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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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Is my future ruined because I got a girl pregnant?
Q. Alright so I just turned 18 in september. My life is baseball, i've played it all my life and have potential scholarship opportunities. Anyway, this girl from my old school calls me up after her and her bf break up and wants to come over. Being the ...
A. 16 November 2010: 1) I do not know your dad, so you'll have to decide how family dynamics work. Consider that he'll probably be initially angry if you go to him without your mother's help, but that he will be quicker to get over that anger and start trying to help ... (read in full...)
My friends are racist against my boyfriend!
Q. I am a Afican American girl and I have a Hungarian and Puerto Rican...Recently I over heard some of my "friends" talking about him...in a racist way. They said "I always knew she would go with a white guy" "That is so freaking nasty" "I couldn't ...
A. 16 November 2010: Depends. It sounds like you're primarily upset because they said something bad about you and the guy you care about, with the racism a secondary concern. Disregard this advice if that is incorrect. I'll address the first point because honestly, ... (read in full...)
I agreed to an abortion but now I'm second guessing it!
Q. I'm 9 weeks pregnant with my 3 child which was unplanned. My partner who I've been with for 16 years wants me to terminate the pregnancy, I said I would, but am now not sure if I can go through with it. What should I do? ...
A. 15 November 2010: Thanks for the update. I think you made the right choice, despite what I posted earlier, and I hope everything works out for you and your husband with the new kid. I don't think the issues are over for him, though. Be sure to reach out to him and ... (read in full...)
"If You Really Loved Me you will.....
Q. Hello ladies and gentlemen I'm here to ask you a question. How many of you have been on a relationship where your bf/gf has pressured you to do something you REALLY didn't want to do and they would tell you "If you really loved me, you'll..." and ...
A. 15 November 2010: I agree wholeheartedly, saying this sort of thing to a person you're with is awful and wrong.
What I'd like to see is an alternative for someone who really feels that, if the other person loved them, they'd do something. Say, for instance... (read in full...)
Does he regret what he did?
Q. ok so i have a boyfriend and we went to a party last night and his cousin was there. he is a flirt so basically the whole night he flirted with me. he would even touch my back and caress me. my boyfriend couldnt see. so we were all buzzed or drunk. ...
A. 15 November 2010: He doesn't regret it, he's scared he's going to caught discovered.
What you *should* do is stop this now, it's dangerously close to cheating - the leg thing in the car would be grounds for breakup in my book.
If he has a way with girls, that... (read in full...)
Is it rare for people to want unconditional love?
Q. Is it better to be honest with one's partner or to withhold the truth about something that you know might lead them to reconsdider being in the relationship? I see so many people advocate for dishonesty in relationships, and I don't understand it. ...
A. 14 November 2010: I don't believe unconditional love exists. If it did, I don't believe I could respect it. Some things are just flat-out dealbreakers, no matter what the nature of the relationship is.
As for honesty, part of the problem is getting into the trap... (read in full...)
The Myth of Virginity?
Q. Why does society pose so much pressure on the idea of 'Virginity'? Many religions see that virginity is some sort of important rite of passage, from girl to woman. Others see that a virgin is clean and pure, once she has had sex, she is impure, s...
A. 13 November 2010: "Others see that a virgin is clean and pure, once she has had sex, she is impure, somewhat dirtied or no longer special."
Not quite. Religions acknowledge that a having sex within a marriage does not sully women at all. There is far less sti... (read in full...)
Got quotes?
Q. got good quotes ? any kind . love , life , dark , light . you name it . I need some good ones for my class . lol . help me out . post one or more(: thanks ....
A. 13 November 2010: "That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be." - Anon... (read in full...)
He can't stand to wear a condom!
Q. My husband and I have been together just over 10 years, and are between 30-40 years old. He only had one sexual partner before our relationship, I had around 20. He is completely unable to maintain an erection with a condom. He can have normal ...
A. 12 November 2010: I'll agree that condoms make the whole thing less fun, though I've never had the problem he has. Viagra might work; if that doesn't, then a few weeks without sex or masturbation should get him hard as a rock no matter the cisrcumstances.
He ca... (read in full...)
Marriage - why should any man bother?
Q. Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
A. 12 November 2010: Haven't looked back at this article for a while; glad to see there are still some responses. I'll try and address some of them.
@ Smiliek
I hope your marriage works. You're fighting an uphill battle, if I'm right, but I wouldn't wish th... (read in full...)
I'm disturbed by the fact that my girlfriend had a lot of sexual partners before me
Q. Hi, I am a 22 year old male and I'm currently with my girlfriend of 4 months. She is 18 years old. We have been having regular sex since we were together, and I love her very much. In fact, I love her more than anyone I've ever been with. Unti...
A. 12 November 2010: Before I answer, let me point out that you're not alone; this board is full of similar stories. It may help to peruse the archives.
The consensus here seems to be that, since you can't change her past, then it's either learn to get past your fee... (read in full...)
Am I too nice? Why do bad people only interested in sex, get the girl?
Q. I'I'm a young man, in college and I consider myself to be a nice, generous and caring person. My friend was having a house party to celebrate his 17th and during a party one night , I was introduced to "Steph". ". She is an amazing person , same i...
A. 12 November 2010: It's not that you're nice, it's that you're not assertive and sexual. You went to a party and talked; Rob went to a party and turned her on. You asked if she wanted to date; Rob *made* her want to screw him.
Neither of those things require ... (read in full...)
Why do I seem to attract players and man whores?
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles! I have been noticing I attract players and man whores. Sure I admit it, I have large breasts, curves, and I'm (unfortunatly) very skinny. I don't want to be this way, I eat like a cow yet, I never gain a pound. I'm extre...
A. 11 November 2010: First, to filter out the players you attract but don't quickly detect:
Quoting your favorite anime in the first conversation will confuse about half of all players you run into. You can filter out some of the rest by refusing to communic... (read in full...)
Is there any hope for us to grow closer emotionally in this marriage?
Q. I have been married for 15 years. We have 4 children (youngest is 5). We have a 'solid' relationship and my husband is a generally decent man. He has a stressful, high-responsibility job and is very well-respected in his field. In my opinion he is a ...
A. 11 November 2010: @ Cerberus_Raphael:
I apologize if I touched a nerve there. My intent was not to insult you, and I had no idea about your past.
@ OP:
Sex is like oxygen, it only overpowers all your other desires when you're not getting any. For the sa... (read in full...)
Do I tell her about this debt?
Q. Hi, I am getting married in 2 weeks and in the past week some things have gone wrong. I bought a new TV and as I was setting it up, it fell and broke and unfortunately the warranty does not cover this, so I had to throw it away :( I haven't to...
A. 11 November 2010: First, try to return the TV and get the money back to pay off the debt. Now is the last time to rack up more bills - the wedding is going to turn out to be even more expensive than you've already planned, I guarantee it.
If she can't handle t... (read in full...)
I agreed to an abortion but now I'm second guessing it!
Q. I'm 9 weeks pregnant with my 3 child which was unplanned. My partner who I've been with for 16 years wants me to terminate the pregnancy, I said I would, but am now not sure if I can go through with it. What should I do? ...
A. 11 November 2010: @ Tennisstar: Thanks for the correction, I completely missed the flag. I didn't follow your math (I think there was a typo, no big deal), so I checked - the figures I found gave 90,000, not 900,000, which makes the 2/5 you cited. Easy enough ... (read in full...)
I agreed to an abortion but now I'm second guessing it!
Q. I'm 9 weeks pregnant with my 3 child which was unplanned. My partner who I've been with for 16 years wants me to terminate the pregnancy, I said I would, but am now not sure if I can go through with it. What should I do? ...
A. 11 November 2010: Pinktopaz, there have been less than 50 million abortions in the U.S. since Roe v. Wade, around 40 years ago, and there are 150 million women in this country - so, even assuming no more than one abortion per woman, that's 1 in 3 tops, not 4 in 5. ... (read in full...)
"I haven't explored the sea enough" thoughts.
Q. I am making this post to pretty much get "free therapy". I know I am having some emotions, but I don't fully know how to interpret them. Here is the situation at its basic level. I recently lost my virginity to my girlfriend. She has been in ...
A. 11 November 2010: 1) This is normal. The urge to spread the seed and the power of jealousy are strong - but the mark of the civilized man is the suppression of base urges in favor of better traits.
One or two previous lovers is not a real issue, anyway. I'd bet ... (read in full...)
In the end doesn't it only matter about maturity in the situation, not age?
Q. So at the end of last summer me and this older guy really started something. We met through one of my close friends one day and later that night hooked up in the back of his car (No sex). I was expecting it to be a one night thing, but we started ...
A. 11 November 2010: I agree that maturity matters - I've known people in their 30's too childish to entrust with their own romantic lives, so it works both ways. Physically, you're ready, too.
However, legally, he can get sent straight to prison and end up on a sex... (read in full...)
My fiance doesn't appreciate me
Q. I'm engaged to this guy I have been dating for 3 years. I love him very much, but a lot of things that he does, or doesn't do, makes me very unhappy. He is a firefighter. So he works 10 days a month. Because these are 24 hour shifts, he argues that ...
A. 11 November 2010: Well, this doesn't sound like it's going to change. It's also hard to argue with a guy who charges into burning buildings when he's not sitting on his butt.
I know you love him, but if talking has failed and he is content to live in a mess, th... (read in full...)
Has anyone ever come across the male counterpart of a cock-tease?
Q. Hello all. I was talking with someone earlier this evening who told me a story of coming across a 'minge-tease' or the male equivalent of a cock-tease in her recent dating life. I was wondering, if any of you had ever come across this yourselves ...
A. 11 November 2010: I knew a few guys like that in college - all of them born-again Christians who liked to tempt themselves, come as close as possible to breaking the rules without actually doing it. The chicks were just as bad. Wasn't the best church group.
So ye... (read in full...)
I agreed to an abortion but now I'm second guessing it!
Q. I'm 9 weeks pregnant with my 3 child which was unplanned. My partner who I've been with for 16 years wants me to terminate the pregnancy, I said I would, but am now not sure if I can go through with it. What should I do? ...
A. 11 November 2010: Leaving my opinion on abortion completely aside, if you have the child, is he going to have to pay for part of (or all of) raising it? Is he going to be on the hook for taking care of it for the next two decades? It *is* your body for the next few ... (read in full...)
For the guys, does it have to be smooth as a baby's butt or is a little stubble ok?
Q. hey this is for all the guys on here! do guys really care if there is some stubble on a vagina if the girl is unable to get all of it off when shaving? or does it need to be perfectly smooth and hairless?...
A. 10 November 2010: Trimmed or shaved. Au natural is basically a big "keep off the grass" sign as far as oral is concerned, and I feel that any girl I date deserves oral.
On the other hand, stubble hurts. Think about when you kiss a guy on the mouth - do you like... (read in full...)
How do I talk to her and ask her out? She is very pretty and I am the guy that gets bullied!
Q. I really like this girl in my class (me and her are 14) i like everything about her but i dont know have to talk to her. She is much taller than me :/ and some people dont like me (just for no reason) and sometimes bully me. She is not part of that ...
A. 10 November 2010: Really, just go talk to her. Don't interrupt her if she's talking to other people, maintain eye contact, and remember to smile. Here's a little secret - *what* you talk about is basically unimportant, so long as you avoid anything really awkward ... (read in full...)
He traded in his ex's good looks for my personality!
Q. My partner said that he preferred his ex looks wise (she's real pretty) but prefers my personality ( he said she was a bitch and high maintenance). So I asked why he was with me and not her and He replied saying that She cheated on him and used ...
A. 10 November 2010: Did he just randomly say that his ex was hotter and you were nicer, or did it come up naturally in the conversation - like you asked, for instance?
If it's the former, it's insensitive in execution, but well-meaning. Think of it as a really c... (read in full...)
Is confidence really important to guys?
Q. Hey, just a quick question, is confidence really important to guys? Cause i've heard that guys are more attracted to confident girls, but im really shy and I haven't had a boyfriend in ages. How can i be more confident around guys? And is confidence ...
A. 9 November 2010: As long as you don't confuse "strong and confident" with "difficult and bitchy," then yes, it's important to us. No guy wants to spend all day reassuring his girlfriend that's she's perfect when she won't listen.
Besides which, there's just a w... (read in full...)
Is there any hope for us to grow closer emotionally in this marriage?
Q. I have been married for 15 years. We have 4 children (youngest is 5). We have a 'solid' relationship and my husband is a generally decent man. He has a stressful, high-responsibility job and is very well-respected in his field. In my opinion he is a ...
A. 9 November 2010: Tisha, her husband is hardly her "captor." What captive can leave anytime she likes with half his stuff? I'm also a little shocked at the advice not to worry aobut the kids - or Cerberus' advice to just divorce him without trying to fix things ... (read in full...)
When does a man know when he's found 'the one'?
Q. When does a man know when he's found 'the one'? What makes him so sure? Why do guys sometime wait years upon years to propose and others after only a few months? I'm waiting for my boyfriend to finish up school (about another 2 years) and though w...
A. 9 November 2010: I'm pretty convinced that for most guys, it's a matter of the right time. Whoever we're with when we're ready, whenever that is, that's who we end up with. Not a smart call, but I'm willing to bet it's the most common.
Some guys, like me, simp... (read in full...)
Telling him about a drunken mistake could cost our future together
Q. I am 27 years old and been with my partner for nearly 7 years. Last year we were going through a really bad patch and arguing a lot. One night we went out with a few friends and we had all had some drugs and acholol. We have now distanced ourselves ...
A. 9 November 2010: To find the strength, just ask yourself, what's more important to you, your reputation or your man? If the relationship is really all it should be, and worth your future, the answer should be obvious. You can fix the damage from this incident, you ... (read in full...)
Are we dating/getting to know each other or are we just hooking up?
Q. Are we dating/getting to know each other or are we just hooking up? - known each other for four weeks - he's always followed up on everything he planned or said - he pays for everything (even though I offer and sometimes we split) - he never ...
A. 9 November 2010: "he never calls me unless its to discuss plans"
Guys generally don't do that unless they're experienced enough to know that women seem to want that.
"there has been no mention of exclusivity or what's going on?"
Some guys find it awkward to ... (read in full...)
Is there any hope for us to grow closer emotionally in this marriage?
Q. I have been married for 15 years. We have 4 children (youngest is 5). We have a 'solid' relationship and my husband is a generally decent man. He has a stressful, high-responsibility job and is very well-respected in his field. In my opinion he is a ...
A. 9 November 2010: "His perspective is that I am cold and unaffectionate towards him (the latter is true)."
Look, men need sex to feel love. The truism that women need love to want sex is an oversimplification, but we can ignore that for the next couple of paragrap... (read in full...)
Why can't she just see how gorgeous she is?
Q. Here's a bit of back story on the situation. We started dating about two years ago, and at the time she had a lot of self-esteem issues. She was about 135 lbs and constantly thought she needed to lose weight. But I actually adored her womanly ...
A. 9 November 2010: Forgot to mention - WARNING! The link I provided is Not Safe For Work!... (read in full...)
Why can't she just see how gorgeous she is?
Q. Here's a bit of back story on the situation. We started dating about two years ago, and at the time she had a lot of self-esteem issues. She was about 135 lbs and constantly thought she needed to lose weight. But I actually adored her womanly ...
A. 9 November 2010: Have to hit this on two fronts - emotional and rational.
Rationally, point out all the good indicators of her current physique, like BMI and body measurements (a good reference website would be
http://www.femininebeauty.info/
if you want ... (read in full...)
My friend and I are fighting but I don't think I did anything wrong. Help!
Q. My friend and I are fighting. It's such a stupid "fight"! I'm not even fighting really, I don't even know what I did. Anyway, my best friend/roommate is possibly changing colleges next year to the college her boyfriend is at. Now this is not the ...
A. 9 November 2010: She wants validation and encouragement, not honest advice. In other words, she wants you to lie to her. That's doubly true if your opinion was unsolicited.
For the record, I think you're right that getting serious with him is a phenomen... (read in full...)
Girlfriend asked for Space, what can I do?
Q. Hi: I've been dating my girlfriend for 2 and 3/4years, I'm 23 she's 18. Just 3 days ago, she asked for a break or to have her own space. I was completely blindsided with that request because it was unexpected. Initially when she told me, I r...
A. 8 November 2010: A) The "smothering" feeling is not you talking to her too much, it's knowing that if she meets another guy, she can't get with him. So, the worry is whether she will decide to stick with you or to try her luck
B) They were the truth, as told by ... (read in full...)
Should I be bothered by what she does?
Q. Hi Agony Aunts, I know a girl who I am friends with. I have always had a crush on her but she made it clear she would just like to be friends. She does a couple things which make me feel lousy and I wonder if I should feel this way. 1) She...
A. 8 November 2010: You're not being petty, you're subjecting yourself to this kind of behavior. You have been put in the friends zone, which is hell on earth for guys.
Let me address the two things she does.
1) She's blowing you off because you keep forgiving h... (read in full...)
If he don't please me, should I have to please him?
Q. my boyfriend admitted that he only cares about his sexual plessure and that he isnt worried about me getting mine. witch explains why all this trying to convience him that i want more forplay isnt working. i tried to explain to him that the type of ...
A. 8 November 2010: You've done everything right here. Some guys just don't care, and he's at least been clear enough about that. I sincerely doubt he is ever going to change, so it's either find a new boyfriend or accept things the way they are.
Perso... (read in full...)
Why did he stop calling me?
Q. I dated this man about four times, we didn't sleep together but we did really connect - or so I thought. He went to lots of effort wining and dining me and he always text the next day to say thanks for a nice night and how much he had enjoyed ...
A. 8 November 2010: Did you try being the first to call after the second or third date? Did you make out with him by the third date? Did you give any other *clear* indication (through actions, not words) that his efforts were winning you over, and there would be sex ... (read in full...)
How do I get over my feelings for my gay best friend?
Q. Hi guys, this is a bit embarassing but I need some advice. My best friend is a gay guy and I'm head over heels for him! x All the gentle touches, the whispers, the long talks, the sleepovers JUST MAKE ME ACHE FOR HIM! I want so badly for him not to ...
A. 8 November 2010: Think back to every straight guy you've ever had the biggest crushes on. I'm willing to bet there is one trait in common - they all appeared to be in complete control of their sexual desire for you. Even if they really wanted you, they could act ... (read in full...)
How important are blow jobs in a relationship?
Q. Gentlemen, Guys, thank you for your time. Thesis research your age/months-years in relationship, please. On a scale of 1 to 10 how important are blowjobs in a serious relationship? Is it preferred to regular sex? Do you consider it an act of love ...
A. 7 November 2010: Blowjobs are a 10. I'm willing to be patient for the first one to happen, same as with normal sex, but eventually they have to become a regular part of our sex life.
Not "preferred," really, but I've always had sex more often than getting ... (read in full...)
He wants to move and doesn't want kids and we can't agree on these things!
Q. PLEASE help me! My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 1/2 years now. He is 36 and I'm almost 28. He has two children from a previous marriage, and I've never been married although I have been in serious relationships before. He and I get along ...
A. 6 November 2010: In response to CheekyFriday:
For the love of God, do not just "fall pregnant" without consulting with him. That's one of the cruelest thigns you can do to a man, a child, and yourself.
And don't characterize this as just a hangup - what if... (read in full...)
He wants to move and doesn't want kids and we can't agree on these things!
Q. PLEASE help me! My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 1/2 years now. He is 36 and I'm almost 28. He has two children from a previous marriage, and I've never been married although I have been in serious relationships before. He and I get along ...
A. 5 November 2010: I believe the "move to Colorado" dream can be put off for the time being - though, if he can afford to retire at 50, he must be damn good with money, especially with a divorce and two kids. It's the sort of thign I think he'd compromise on, but the ... (read in full...)
Marriage - why should any man bother?
Q. Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
A. 12 August 2010: Several of you have mentioned intimacy and love, which are supposed to increase from marriage. I'll buy that. Problem is, I don't think anyone really believes there's no love or intimacy in this world. Love is a beautiful thing, and worth taking ... (read in full...)
Marriage - why should any man bother?
Q. Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
A. 28 July 2010: @ Zayla80
Well, the Bible is pretty clear that it's better to be chaste than to marry - think it was Paul who said that one (Corinthians 7:7-10). Marriage is simply the second-best alternative to fornication. So, my soul can be saved without ... (read in full...)
Marriage - why should any man bother?
Q. Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
A. 26 July 2010: @ CindyCare
I see what you're getting at, but having kids vs. getting married are two different things. Raising kids is a risk, but it's its own reward or punishment. Marriage offers no possibility of reward over simply making a private commitme... (read in full...)
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