A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm confused on whether or not I'm being used! My girlfriend is missing 1/2 her arm but disability says she's not disabled. She also says she has back pains frequently, and it seems like every 2 weeks theres something new thats wrong with her! We've been together for almost 2 years now, and I actually bought her a car this year (an extra 8 grand in debt!) because I felt bad about me buying myself a new truck. When she works, she only works 20-25 hours a week, and 1/2 the time, she leaves early! I have ended up paying for almost everything in our relationship, and work 4 jobs for it! She has a son that is adorable, and I love them both, but am I just being used so she can be lazy at home? I'm so confused! She smokes a ton, and even smokes in front of her boy, and I've pleaded with her to stop for the sake of her son, but she just smokes more and more! it's draining our relationship! What should I do? Should I tell her no more and leave? or should I stick it through?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007): Disability says she's not disabled so that they don't have to pay her disability benefits. Pretty sad..the way the system works. The smoking & barrowing $ from ex boyfriends is not acceptable behavior. And if she won't change, it sounds like you may have to move on. Sounds like she's used to getting her way b/c of her disability (people feeling sympathy towards her) so that may just be her personality.. Give her an ultimatum. If she won't live up to it, leave.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007): Thanks for the info, She was born with her arm missing 3 inches below her right elbow. I tried the no money for smokes thing, she just borrows it from ex boyfriends falling over themselves to do anything for her and says she'll pay it back. I've told her I'm tired of working so much to support us, and she just whines that she's always in pain and can't work enough. I've tried to tell her we're breaking up, but she starts bawling and says she'll change, and I'm a sucker for tears, so I've stayed. Seriously, this is detrimental to my health!
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A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (16 November 2007):
 It seems like this girl is having the GOOD life. Where can i sign up? No, seriously, this is not fair. How can she just sit at home, and have you pay for everything. I also have a child, and my bf does contribute some, but i work a 9-5 and over weekends aswell, to ENSURE that i will have enough money to pay for EVERYTHING, even if he's not around.
She doesn't seem to respect you.
Have you spoken to her about how you feel? Does she know how much it is costing you to maintain your household.
Have you asked her what she will do when you're not there anymore?
She needs to own up, get off her but, and get a permanent job. How did she loose her arm?
My bf's brother lost his leg in a motercycle accident a couple of years ago. He was well on his way to become a successful person, but he somehow just SAT DOWN. He can't hold down a job, he crashes his car every two or three months, and then his father has to fix it, else he will just NOT go to work. He drinks, and smokes, and his parents are doing everything for him. Now, i think your situation might be the same. Thing is, my bf's parents ARE NOT HELPING his brother by being so 'supportive' all the time. You love this girl, and her son, but by you just always doing everything, you are making her MORE lazy.
Tell her that you don't have money to pay for her cigarettes anymore because you have to pay her car now.
See what happens.
You need to take away some of her privelages, and see if she's willing to do something about her situation, or if she's just gonna sit around and whail all the time.
If she's not prepared to lend a hand, financially and Otherwise, i think it is best for you to move on...
Good luck
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