says she loves my penis size but constantly reminds me that she wish I was bigger. My penis is 6" long with 3.5" girth but she says ...
A. 18 November 2010: Sorry dude, there is no safe, proven way to make your penis bigger. The pills have no third-party studies backing them up, and the operations have well-documented negative side effects that basically ruin your sex life.
Good news is you have a c... (read in full...)
Why do women get freaky on guys they don't love, but not with guys they do?
Q. I found out in cleaning out some old files on a unused computer that my GF had a much wilder and mind blowing sex life with her ex before me than she previously described. This mate was mainly a fuck buddy, but they were friends for a few years ...
A. 17 November 2010: "Why is it women will turn their freak on with one guy they don't really love, then not turn it on with another who they DO love?"
It's partly the trust thing, partly a conscious desire not to appear freaky, as has been covered so far (and qui... (read in full...)
Importance of physical attraction for guys?
Q. i met this guy off an online dating website (im 21, he 22).. im quite shy and am rather intimidated by him for various reasons, but we;ve been on a few dates anyways.. just wondering whether guys would persue a girl that they're not physically ...
A. 17 November 2010: Your follow-up must have posted while I was writing; that info would have been helpful.
If he's been on six dates with you, he finds you attractive. Life is good.... (read in full...)
Importance of physical attraction for guys?
Q. i met this guy off an online dating website (im 21, he 22).. im quite shy and am rather intimidated by him for various reasons, but we;ve been on a few dates anyways.. just wondering whether guys would persue a girl that they're not physically ...
A. 17 November 2010: Yes, with qualifications.
First off, his tolerance for games and nonsense is directly proportional to your hotness. So playing hard to get, being rude, flaking, flirting with other guys in front of him - he will *not* put up with that unless y... (read in full...)
Is it possible that my wife could've cheated on me and the baby is not mine?
Q. I am suspicious that my wife might have been pregant before as she acts wierd in front of the doctor when he asks - also is it possible that she could have bled after conceiving and as such is it possible that she could have cheated on me, and the ...
A. 16 November 2010: Can't offer much to sttle your mind now, but if it's still bothering you when the kid is born, get a paternity test. Use a private firm because many hospitals will outright lie to you if they think you'd be "upset" by bad news.
As for the preg... (read in full...)
Never thought I would cheat.
Q. I always thought that people who cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband were evil and disgusting.But now I know the truth they are not because I have cheated on my boyfriend more than once nothing happened just kissing/hugging.Of course ...
A. 16 November 2010: Breaking up is simple, if not easy. Just tell him you want to break up, thank him for everything, ask him to delete your number, and move on. Harsh, but quick and clean. The hard part is working up the guts to do it.
You should break up, if y... (read in full...)
Lighting struck twice!
Q. I need some grounding comments on my situation. I was long term married to a decent guy and had 2 kids but a few years ago I met another guy and felt real chemistry. He was 8 years younger, had a partner who was expecting his first child and he ...
A. 16 November 2010: The younger man is not going to want to take care of the kid. There's no way you can convince him of that, short of dropping her off at his door - and that'd be a long shot anyway.
If he really wanted to be with you and raise kids with you, he ... (read in full...)
Is this as big as it gets?
Q. Aye people out there I' m 13 I have a 2.5 -3 inch dick n i wanna know how to grow it and isnt it mortifying to have a small penis like mine? second my cousin spent the nite and I went in the bathroom and he had a huge, long penis like 6 or 7 inch ...
A. 16 November 2010: If you're still early on in puberty (at 13, that's reasonable to assume), your penis may continue to grow. Even then, it may still be small when flaccid, but the only size that matters is its erect length.
Additionally, depending on your weight, ... (read in full...)
When's the next time aunt flow will be in town?
Q. im so confusing my last period came on the 27th cycle length but the other times it comes on the 28 cycle length. can any one tell me when my next period is oct 10 cycle length 27/28...
A. 16 November 2010: If you're not on the pill, your cycle can vary somewhat. Additionally, if you're living in a college dorm with a bunch of other girls, your cycles may start to synch up. Either or both factors could be causing the change.
Without further ... (read in full...)
"You really got a hold on me."
Q. hello all, Well there is this girl I like and she knows that I like/liked her but she drives me to do things I wouldn't normally do. Im not talking about stupid things like that I might get in trouble for but I would/will do what ever she wants me ...
A. 16 November 2010: "I would/will do what ever she wants me to do."
This needs to change. First, you owe it to yourself to have boundaries. Second, she will actually be more attracted to a man who has boundaries and will say "No" to her face than one who will do ... (read in full...)
Is my future ruined because I got a girl pregnant?
Q. Alright so I just turned 18 in september. My life is baseball, i've played it all my life and have potential scholarship opportunities. Anyway, this girl from my old school calls me up after her and her bf break up and wants to come over. Being the ...
A. 16 November 2010: 1) I do not know your dad, so you'll have to decide how family dynamics work. Consider that he'll probably be initially angry if you go to him without your mother's help, but that he will be quicker to get over that anger and start trying to help ... (read in full...)
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