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So I am exclusive to her but she can sleep with women? Do I put my foot down here?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 November 2007) 7 Answers - (Newest, 23 November 2007)
A male United States age , anonymous writes:

My Girlfriend is Bisexual. We’ve been going out for six months and I have known that she leaned both ways and accepted it. But she and I want to take our relationship to the next level. The problem is she tells me she can’t give up having sex with other girls. She wants me to be exclusive to her and for me to be her exclusive guy, but she refuses to give up her nights out with her friends… nights I have no part in. She goes out and does God knows what …. and only a couple times I’ve met her friends.

I told her I thought this was unfair. When I ask what she does on her nights out she says it’s private and only hints at what she does with whom. I can only have her and just her and yet she can sleep around. She then told me I can sleep with other guys! Like that’s going to happen. Am I wrong for thinking this is unfair? Could this kind of relationship work? She said even if we were married she wouldn’t give up sex with other girls….! Should I take a stand?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007):

Imagine if your GF was intending to cheat with another male instead of a female:

The answer becomes crystal clear immediately.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2007):

this is tottally wrong. so what if she has done it before you two were together. her sleeping with girls is just the same as sleeping with another man, she is cheating and that aint fair on you. tell her what you think and say that you dont want to sleep with other guys. every reletionships needs sacrafices and that will have 2 b one of hers

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007):

If she was like then when you met then it is unfair to ask her to change. You both have to decide the next move. If you cannot tolerate her being with women as well, then i am afraid this relationship is doomed. She could end up doing it behind your back and the lies and deciet will finish your relationship anyway. Just decide what you both want, if this is not for you in the future then i suggest you move on and let her get on with her life.

take care

xxx

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A female reader, hugs2muchgal United States +, writes (17 November 2007):

hugs2muchgal agony auntShe is being completely horrible to you. Expecting you to be faithful while she does things with others is horrible. Also, offering that you could do things with men when you don't like them that way is her way of seeming generous and fair when she is really not.

My boyfriend is bi, and he is as faithful as possible. She just uses her sexuality as an excuse to have things both ways-a monogamous relationship and sex on a whim with others.

Agreeing with Dr Pete, there is no way to take a stand, you just have to let it go. Look for a girl who can handle a one on one relationship for real.

Best of luck,

Hugs

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A female reader, hello1 United Kingdom +, writes (17 November 2007):

hello1 agony auntI'm bisexual and your g/f is giving us a bad name! we're all not like that and we can stay faithful too one person though it can be hard at times. At least your g/f being with you and isn't sleeping around behind your back, your going to have to ask her to stop, if she dosen't then dump her.

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A female reader, Mistify South Africa +, writes (17 November 2007):

Mistify agony auntThis is indeed a very tough situation you are in, and VERY UNFAIR.

The term monogamous means JUST THAT. Only one person you are in a relationship with, and only ONE person you have sex with.

I'm sure that you and your woman have a lot of love and acceptance between you, but you have to ask yourself if you can live with the fact that NO MATTER WHAT, she will continue having sex with somebody else. I'm not bisexual, so i cannot tell how a bisexual person thinks of sex, but for me, it would be HORRIBLE if my partner wants to sleep with other Men. Acutally, i don't care for the gender of the person they are sleeping with, just the fact that they are sleeping with someone else. They are sharing a very passionate and very special deed with somebody else than you.

No - i think you need to sit her down and chat with her. Tell her that you cannot accept this, because to you, it is cheating. If she's not willing to let go of her ways, then maybe this should be your answer. If you really truly love somebody, you would want to do everything in your power to keep that person happy, and although you've been very lenient, she doesn't seem to want to show you the same respect.

Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007):

You both want a very different kind of relationship, if you've told her what you want and she's refused then surely that tells you the relationship has no future?

What is there to "take a stand" about? It is wrong to want to change her simply because you don't agree with her opinions on what kind of relationship she wants.

You want monogamy, she wants the relationship to be open. You want to know what she does on her nights out - she wants to keep this area of her life private. It sounds to me like you have really fallen for this women; but is it going to work out? It doesn't seem like it to me.

It sounds to me like you need to look for a straight girl with more traditional views towards monogamy and marriage?

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