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... Send *istify a private message | | | *istify's profile:I'm just a regular girl from South Africa with a lot of relationship experience, and a deeper understanding to problems. Currently in a very steady relationship (with the usual ups and downs) and i have a four and a half year old daughter.
My advice is not nearly professional but i try and help where i can. I'm open and honest and will tell you exactly what i think of a situation.
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My husband cannot see how serious his pot-smoking problem really is. Please help.
Q. I have been married for over 20 years. My husband has always smoked pot. I always thought this was just a phase, and that he would grow up and quit. We have grown children, and it was a big issue when they were young. I almost left him then, but ...
A. 1 February 2008: Hi there.
I've only been with my boyfriend for almost two years, and i had the same problem. When i met him, he smoked maybe once a month, and this really didn't bother me much, but later in our relationship, he started smoking more often. It got ... (read in full...)
Wht colour should my period blood be?
Q. Is it normal for my period blood to be a dark brown when i first started my period it was a red colour but i have had about 5 periods now and its not red any more its a dark brown is this colour normal?...
A. 1 February 2008: Hi sweety.
Yes, it is pretty normal. Mine is also darker in the beginning, and then goes bright red, and then goes dark again until i'm finished. I agree with Scythe. If it really bothers you, just go see your GP.
Take care.
... (read in full...)
Wasn't prepared for returned feelings.
Q. Hey all only me, So I had my graduation ceremony today and saw my ex again for the first time in 3 months since she broke up with me. It was bittersweet. We didnt speak, or even make eye contact, but we must have see each other walk up on stage...
A. 1 February 2008: Hi there.
I'm sorry for all the hurt that has re-surfaced, but it is pretty normal to feel that way. When somebody we love, really breaks our hearts, it is hard to get over it.
When my ex broke up with me, it took me an entire year to get over 'th... (read in full...)
I really love him but cant take anymore lies...is walking away the right thing??
Q. I have been in a relationship with a married man for the last 4 years. Initially we started off as friends but became much more than that. He was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a very controlling woman. They were supposed to be ...
A. 1 February 2008: Hi there
I'm so sorry for what you are going through at the moment.
But i believe you are doing the right thing by walking away.
From your post, i gathered the following:
- He keeps your relationship hidden from his (ex) wife
- He is puttin... (read in full...)
Why haven't I gotten my period in a week and half?
Q. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for about 3 months now and we have not had any luck. But this month when I was suppose to get my period it never came. Now I am about a week and half late. This morning I tried a home pregnancy test ...
A. 17 January 2008: Hi there
I'm not sure why you haven't had your period yet, so i won't elaborate on that.
The pregnancy test however, could be wrong. I don't want to get your hopes up, but if you test for pregnancy too soon, the test might not pick it up.
When... (read in full...)
What should I do? What is 'true love'? I must know!
Q. Help! I've been seeing a truly fantastic girl now for seven months. But recently, I've been having some vague feelings that things weren't really shaping up the way they are supposed to and decided to come clean and tell her that I just didn't feel ...
A. 15 January 2008: Hi there
I read your question on the day you posted it, and i really wanted to answer, but i just couldn't find the words to describe your answer. I did however keep tabs on your post, and i was truly touched by what some people wrote here. I'm ... (read in full...)
We have love but no passion, how can I get my gf to let us have sex??
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been going out for over a year and a half now and we still haven't had sex. We both love each other and we're both virgins. She is quite happy to perform sexual acts on me and she lets me go down on her, but when it comes ...
A. 13 January 2008: Hi there
Although i understand how you feel about this, i have to say this:
If your girlfriend doesn't want sex at this point, or doesn't want to go any further than you guys are at the moment, then you should respect that about her.
Sit ... (read in full...)
I have met this great guy but I have to lie to my parents to go out with him and I don't want it to cause problems.
Q. I was hoping that I could get some advice on what to do in this situation. I am 18 years old, and going into my second year of uni. My parents, and especially my mother, are rather conservative, strict, and kinda old fashioned. My mother never le...
A. 13 January 2008: Hi there.
Shaim, i'm so sorry for what you are going through. Although my mom didn't have a problem with the fact that i had boyfriends, she still had a problem with each and every boyfriend i've EVER had. She would try anything in her power to k... (read in full...)
I'm confused as to when pre-ejaculation occurs as I have heard various things. Any advice??
Q. If my boyfriend and I had sex and he was inside me not even a minute before putting a condom on, is there a chance there was pre-cum? I am confused also as to when pre-ejaculation occurs. I've heard various things. Please help....
A. 13 January 2008: There is not a set rule as to how many minutes into sex the pre-cum will come out. For some men this will happen BEFORE they have sex, and for some this will happen during sex, for some men it will happen when they are very very very aroused, and ... (read in full...)
Husband says he doesn't love me anymore.
Q. hi i have just got married and my husbands says he doesn't love me anymore, i believe that it isn't true but i can't be sure please help...
A. 13 January 2008: Hi there.
Sorry about what you are going through.
Why would your husband say something like this. Was it said in a heated argument?
If so, then i would say that sometimes people say things in the heat of the moment, that they don't really mean.... (read in full...)
I just miscarried. When will everything go back to normal?
Q. hello again all, i recently just miscarried (found out today) and i want to waste little time getting back in the game. So is there anything i need to know that might happen when ttc after miscarriage? will i not ovulate this month? will i ha...
A. 13 January 2008: Hi there
Firstly, sorry for your loss. I've also had a miscarriage once, and i know how devastating this can be.
I'm not the expert on this, but as far as i know, Once the bleeding etc has stopped, you could be fertile again as soon as 14 days a... (read in full...)
I told my wife if the baby isn't mine I'm leaving her!
Q. ok me and my wife have been together for about 3yrs and a couple of months ago she cheated on me with an ex-boyfriend, i forgave her because i love her and i let her know that i'm hurt. but now she is pregnant! i told her i would stay with her and ...
A. 13 January 2008: Hi there
You are indeed in a very tough situation.
You are now stuck between
a) Staying and supporting her until after birth, and building a bond with the baby, just to find out it is not yours, AND
b) Staying and supporting her, but ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my wife I saw her holding hands with someone else?
Q. Okay, I've been wanting to ask someone about this since it happened, but there's no one I could really bring it up to, so I guess I'll use this forum. A few weeks before Christmas, my wife, a good friend of ours and I went Christmas shopping. My ...
A. 13 January 2008: Hi there.
Well done for not having a complete FIT about this. I'm not so sure i would have reacted in the same way, but then again, i AM the jealous type.
Although you might be COOL about the whole thing, it is obviously bothering you to some ... (read in full...)
Met a man online, he's much older and suggested that I lose virginity to him! I am not sure what to do.
Q. hi i have meet this man online. at first he used to annoy me but now he is easy to talk to and a right laugh. he is very forward though and has never hid the fact that he likes me. he has given me confidence about my hourglass size 14 figure...
A. 11 January 2008: You are not sure if this is the right thing to do, because it is the most horribly WRONG thing to do.
Don't waste your virginity on this pedophile. Not only is it illegal, but just generally SICK.
There are plenty other guys (closer to your age... (read in full...)
Engagement in South Africa. Is this true?
Q. I am from the United States and my boyfriend is from South Africa. My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married in 2 to 3 1/2 years because at this point in time, we are financially unable to get married at this point. He says that in South ...
A. 11 January 2008: Hi there
There is absolutely no RULE that says how long one should be engaged before getting married. It is all just a personal choice.
HOWEVER, in Afrikaans culture, MOST people only get engaged when they are ready to start planning the... (read in full...)
I'm a rich man's mistress, and he won't leave his wife for me. What should I do?
Q. why is it that the good ones get hurt? ive had a terrible experience with my previous boyfreind.abuse of every kind.just when i was getting back on my feet,which might i ad took me five years.i met this man.he was funny,sincere,kind..allthe things i ...
A. 8 January 2008: Hi there sweety.
WOW - what a situation you are in.
Look - i cannot condone your actions. I cannot tell you that it was right, or even fair. MAINLY on yourself.
Us women always seem to fall for the emotionally unavailable men. You have got... (read in full...)
Why is he being so secretive? Should I be worried?
Q. I have been with my partner since September. It all happened really quickly. I am in my thirties and he is in his forties. We moved in with each other after a short while. Everything is going great. The last couple of weeks he has been very ...
A. 8 January 2008: You have one of two choices,
Either you are worried, or you trust him, and you don't worry about it.
Secrecy is never fun, but it might not necessarily mean something negative.
Maybe it is something positive.
Just keep your eyes and ears open. ... (read in full...)
Should I warn my friend about using protection, as I am worried about him?
Q. I'm worried for my freind. He and his girlfreind are both deeply in love with eachother, and they are both underage. They have been very close to having sex, and I'm worried that they're going to do so without protection. I don't know if I should ...
A. 8 January 2008: Hey
You sound very wise.
If you are positive that you can't keep them from having sex, then YES, you should speak to them, or at least ONE of them about protection. There are tons of diseases out there, and not even to mention the risk of getting ... (read in full...)
What's the best way to dump him?
Q. need advice on how to dump my current boyfriend. I want to just be single for a while. hes cheated on me once with his ex, hes got a child, ive read messages in june-september to his ex ... i jsut never really had the balls and she confirme...
A. 8 January 2008: There is no easy way to break up with somebody.
I can just give you a couple of pointers, but it will still be a sad affair, and you need to allow him to feel what he is going to feel.
a) don't blame him. Don't tell him it is because of s... (read in full...)
Who do I confront for the truth? I suspect betrayal.
Q. i suspect my best friend and the man i have been friends with for years and crazy about are involved.who do i confront for the truth?she knows i am crazy about him....
A. 5 January 2008: Thank you so much for the update.
I'm happy that you had the courage to deal with this situation as well as you did. And i'm very happy that your friend did the right thing by being loyal to your friendship first.
Good luck with the guy.
I'... (read in full...)
How do I choose between two girls, and how do I let down the one from overseas?
Q. I've been single for a few years. I've never been the type of person that needed to be in a relationship to define me or my happiness. I do find that when I'm in a relationship, though, I like it to be passionate, intense, and full speed. I just ...
A. 3 January 2008: Hi there
I agree with mama2three. Looks like you've already made up your mind.
Please take this from someone who was "the girl overseas", please tell her the truth ASAP.
My story - in a nutshell. I've known this guy since the beginning of... (read in full...)
Am I being a crazy girlfriend or are my feelings justified?
Q. For those of you that haven't read my previous question, I am a 25 year old white female who is dating a 19 year old black male. He treats me really good and we have good time together...but lately we have been fighting alot. In the beginning of the ...
A. 3 January 2008: Hi there.
Your situation seems really sad, and i'm sorry for what you are going through. I agree with what mamma2three said. Are you in this relationship for the right reasons?
I am also a single mother, also with no support from the father, ... (read in full...)
Problems with her ex bf--he keeps contacting her and I don't like it!
Q. I have been in my present relationship for a period of about 2 and half years. All is fine, we live together and in nearly all areas of our relationship we get on well, except one! Before we meet she had split with a guy 3 months previously who, she ...
A. 31 December 2007: I don't think there is anything wrong with you, or what you've asked of her.
My boyfriend also has to deal with a bunch of my ex boyfriends, as i have remained friends with most of them, but i've always heeded to his requests if he felt unco... (read in full...)
We both want to have sex, but I am not great in bed, she on the other hand has a lot of experience, its burning me up inside, help me!
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for almost two months now, and we really want to have sex, but I'm dead afraid! We love each other and that is for certain. I am not a virgin, I just know that I am not that great at bed. She is younger than me and still ...
A. 31 December 2007: HEY there.
I agree with the others - jealousy / judgment is not a great way to go, so best you work at it now before it ruins any future relationships, including this one.
On the other hand, you seem like a really sweet guy, because you're s... (read in full...)
One minute he didn't want me anymore, the next he's acting like we are a full on couple. I don't understand.
Q. My boyfriend recently split up with me mid-december, claiming that he could not handle our relationship and was jealous of my friendships with other men. He stayed in touch with me over the course of the last few weeks and only a week after ...
A. 28 December 2007: I think you know exactly what is going on. It does sound like a fear of commitment, and a short break is very often JUST what is needed to make couples grow closer. The old saying: "You don't know what you've got till it's gone", is very true. ... (read in full...)
Was I being ungrateful?
Q. This is quite strange but I will explain. For christmas this year my gf said that her brother would be purchasing me a leather jacket. She said it would make up for the past christmas's that he has missed out on buying me a present. She said it ...
A. 28 December 2007: Hey there.
I agree with you - you have all the right to be offended. But there is a deeper meaning to this here.
Why is her brother so desperate to get you a gift, that he would stoop that low? Do you guys (you and your girlfriend and her brot... (read in full...)
How do I get over him? I miss him and cant stop crying.
Q. Hi I am so upset as i broke up with my boyfriend last night. I asked him a simple question, if he would stick by me if any unplanned pregnancies happened and at first he wouldnt give me a straight answer then he just simply said well i wouldnt ...
A. 28 December 2007: Dear girl.
I'm so sorry for the way you are feeling at the moment.
You are totally normal to feel this strongly about someone after such a short time, and also very normal to cry about it.
There is really nothing anyone can say that could make y... (read in full...)
A regular pregnancy test compared to a blood test?
Q. i was wondering if a regular pregnancy test is the same as a blood test? and witch one is preferable? because I get all the symptoms of being pregnant and my belly is growing but the pregnancy test came out negative what should i do?...
A. 14 December 2007: Hi there.
A home pregnancy test is quite accurate, but not solid enough if you keep having symptoms, and it still shows up negative.
I did 5 home pregnancy tests, and 2 were positive, and 3 were negative. I then opted for blood tests, and i was in... (read in full...)
Who do I confront for the truth? I suspect betrayal.
Q. i suspect my best friend and the man i have been friends with for years and crazy about are involved.who do i confront for the truth?she knows i am crazy about him....
A. 14 December 2007: I think you should confront her. If she is your best friend, she's more likely to tell you the truth. If you still don't feel satisfied after you've spoken to her, i suggest you speak to your male friend.
When speaking to your best friend, you ... (read in full...)
Feelings for a member of staff at my uni! How should I proceed?
Q. hi everybody, heres my problem- i'm 26 and am in my last year of a degree, and saw this really gorgeous guy in the canteen of my uni about 9 weeks ago. i was pretty impressed and after that i think i saw him randomly when i was getting off the ...
A. 14 December 2007: Hey
What a predicament you are in.
Well - i'm very happy that you've decided that you want to tell him. Many people just sit and ponder on their feelings until it drives them insane.
My suggestion:
You have access to his email. Why not email h... (read in full...)
Do you think my boyfriend is sulking?
Q. PLease help me. IS my boyfriend sullking? We have been dating for 2 months and he has been sleeping over and spending time with me and my 3 kids, 67a=nd 13. They love him already and they have a lot of fun. Just one thing bothers me, he drinks m...
A. 10 December 2007: Poor you.
Yes - this guy is definitely sulking, and probably drinking himself into a coma.
The real question here, is not if you think that he will come back to you, but if you really think it will be good for you and your kids if he does?
T... (read in full...)
How long after coming off the pill does it generally take before getting pregnant?
Q. Hi everyone... My boyf and I are trying for a baby and I came off the pill in July of this year. How long after coming off the pill does it generally take before getting pregnant? ...
A. 10 December 2007: This is a difficult answer - because there is no conclusive evidence to show how long it can / will take.
It is different for everybody. I know people who have tried for 6 years before falling pregnant after coming off the pill, and i also know... (read in full...)
40, married 20 years, and I'm not enjoying the life I have now. What can I do?
Q. I have been married for 20 years. I have 2 children -19 and 17. At the beginning of our relationship we had a lot of money problems and had 2 houses repossessed and he was abusive towards me - he has the stitches from where I ducked and his fist ...
A. 10 December 2007: I could not have said it better baby duck.
You are in an unhappy relationship - and you want out. Good for you. Also - good on you for realizing that you are young enough to still make a life for yourself... Take your daughter with you, and show... (read in full...)
He slept with his ex on a drunken night. I love him and he loves me. Do I take him back?
Q. my boyfriend of 9 months and i went away to the country with his ex and her boyfriend. my boyfriend and his ex have two kids together.. i was hitting it off with his ex when she turns around and tells me that 4 months ago she had slept with my ...
A. 6 December 2007: Hi there, this is a tough situation, and i'm sorry for the turmoil you are going through.
Just remember - everybody's "deal breakers" are different. For some it might be lying, for some it might be stealing, for some it might be cheating. You have... (read in full...)
He hasn't tried to kiss me yet. Is this strange?
Q. I have had three dates with a guy the dates were fun nice and thoughtful, he asked me out again. The problem is he hasn't tried to kiss me yet. I am fairly new to the dating thing(divorced with in the past year)I have dated other guys and it has ...
A. 6 December 2007: I don't think it is strange at all. And maybe you are right. Guys can also be shy / anxious, so just give him time.
The fact that he is continuing to ask you out on other dates, does show he is interested, so be content with that for now. If mayb... (read in full...)
It's been 6 months. He has never met my family and always makes excuses not to. What's going on?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months now. He hasn't even met my family yet, I have mentioned it on several occasions but he finds an excuse not to meet them. I don't know what to say to him anymore, any idea's as to why he keeps ...
A. 6 December 2007: He might still be afraid, insecure, or unsure.
My boyfriend was exactly like this in the beginning of our relationship a year and a half ago.
You feel that he is still keeping his back door open - in case he might want to slip out at some point. ... (read in full...)
Are there men who don't "Look"?
Q. I have been dating the same guy for three years (we've broken up a few small times for very short periods of time, but none recently). The main problem I have with him is that he tells me he does not look at the opposite sex "like that". meaning, he ...
A. 6 December 2007: You are stuck in a very difficult situation - because for the most part of your problem - MEN WILL BE MEN.
I have honestly not met a guy, who doesn't look at other women. My current partner - doesn't look at women in "that way" but he does look... (read in full...)
Does size matter? I'm 5-11, he's 6-5 and 225 pounds!
Q. I have been dating my gf for about a year now. I recently saw pictures of the last guy she dated. He is 6-5 225 pounds and in shape. I'm 5-11 and in avg shape. Sometimes I worry that because her ex was a physically tall/big guy that it means he ...
A. 6 December 2007: Hi there
Take it from me - the big guy - huge penis thing is an absolute myth. They really do vary in size - regardless of the build of a guy.
I've had short guys with large penises, and tall guys with small penises, and the other way around. ... (read in full...)
How can I lose my man boobs?
Q. dear cupid i am a 16 year old boy and i have the following concern which i need major help in: i have man boobs and i tried losing them but have been unsuccessful, through this proccess i seem to have also seen that one of them is upper than th...
A. 6 December 2007: Hi there.
Peaches's advice is great in terms of exercise. That is the only way to tone up. However - i would go see a doctor as well - as your problem might be related to diabetes or hormonal problems.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
I've lost his trust through lying about my past...how can I reassure him I'm now telling the truth??
Q. Ok, I messed up. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 15 months. Of those, we've been having issues for about 8 months. I sorta sensed from the begining that he would dissaprove of my past. It's not a terrible past, but it involves a mutual f...
A. 22 November 2007: It is understandable that your bf is upset about the lies you've told - and it is understandable that it might take him a long time to get over it.
Did you explain to him WHY you lied?
The only thing you can do to regain his trust, is to speak to... (read in full...)
Is he overly lazy, or am I over-analyzing?
Q. My boyfriend is a lovely, kind person, but he irritates me with his lack of ambition, lack of hygiene, and terrible diet. He is a slob, who earns more than me, but ends up borrowing my money, which is a drain on a student like me. He has put on so ...
A. 22 November 2007: I feel your frustration. Only one solution - and that is to SPEAK up, and FAST.
Speak about your future, and your children (if you're at that point already) and how you would like to set a good example to them. Talk about other people (with more... (read in full...)
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