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... Send *istify a private message | | | *istify's profile:I'm just a regular girl from South Africa with a lot of relationship experience, and a deeper understanding to problems. Currently in a very steady relationship (with the usual ups and downs) and i have a four and a half year old daughter.
My advice is not nearly professional but i try and help where i can. I'm open and honest and will tell you exactly what i think of a situation.
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Is she being fair to treat me like this? - says she hasn't been happy but doesn't want to talk about it.
Q. Ok, first a bit of background to this. I met my gf earlier this year. We hit it off straight away and fell in love quite quickly. We have just moved in together (about a month ago) and eveything has been going fantastically well. She stayed rou...
A. 8 November 2007: Well - i know it is horrible for you right now. So sorry you had to hear about it this way. And you are right in saying it was cowardly of her to do it by text.
At least now you have your answer. It is always better to know. Good luck. Mail me i... (read in full...)
Is she being fair to treat me like this? - says she hasn't been happy but doesn't want to talk about it.
Q. Ok, first a bit of background to this. I met my gf earlier this year. We hit it off straight away and fell in love quite quickly. We have just moved in together (about a month ago) and eveything has been going fantastically well. She stayed rou...
A. 8 November 2007: Good luck!!!
If you guys really love each other, you can make this work...
Let us know how it goes. I'll think of you...
... (read in full...)
She we move in together?
Q. Me and my bf have been dating for 4 months and we're absolutley in love, no doubt about it. We spend a lot of time together, I stay at his place 5-6 nights of the week. We both know we're gonna be with each other for a long time, and we have ...
A. 7 November 2007: Look - it is different for everybody.
My friend moved in with her bf after only dating him for 3 months, and they are still happy a year later, and just recently got engaged.
I on the other hand, moved in with my boyfriend after a year of dating, ... (read in full...)
Should I approach someone I know from a university website?
Q. Hi Have a slightly odd question... I'm at university, and once I signed up to the uni dating website kinda for a laugh with some mates, but then checked out the profiles and there was 1 girl i really the profile for. I then saw her around my ...
A. 7 November 2007: I met my boyfriend through internet dating, and we've been together for a year and a half. It is quite dangerous, but i always told myself that i'm on there, so there must be other ppl on the site like me.
There is nothing wrong with appr... (read in full...)
Afraid to be hurt again. How do I deal with new girl friend?
Q. I'm a 23 year old man. I was in a relationship a year ago but she betrayed me and now I am single.I'm now on the way to start a new relatioship with other girl.She is more beutiful, we have talked a lot and she seems much interestrd in me.I'm also ...
A. 7 November 2007: Hi there Aysanew
Firstly sorry for your past experiences. I know it is very painful to go through betrayal.
Secondly - well done for moving forward and getting ready for a new relationship. It is understandable for you to be worried abou... (read in full...)
My boyfriend lusts after other women
Q. Me and my boyfriend have recently reached our two year anniversary. He is the first person I have slept with. I had other serious relationships before this but chose not to lose my virginity until I was completely ready. He has always stared at ...
A. 6 November 2007: Your boyfriend seems perfectly normal.
All guys "look" at other women, and as long as they don't touch, it is okay. Fact is, he is still with you. He hasn't gone with any of the girls he's been eyeing has he? If not, then you still don't have... (read in full...)
Has anyone got any tips on how to lose some weight?
Q. Id like to lose a dress size or two by December 1st. Any ideas on how to lose weight quick? I mean, im 5'3, i weight 10 stone. Im a size ten jeans and usually about a size 12-14 in tops.. i relaly really really want a flat stomach but press u...
A. 6 November 2007: I've struggled with my weight almost all my life, but looking at your size, you should count yourself lucky.
What has always worked for me (and quickly at that too), was to cut out ALL my starch.
That means, no bread, no pasta, no rice, no waf... (read in full...)
How do I instigate sex with my boyfriend?
Q. i want my boyriend to finger me but i think he thinks that i dont want him to do it.. also i would like to toss him off ive been goin out with him for 2 weeks but weve not done anything but kiss..will someone please tell me how to toss him off i ...
A. 6 November 2007: WOW - okay.
I will just ignore your age and answer the question best i can. I cannot preach to you, because i became sexually active at the age of 12, so i'm no angel myself.
Okay - to satisfy your man, you need to make sure he is lubricat... (read in full...)
Is he only sticking around for sex?
Q. An old aquaintance and I recently got back in touch, and we have gone out every weekend for the past three weeks. We hit it off, and there was obviously chemistry, and in the heat of the moment, we had sex that first night and have continued to each ...
A. 6 November 2007: Giving him an ultimatum is not the way to go - so don't cool it on the sex side. I suggest though, that you sit him down, and discuss these feelings you are having. Explain to him that you are prepared to take it slow because of his previous ... (read in full...)
The small things are killing me and I'm worried what the big things would do to me!
Q. This seems like such an inconsequential thing to ask as compared to some other questions here but its been bothering me for a while. We haven't been together for a long time, only about 5-6 months, but I think she's the greatest thing in the world, ...
A. 5 November 2007: You need to start trusting yourself.
A good point to start, is to know that you deserve only the best. Don't ever think that you are so lucky to have this girl. Yes, you are, but she is equally lucky to have you. Such a considerate guy.
It is... (read in full...)
I thought we were compatible and that he cared. Why did he stop?
Q. I don't know how to get over him and stop blaming myself, do you think a few months in Australia will help? I was dumped nearly two months ago now by my boyfriend of 8 months. I'm really finding it hard to cope and I am still crying my way th...
A. 5 November 2007: Hi there
A first love is always the hardest to get over.
I took more than a year to get over my first bf (and we were together for 3 years)
Thing is, you know your answer. You know that it will never work, and that he is not interested a... (read in full...)
Does a woman get a choice of whether she can have a Caesarean or not?
Q. if a person is pregnant do they ever get a choice of whether they have a caesarean section or not? my cousin is 6 months pregnant and shes scared of going through the birth. All answers would be appreciated, thank you...
A. 5 November 2007: Everybody has the choice on how they would like to give birth, unless there are complications.
Firstly, it is totally normal for your cousin to be scared of the birth. It is a wonderful yet painful experience, and don't let anybody tell you othe... (read in full...)
My husband lies.....
Q. I have only been married for 7 months. I have been with my husband for 6 years but these past few weeks have been hell. Here is my story. I saw a charge in our checking account for over 300.00 and I did not know where it came from. I called him he s...
A. 5 November 2007: Obviously lies are the culprit here.
I think the counseling is a great idea. He is obviously afraid of losing you, and therefore he tells lies.
You need to tell him that you will love him regardless, but if you can't trust him to tell you the trut... (read in full...)
Are women better than men in life?
Q. If this world is heading towards being more female, then what is the point for a guy to try to do anything in life. It doesn't help when your mum says us women are better than you lot at evrything. I've tried to prove her wrong but I've failed i...
A. 5 November 2007: It is absolutely not true. Your mom might have a big influence in this belief of yours.
The only time this saying is true, is if you accept it to be true.
Yes - us females have come a long way since the 1900's. We can now change a tyre - earn m... (read in full...)
How to get my ex back?
Q. My ex and I had something really special and we really cared for each other but we have now been done for 2 months. I still really love him and I know he still likes me. Ive reserched some on how to get an ex back sadly did some of the bad signs. N...
A. 5 November 2007: Okay - firstly i want to say - I don't think it is a good idea to try and win him back. If things didn't work out, there was a reason, and sometimes the damage we do to relationships can't be mended.
In saying that, i can still give you a coup... (read in full...)
Is she being fair to treat me like this? - says she hasn't been happy but doesn't want to talk about it.
Q. Ok, first a bit of background to this. I met my gf earlier this year. We hit it off straight away and fell in love quite quickly. We have just moved in together (about a month ago) and eveything has been going fantastically well. She stayed rou...
A. 5 November 2007: You are correct in saying that your girlfriend is not treating you fairly. An explanation would help - i know. If my experience (or personality) is anything to go by, then you need to respect her space.
Contact her one more time, and tell her that... (read in full...)
She says she loves me but can let an entire day without getting in contact with me? Am I hanging on too tight?
Q. I've been seeing this girl for about 4 months now continuously, we are in an odd predicament, by virtue of where we are, and who we work for in the world, we are not allowed to see each other, strictly professional. Well that did not happen, we ...
A. 5 November 2007: You cannot make somebody love you. You are in a funny predicament. You love her - she says she loves you, but you are not sure, because she doesn't call or text often enough to your liking?
You need to sit her down, and explain to her exactly how ... (read in full...)
In the last weeks he lost his erection and said he was nervous. We had passionate sex before, he's 42. Could it be me?
Q. I just started dating this wonderful, smart, attractive man about a month ago, we have had sex in the beginning and very passionate people, he is amazing, and he has cum with me before both orally and intercourse but the last two weeks he can get ...
A. 2 November 2007: Maybe you should trust him when he says he is just nervous. Maybe he is thinking of how serious this is getting, and that makes him nervous. Maybe he is stressing at work?
It can be a whole number of things. The fact that he goes hard in the firs... (read in full...)
Is there a way to tell pregnent after a few days of conceiving?
Q. I have to admit, when people ask advise about possibly being pregnant, I think.........."why not just get a preganancy test or go to the Dr." But, I was wondering, is there a way to find out if you're pregnant after possibly conceiving after only ...
A. 2 November 2007: I had the same feeling - tender breasts and nausea- and i was indeed pregnant. (found out exactly 9 days after conception)and i was also about 10 days away from having my period...
Get blood tests as soon as possible. That is the only way to make... (read in full...)
My dad has become even more overly protective of me since he found out I've been having Sex. How can I get him to stop?
Q. I live with my dad n have since the begining of 1st grade. i love my dad dont get me wrong but i want some Freedom! Im 16 n my mom found out that i had had sex with my b/f who im still with. well my mom decided to tell my dad. before i reeli culdnt ...
A. 2 November 2007: i was in your position a couple of years back and for me it didn't change until i moved out of home.
I hope sincerely that you are protecting yourself. I wasn't, and fell pregnant when i was nineteen. (not even with a partner, but on a one-... (read in full...)
Did he marry me as last resort?
Q. I don't know if my husband married me because he loved me or because I was all that was left. We've been married for two years. We started dating when I was 16 he was 19, I fell in love with him right away but didn't say anything. We had both just ...
A. 2 November 2007: Obviously if he's had three other girlfriends before - you were not his last resort. I think he really does love you, and you shouldn't wonder about how you got together. It is really not relevant. Just be happy - and make the future better than ... (read in full...)
Was I a fool?
Q. i went to visit my long distant boyfriend for almost two months, whilst in that country and a few days after i had arrived i realized he was seeing another lady. i confronted the lady when she called the house and told my boyfriend to put a stop to ...
A. 2 November 2007: The exact thing happened to me about 3 years ago. I was in a long distance relationship - me in South Africa - him in London. He was only supposed to go back to London for 3 months, which became 4 months and then 5 and then 10. Eventually i had ... (read in full...)
My husband is having an affair with his male boss! - and told me it's "none of my business." He lost interest in our son too. What do I do?
Q. A friend of the family told me yesterday that my husband is having an affair with his boss. I felt sick when she told me that. I thought my husband loved me and wouldn't want to go off with other women. But it got a lot worse when I found out...
A. 2 November 2007: Dear Joanne
It is a terrible thing that's happened to you. I cannot imagine how you must feel.
The answer is very clear. You cannot be with somebody, who loves somebody else (be it a man or a woman). The fact that your husband was rude and dish... (read in full...)
Are the guys that are my friends odd? Or is it just me?
Q. is is normal for guys my age 13-15 to just be interested in whos pulling who and which base theyve got to. most of the guys i know are constantly talking about it and although i find it ok, sometimes it makes me feel like any relationship im going ...
A. 2 November 2007: It is really a difficult situation. Thing is - most relationships at that age don't last. It is fun, and it adds to the experience of life, but it generally doesn't last.
Thus - your relationships might very well end up being discussed by othe... (read in full...)
Do I forget about him or do I chill out?
Q. Hey, I met this guy at a gig and he was one of the most amazing people i've ever met. I lost him that night because there were so many people. But a couple of days later he found me on myspace and added me. We were messaging each other every da...
A. 2 November 2007: Just relax. All seems fine, but be aware. Don't let the "NO contact" drag out too long. The fact that he added you on myspace, shows he is interested. I know conversations start going in a certain direction sometimes, but hold back a little, ... (read in full...)
How can we make it less painful for me?
Q. i've been with my boyfriend a while now and we've started having sex. everytime we do, it's really painful and i can't wait for it to be over. i have talked to my boyfriend about this and he does whatever he can to make it less painful, it is worse ...
A. 2 November 2007: It is normal for sex to be painfull for a couple of times when you first start having it.
You are wise not to want to try without a condom. Yes - the condom might cause friction, but there are ways around this.
You can find a lubricant at most sup... (read in full...)
Are my parents justified in critcising my drinking?
Q. Alright so I'm not sure if this is the right place to be asking for advice here seeing as to how it has nothing to do with a relationship, but I need help with it anyways so any advice you've got is appreciated. I'm 17 and my parents keep nag...
A. 1 November 2007: Your parents are normal - as any parent would worry about their teenage child drinking. If you are sure that you have it all under control, sit them down, and talk to them. Tell them you understand their worries. Tell them that you know they are ... (read in full...)
Should I dump him even though he is my first love?
Q. I had a long distacne relationship whilst my boyfriend was at uni but he two timed me 3 times. I forgave twice. We split up after the 3rd time for a year and got back together after he finished uni. I recently heard that he took a girl back to ...
A. 1 November 2007: You know your answer - it is just a really difficult one to face. First love is a beautiful, and mostly devastating experience. It's been 6 years since i broke it off with my first love (3 year relationship), and i sometimes still miss him - but ... (read in full...)
Should I give him some space?
Q. I have not seen my boyfriend in 9 days and the last time we spoke was four days ago. I usually call every morning to wake him up as he has requested. He sent a text on Monday saying he was already up and to have a good day and hugs and kisses baby. ...
A. 1 November 2007: I vote - he does need the space, but not calling you back is rude and inconsiderate. We all have our personal things to deal with. Maybe drop by his place, just to see if he is okay - this will ease your worry. If he is there, then tell him ... (read in full...)
Pregnant and I found out he's cheating! He wants us to be a family..what should I do?
Q. i found out my boyfriend had been seeing another women,although it was her who told me and not him. we've been together for nearly 4 years and i was 7 months pregnant when i found out. it had been going on for almost a year and i had no idea. he has ...
A. 1 November 2007: It is understandable that you would be upset about this. It is very inconsiderate of him to treat you this way - especially now that you need his love and support. Partners often stray. Just look at other questions and answers on this site. I ... (read in full...)
She called me 2 weeks later-what does this all mean?
Q. I feel I have to ask you advice, i've been in several, relationships, and they alway end the same way. I do everything the woman asks. I give my all. So much so i've had a nervous breakdown. Any way after recovering. I started dating again. On...
A. 1 November 2007: What do you think she meant by she'd rather have a Coffee?
... (read in full...)
Is it normal that she wants to go see strippers with me?
Q. my girlfriend wants to go to the strippers with me is this normal...
A. 1 November 2007: It is indeed normal - at least from my point of view. Us girls are equally interested in exotic things and sometimes it can be a big turn-on. Especially if you do it together. She might be curious, or she might be interested, or she might not ... (read in full...)
3 weeks ago we were hoping to be pregnant, and talking about our family to be, and now we seem to be on the path to divorce. I don't know what to do.
Q. Sorry, this will probably be long. Just found this site, here's my story. Been with my wife for 6 years, married for one (just had anniversary). When we got married, we immediatly decided to have children, but for the past year we have not been able ...
A. 1 November 2007: Sorry to hear about your turmoil, and i'm sure it's all very confusing to you. Your wife seems to still love you dearly. She agreed to the counseling and she made an effort by reminding you of the watch, which was sweet of her. Maybe she's a ... (read in full...)
She is affectionate but never actually tells me how she feels about me, which sometimes I need to hear. It's her first relation. Is it unusual what I ask?
Q. This may sound like a silly issue, but I'll take the risk and ask anyway! I've been with my partner for a year now, and things have been great. I love her, and she knows this as I've told her so on several occasions. The first time I told her,...
A. 1 November 2007: Not a silly question at all.
I've learnt something recently, that i'd like to share with you.
It's called - The Five Love Languages - by Gary Chapman
According to him the five languages are:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- ... (read in full...)
I"m so confused by my ex's advances, I havent gotten over her, now I'm getting mixed signals, someone help me!
Q. Hello all. Before you read this please read this article I posted a few weeks back. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-just-cant-seem-to-just-give-up.html Lots has happened since I posted that and I don't know what kind of dillema I got ...
A. 1 November 2007: Everybody is right when they say you should get over this girl and move on. I know it's not nice to hear, but this girl is not good for you. Even if you treated her wrongly, your relationship didn't work out, and it won't help you keeping on ... (read in full...)
At what age are you too old to have a 'Brazilian'?
Q. Hi Summer is fast aproaching here in Australia and the weather is warning up. Which means going on holiday and going to the beach. My wife always gets a new bikini at the start of summer and for the past few years a brazilian wax. This year...
A. 1 November 2007: Good on you for still loving your wife - and her body after all these years.
I don't think one is Ever too old to get a brazilian. It is fun, clean, and looks nice. If the people at the salon have any hang-ups about this, then take your busi... (read in full...)
I love him, but I'm tired of waiting for the next one.
Q. I have been married for 18 years. We separated about 3 years into our marriage as I was really young and thought I could find better. We divorced for 3 months and he asked me to come back home to him. I did we had to of course remarry. I never ...
A. 1 November 2007: Why do us women always still love they guys who hurt us most.
This man has absolutely no respect for you, or your daughter. He is only thinking about himself (and with a part of him that is situated much lower than his brain)
I've said this in ... (read in full...)
Am I paranoid?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year, we hav split up a few times because he lies about the girls he has been with when we have been on a brake, i make sure that im completely honest with him as i no the truth always comes out.We are ...
A. 31 October 2007: You need to boot this guy as soon as possible. Why do you keep having to get back together - Answer: because the relationship fails over and over and over again.
You deserve a lot better than that. Some of the key components in a rela... (read in full...)
Should I surprise him by booting him out?
Q. is this mean.. my boyfriends at work and i want to move him out..i will rent apartment, put his things in there and leave it at that..tonight i want to take my keys off his key ring, take my car key off his ring and put a note on door when he comes...
A. 31 October 2007: It is understandable that you want to avoid this tricky situation, but this is definitely not the way to do it. Wait for him to get home. Sit him down - and break up with him to his face. But do it tonight. Don't wait any longer. Offer your help ... (read in full...)
Any thoughts on why I feel uneasy?
Q. My boyfriend and I have a good relationship, but there are large gaps in between physical intimacy. I also know he views porn videos. Even though it is not on a regular basis - I still feel uneasy. Thoughts?...
A. 31 October 2007: Have you tried talking to your man about this? Have you told him that you enjoy sex, and would like some more of it? Maybe he has a problem? You need to make him feel comfortable enough to tell you about this, and you can stand by him. Maybe he is ... (read in full...)
Should I arrange a threesome? Does she really agree to it?
Q. Hi For the past 10 years or so I have always been turned on with the thought of having a 3 some with my wife and another guy. on a recent holiday i arranged for a guy to give her a full body massage.again this was a major turn on for me. Our s...
A. 31 October 2007: Your wife sounds like a very nice gal. But you should definitely ask her when she's not rushing on horniness.
Make sure that she is also enticed by the idea, and that she won't just agree to it to make you happy. That said, just remember - you ... (read in full...)
How do I break up and survive?
Q. hi, I hate to be alone and i hate to hurt peoples feelings to the point i make my life a living hell in relationships. I stay and take all the crap giving to me and when its plain to see that ive took to much, my boyfriend is nice for a while.. ...
A. 31 October 2007: Being alone is one of the WORST things that could ever happen to anyone. You have feelings of rejection, feelings of resentment and total lost of self worth.
You need to ask yourself why you hate being alone?
- Is it because of somethin... (read in full...)
When is enough, enough?
Q. I've had some bad luck in the past with boyfriends. Fell pregnant when i was 19, and my daughter is now almost 5. I met a guy 18 months ago, and fell in love. It was the same for him, but he just came out of a failed engagement, so things took a ...
A. 31 October 2007: Hello everybody
Thank you so much for your advice. I've decided my course of action. I love him, and i want to be with him. I read a book once, which quite frankly i forgot about.
It's called - The Five Love Languages - by Gary Chapman
Acc... (read in full...)
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