A
female
age
30-35,
*isfit19
writes:Well, I've live my life for 19 years now just. I still feel ugly and i still feel unloved. Everyman i've been with just nail and bails me or wants to be "fuck buddies". i feel used and i cant stop crying. I think im being a little over dramatising about this at the same time but i cant put up with it any more honestly. I dont know what to do and i need your advice. The main even was tonight when a guy came round who honestly i didnt know tha well, he said how pretty i was etc kissed me and other stuff occured. Then when he went home said that he dosnt do well in relationships and just wants to banter with me? this is the crap i have to put up with all the time im fed up.
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female
reader, pancakes rule  +, writes (31 December 2010):
 This is a bit of a generalisation, so don't take it as gospel, but a lot of guys really want sex and there are a lot of jerks out there willing to use people to get what they want, but when they meet someone they like, they'll be completely different. A lot of men don't think about find someone who they want to settle down with until they're older and although they may have a few serious relationships in their youth, a lot of what they do is for fun.
To anyone who disagrees with this, I'm sorry, this is purely from my own experience and from what close guy friends have told me.
A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (31 December 2010):
 Sorry about that, your question was very vague about what happened. However, I still stand by my original answer; giving men too much too soon of anything is never a good idea if you're looking for a relationship.
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A
female
reader, Misfit19 +, writes (31 December 2010):
Misfit19 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto put things straight i did not sleep with him!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): Ignore that last comment by annonymous. That is a complete load of rubbish.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): Lots of girls making your complaint are also just trying to pick guys way out of their attractive range. You can do that if you let them play you. But if you demand a real relationship then you may have to come back down to earth a bit and choose guys that are "only" as hot as you really are.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (30 December 2010):
It's crap you have to put up with because you allow it to happen. You didn't know the guy that well and still slept with him, it's completely unrealistic to expect men to respect you if you don't even have much respect for yourself.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (30 December 2010):
 Let's say you know 100 guys, and 10 of them are assholes. If word gets around that you'll put out before a commitment, all 10 of them will be at your doorstep in a heartbeat. The other 90 will go elsewhere.
Guys use you because you let them. Not all guys, just all the ones you get get with. Worst part is that the nice guys will generally avoid you once you've been with enough bad guys - partly because they assume you wouldn't like nice guys anyway (whether that's true or not).
You're picking the wrong guys, and you're sleeping with them too soon. You probably know that much by now; here's how to fix it.
First, stop putting out early. Wait a while. A month, minimum, preferably two, of continuous dating. Nothing more serious than heavy petting during that time. Players have no patience; this will make them all leave. Second, use that time to give guys a chance to make an impression. If a guy can impress you the first time you meet, he can impress other girls the first time, and has options. A guy who takes a while to get comfortable with you, who is only interesting the third or fourth time you meet, is less likely to use you and leave you.
If it's possible, getting a new social circle would help you escape the reputation. That'll make things much easier. If you can't, you're going to have to work a lot harder to show that you've changed - that means turn away anyone who isn't serious, and start reaching out to the nicer guys.
I can't promise these changes will make you happy, or even be possible. Promiscuity is habit-forming, and nice guys can seem milquetoast after all the player drama. It's up to you to make it work. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): this was me about 5yrs ago, wen i was 16yrs old, i was badly bullied and wanted to be loved, the guys i "went out" with only wanted one thing, i went out with a few guys (relationships) before this, that lasted about 2/3months, they cheated on me and then i started sleeping around i guess to get back at the guy population, silly me!
then i got sick of guys only one thing! i fell for a guy who said they didnt want to me bf/gf, i even introduced him to my mum! that hurt alot. i decided, no more guys, no more sex, if i was gna meet a guy he'd have to wait for sex and treat me like a princess.
i met my husband a few months later, we didnt have sex for quite a few weeks and now im married with a child, iv grown up!
good things come to those who wait :)
just wait to have sex, if he likes you he'll wait around for you. show these guys you have some self respect!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): I think you need to hang out with your friends meet guys be friends with them and then ask one to go on a date with you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): I can't tell you why. But if you put out to early and too easy it flips a switch that makes us want to move on. Withhold sex for a week or more when you meet a new guy and see if they stick around a bit longer.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): Perhaps you are hanging around with the wrong types of guys?Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, Krazybihh +, writes (29 December 2010):
I'm in the same boat as you. Guys always take advantage of me. I don't know why they do it but they do. U are not ugly... These guys see that ur pretty and all they think about is sex. Then u give it to them and they have nothing to stick around for. And they end up seeing u as someone they go to for sex. Next time u meet a guy and he wants to go to the bedroom, tell him that u are not ready for that u wanna take it slow. Get to know eachother before u go that far. If he doesn't stick around then he's not worth it. There is a respectful guy out there for u.
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A
female
reader, pancakes rule +, writes (29 December 2010):
I know emotions, 'needs' and alcohol can take over what you do very quickly when you meet someone you like, but I think you could be a bit more prudent, and not sleep with guys too quickly.
Try to get to know guys first and stop them if they try to go too far early on. Give yourself some boundaries and if they don't respect them, then they shouldn't be an option for you.
Good Luck
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): I think you have been letting certain guys get what they want (sex) a little too easily. The last guy you talked about, you say you hardly knew him yet you had sex with him the same night.
I'm not trying to sound judgemental but if you want to know if a guy is genuine or not you need to stop being so forward. Just because a guy calls you "pretty" it doesn't mean he wants a relationship, hell some guys don't even particularly like the girl they just want some action.
Not all guys are like this but the ones you have met seem like the "player" type and if you want something more they are the worst kind of guy to get involved with.
You're an adult and you have a choice whether to sleep with a guy or not. That last guy was obviously just looking for a good time but you wanted more. You're only going to get that if you start by going on dates. Movies, dinner, doesn't matter, just as long as it involves getting to know the guy and him getting to know you.
If you want things to change you're going to have to change your behaviour too. If you meet a guy you like then see if he's free and arrange to go out somewhere. Hold off on anything physical for at least a few months. Get to know each other.
If he's still around and still interested then you'll know that he probably wants more than sex and you'll have a much better chance at weeding out the users.
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