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... Send *istify a private message | | | *istify's profile:I'm just a regular girl from South Africa with a lot of relationship experience, and a deeper understanding to problems. Currently in a very steady relationship (with the usual ups and downs) and i have a four and a half year old daughter.
My advice is not nearly professional but i try and help where i can. I'm open and honest and will tell you exactly what i think of a situation.
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Is he overly lazy, or am I over-analyzing?
Q. My boyfriend is a lovely, kind person, but he irritates me with his lack of ambition, lack of hygiene, and terrible diet. He is a slob, who earns more than me, but ends up borrowing my money, which is a drain on a student like me. He has put on so ...
A. 22 November 2007: I feel your frustration. Only one solution - and that is to SPEAK up, and FAST.
Speak about your future, and your children (if you're at that point already) and how you would like to set a good example to them. Talk about other people (with more... (read in full...)
I am scared to try this.
Q. hey. i have been with my boyfriend now for a little over a year and we have stated having sex. we have only been exually avtive for about 6 weeks and its ok so far. but my boyfriend recently asked me if i would like to perform some role plays wi...
A. 22 November 2007: I totally understand your situation, and your fears are totally warranted. I think you need to have an honest SIT down with your boyfriend, and tell him the truth. Tell him that you are interested in the role-playing, and you are up for many new ... (read in full...)
Ladies, what are your thoughts about tattoos? Can tattoos have a negative effect upon obtaining dates?
Q. Hey, so I'm wondering what most girls think of tattoos. I've already got one, a cross on my right bicep and I've never heard any complaints about it. But this Christmas I'm looking at getting a koi fish done on my forearm (half sleeve), and event...
A. 22 November 2007: Hey Joe...
Yes and no. The thing to remember here, is that it is DIFFERENT strokes for different folks. Some ladies might absolutely LOVE all the tatts, whilst some ladies might absolutely HATE them. For me - tattoos has never been a problem on a... (read in full...)
I had sex 2 weeks ago and have been extremely tired and nausead ever since. We used a condom with spermicide. Could I be pregnant?
Q. I had sex with this guy 2 weeks ago. I have been extremely tired and nauseated ever since. We used a condom with spermicide. Do you think there is a chance I could be pregnant or justed stress out worrying about. I know I should get a test to ...
A. 22 November 2007: Hi there. Signs of nausea and tiredness can show up fairly quickly after conception - but i do think that your stress regarding falling pregnant could also cause this.
I would say - wait another week or two, see if the symptoms subside, and if your... (read in full...)
Am I a spice girl?
Q. Hi My boyfriend often calls me spicey but when I ask what he means he says nothing. My question is what does it mean when you call a person spicey?...
A. 21 November 2007: Do you have red hair? Do you have a flaming personality?
Are you an interesting person? Are you sexy? Are you lively?
Spicy could refer to the color of your hair, or your temperament, or you could be the spice of life to him, or you could be... (read in full...)
The possiblity to get pregnant varies in a month. Clarifications, please? Also, do you start taking the pills on the first day of the period?
Q. Hi I know that the possiblity to get pregnant varies in a month. Please can someone let me know when the chances are greater and when it is less so that i can take extra precaution. Also im wanting to go on the pill, is there a specific time th...
A. 21 November 2007: Look - if you are unsure, it would be best to do it as soon as possible. A home pregnancy test cost around R50, so just do it.
I got my period (full-on) for 3 months into my pregnancy...
If you have any doubts, just take the test...... (read in full...)
The possiblity to get pregnant varies in a month. Clarifications, please? Also, do you start taking the pills on the first day of the period?
Q. Hi I know that the possiblity to get pregnant varies in a month. Please can someone let me know when the chances are greater and when it is less so that i can take extra precaution. Also im wanting to go on the pill, is there a specific time th...
A. 20 November 2007: It is very unlikely that you will fall pregnant if you took the morning after pill, however, NOT impossible.
Your period might just be a bit messed up because of the morning after pill - remember - it is all about hormones.
Why don't you just do ... (read in full...)
Every time we plan to go out there is an obstacle! How can I make her chase me?
Q. i have suffered alot because of my looks and extremely low self confidence alot of people used to say it to me. And i knew it was true. Recently i've picked myself up and tried bein confident. There's this girl who've i've like for a year now. I ...
A. 20 November 2007: I think you have done the exact right thing. Withdrawal is often a VERY good way to find out if somebody is REALLY into you.
You are the hunter, and therefore you have to chase her, but it is not good if it is always a one sided effort.
If sh... (read in full...)
Don't a lot of prostitutes have to sleep with overweight old men?? I feel like one if I have sex with my husband because of his weight-gain - he's clinically obese now and refuses diets.
Q. I'm 27 and have been married to my husband, who's 32, for 5 years now. He's become 26 stone and refuses to lose weight, despite me telling him that it could cause problems - but he insists "it's better to be fat and happy than thin and unhappy...
A. 20 November 2007: Hi Gabriella
Tough situation you are in.
Thing here is, that your husband needs to understand exactly HOW you feel. You said in your question that you have told him that there won't be any sex, but it is important for him to understand WHY... ... (read in full...)
Is this maturity and not love struck teenagery, or is my feelings and reactions an alarm?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months, and we live together. Things are mainly great, buit we do tend to have a bad patch every couple of months or so, we both just seemto get caught up in ourt own stresses of every day life and work etc, and it ...
A. 19 November 2007: Thank you for your update....
Yes - sometimes i also feel lacking. And sometimes i do feel that my relationship is lacking something special.
BUT - i just remind myself of how lucky i am to have this special human being LOVE me completely (with al... (read in full...)
My ex says I always want what I cant have...what does she mean??
Q. My ex-girlfriend said I always seemed to want what I couldn't have. Any ideas what that's supposed to mean? What can't we have and how do we recognise it? For example, my ex invited me to bed and I fondled her breasts and she said I always seemed ...
A. 19 November 2007: Good for you.
Have you ever heard of the term - CLEARING?
Well that is exactly what you've done. You've cleared the things you are carrying on you shoulders / chest / heart. Good for telling her the truth about JUST wanting to see her as well.
I... (read in full...)
How do I tell him I'm insecure?
Q. I understand communication is the key to any relationship. If I want to tell my boyfriend I'm insecure with out relationship, what is the best way to tell him. Letter? Email? Phone? MSN? In person?...
A. 19 November 2007: Hi there.
You might be more comfortable with something like Letter or Email, and He might be more comfortable with Phone or MSN.
However - the best way to communicate, is face to face. If you are fearing his reaction, then it is understa... (read in full...)
How do I let him know I'm interested?
Q. Theres this guy who I'm falling for, and when I say falling for I'm falling hard for him. I've never felt this way about anyone else. I'm even dreaming about him at night! The thing is he's really quite shy, and he has never had a girlfriend. I ...
A. 19 November 2007: Hi there.
You need to give us some more info? How do you know this guy?
Do you see each other on a regular basis? Have you ever been out with him (only the two of you)?
... (read in full...)
What do you say to start up a conversation?
Q. Hi, I am 22 and ive never had any luck with girls but i want to change this as i am fed up of being single. i am going clubbing on my birthday and want to chat some girls up but i have absolutely no idea where to start. for example you see...
A. 19 November 2007: Asking her if you can buy a drink may well work. However, here are some conversation starters.
- I absolutely love/hate this song (current song)
- Do you know who this song is by - coz i LOVE it?
- I caught a glimpse of you, and just HAD to come ... (read in full...)
So I am exclusive to her but she can sleep with women? Do I put my foot down here?
Q. My Girlfriend is Bisexual. We’ve been going out for six months and I have known that she leaned both ways and accepted it. But she and I want to take our relationship to the next level. The problem is she tells me she can’t give up having sex ...
A. 17 November 2007: This is indeed a very tough situation you are in, and VERY UNFAIR.
The term monogamous means JUST THAT. Only one person you are in a relationship with, and only ONE person you have sex with.
I'm sure that you and your woman have a lot of love and... (read in full...)
Loss of sexual desire in loving relationship. Why? Just because it's good doesn't make me want it the next time and feel even more turned off by his desire for me.
Q. I have completely lost interest in sex, I feel no desire and do not masturbate anymore. I'm 36, I am not on the pill and haven't been for a number of years. I have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years and love him loads, he is respectful, ...
A. 16 November 2007: I've answered several questions like this in the past couple of weeks, and the answer: There is none.
You have all my sympathy, because i have the exact same thing. Its also been about 6 months, and NOTHING he does can get me in the mood.
I do ... (read in full...)
Is this maturity and not love struck teenagery, or is my feelings and reactions an alarm?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months, and we live together. Things are mainly great, buit we do tend to have a bad patch every couple of months or so, we both just seemto get caught up in ourt own stresses of every day life and work etc, and it ...
A. 16 November 2007: Hi there
It might be one or the other, or a bit of both.
It is indeed very mature of you to be able to continue your life without your bf being around constantly, but i'd say that you need to at least miss him a little.
It is also very normal ... (read in full...)
Is she taking advantage of me?
Q. I'm confused on whether or not I'm being used! My girlfriend is missing 1/2 her arm but disability says she's not disabled. She also says she has back pains frequently, and it seems like every 2 weeks theres something new thats wrong with her! We've ...
A. 16 November 2007: It seems like this girl is having the GOOD life. Where can i sign up? No, seriously, this is not fair. How can she just sit at home, and have you pay for everything. I also have a child, and my bf does contribute some, but i work a 9-5 and over ... (read in full...)
My gf is aggresive whenever she drinks. Is this love suitable for me?
Q. am i being played for a fool? hi, i have been going out with my girlfriend for about 10 months now and i have come to a point where i'm lost, i'm 21 and she's 20 and has a 1 year old, i think i love her but cannot be sure wether she feels the sa...
A. 16 November 2007: Hi there
This is probably not the answer you want to hear, but you need to hear it in any case.
THIS GIRL IS BAD NEWS.
I won't be able to say if she's cheating or not, but you seriously need to move away from her. She lies, she's aggressive, ... (read in full...)
We used to make love every day, since September she is constantly not in the mood though. What can you suggest?
Q. Hello, i hope you can help me. I have been going out with my girlfriend for 2 1/2 years now. I am 21 and she is 20. We both are in love with each other and is willing to do anything. I am her first guy she slept with ever, and she is my 5th. Since ...
A. 16 November 2007: This seems to be a common ailment for some women - i know it is for me.
every situation is different though, so i'll try and answer best i can.
Was your sex life good up to September, or did it steadily decline up to September?
If it was good up ... (read in full...)
I ended up in bed briefly with someone who took advantage of my condition. Since then, my relation deteriorated. I'm close to break down, what can I do?
Q. i had been with my girl friend for 1 yr 6mth, we found each other at the perfect time. i admired,respected and fell in love with her for 6 mnths befor we got together. the day we started seeing each was incrediable, i had never ever wanted s.on...
A. 16 November 2007: Hi there. Such a tough situation. But good on you for moving on from the cocaine, and this horrible person who kept you going on it. When we are down, we tend to drown ourselves in ANYTHING but our actual pain.
You said some really stunning thin... (read in full...)
We still make love after the break up but he won't get back with me officially!
Q. My ex and I broke up a month ago we still say we love each other and make love and he says he doesn't want to get back together and that because he wants to see what else is out there and i am so lonely without him do u know what i should do??...
A. 16 November 2007: Sorry about your situation - it must be very tough for you?
You need to MOVE ON. If your ex bf wants to see what is out there, then don't sit around and wait for him, and open yourself up to getting hurt even more. Also - i know it is NICE to stil... (read in full...)
Can you get pregnant if the hymen's not broken?
Q. is it possible to get pregnant if the skin is not broken?...
A. 16 November 2007: The question is not to ask if you can get pregnant, but rather, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW if the skin is not broken?
please give us more info as to why you are asking this question?
THX... (read in full...)
He can be really sweet... but also really mean!
Q. I am 20 and I Have been going out with this boy for about 7months now and tonight he has really upset me again. The thing with him is, he's either really sweet OR he is sarcastic, makes snide comments about me and says anything he can to put me ...
A. 16 November 2007: Shaim man, really tough situation.
Look - i can totally relate, because my bf has a very strange sense of humor, and mine, is almost NON existant.
My bf does the same to me, and we've been going now for a year and a half. The only reason it has l... (read in full...)
When I told other people about our relationship of 2 yrs, he denied and said it was a one night stand. Why does he want to keep it a secret?
Q. im in love with this guy ive been seeing for 2 years we was just friends first and now we r very secret about are relasonship and he want tell no one but i told a few people he didnt get mad about it he just denied it saying we just had a one night ...
A. 16 November 2007: Both the other answers are RIGHT.
Hun, you need to love yourself enough to get OUT of this situation.
NO real man would want to HIDE somebody he loves from the world. This is selfish of him, and he embarrassed you by indicating to others that you... (read in full...)
Should I tell my teacher I have feelings for him?...
Q. I have a slight problem...I really like my teacher! I know there are lots of these questions about but I really need an answer! Well ever since I've known him I've had feelings for him. It started off just a small crush but over the past two yea...
A. 16 November 2007: You should definitely NOT tell him.
You are clearly aware of all the risks and none of them are good.
So - i have a suggestion.
Why not write all these feelings you have for him in a letter.
Make it VERY detailed. Tell him exactly how you ... (read in full...)
How do I start my message without seeming stalker-ish?
Q. Argh! Going slightly mad here guys, hope someone can help me out a little. Asked on here a week or so ago if i should get in contact with a girl who i've seen around at uni, and also seen on the uni dating website. You guys agreed with my...
A. 16 November 2007: Hello there - glad you decided to GO FOR IT. good luck, and just keep a clear head.
Don't think about the message to hard, JUST GO FOR IT, and be yourself.
Say something like:
Hi xxxxxxxx
Hope this doesn't seem funny or strange, but i really wan... (read in full...)
I thought I'd handle it by ignoring his love for me and focusing on our friendship. But he threatens to self-harm if I don't break up my current relation for him!
Q. I have been friends with this guy for eleven years. About two years ago he told me that he was absolutly in love with me. It scared the crap out of me cuz he sent me messages saying I'll love you until death. And I will always love you no matter ...
A. 16 November 2007: Poor girl.
Listen, you are NOT responsible for this guy. You are NOT the reason he can't handle his own emotions, and ends up cutting himself. That is such a silly way to get attention, and it really does not make anyone feel better. I know we a... (read in full...)
Best methods to avoid pregnancy?
Q. What are the best methods to not get pregnent? What works the best?...
A. 16 November 2007: The best way NOT to get pregnant, is to abstain. LOL,
now in that being said, you have a lot of ways to ensure you don't fall pregnant.
Using a condom or femidom (female condom)
The injection
The pill
The loop
Condom's or femidom's alone, are ... (read in full...)
I like him, he likes me, what can I do to make him come around and date me?
Q. Basically, i really like this guy and have liked him for ages im 14 and so is he and we are in the same form. we did start seein eachother but he dumped me after a day. now he knows i like him still and he has said that he still likes me. my friends ...
A. 16 November 2007: Okay -
Not necessarily a BAD reply, but also maybe NOT a good one.
If you think that it was just maybe because he was put on the spot, then try again.
I don't understand what it means when he said: Do you wanna get off this weekend? Was he aski... (read in full...)
My ex says I always want what I cant have...what does she mean??
Q. My ex-girlfriend said I always seemed to want what I couldn't have. Any ideas what that's supposed to mean? What can't we have and how do we recognise it? For example, my ex invited me to bed and I fondled her breasts and she said I always seemed ...
A. 16 November 2007: Thank you for updating us on how things went.
In your words, it takes two to tango, and if she doesn't want to dance with you, you are right in moving along... And you are quite right in saying, that you are moving towards healing yourself by gett... (read in full...)
The possiblity to get pregnant varies in a month. Clarifications, please? Also, do you start taking the pills on the first day of the period?
Q. Hi I know that the possiblity to get pregnant varies in a month. Please can someone let me know when the chances are greater and when it is less so that i can take extra precaution. Also im wanting to go on the pill, is there a specific time th...
A. 15 November 2007: Firstly, good on you for wanting to take precaution. VERY wise move, especially in our country.
Then, you are correct about how to start taking the pill.
You need to start in the silver area, on the first day of your period (on the marked day, i.e... (read in full...)
How can I find out if I was the first man that had sex with her?
Q. well i had sex with my girl but at her that was first time...but she didnt bleed!!i know that hymen can be broken by sporting....etc but how can i find out that i was the first man that i had sex with her?!!! please help!...
A. 15 November 2007: When i lost my virginity, it wasn't painful, and neither did i bleed.
You should trust her when she says that you are her first. Has she given you any other reason to doubt her.
Was she YOUR first?
Either way, it doesn't really matter if yo... (read in full...)
Is he still in love with his ex?
Q. My boyfriend had been with his ex girlfriend for two years they were first loves. They broke up about a year ago still talk a lot and hang out and are friends it bothers me because im in the picture now. She is recently single and told him she wants ...
A. 15 November 2007: First loves, for most people, is a VERY intense experience, and it is HARD to just cut and move on.
I don't think he is still in love with her, but the fact that he doesn't heed to your needs in this regards is means for worry.
You must understa... (read in full...)
He won't accept that I'll never get back with my son's father. Should I move on?
Q. i am a single mum of one. i have been friends with this guy for three years i am hopelessly in love with him but i have no idea how he feels about me. i have asked him several times but he just changes the topic, currently he told my best friend ...
A. 15 November 2007: It is understandable that he is afraid you might just go back to the father, but if you've really tried everything to be with him, and he still doesn't, then maybe that is your answer.
Also, the fact that he is evasive when you ask him about his ... (read in full...)
I love him one minute and hate him the next. What should I do?
Q. Hello! I am so confused. My ex left me three months ago claiming that he still had feelings for his ex. But now he is back and telling me that he loves me and has tried things out with her but feels nothing for her. He wants to settle down with me. ...
A. 15 November 2007: Such a tough situation, because you really seem to love this guy, and understandably it is hard for you to believe he feels the same way about you. Especially if he wrote such an intense letter to his EX.
Thing you have to ask yourself, are you okay... (read in full...)
He no longer tells me he loves me
Q. Hi. i have this boyfriend he is father of my baby. the problem is he no longer tell me that he loves me as he did before. since we have the baby. i am the one how calls him, wishing him luck in the morning before he goes to work and at night i call ...
A. 15 November 2007: It seems that he doesn't care anymore, but you don't give us conclusive facts of this.
a) He might just be stressed at work
b) He might be having some difficulties adjusting to this new situation with the baby.
Maybe he doesn't know that it is h... (read in full...)
I'm gay and I'm in love of a man who does not want to be with a man!
Q. Hi i met a guy a work 6 years ago, for a long time we were just friends, but for alike a year we start to get alone better, we were going out everyday, i told him that i love him, he told me that he loves me but he does not want to be gay and he ...
A. 15 November 2007: This guy you love is CLEARLY in denial, and unfortunately, there is nothing you can do but wait for him to work through it.
I'm not saying that you should wait for him, until he decides that he wants to be with you, but i'm saying that you can supp... (read in full...)
I loved sex before I was married, now I hate it!
Q. I'm married four years before my wedding i love sex but since i've been married i hatd it. Please help....
A. 15 November 2007: Was there a transition?
Did you start having less and less sex up to the current point where you hate it?
Well, if that is the case, then you have my deepest sympathy.
I'm going through the same thing.
I don't know why this has happened, but i ... (read in full...)
Why is he acting funny towards me?
Q. I'm 16 and my bf is 18 Monday I told him im pregnant(3 months) he was mad/happy he was mad because i'm just telling him plus b/c 2 weeks ag o he asked me was I pregnant and I said no(but I lied) and today he came to my house to see me he was rubbing ...
A. 14 November 2007: Did you post a question a couple of days back?
Firstly, good for finally telling him. I know it takes guts.
His reaction is funny because he is just adjusting to the fact that he is going to become a father. I would also be upset if i only fou... (read in full...)
My child is driving me to despair. What can I do to make her behave herself?
Q. I need some help. I am a really bad daughter. My daughter is 4 and soon will be 5 and she does not listen to anything anyone says. She is scared of her father but she talks back and she hurts her sister and neice and she is just a really mean kid. I ...
A. 14 November 2007: Hi there
I posted a very similar question on another site a little while back.
You have all my sympathy. My daughter is the same age as yours, and i'm experiencing almost exactly the same problem.
The answer i got, was something that i... (read in full...)
I like him, he likes me, what can I do to make him come around and date me?
Q. Basically, i really like this guy and have liked him for ages im 14 and so is he and we are in the same form. we did start seein eachother but he dumped me after a day. now he knows i like him still and he has said that he still likes me. my friends ...
A. 12 November 2007: The best way to do this, is to be straight.
Do you have his phone number? Maybe text him.. He will definitely be surprised, but then he wont feel 'put on the spot'. If you don't have his phone number, ask him during class, or just before that you ... (read in full...)
I like him, he likes me, what can I do to make him come around and date me?
Q. Basically, i really like this guy and have liked him for ages im 14 and so is he and we are in the same form. we did start seein eachother but he dumped me after a day. now he knows i like him still and he has said that he still likes me. my friends ...
A. 11 November 2007: Maybe this guy was just scared of what would happen if he really started having a serious relationship. Maybe he realized that although he liked you, he wasn't yet ready for a relationship, and maybe he just didn't know what to do next...
Very tric... (read in full...)
My ex says I always want what I cant have...what does she mean??
Q. My ex-girlfriend said I always seemed to want what I couldn't have. Any ideas what that's supposed to mean? What can't we have and how do we recognise it? For example, my ex invited me to bed and I fondled her breasts and she said I always seemed ...
A. 11 November 2007: Okay - well, then it makes sense the way i explained it.
You now have a choice to make, and so does she...
Do you WANT to be with her.
Are you WILLING to make it work.
Can you make her feel WANTED?
If your answer to all of these questions are ... (read in full...)
My ex says I always want what I cant have...what does she mean??
Q. My ex-girlfriend said I always seemed to want what I couldn't have. Any ideas what that's supposed to mean? What can't we have and how do we recognise it? For example, my ex invited me to bed and I fondled her breasts and she said I always seemed ...
A. 9 November 2007: I think she merely thought that you acting on her invitation was funny. She made a comment that should rather have gone something like this: "I cannot believe you acted on the invitation!!! So, now that we're not together anymore, you want me?" ... (read in full...)
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