A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 24. He is the best thing that's ever happened to me. It almost sounds unreal, but he saved my life about one month ago. He pushed me out of the way from getting hit by an oncoming car, but he was badly injured. Right now, he's going through intense physical therapy and is constantly in pain. It's difficult for him to walk, and his hands shake whenever he tries to hold something. It's very heartbreaking. He used to work as a full-time professional, but he had to leave his job as a result of the accident. My family loves him but now want us to separate because they feel that he'll no longer be able to take care of me. I know this is true as well. Everything turned around in a snap. It feels like a bunch of our dreams just broke into pieces. I'm scared that if I stay with him, my life will be too difficult, and I am still so young. But he's my world... He got hurt because of me. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (30 December 2010):
You should stay with him because you love him, he obviously loves you, and when you love someone you support them in their time of need. He risked his life for you - in fact he sacrificed a HUGE chunk of his life for you because he loves you. Doesn't this make you love him even more than ever and want to stay loyal to him?
Right now is way too early to be predicting what future problems will emerge. Take it one day at a time.
If however, much further into the future your relationship deteriorates then it's perfectly valid to re-evaluate at that point. But that would be based on how things currently are at the time and how you both feel about each other. Cross that bridge when you get there - together.
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female
reader, mizpr318 +, writes (29 December 2010):
 This is nonsense ! Stayy with this devoted man ! Do uu see what he has done for YOU ! Save you from being hit by a car ? He just risked his life just to save you . Tome that proves u mean more then world to him & he loves more then anything . i think u should just wait til therapy is done . You never know a miracle can happen . You should just take veryy very good care of him and stay with him . DOnt leave him just because hes in handicap positon . I think you just being there for him and not leaving him is making him happy . if u reallly love him u would stay with him . God bless him & you too . best of luckk 3 i hopee you choose the right thing to do ..
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female
reader, jessicalynne +, writes (29 December 2010):
 Recently, one of the counselors at my school jumped in front of a car to save her 6 year old son. She passed away about two weeks ago. It takes more than guts to JUMP IN FRONT OF A CAR! Love. Lot's of love.I'd stay with this man. He's definitely doesn't sound like the cheating type. A genuine guy I think. I mean, if you did get hit and became handicapped, he'd stay with you, right?
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male
reader, ManAfterChrist +, writes (28 December 2010):
 It's "difficult" for him to walk... but not impossible. He sounds very much like he will get better. If you are a decent woman, stay with him through treatment then make a decision.Best of luck to you. In this case, I disagree that you need to do what you feel is best. I think there is only one option, and that's to stay with him until he is done with therapy. THEN, you can decide on something.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): he was willing to give his life for you, that truely shows love
your choice, idk how u would consider leaving him though
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (28 December 2010):
 Sigh.... wait until next year before you make decisions about forever..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): Thank you everyone for your responses!
We're going to stay together--Forever.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): Hi
If you leave now when you are older you will regret it. Just stay and help him come through this ...forget the future and look at now. You are young BUT so is he and this could have been you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!think how you would feel, spare him emotinal pain ontop of physical.
I understand your paths may take different ways but for now show him TRUE FREINDSHIP AND LOYALTY....more important than girlfriend and relationship dreams. Be there for him help him.
Your parents should THANK GOD HE DID (((TAKE CARE OF YOU)))))))...I believe you said he saved your life? and that is why he is like this now.
spunky monkey. :(
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (27 December 2010):
It's decent to stay and help him with his recovery. It's only been a month, much too soon to run away, that just sounds mean and selfish. Stay and help him as much as you can. In a couple of months, when he is as well as he can be, if you don't love him anymore, then you can leave.If you go now, you will feel guilty and hate yourself for the rest of your life. But if you stay forever with a man you do not love, you will end up with a cupboard full of regrets.Stay and help him, and then see how you feel later next year. Right now your just scared and confused, not a good place to make decisions from.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 December 2010):
 The fact that you question this means that this is something you have considered. Iv read through most of the posts and I know it must be quite overwhelming for you to read what people have to say...especially when you are the one who's faced with the prospect of looking like the bad guy here.
I'l tell you what I think. I know its perfectly fine to be rational. Thats what your family are doing. They've dissected it to the bare facts now...how will he take care.provide for you? They're your family, that WILL be their concern. But is rationality always the best answer? This guy may not be in a position to give you whatever your family wants, BUT, can you ever, in this lifetime again, find someone who's willing to risk his life for you? How many people in this world are fortunate enough to find true love?? Girl...you're one of them!!
However,as Caring Guy very rightly put it, dont stay with him out of pity. Thats the last thing anyone needs. If you think you're strong enough to take care of yourself, and maybe even him, THEN stay. I'l tell you a personal incident. My father got burnt very badly (85% burns) in the factory where he was an engineer, around 20 years back. I was just 6-7 yrs old, my mom literally brought him back to life. Iv never seen her cry even once, never heard her say...OMG..whats going to happen...because in her mind she knew that no harm would come to him, and she would be with him COME WHAT MAY.
If thats the kind of dedication you have, go for it. If not, its your call. Nobody's going to judge you. But you can be rest assured you will never find another guy like this one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): I'm sorry to hear of what happened, it must be a big shock for both of you. You must both be feeling a lot of emotions right now. I think it might be worth giving the situation more time. Like I said, your emotions are likely to be all over the place, so I think it might be a good idea to wait until things have calmed down a bit before you make any decisions about the relationship. It may seem like everything is changing. Life as you knew it before is gone. But that doesn't mean it will now be a disaster. You can both adjust to what has happened and get used to a new routine together. But it will take time. Time really is needed here in order to heal in a physical and emotional sense.
If necessary, maybe you and your boyfriend could have a bit of space from one another for now. I think it would be wonderful if you felt able to support him. But if it is all too much for you right now, then as difficult as it may be, some space might help.
I understand your family being concerned. But this is a decision only you can make. It is your life, your relationship, your feelings. Only you can decide what to do. Try not to let anybody else influence you in making a decision. You have to decide FOR YOU. You have to make the decision you want to make. If you love him and want to stay with him, then stay with him. Other people will just have to deal with that, and I think in time they will.
So my advice is to try and give things more time. But if, in the end, you realise you are unhappy and do not actually want to be with your boyfriend, then leave. We do not know the full details of the relationship here, so I don't know if there were other problems before or not. But regardless, if you decide you want to leave, and you don't feel like trying to stick with the relationship, then leave. Yes, he saved your life. But you should not stay with someone out of a sense of obligation or debt. If there is no love, it is unfair on both of you to stay. You will be unhappy, and he will be held back from finding someone who will be comfortable with him as he is.
Once again, I am sorry for what has happened. And I hope things start to heal and improve for you both soon. Good luck. x
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female
reader, smiliek  +, writes (27 December 2010):
 it may just be the way you wrote this, but you sound horribly selfish. Your boyfriend saved your life. Risked his for yours. Decided that he loved you that much he'd rather you live over him.. And your family said you should leave because he cant take care of you?! Wtf.. Shouldn't they be damn grateful that you're alive?! Do you love this man? Were you thinkin of leavin him before the accident? If not, dont be selfish and self centered. Tell your family that they owe him for your life and give him a chance to recover. You will be throwing your rescue back in his face if you leave him now..
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reader, 1DrLove +, writes (27 December 2010):
Don't take the accident into account.
Pretend it didn't happen then what would you do?
He wouldn't want you around just because he saved you and you are not obligated to be around either. This accident changes nothing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): maybe the stress of all this is confusing you, i agree witht he first comment that u should help him for at least a while. i think any1 would go through some kind of difficulty if this happened but u cant make a snap decision when it comes to something so important. maybe u do owe him, but maybe u dont, all im saying is think long and hard, consider right and wrong and how u feel, how u will feel and importantly how u did feel before this. good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): well, he did something that most people wouldnt do because no one wants hit by a car, so i think its your turn to show your loyalty and be there for him, although most people wouldnt do that either..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): i would stay with him if i was you, because someone with that much heart is hard to find. disabled or not, if you leave him, then i think he could do better. he'll be in my prayers :) i hope you choose to stay, i think that after what he did for you, u owe him to help him threw the harder part of the situation. being handicapped (because you love someone) is alot harder then being the one who has to be there for the handicapped person..
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (27 December 2010):
I think the crux of it is where you say your family want you to separate because "he'll no longer be able to take care of me". The fact that he is going through physio doesn't mean he has emotional or mental disabilities as a result of the accident, so I don't see how he can't take care of the emotional side of the relationship.This leaves, therefore, only the financial side, as far as I can see. Now he can't work he can't "look after you", and so he is no longer useful to you. How very sad. I can only assume that you are not capable of looking after yourself if you need to rely on a man to do that for you. If that is the case, then the best thing to do probably is to leave him, and let him find someone who loves him for who he is, rather than what he can do for them and how much £££ he can offer.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): If you love someone, you would treat them the way you would want to be treated. That being said...let's think about it this way:If he hadn't saved you and you had been the one left injured with a questionable future, would you want him to stay or go?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): He saves your life and you are wondering if you should stay with him because now he is injured as a result of saving your life?? Talk about gratitude and loyalty.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (26 December 2010):
 First, I'm sorry for what happened, and wish him a speedy recovery.
Anyway, the *least* you owe him is to stay and help him through physical therapy. As great as it is that he cares so much for you, he is not entitled to a relationship forever. However, for what he's done for you, you owe him all the love and support you can offer until he's as fit as the doctors say he's going to get. If that takes a year or three, so be it. He did it for you, now do it for him.
So at least wait until he's recovered to break up. Leaving him now could break him in ways no car ever could.
When that time comes, though, think very carefully about the caliber of man you would be leaving. Few will admit it, but that level of character, of reflexive self-sacrifice is incredibly rare. In the same situation, I doubt I'd have had the guts or the devotion to do the same in the moment of need.
You can provide for yourself just fine; few people would care for you the way this guy apparently does. On a practical level, if you leave him before he's had time to recover, any future guy who hears this story will think much less of you. Think about it - would you date a guy who left a previous girlfriend because she got hurt saving him? Same logic applies.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): Well I guess deep down you already know the answer.
Actually it is quite obvious. If you wanted to stay with him because you loved him, you would not even THINK about asking yourself or anyone else that question.
I reckon you really, really want to leave but can't because of your bad conscious so you were hoping for a lot of encouragement to do so right?
Unfortunately it is your life and whatever anone will write on here will not make it one bit easier for you. You don't need anyone to tell you what is right or wrong or what you can or can't do.
Fact is: You want to leave him, you will have a bad conscious about it for a long time but in the end you must do what you WANT to do and no one can make that easier for you or do it in your place.
I wish you good luck and the courage to go through with your decision.
The ugliest truth could never be as harmful as a lie.
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (26 December 2010):
 Stay.
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female
reader, Dreamer1988 +, writes (26 December 2010):
 Love knows no bounds- love breaks down barriers, physical, emotional, and mental. I suggest you love him through this period that he is going through. Put your own life aside for now. Once he is better, than you can talk about your future. (Who knows, maybe you sticking by his side, will change your mind about it.) But, I think that you should stay and not leave him at a time like this. He is in a very vulnerable place, and can benefit from your support.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): seriously, your saying hes your world, the best thing thats ever happened to you, so you think if accident never happened you would still be with him wouldn't you because you love him, but the accident did happen, and the accident wasnt that long ago, he still has time to progress, i think your family and heartless because they should cherish and honor this man, because if he didnt jump in front of you that would of been you, they would of had a daughter who was disabled or possibly even dead, but he saved you from that and you and your family should be gateful apart from saying he cant look after you, seriously your 20, i think you can look after yourself, if you broke up with him you would be, the best thing you 2 can give eachother is your love, even if you broke up with this man, you will never forget him because he was the man that saved your life, how many people do you know that would do that? i think you need to realise what you have, your very lucky, i'd do anything for my boyfriend to be back here with me,if only i had jumped in front of a car for him, we might both still be alive, open your eyes, your in love, you should overlook his disability, and a few months down the line, he will not be as incapable as he is now,
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): seriously, your saying hes your world, the best thing thats ever happened to you, so you think if accident never happened you would still be with him wouldn't you because you love him, but the accident did happen, and the accident wasnt that long ago, he still has time to progress, i think your family and heartless because they should cherish and honor this man, because if he didnt jump in front of you that would of been you, they would of had a daughter who was disabled or possibly even dead, but he saved you from that and you and your family should be gateful apart from saying he cant look after you, seriously your 20, i think you can look after yourself, if you broke up with him you would be, the best thing you 2 can give eachother is your love, even if you broke up with this man, you will never forget him because he was the man that saved your life, how many people do you know that would do that? i think you need to realise what you have, your very lucky, i'd do anything for my boyfriend to be back here with me,if only i had jumped in front of a car for him, we might both still be alive, open your eyes, your in love, you should overlook his disability, and a few months down the line, he will not be as incapable as he is now,
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): She didn't ASK him to save her life, nor did anyone MAKE him do it. He made admittedly a quick decision and is now facing the consequences.
Do what you feel is bet for you dear and dont do what you FEEL you ahve to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): I'm so sorry to say,but did you ever love him? how can you want to leave him after what he did for you? From what you wrote he has some impairment of movement,walking, or working. Why wouldn't he be able to take care of you? I have seen people work with 2legs paralysed,even 2hands and 2 legs paralysed. And why can't you complete your education and then take care of him?
What he did for you is so so brave and nice. How many people would do that for you? Who in the whole world would care for you more than him? Why can't your family see this?
I wish he receives what he deserves.
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male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (26 December 2010):
If you love him, you will stay with him. That's all there is to it, really.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 December 2010):
 Here is the thing. First, you're only a month out of your accident. He is in physical therapy, but he's moving forward. It can take anywhere from 2-4 months for a simple broken bone to heal, depending on where it is. I think you're being premature in thinking that he won't be able to take care of you, ESPECIALLY if he was a professional as opposed to an athlete or something who needs his body more than his intellect.
There are stories that abound where people take a handicap, a serious illness, or a tragedy and make their lives truly extraordinary because of it. I think you and your family are unbelievably short-sighted and limited in your view of your future with him.
As for whether you should stay with him or not, this guy gave up his life and the future he knew for you. If that is not "taking care of you", what the hell else is?! Giving you a little money? You can do that! Giving you a "trophy" husband who is not a cripple? OMG woman! Your boyfriend is a HERO, and there aren't many of those.
Wait and see what happens 12 months from now before even considering leaving him. He could defy all medical expectations. And YOU and your good attitude and support could mean the difference between extraordinary and despair for him. Put yourself in his shoes. He made almost the ultimate sacrifice for the woman he loves, and she and her family drop him because he was damaged. God.
Yes, you're young. Believe it or not, being with him will not wreck your own dreams. Let this experience mature you.
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reader, ann84 +, writes (26 December 2010):
if you were the one who saved his life and then become handicapped, would you want him to leave you just because of you are handicapped?
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reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (26 December 2010):
 Leaving a guy who was injured saving your life at Christmastime is possible THE most self-centred, selfish bit of arrogant ignorance that I have ever heard of.
Your family is wrong. You need to grow up. He did this to save you; it's time to return the favor: Save HIM by standing by your man until he is fully rehabilitated. If you choose to leave him after that; you will at least have behaved honorably and at least have shown that you appreciated his loving act with kindness and gratitude of being a loyal girlfriend.
How on earth can you be learning about being a mensch; a decent human being - if this is what your family is teaching you?
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (26 December 2010):
 Woah, for one do you love him? If you love him stay with him, disability or not. He may be able to collect disability, or the damage may not be that bad to where he can't work. Who's to say you can't go to school and get a great paying career thus taking care of the both of you? Do you see a future with guy? Don't break up with him just because he's disabled, that would be incredibly heartless. I say stay with him, give him your love, and support see where this relationship goes before you call it quits.
This man literally took a speeding car for you..You owe him big time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): “There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:
This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.
When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.”
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 December 2010):
Unless you can genuinely give 100% to him, you should end it. You shouldn't stay out of pity, or because anyone else tells you to. If you stay with him, then it should be because you love him, don't care about what your family says and want to be with him.
Your family have put forward some pretty poor arguments. For them to say he can no longer look after you after he effectively gave you the ultimate gift is very short sighted. You'll be lucky if you ever find a guy who'll be so committed to you ever again. And he can certainly look after you. He's in rehab getting better.
I think if you give a guy this good up, you're mad to be honest. But, like I say, you need to be honest here. Can you give this man 100%? If you can't, move on now.
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reader, harleygirl2010 +, writes (26 December 2010):
 I would say stay with him. You have found yourself a wonderful man and it would be a shame to give him up. Stay by his side and help him work through this tough time. Your alive because he made it so. Help him handle the pain, help him with the therapy. If he is your world then don't listen to your family. It's YOUR decision whether or not you stay with him NOT your family's. You say that your "still to young", but what about him? Yes he is four years older but he is still just as young as you are. If you leave him, and he is your world, your will never be the same. So my advice is stay with him, help him, support him, love him, and be his world. With what he is going through he is going to need those things especially love and support of the ones he loves. Good luck to both of you and i hope he gets well soon.
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reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 December 2010):
 Wow, I'm sorry but you should awfully selfish and materialistic. And your family? Wow.. I'm speechless. How cold hearted.
How about YOU reach YOUR potential? Why believe that it is the man's place you "take care" of YOU?
He's only been in rehab a month. He certainly haven't reached HIS potential. He may not be back to 100% of who he was and what he did, but with support, rehab and the right attitude I wouldn't be surprised that he can go far. I see YOUNG war veteran quite often, who lost a limb, lost an eye and they get back on their feet and do good, they give back to society with their family's help.
I don't think staying with him out of "survivor's guilt" or pity is the way to go, but I DO think you need to be there for him through his rehab.
I'm sorry I can' give you better advice, I'm flabbergasted by your post.
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reader, dersita  +, writes (26 December 2010):
 I think you should stay with him. He saved your life!
Dont break his heart. He saved you from the car because he loves you and wants to be with you. You're not really thinking of breaking up with him ARE YOU???
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reader, Tasmanian devil +, writes (26 December 2010):
 if he truly is your world than you will stay with him they dont say for better or for worse for no reason working through this hard time will make your relationship stronger.
if your so worried about being young and missing out on things then you have to truly ask yourself what you want because only you know the answer to that..
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): Will he one day get better? no matter how long it takes will he get better? you can feel better if the answer if yes. But if you do not love him then do not stay with him out of guilt, he did a wonderful thing but I am sure he would not want be with a woman who did not love him
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male
reader, billb +, writes (26 December 2010):
You should do what you want to do he put your life before his not many people would do that he didn't stop and say I'm young saving her might be to hard if I can't walk or if I'm in constant pain he only worried about you so if you love him stay with him if not leave don't worry about how hard it will be or what your family thinks
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reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (26 December 2010):
 What about being young? Is it your studies you are worried about? That is quite understandable, if you are too take care of someone, you have to first take care of yourself. If it is about having fun while you are still young, I am afraid it will be difficult unless you are a guiltless woman. He gave up his life for you in a heartbeat so you could continue living yours. If you are worried about your education, your career, I think it would be wise to compromise. There has to be someone who will help you both, friends or family who can care for him while you work or care for him to give you a break when you need it. He cannot stop trying to work for himself. He has to keep working through pain, for his sake and for yours.
Only you know what is best right now. If you love each other, you can either stay together through this or separate. What do you KNOW to be the best choice? Will taking care of him consume your whole life right now?
I hope that helps.
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