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... Send *istify a private message | | | *istify's profile:I'm just a regular girl from South Africa with a lot of relationship experience, and a deeper understanding to problems. Currently in a very steady relationship (with the usual ups and downs) and i have a four and a half year old daughter.
My advice is not nearly professional but i try and help where i can. I'm open and honest and will tell you exactly what i think of a situation.
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My ex says I always want what I cant have...what does she mean??
Q. My ex-girlfriend said I always seemed to want what I couldn't have. Any ideas what that's supposed to mean? What can't we have and how do we recognise it? For example, my ex invited me to bed and I fondled her breasts and she said I always seemed ...
A. 19 November 2007: Good for you.
Have you ever heard of the term - CLEARING?
Well that is exactly what you've done. You've cleared the things you are carrying on you shoulders / chest / heart. Good for telling her the truth about JUST wanting to see her as well.
I... (read in full...)
I like him, he likes me, what can I do to make him come around and date me?
Q. Basically, i really like this guy and have liked him for ages im 14 and so is he and we are in the same form. we did start seein eachother but he dumped me after a day. now he knows i like him still and he has said that he still likes me. my friends ...
A. 16 November 2007: Okay -
Not necessarily a BAD reply, but also maybe NOT a good one.
If you think that it was just maybe because he was put on the spot, then try again.
I don't understand what it means when he said: Do you wanna get off this weekend? Was he aski... (read in full...)
My ex says I always want what I cant have...what does she mean??
Q. My ex-girlfriend said I always seemed to want what I couldn't have. Any ideas what that's supposed to mean? What can't we have and how do we recognise it? For example, my ex invited me to bed and I fondled her breasts and she said I always seemed ...
A. 16 November 2007: Thank you for updating us on how things went.
In your words, it takes two to tango, and if she doesn't want to dance with you, you are right in moving along... And you are quite right in saying, that you are moving towards healing yourself by gett... (read in full...)
My child is driving me to despair. What can I do to make her behave herself?
Q. I need some help. I am a really bad daughter. My daughter is 4 and soon will be 5 and she does not listen to anything anyone says. She is scared of her father but she talks back and she hurts her sister and neice and she is just a really mean kid. I ...
A. 14 November 2007: Hi there
I posted a very similar question on another site a little while back.
You have all my sympathy. My daughter is the same age as yours, and i'm experiencing almost exactly the same problem.
The answer i got, was something that i... (read in full...)
Why has he suddenly decided to get counselling now?
Q. Will my ex change? And why did he start counseling now, after we are broken up? Throughout our relationship I felt like he treated me not right and that it was very unhealthy. He never agreed to go to counseling but now he is! What is up with that?! ...
A. 14 November 2007: Hi there...
Well, he might be going for counseling for two reasons
- He might be trying to get you back, because he realized too late that he was totally messed up.
OR
- He might be trying to shape up so that he doesn't make the same mistak... (read in full...)
Shall I wait until he's finished his 'studies'?
Q. Hi there I met this guy in a chatroom. When we first started things were cool. Most days I couldn't wait for him to log on. He always told me the he missed me so we exchanged contact numbers and pics. He even said that I was beautiful. W...
A. 14 November 2007: Hi there.
Tuff situation, sorry to hear about it.
When guys say that they don't EVER want a relationship, then that is usually exactly what they mean.
You seem like such a nice person, and it seems that he is taking advantage of that.
If yo... (read in full...)
He wants to be more than just a txter
Q. well i got this lads numba that i sort of liked. weve been txtin each other 4 about a week or so. we dont talk in school. hes on my bus and we exchange glances etc but thats it. im happy with this. just txting and eye contact. he doesnt seem to...
A. 14 November 2007: You are exactly what a lot of guys are looking for, and exactly what a lot of girls are NOT.
You are an individual and unique in your own way, so it is not a bad thing that you don't want to meet up with him
What you need to figure out, is WHAT it ... (read in full...)
Relationship is over and I am looking for closure. Should I send her back her ring and momentos?
Q. Hi I wonder if you can help. I now know that my relationship is now definately over and I'm looking for some closure. I still have some photo's and bits and pieces belonging to my ex. I was thinking of mailing them to her with the engagement ring,...
A. 14 November 2007: Hi There.
Sorry for what you are going through at the moment.
If you send the stuff back, your ex might take it up in two ways:
a) you want to hurt her
b) you are trying to get over her.
She'll take it up as you wanting to hurt her if y... (read in full...)
Why do I still have a baby face?
Q. ok i am about a same hight as a adult but i still have a baby face why do i still have my baby face i want my adult face i am 14 ?...
A. 12 November 2007: Hi there.
It is still very normal at your age, and trust me, in about 10 years time you will wish that you still looked younger.
Your face will change dramatically over the next two or three years - so will everybody else's. Just relax, and enjo... (read in full...)
What's going on in her mind? Very flirtatious...
Q. Hi, I know this girl only for 3 dayz when she was down in india for a vacation.On the 4th day she comes over to my place and when we settled down,she was sitting very close to me and her legs were touching my legs....actually she was kind of rubbi...
A. 12 November 2007: It might be a bit of both?
Have you ever heard of a holiday-romance? This is something people do to enjoy their holiday. And that is where it will stay. There is only one way to find out, and that is to make a move? If she reacts in a funny way,... (read in full...)
How do I avoid ruining my chances?
Q. I have a best mate, we were having a relashonship for like 10 months...but it wasn't straight foward. shes now my best friend, but she has a boyfriend. i'm still completly in love with her though, and im just waiting for her, but i havnt told her ...
A. 12 November 2007: This is a really tough situation.
I think you need to speak to the girl you are in love with.
Tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her how long you've been feeling this way, and tell her that the most important thing to you, is your friendsh... (read in full...)
Should I give him a nice surprise on his 18th birthday?
Q. Hi, I love your site and need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. We are both seniors in high school. I am 19 years old and my boyfriend will soon turn 18. We are both virgins. We have talked about sex but ha...
A. 12 November 2007: Okay - WOW you have a lot of question.
Thing is, you really need to relax. You are over-thinking this, and by doing this, you may turn this situation into an awkward one.
You have the right idea. Lots of kissing - en route to the bedroom - passio... (read in full...)
I've been sleeping with my husbands best friend! He doesn't know. What should I do?
Q. Ok Guys And Gals here's my problem.2 yrs ago i did a very stupid thing and slept with my husbands best friend 3 times(over the course of a year)My Husband and i were having a really bad time and his friend was a shoulder to cry on so to speak.He ...
A. 12 November 2007: The thing is, you already know your answer.
It is understandable that you still feel wanted, but this other guy is definitely BAD for both you and your husband.
I would
a) tell your husband
b) break all contact with this supposed friend.... (read in full...)
Do you think he likes me?
Q. i am in 11th and i really like a guy, he's in 12th and i think he like me too but i am not so sure.i mean he makes eye contact and sometimes smile.he is a good friend of one of my friends,so one day i was standing with her and he came and was ...
A. 12 November 2007: If a guy really likes you, he would probably not try and avoid you. Maybe he can see you like him, but doesn't want to deal with the situation.
The only way to really know, is to ask.
Maybe he's too shy to ask you out. Why don't you initiate... (read in full...)
I like another woman! Please, please help me!
Q. PLEASE take time to read this...and help me if you can... Basically, I'm a 20 year old girl and for about 3 years now I've been completly besotted by another woman... She's 32 and single, but I don't know what her sexual orientation is. ...
A. 12 November 2007: Hi there
It must be terrible not knowing.
I haven't read your other posts, but have a question.
Have you ever asked her?
Have you asked her if she likes guys, or girls?
One way for you to find out, is to spend more time with her. Talk abou... (read in full...)
Do I break up with her.
Q. im in a bit of a stretch, i started going out with my girlfriend over a year ago, the problem is that i first started going out with her because i wanted to have a girlfriend before my birthday, as i am rarely single. one of our now common friends i ...
A. 12 November 2007: You are indeed quite normal.
Don't worry about this. You are however making a mistake with this girlfriend of yours if you are not certain that you love her.
Yes, sometimes we GROW to love people - which was the case with my first bf (we were tog... (read in full...)
TEXT ME BACK!
Q. There's a guy I used to work with who I'm also sleeping with. The problem is that leading up to me staying at his place we'll be texting loads, but afterwards he doesnt text and wont reply to my messages. Then 2-3 weeks later he'll text and be like ...
A. 12 November 2007: I agree with Waterloo.
This is not the sort of behavior of someone who cares for you, or even a FRIEND. A friend will at least check in once in a while to see how you are? It also seems that you have more feelings for him than he has for you.
H... (read in full...)
I feel odd when teachers help over my shoulder
Q. I have this weird problem like uhh sometimes when im in school i will have teachers help me and you know when you know someone is behind you and like right over your shoulder...I kinda like that but whats odd is that 5 of my teacher are male and ...
A. 12 November 2007: The word is SAFE and protected, and in touch. This is perfectly normal, and i wouldn't worry if i were you. You are connecting with another human being, in a very nice way. In that moment when they are helping you, you are the vulnerable party, ... (read in full...)
What's the deal, what do I do?
Q. This is the first time ive ever done this type of thing...im just lookin for responses..opinions. Basicly my ex and i were together for about 7 months, broke up, didnt talk for about 3 months then we started seeing eachother again which only lasted ...
A. 12 November 2007: The thing is, you sound like a wonderful guy, and you don't deserve this kind of treatment. You shouldn't go on wondering when she's gonna come back - because she's still young, and doesn't know what she wants. You deserve better. Even if she ... (read in full...)
19, after a stressful day, my attitude towards others has changed... Could this be a hormonal thing?
Q. Hi everyone, strange problem. A few days ago, I had a very stressful day at college. It seemed like everyone was trying to irritate me, and cause me some kind of stress. I find that stress causes me to dwell on me and my ex splitting up ear...
A. 12 November 2007: Hi there.
Sorry about this.
If you were a female, i would definitely say it is hormonal, but i'm not sure how much a guy is affected by hormones. First you have to determine if you've changed your diet in any way. Did you start taking new medi... (read in full...)
I like him, he likes me, what can I do to make him come around and date me?
Q. Basically, i really like this guy and have liked him for ages im 14 and so is he and we are in the same form. we did start seein eachother but he dumped me after a day. now he knows i like him still and he has said that he still likes me. my friends ...
A. 12 November 2007: The best way to do this, is to be straight.
Do you have his phone number? Maybe text him.. He will definitely be surprised, but then he wont feel 'put on the spot'. If you don't have his phone number, ask him during class, or just before that you ... (read in full...)
How can I love him if I kissed another boy??
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a half but yesterday i got drunk at a party and kissed another boy. I told him straight away then left the party and went straight home. My boyfriend came round , i told him exactly what happened and he h...
A. 11 November 2007: Things like this happen, and you are right for questioning your love for your boyfriend.
When we are with our partners for a long , we start getting 'use to the situation', and we start feeling very comfortable. Maybe you kissed this other guy ... (read in full...)
Should I call and ask her if there is anything wrong?
Q. Hi, I have a dilema and don't know what i should do. I've been apart from my ex for 5 mos. In that time, we haven't spoken, since I broke up w/ her, she's cut her hair short, and while occasionally being polite, she's not really calling me etc..bef...
A. 11 November 2007: Hi there.
Shaim - it is very sweet of you to still care for her in this way. Only one way to find out, and that is to go see her face to face. Let her know, as soon as you see her that you are not there for ANY other reason, but to see if she'... (read in full...)
The guys in my form keep picking me up. How do I stop them without making a fool of myself?
Q. The guys in my form are always picking me up or squeezing my sides and genraly pushing me around. it never really hurts and they are always doin it as a joke and i usually just lauph and slap there arm. i do fancy one of them and dont mind when he ...
A. 11 November 2007: You simply say to them - don't touch what you can't afford.
They are probably doing it in a joking way, because they see you as a friend. That's a good thing. Maybe just say OUCH once, and see what happens. When we are little, guys and girls play... (read in full...)
I like him, he likes me, what can I do to make him come around and date me?
Q. Basically, i really like this guy and have liked him for ages im 14 and so is he and we are in the same form. we did start seein eachother but he dumped me after a day. now he knows i like him still and he has said that he still likes me. my friends ...
A. 11 November 2007: Maybe this guy was just scared of what would happen if he really started having a serious relationship. Maybe he realized that although he liked you, he wasn't yet ready for a relationship, and maybe he just didn't know what to do next...
Very tric... (read in full...)
She broke up with me to marry a rich guy, is this fair?
Q. dear freinds, am in a reall big trouble. you know, i was having a girl freind for more than four years, and all of a sudden , she came up with an idea of breaking up, but this is not the only problem, the thing is she happen to risk our love to ...
A. 11 November 2007: No it is certainly not fair, and no, she probably won't be happy if this is the only reason she's marrying this other rich guy.
Relationships should be based on LOVE, and not money.
Thing is, there is nothing you can do about it, other than tel... (read in full...)
We have a baby but live in separate homes, should I be happy with this or am I right to be wanting more from him?
Q. Hi my situation is this I have been with my partner for nearly 3 years. He is a widow with two teenage son's I previously had one daughter. About six months into our relationship I got pregnant and he was happy enough and came around eventually. ...
A. 11 November 2007: No - i don't think you have to be HAPPY with your situation.
You are in a relationship. You have a daughter together, and the 'right' way to be, is TOGETHER. I think you need to have a serious chat. The way things are now, he is having his cake... (read in full...)
My ex says I always want what I cant have...what does she mean??
Q. My ex-girlfriend said I always seemed to want what I couldn't have. Any ideas what that's supposed to mean? What can't we have and how do we recognise it? For example, my ex invited me to bed and I fondled her breasts and she said I always seemed ...
A. 11 November 2007: Okay - well, then it makes sense the way i explained it.
You now have a choice to make, and so does she...
Do you WANT to be with her.
Are you WILLING to make it work.
Can you make her feel WANTED?
If your answer to all of these questions are ... (read in full...)
How do I tell the guy I don't love him and want to be with my ex???
Q. Okay here is a quick glimpse of my confused life. I was with my ex...we'll call him John for 6yrs. Meet him when i was 14, so i grew up with him and learned right from wrong. I decided i was young and it was time to have some fun. Go to some bars ...
A. 9 November 2007: You are right in wanting to tell him... And you should, as soon as possible.
How do you do it? The honest way.
I think you need to sit him down, and chat to him. Tell him that you've given your relationship a go, but things aren't working ... (read in full...)
My ex says I always want what I cant have...what does she mean??
Q. My ex-girlfriend said I always seemed to want what I couldn't have. Any ideas what that's supposed to mean? What can't we have and how do we recognise it? For example, my ex invited me to bed and I fondled her breasts and she said I always seemed ...
A. 9 November 2007: I think she merely thought that you acting on her invitation was funny. She made a comment that should rather have gone something like this: "I cannot believe you acted on the invitation!!! So, now that we're not together anymore, you want me?" ... (read in full...)
He went from being obsessed with me to being totally indifferent. Why?
Q. I met a guy (who was single and wished to stay that way, due to a recent break up). Even though he knew he couldn't go out with me he text me loads, called, wanted to see me etc, basically obsessed! This continued for a month or so, then he turned ...
A. 8 November 2007: Hi there.
Sorry about your situation. Not nice.
Rebound - that is what i think. He was on the rebound after his breakup, and then went overboard, not considering your feelings. I think you also need to take a step back, and allow him the space to... (read in full...)
Is he for real this time? Should I take him back?
Q. hello everyone! wow i havent asked a question on here in a while so here it goes. okay me and my ex split up about 2 weeks ago. my mom took my phone away so i didnt read any messages but hes been trying to talk to me and asking me to please talk to ...
A. 8 November 2007: Everybody deserves a second chance, but just be careful. Yes, he went through a lot to try and get you back - but you have to try and remember WHY you broke up in the first place?
I'd vote to give him another chance, but just be vigilant to the ... (read in full...)
Should I tell her that her husband is cheating?
Q. There is this party store right by my house, and I know for a fact that the woman who runs the counter, her husband has been sleeping with this girl I know. I used to be friends with this girl, but I cut her out of my life as she's been acting ...
A. 8 November 2007: Would you like to know if you were in the same situation? I think your answer is yes. It is a very fragile situation, as we shouldn't really get involved in other people's business, but this poor woman really needs to know that her husband is ... (read in full...)
He doesn't want me around when going out with his friends. Am I stupid for being upset by this?
Q. ive been with my guy 4 nearly 8 monthes. His best friends are female and i know he wont cheat on me..he's female mates have boyfriends. We all planned to do something on saturday then he asked me if i would be upset if he just go out with them ...
A. 8 November 2007: It is not necessarily that he is cheating on you, but rather a case of he cares what his friends think of him, and you.
You are not stupid for being upset, and he is unfair in wanting to leave you out of his life like that - because that is what... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is moving to NZ, we love each other but we think a break will help us. What should I do?
Q. My girlfriend is moving to Newzeeland in about 4 - 5 months and we are going to break up. We started off our relationship sexually and have had a good sex life up until recently. Now we really have sex which causes rows and we think going on a ...
A. 8 November 2007: Hi there.
Tough situation.If you are going to break up in any case, then why wait. Your are just putting your happiness on hold.
The tension might be because both of you know things are going to end in a couple of months anyway, but the way you ... (read in full...)
My wife's low sex drive is driving me crazy.
Q. My wife and I have been married for 3 years now. We have a beautiful daughter together and for all intended purposes, our lives are great. But we're not having sex. Well, not nearly enough, if you ask me. We've been together 8 years now, and u...
A. 8 November 2007: I really feel for you. It is terrible, and i'm gonna be honest, i really cannot give you any advice. You've already done all the things i would have suggested, and if that wasn't working, then i don't know what will. But i do want to say - i can ... (read in full...)
Is she being fair to treat me like this? - says she hasn't been happy but doesn't want to talk about it.
Q. Ok, first a bit of background to this. I met my gf earlier this year. We hit it off straight away and fell in love quite quickly. We have just moved in together (about a month ago) and eveything has been going fantastically well. She stayed rou...
A. 8 November 2007: Well - i know it is horrible for you right now. So sorry you had to hear about it this way. And you are right in saying it was cowardly of her to do it by text.
At least now you have your answer. It is always better to know. Good luck. Mail me i... (read in full...)
How can I be certain this time??
Q. I am engaged to be married in April 2008. I am having second thoughts because I have not known many people who are happily married for long. I am also divorced so I don't want to make a promise I can't keep (for the second time). But does this fee...
A. 8 November 2007: There is no way to be totally sure. You can love this guy and even imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with him, but sometimes things go wrong, and like you said feelings for each other fluctuates. Where your certainty comes in, is in ... (read in full...)
Any tips on how to make-out for the first time??
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I'm an average teen, in an average relationship. This new boyfriend I've been dating for about a month now seems totally into me, and I'm totally into him!!....there is just one problem...I'm scared that when the moment comes to...
A. 8 November 2007: Hi there
I take my hat off to you for waiting until now to "make out"
This way, it should be more special.
Kissing is different for everybody. Everybody prefers a different style. Some guys like a lot of tongue, some like less, but here are the... (read in full...)
I've been such an idiot...i broke up with her and am still madly in love.
Q. I have been such an idiot. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend of five years because I was basically not taking responsibility for my experience of life - work, family, friends, my own feelings, you name it really. I loved her and I am still in love ...
A. 8 November 2007: Such a difficult situation.
Look, bottom line, if she really did love you, she would also understand that you need some closure. You need to have your mind clear though. You cannot go to see her because you are trying to win back her love. Your... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is cheating
Q. I think my boyfriend is cheating. well all the sign are there,he doesnt call everyday as he used to,he send people he doent know sweet sms/mms.he is rude on the phone when i talk to him,we rarely see eah other and he has changed his style of ...
A. 8 November 2007: You cannot base your decision on the info you've provided, but you must TRUST your gut.
Usually when we suspect something is wrong, then something is. The only thing that is upsetting, is the fact that he is rude to you.. He might be stre... (read in full...)
Is she being fair to treat me like this? - says she hasn't been happy but doesn't want to talk about it.
Q. Ok, first a bit of background to this. I met my gf earlier this year. We hit it off straight away and fell in love quite quickly. We have just moved in together (about a month ago) and eveything has been going fantastically well. She stayed rou...
A. 8 November 2007: Good luck!!!
If you guys really love each other, you can make this work...
Let us know how it goes. I'll think of you...
... (read in full...)
My four and a half year old just won't listen!
Q. Hello all I'm sure this is a very general question, but i need some advice. My daughter is now four and a half, and just doesn't listen to anything i say. She only listens when i shout, or threaten to give her a hiding. I have to ask her 10 times...
A. 7 November 2007: Thank you so much for your reply.
I had her on an oil - omega 3, 6 and 9. I must be honest, it worked WONDERS.. I don't know why i stopped, but i put her back on about 4 days ago. So hold thumbs. The oil i have - is not tasty, but i put in in h... (read in full...)
She we move in together?
Q. Me and my bf have been dating for 4 months and we're absolutley in love, no doubt about it. We spend a lot of time together, I stay at his place 5-6 nights of the week. We both know we're gonna be with each other for a long time, and we have ...
A. 7 November 2007: Look - it is different for everybody.
My friend moved in with her bf after only dating him for 3 months, and they are still happy a year later, and just recently got engaged.
I on the other hand, moved in with my boyfriend after a year of dating, ... (read in full...)
Is she being fair to treat me like this? - says she hasn't been happy but doesn't want to talk about it.
Q. Ok, first a bit of background to this. I met my gf earlier this year. We hit it off straight away and fell in love quite quickly. We have just moved in together (about a month ago) and eveything has been going fantastically well. She stayed rou...
A. 5 November 2007: You are correct in saying that your girlfriend is not treating you fairly. An explanation would help - i know. If my experience (or personality) is anything to go by, then you need to respect her space.
Contact her one more time, and tell her that... (read in full...)
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